Hi Steph, I too lost my mum in October 2014 to this vile disease. Like you I,ve been through a whole host of feelings and grief turned into severe depression. I,m getting help now which is a move in the right direction but she is on my mind from the second I wake up until I go to sleep. My mum left it too late to tell anyone about her breast lump and when she showed me it had come through her skin so no suprise that she was diagnosed with secondaries to the bones at the same time. She battled hard for 5 years and I took the last couple of months of her life off work as we knew we were running out of time and left my husband to his own devices and moved in with her to care for her until the end. I have her ashes in the house with me as I don,t feel able to part with them yet and like you I have those thoughts of what if but sadly it won,t bring her back. It,s still early days yet so don,t beat yourself up about it. You sound as though you have been an amazing daughter to her and she will always be in your heart just like my beautiful mum is in my heart xxxx