After cancer

[catchpole]

Hi Lorna,

Thank you for replying.

Yes i spose its true.  One of my friends actually had ovarian same time as i had breast, she lives 30 miles away but always used to come over once a month and we would have meal out, Shes ok too now, luckily they think was caught in time, for a good prognosis, but she hasnt been over since July always going on hols etc., or having people to stay,shes better off than me, husband quite well off so she can afford it.  I however cant,living on my own with my state pension and a small company one so just must accept she more in her life than me, cant blame her for having holidays if she can afford them, wish i could.  But i dont think people always realise you need them when you are going through the trauma of treatment but you also need them when it stops, Another friend was always popping round, taking me for walks with her and her dog, which i sit for her when shes at work, But now she hasnt been round mine since he took me for rads treatment apart from dropping me off from another friends BBQ.I spose what it is as all my friends do have families and or partners etc. some work they will put themselves out to see you when you are going through traumas and treatments but when you seem to have recovered, they dont have the time,  Guess i must just be grateful they were there when needed,but i would like to see people now im well. Being on own so much you think too much sometimes, spose thats why im hounded to do vol work, but i just dont want to,if anything i need to do  something that pays me.My neighbour who is on her own, did vol work at the hospital for about 2 years, she got fed up because she was doing same work as paid people  and in winter she said getting up at crack of dawn for no money and a journey by public transport, got to her in end,  She left she has to have an operation soon so left , but noone she met there has bothered to contact her, so much for the

meeting "new people and making friends" that my friends seem to think would happen, always thought that a bit optomistic personally.

i dont dwell on it coming back, no point is there, i didnt have to have chemo, my nodes were clear apart from first one but they took them all, margains clear too, and rads went fine, Im on tamoxifen with not too many side effects and i feel fine.  Ive even put on half a stone, not a problem for me, i was a bit too thin. So you just feel not much can do but just get on with life, and live in hopes.  Junex

[familytree]

Hi June, I hear you and understand exactly what you are saying. Everyone thinks all is well once the treatment is over and lets hope it is. But I think it's more the fact that they too have gone through the stress of their dear friend having it and need some closure because it will have taken it out of them emotionally. I couldn't believe how many said, oh brilliant you're better now. Of course I understand why they say it but they don't realise the mental side of it and the fear we will live with from now on. I do believe there is no malice in any of it so don't question your friendships.. they have been there for you when they thought you needed them to be. they need normality as much as you do after this awful journey. People here to talk to so try go back to having fun with your friends. sending love Lorna x

[catchpole]

Saw oncolgist friday he probed and proded said all well and i was healing well, so thats a reassurance. so feel more relaxed till i suppose Feb when the mammogram comes around.

Was reflecting this weekend how long ago it all seems and has it changed me. People say it does im nmot sure it has me, i just thought it might other people, friends etc,  ive got friends and 4 in particular helped me through it all, but now we seemed to have reverted to how things, were, i see them but not enough,ok they all have more in their lives than me, but i guess when i was going through my cancer operation and treatment we seemed closer but no its  as it was,.  I see no more of them than i did before it happened and foolishly perhaps i thought i would see them more,they seemed concerned if they were going to lose me, now i seem ok its business as usual, i dont see more of them.  When i mentioned it other week to one she said well you are ok now, you dont want to keep going on about it.  Well no i agree but i thought if i was that important to them they might want to see me more, or am i expecting too much.. Perhaps when you dont have a partner, kids or ,much family you do expect more from friends. All i get from people is constant hounding to do voluntary work as that will "help me meet people and make me feel better" no it wont. Another old friend one who lives away sadly, cause we close, we had a get together this week for her 50th with a few old friends from my old office before it closed and i moved to the other branch in the city ,hadnt seen some for ages.said to me i can see why they tell you re voluntary work but i cant see its for you June.i cant see you doing it. i know you! Do others who have had cancer find people not what they expect, especially once they have finished treatment, or are my friends not what they should be,  I have had a few half hearted attempts at finding new friends but quite honestly i hate large friendship groups, and trying to make friends with people when older and whom you have no shared history with is hard.  Interested to hear others views,  June