Well said Gadgetgirl! In my view, the recon can LOOK okay, but the feel of it ( i have had LD with implant) well,i am still trying to get used to it and it is now getting towards 2 years since it was all done for me!)
I just hope that one day, i will learn to accept new body better. For now, it is definitely work in progress and this in my experience, is something which those closest to us, can NEVER get unless they have experienced the same.
Try both - it all helps make us put one bit of us in perspective!
It should do. And I can see where your consultant is coming from about taking it out and taking otu your stress on it!
i used to teach Sex and Relationships education with a specialist teacher - and it was all about Reducing Teenage pregnancy. Reading our strand reminds me of the work we did with the kids - we got them thinking about how they gain "pleasure" using all their senses, in order to try to make them realise that they could have fun without sex and so risk getting pregnant. It was a fantastic project and we all did it as teachers -working out what gave us pleasure - using all 5 of our senses. Chocolate and wine came out high
Ah yes, i hear all that you are saying Helen, so maybe it is all about compromise at the end of the day?
Very hard to come to terms with, a genuine loss, but need to be thankful that we are here!. So, life has come at a price hasn't it.. I know what you mean. I had the nipple done some time ago now,. I have to remind OH that it does NOTHING! It is lifeless as the rest of it is and no amount of toucing and poking is going to kickstart a piece of skin from my back, into action!
EXACTLY - the key to enjoyment and larking about. And because it has been the focus of so much over the last few months/weeks/years we do - well i do, focus in on it. I do have ticklish feet but they are down there and not up here!
The numbness has really got to me, sometimes after an evening of fun!! I end up in tears about it. not because of my husband, but because of me. Grief? Letting him down? Letting me down? Don't know - and then i get angry and frustrated. I did not think before all this, i was such a touchy feelie person, but i am and it is that that i have found hard to lose.
But then I heard about another BC lady who has had a different reconstruction and can't pick up her grandchild - and that makes me think....
Very true Helen, very true..
However, without wishing to go into the finer details, well my boobs WERE the key to some kind of enjoyment and one does not work so well on its own!
God it is so hard isnt it. The numb bit, you are the first person i have spoken to who has mentioned the sadness feeling nothing there. It is genuine griet i think - well it is for me..
SNAP - that is how i see mine. It looks ok but has no feeling and just sort of looks lifeless - which it is! A cancer nurse at the counselling centre really made me laugh last week when I said I said i was struggling with the fact that it was numb, and i felt self concious with my husband and upset for myself - she said Helen, your boob is about 2% of your body - and there is another 98% for him to explore and have fun with that you can enjoy! That made me laugh... and think
I am seeing a psychologist for counselling and last week we talked about the reconstruction. I was asked to describe it.... a lump of grey silicon jelly plus a bit of mesh all holding it in place with stitching. How did the hospital describe it.... a teardrop, held in a mesh like a clam. So I am now playing with the idea of a clam.. unfortunately clams dont often give pearls do they?!
So it is all about acceptance and enjoying and being grateful
Road runner has said it all - i have had immediate reconstruction and am now struggling with the points she made - what is normal now?
Thanks RoadRunner. I always remember the chemo nurse saying to me that I will have a normal again, it will just be a different normal, it is just easier said than done isn't it.
When I was deciding whether to have a recon, and what sort of recon I wanted, it helped me when I realised that everything is a compromise after a mastectomy. Your boob has gone, you can't undo that, what you have to do is decide which compromise is the easiest for you to live with (or the least bad!). The way I saw it, my choices were:
1. Live with a mastectomy - the compromise is living with a boob missing.
2. Have a recon using my own tissue - the compromise here is that another part of you is affected, you have to take a bit of you from somewhere else to make a new boob.
3. Recon with implant - the compromise here is having a recon that includes a foreign body.
Before you can make that choice, you need to accept that it will not be perfect any more. Maybe it is still too early for you to do that. You will need to move on from the feelings of anger and bitterness, and I think that can take a lot of time. There is no rush to make any decisions, and some counselling may help you. Take your time.
Thank you so much Naz. Your reply has bought a tear to my eye. I have all those 'angry' and 'bitter' feelings and it all makes sense what you say. I am currently waiting to hear about some counselling. Not something I have considered before but anything is worth a go.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply to me. It all helps doesn't it xxx
I dont come on here much now, but your thread jumped out at me and said 'reply'.
It is hard, there is no getting away from it and one year on from MX to accept and move on, is not alot of time. I will be 5 years from DX this September, MX, chemo, recon, failed recon and more recon. Do you know what, it has taken me until the beginning of this year to finally accept that i really only have one natural breast. Recon is a shape under clothes only as far as i am concerened, because like you, i did not have enough fat for a natural recon, so had to go with the implant.
Be kind to yourself, do nice things, maybe go for CBT, keep busy, find inspiring people to read about?. To be honest, there is not a day that does not go by when i dont wish i could turn the clock back. But after all this time, i can face the day, get out of bed, work and look after kids and be okay with my body. That was not the case for a long long time, i was angry and bitter and all sorts!
There are loads of lovely members on here who have had MX and forwhat ever reason, no recon, so i hope they pop along to chat and offer some advice.
It does take time and that you must accept. Things do also get easier though as your focus changes and you find new things to give you focus and fill your brain with.
Hope some of this makes sense?
Hi - new to all this 'forum' chat but hoping you can help. Just passed a year since diagnois and mastectomy. Was really hoping things would have gotten a bit easier for me by now by which I mean accepting I only have one boob and that I can still be me with only one, but it isn't. My boyfriend is so supportive and tells me how gorgeous I am but I just can't accept or understand that. Needless to say our relationship has come to a full stop. I was hoping to have a natural breast reconstruction but, on the positive side, I haven't got enough fat. I really don't like the idea of a false implant firstly, not keen on a foreign body inside me and secondly worried about any disparity that there will be between my natural and false boob. I know it won't be perfect and I am a perfectionist. Know I need to lower my standards but that is easier said than done isn't it when it is the way you are. I just so want to go back a year and be happy again. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful to be here and that I only lost a boob but I just don't seem to be able to move on.
Have any of you lovely ladies got any words of wisdom that can give me that kick up the backside?