I think its a question of its all finished for you and the routine of the appointments has finished and you start to feel elated and then expect everyone else to, But as one friend said to me, well you are ok now, well no actually im lucky not to have had chemo i know which does help, you to feel and look more like yourself, but i have had cancer abd im not alright exactly. For me as i never once felt ill, i spose it was harder for people to think i had it. Life goes on and everyone thinks you will be exactly the same, but you wont ever, June
Yes i was thinking today when i was first diagnosed friends didnt let me spend weekends alone, One friend in particular constantly rang me. One day cause id turned my phone off as had gone to pictures with another friend when i got home, there was her partner, shed sent him round mine as my phone went to voicemail. Now we are back to normal,. and back to as we were,being single spend loads time alone. My friends were pretty good coming to surgeons oncologists appointments etc and taking me to evening rads, but i still dont think thry realise what it does to you., One friend ok as she has the gene had to have her breasts removed very young as her mum and aunt died of breast cancer. She knows its something that has to be lived with and my friend with the ovarian.But lots of others think cause you look ok its as though didnt happen, Someone said to me on facebook who i havent seen for years as she lives in my old home town,on your pics you look so good, and great for your agelol Well how am i suppsoed to look, i didnt have to have chemo so my hair intact and ive never once felt ill, and im sort of person who will put m y make up on and do my hair however i feel Im not into letting myself go. Agree with what you say,i feel i jjust cant be bothered to waste my time on people and things i dont want to, cancer does make you reacess things.june
Hi June! You did make me laugh about the men in their 60's I'm 53 and look pretty good but I know exactly what you mean
I think it's quite common to have the friends at the begining, when you tell them you have breast cancer to say - oh you'll be fine - felt like saying back - oh really, are you an expert now and can you see inside me to this hideous thing growing in me? One friend in particular has let me down badly and as life is too short for that kind of thing I decided she's not important anymore
Don't you feel it gives you a new outlook in some ways though? I feel like clearing all the clutter/people from my precious life
Don't give up on looking for some work June, you may suprise yourself!
I think what you are feeling is entirely normal - whether you have a partner or not. I remember feeling strange when standing outside the hospital door after my last Rad and thinking "what do I do now"? It was as if I had been cast adrift to fend for myself in the big wide world. Unfortunately since then I have had to go back to the hospital many times, as I have had numerous recurrences, operations and now facing weekly chemo for 18 weeks. I have worked through most of this, and can understand what you mean about work merging in with social invites, get togethers etc. It must be tough on your own. Is there any way you could start a small business working from home, or even selling stuff on Ebay for example? Maybe join a few clubs that don't cost a lot of money and meet some new people. A romance might spring up when you least expect it! Equally so, new friends from unexpected places too. You have survived a lot, it is a struggle, I have now had 3 years of it and still not come out of the other side. But it sounds as if you have so don't waste this gift of life - get out and live it, I am sure you have lots of opportunities yet to come, and wish you all the luck in finding them.
K M x
Yes its a weird feeling, i texted one of my friends the one whos e dog i sit who i have to say has been good all through my treatment and said how i felt and she said but you got fed up you said with constant hospital visits, i said yes i know but it now seems a anti climax as ive got over cancer and i want to enjoy myself and yet im just back where i was before i had it. On my own,not much hope that changing, i dont find men in their 60s at all attractive,i havent let myself go why have they and longing for a part time job and knowing wont happen at my age, im very youthful for my age, but of course employers dont see that do they, The one i had fot 20 years didnt so why should any other. The same year i retired my lovely dad whom i had lived with till he went in to care, died so im n ot sure if i ever got over either.Then cancer. So must work it out somehow, not sure how though.My dear old school friend who had ovarian cancer same time as i had breast says im wonderful coping living on my own, she says without her husband she doesent thinj she could, I said you dont have any choice, But she also ok now still has him,a family etc,i dont. Fortunate i do have good friends but it doesent quite make up for not having anyone in your life does it.
Hope your results good, i had suspect first node, so they took all my nodes, but others were clear so could have left them but i thought o well, nowhere for cancer to lurk sothough under my arm looks bit weird i didnt mind, My boobs look fine, apart from redness left by rads, my lump was at top of boob easy to get at.,Its a long journey Sheena, good luck with it. June
Oh dear June, I wish I could reach in there and give a hug. Do you think because you have finished your treatment folk this, she must be fine now?
I'm just at the begining, had lumpectomy and sentinal node removed, now waiting for results hopefully 11 or 18 june - get the feeling that friends think once surgery is over that's you all sorted even though I have tried to explain what happens next
Keep talking to folk here June, will add you as a friend and try to help if I can
I finished my rads yesterday, and i should be feeling elated they went well, not too much redness, had no chemo. clear margains, my boobs look pretty much same in clothes, so why do i feel so down., I was not going through a very good time in my life when breast cancer was discovered, i live alone, no siblings, kids or much family, did have lovely parents but both deceased and since i retired reluctantly i cant say ive enjoyed life much. Being at work was my life, it gave me social contacts, ok i do still have long term friends from work but i it was social,you met people, all ages, you felt part of something,. Retirement to me if you dont have a partner and loads of loot to travel etc, is a tedious bore and if anyone else says "do voluntary work" ill scream I dont want to work for no pay, and thats all it is. Maybe thats it, the cancer did give me something to concentrate on and going through treatments took up time. Now i think god back to normal, on my own, no job, and very little likelihood of getting one, people over 60 getting jobs, is very unlikely i feel, ive tried, got nowhere, im bored out of my mind, sometimes sit my friends dog, love the dog, but thats a bit solitary as she wont let me walk him! but i feel i need more from life. I survived cancer for this dreary existance , Then i feel so ungrateful cause compared with many on here ,im lucky. But i really do need to find a purpose in life and widen my social contacts, I dont know enough single people Does everyone feel flat when they should feel elated, is it normal. ? June