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After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

24 REPLIES 24
Jo_BCC
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

We are closing this thread following several emails from users to the moderator about this and related threads. The posts have drifted off topic, away from issues relating to either breast cancer or breast health concerns and into personal argument.

I would remind everyone that this is a discussion forum for people to discuss issues relating to breast cancer and breast health concerns. Please stick to this rule and the site will be better for everyone.

Best wishes
Jo, Facilitator

aroma
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

morning jules ,sweetheart how are you today,hope you can now put the past hurtful comments behind you and start a new day knowing that all your real friends are here and right behind you .keep posting and we will do our best to support you .take care lots of hugs lynn xx

naunamh
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Jules,
I am sorry that you have been so hurt and upset about postings on this site. Regardless of what I feel about the thread that caused the problems I sense that the messenger was shot when delivering the message.
It would be a loss to this site if you no longer posted.
Margaret

Liverbird
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Oh Jules
Your a lovely lovely person. this became obvious to me during our facebook Pm today.
I was guarded even in that as to what i said to you, but i could share with you about BC sites and the deep hurt, misunderstandings and my own personal experience. My dreadful experience was over a year ago. I have learn't so much from it, but the wounds are still there.
We are very very vulnerable some more so than others when we first have BC and the internet is a 'odd' facility too us.
I would say DONT be too open and trust folk, we dont know who each other are, also folk i thought i could trust just did not understand where i was coming from and who i really am. How could they? We can expect too much of people.

We are in this fight together and I like you wish we could just care and understand each other.

BCC is fabulous though i have to say i have been on this site for years now and never a prob, mods have been wonderful. I have met such fabulous friends and will meet more soon in our Liverpool meet up.

Thinking of you hun and hope to chat on facebook

Rx

ForumMember
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Thanks nightowl, my husband (who is one of these I don't give a damn what people think of me guys) has always said, dont justify yourself to anyone. You are you and if people don't like it tough! (me and him are so different, just as well really as we would both be on the verge of breakdowns lol)

I am very sensitive, but that makes me a caring person too. We are who we are and can't change it can we.

Thank you Debbi your a sweetie.

xxxx

debbi
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

melly2,obviously you are so hard hearted thats why you cant see what jules thinks is hurtful,I have never suffered anxiety or depression,god only knows why not,but to jules these comments are hurtful and so is the one calling her post petty,and now I suppose the moderator is gonna close this one too...oh sorry...was that a bit hurtful,dont be so sensitive. x x x one thing this illness has taught me...and being married to raf regiment, is stand up for what you think is right,and thats what I have done tonight,and like a lot of other people,I say it as it is and if you dont like it,sod off.

nightowl
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Jules
you do not have to keep defending yourself and justifying how you feel to people who are judging you when they do not know you or how this has made you feel. Everyone has a right to their opinion but this should be aired without making personal comments, that is when it becomes bullying

ForumMember
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Well I have a mother who is waiting to find out if her bc has spread, a daughter who is very ill with depression (which is a very serious illness and can Kill) Also I had eight weeks of waiting to find out if i have cancer and are under the mental health team for severe anxiety. So I guess that puts me in the category of having rather alot on my plate. Its not nice wondering if your mum or your daughter are going to get so ill that they die. So yes I suffer from anxiety, which to me isnt petty, but I know some think depression is a pull yourself together illness, if only! A few people know that I have mental health problems, and quite honestly this has been so far the worst six months of my life.

Oh and incidently a women at work noticed I was quiet and sensitive and made my life hell in November through to January that I had to leave a job I had been in for a long time because my boss told me to sort it out with her. She used to come to my desk and throw work at me and talk to me like a piece of dirt because she knew I would not answer back. (This incidentally started during tests I was having for lung and throat cancer, a brontcoscophy, ct scans you name, a pretty horrible time because I had spent most of last summer coughing up very large blood clots) Work got so bad that I walked out in the end as it was starting to make me ill. My mother then was dx was cancer, my daughter OCD and severe depression, oh and I had a lump and have had eight weeks of hell. This year has been hell for me and its no wonder I have not ended up in a mental hospital!

So yes I am sensitive and suffering severe anxiety, but I wonder why?

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Can't see that anyone has been abusive or hurtfull.Sorry just think someone is a bit oversensitive .One thing about going through this cr*p is i now say it as i see it we are all going through so much some more than others and this post is so petty sorry but there ya go.

dawnhc
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Hi Liz,

I wish you well in the work you are doing on the Medhelp site. Sometimes when you are in the position of Moderator (or in your case CL) it is not always easy - because you are in the line of fire. I have been mod/admin on another site for a couple of years now. The danger is that you become hyper critical of what goes on on other sites. I cannot help feeling here that if the Moderators were to have the courage to intervene a little earlier much of the bad stuff that can arise would be avoided. I know many say we are adults and we need freedom of speech but I think even that can be abused at times. On sites such as this where folk are very vulnerable, and the forums are open to all, there have to be rules of what is and is not acceptable. I thought this was set out here under the terms & conditions and Code of Conduct, but unless moderators are prepared to adhere to these in their moderation it becomes a free for all.

dawnhc

lizziecee
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Yes Tina, agree with you, we all should have the right of free expression, but not when it becomes abusive or hurtful to someone in need.

I always go by the old maxim: "do unto others as you would have done to yourself". Works for me.
Liz.

tina57
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

What i would like to know is if a person posts their opinion on a thread which we all can and do do, why is a person who posts an opposing post considerd a bully,is not the opposer entitled to their opinion. we all have much more inportant issues to worry about than who agrees or disagrees with us
Tina

lizziecee
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

I am so sorry to read this distressing post...what on earth went on? I did think jules was a bit needy, and perhaps posted too much, but so are all of us at times, and we look to these bc sites for emotional support as well as technical information.

As I have bc and Crohn's I post on both diseases and have just been honoured to be Medhelp's first Community Leader for Crohn's but have also been asked to be CL for bc - can't do both at present as my Crohn's is acting up.

The Community Manager at Medhelp, who first asked me to be CL, has given me some pointers as how I should answer/relate to some dreadful posts - you won't believe some of them, and I don't want to post them here. I now have the ability to delete verbal abusive posts, or ones where I feel the posters are deviants. Gosh, only being doing this for 4 weeks and I could write a book about some weird people on the gastro site, which is internationl based. This way, we as patients, can control the community site, without posts upsetting other people who are sometimes in desperate need of help.

I know the moderators do a good job, but perhaps they need Community Leaders who can have the time to screen abusive or hurtful posts before they affect the whole forum. It is not helpful to new, or indeed, old posters. We have enough stress to deal with, and don't need this kind of trauma.

Jules, just rest on your laurels and put this time distressing time behind you...concentrate on your mother and sick daughter and put your energies there, rather than coping with hurtful comments here.

Liz.

holly56
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Just to say sorry it has come to this and you feel you need to leave the site as I am sure you could do with support especially if your mum isn't too well. I know how difficult it is as I had a mother with BC, have a sister who has it - and I also have it. Hope you feel better soon.
XX

jools
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

will keep in touch via Facebook xxx

ForumMember
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Oh and for the people who believe I wasn't being picked on or bullied. Why did you spend all afternoon asking her if she was ok and making snide digs about how I should be ignored and how dare I voice my opinion! (not using my name your too clever)

Sorry but it's bullying. If you had gone onto the site and carried on talking as normal being indifferent to both myself and the other party that would have been acceptable behaviour but you did not. The moment you took a side you got involved. Its ganging up on one person and on a Cancer site it does beggar belief. As you can see others noticed the behaviour too, so I am not being "sensitive or paranoid".

Alot of the messages of support on this thread have been whispered and I have had alot of support and for that I am very thankful.

Just very hurt and upset that I have had to resort to tranquilisers again. Ironic really that the place I came to find comfort has infact made me ill again.

ForumMember
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Thank you ladys, I have had such lovely messages this afternoon and you have all made me feel so much better. I just felt so bullied today and sat here all afternoon watching one comment or dig after another aimed at me and it really made me cry. Cancer was not mentioned once.

I didnt respond because hubby said I was worth more than that, but in the end it just got too much.

Thank you so much for your all your support on here and on FB it means more than you realise. xxxxx

aroma
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

hey jules .as ive said on another site ,you deserve better than this ,nobady should be bullied just for giving an oppinion and the person or person involved (they know who they are ) should be dam well ashamed of themselves for making a beutiful lady who has been to hell and back feel like this .im ashamed to be a part of theisite if all we do is hurt each other for having an oppinion . head up jules and all the best to your family xxxxlynn x

dawnflower
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Don't go...you have as much right to contribute to and receive from these forums as anybody else.

send me a private messge and we can email each other if you wish to.

Dawnflower xxx

magz175
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

"It beggars belief that I have been hounded off a site by a small minorty"

I have read the post to which you are referring Jules - a few people disagreed with your opinion, as happens on forums, it hardly constitutes, in my opinion, being 'hounded off the site'.

If you wished to close your account you could have just done so, quietly and without looking to seek support for your stance. To be honest I find this thread more offensive than the one you refer to.

Margaret

AllyT
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Jules

I now know you from facebook in the short time i have known you i have found you to be one of the most kind caring people i have met. DO NOT let these people stop you from giving your opinion have they never heard of FREEDOM OF SPEECH!!!!! ... This is meant to be a sit for people who are suffering, suffered or have family who have cancer it is everybodys site, not just a few peoples..

You go girl as i have said once before LOL...You know what i mean!!!

Lots of Love Allison xxx

rachy7
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

oh dear ! whatever has happened to upset you so much? Sorry to be nosey but hate to see someone so upset. I will be sorry to see you go as i have found your posts interesting and very touching. Best of luck. Rach xxx

lizziecee
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Hi Jules,
so sorry you are leaving the site...haven't a clue as to what went on, but must have been traumatic for you.
I have only found incredible support here, be it emotional or technical and I am sorry your experience has been different, particularly as you need support for your mother. I don't beleive people who support you will be bullied and if they are, can report the posts to the moderator and they will be deleted.

If you want to contact the moderator, try typing "Moderator" in the pm box where you would normally put the screen name of the person you want to reply to. privately.
Take care of yourself.
Liz

ForumMember
Member

Re: After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

Thanks ladies for your private messages, they mean alot.

I still can't work out how to delete this account!! lol blonde or what!

ForumMember
Member

After lovely messages, I will stay, but will mainly use the whisper facility.

I have had great support from a great many of you in the past, and have become good friends with you on Facebook.

I have had sly digs and remarks aimed at me all day and I am amazed because most of you know my mum is having an mri to find out if her cancer has spread on friday and I have a very sick daughter. Apart from saying a thread about should be moved politely I don't know what else I have done wrong to have been made to feel so upset and bullied.

I am amazed at the way some of you have turned on me today for daring to have an opinion, and I have had lots of nice private messages sent to me today, but ofcourse these are not shown on the thread, because I guess the nice people who are sending them don't want to be picked on either

It beggars belief that I have been hounded off a site by a small minorty. I know there are lots of you saying don't go but but I really don't want to be part of something that can cause me to have to take valium yet again today, the first time since I had my surgery results. Yes thats correct 10 mg of vallium because I am so upset at my treatment on what should be a caring site.

Thank you again to all of you for your kindness, you really helped me over the past few weeks and hope I managed to give something back to you.

And no I am not being sensitive, the whole content of that thread today has been aimed at making me out to be a bad person, well I am on vallium again so well done!