Despite diagnosis on worsening diagnosis, hormone therapy, mastectomy and now a good(the best) outcome I still feel it isn't quite me.
I have felt really well pre-op. sore post-op and still need to kick myself into touch every now and again to get a reality check, I am now recovering from having the Beast
So you are not alone
I feel this way too,it seems to happening to someone else not me. as i feel so healthy, My only other illness has been an emergency op for fibroids 7 years ago, emergency cause i ignored bleeding and i was very ill, but i got over it really quickly and have been fine ever since. Then this, My friends are lovely , but they do tend to say how are you, but i dont feel any different, i feel just like me. I dont want to tell lots, though, only a few close friends as ive no partner or kids but unfortunately cause one of my closest friends got really upset when i told her what i had at work and i worked at same company for years, before i retired, more know than id want to, as she broke down at work. Bless her i know its cause she cares and shes been fantastic to me but i do kind of wish less people knew, Her manager who knows me wanted to come round and give me "[pep talk," i declined !.Im still me, i dont want to be a "sick person" that will make me feel worse. i dread becoming a" little old lady"which i am definitely not. Another thing for me is one of my oldest friends, whos family has the gene, has just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer with cells in her lung. They would never test her as her ,mum lived to over 80 and didnt have it unlike all other family members, dreadful in my opinion . It seems amazing we both have cancer . her operation will be much worse than mine, another reason i want to still feel like me, we tend to text, not phone as we both get upset, she liv es 30 miles away so will have treatment elsewhere to me, june
Yes she's a very bad patient! No way was she sitting round doing nothing but we managed to persuade her cooking, ironing and hoovering wasn't a good idea for a few days at least! Everyone's been brilliant and loads of offers of help, but don't really need it as I've been working from home and the kids are teenagers so can help out.
Glad to hear your good news and continued positivity WTH.
We had some great news a couple of weeks ago, spine and bone scan showed no mets, what they saw in December was a harmless haematoma. I have to admit I was in a very dark place over Christmas and new year, did my best not to show it, but fine now. My wife, well she just said "it'll be a bit of a bummer if it's on my spine, now what still needs doing for Christmas...." and carried on as if nothing wrong!
Told the kids and MIL after Christmas and they took it really well, far better than I expected, though we didn't mention the possibility of mets.
She had masectomy and SNB bit over a week ago is doing fine. MIL been staying and kids been helping, though there's not much she can't do now. Been out for some long walks - she's not even getting tired.
Appointment next week to get results and next phase of treatment plan.
Hope everyone else is doing well and remining positive!
Been a wee while since I've posted due to broadband problems. Anyway I've now had my surgery and although the tumour was slightly larger than first thought and had travelled slightly into the lymph glands, no further surgery is required! hooray! I've also been told that I had tubulor cancer which is a rare form of breast cancer but very much treatable and great success rate.
I have had a couple of further visits to the hospital and it has been decided that Radiotherapy and the hormone treatment will be sufficient for my treatment. I am due to start the radiotherapy within the next 3-4 weeks. This will last about 4 weeks as I have to have a boost to the affected area.
I hope everyone was able to enjoy at least some part of Christmas and that you all have great hope and positivity for the new year. I hope you all have had some good news since I've last been on.
Cheers to all.
Thanks very much Maggie. Feeling a lot better now, about to play some Christmas games with the kids. She's had back pain before and had mild arthritis before so it could just be that, and given the lymph node scans show nothing...really shouldn't worry too much.
Let's hope that the MRI picked up something totally unconnected to the BC.
I can understand your wife not wanting to tell the children until after Christmas, I would be exactly the same.
Hope the scan appointments come through soon in the new year - having the holiday break doesn't help and its the not knowing that is the really difficult time.
I'm sure with your wife's determination and positive attitude she will make sure that you have as good a Christmas as possible and seeing the children having fun will help her.
Thinking of you and I don't think that anyone on this forum would blame you in the least for having a cry.
Merry Christmas everyone.
Really wish I could say I'm still as positive as before, but saw the consultant yesterday and as expected, it'll be a masectomy and sentinal node biopsy. We were prepared for that. But he also said that the MRI scan showed something on her spine but as it was a breast MRI not much detail, so they're sending her for another MRI of her back to get more detail plus a bone scan. They're not arranging the masectomy till results are in.
She's still busy busy busy and really burying herself in stuff to do, not wanting any help, not wanting to talk. I just want to hug her everytime I walk past but I think she's bored of that now! Not told the kids yet, she wants to wait till after xmas. I went for a walk with a neighbour, bladder cancer survivor. He's more a talker than listener but it helped I think.
Having a self-indulgent cry while writing this, and I can feel the positivity coming back, slowly!
Sorry for the downer, really hope everyone has a great Christmas whatever your circumstances are.
Had the camera test. Results all normal so another box ticked! The worst part was the preparation to take before hand yuuuk! but alls well so lets move on to the next thing.
More work collegues have found out about my illness, condition, health problems, Why in this day and age some people still find it difficult to say the word - cancer. I've been signed off work just now to try and get through all the investigations and appointments, but I'm always clear in my reply to them, that I have breast cancer, but I'm positive about it and they should be too.
I also saw a new doctor at my surgery and she said that I was too upbeat to have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer, and would I like something to help me sleep?
I can go for long walks with my dog to help me sleep and if I have anything worrying me at the time I talk to him, he's a great listener!
My Christmas shopping is nearly done, just the usual dash to M&S for the goodies.
Merry Christmas everyone and a very happy, positive new Year.
Telling my daughter was difficult as well, I literally took a deep breath before I said
Once she had finished crying she announced that if I had to have a wig she was coming with me and so far she has helped and advised on clothes to buy which are suitable (cardigans that look like jumpers, scarves etc) helped me find a button down nightie that didn't make me look 90 and so on.
It's her way of handling it and certainly helping me with the practical things
Thanks very much ladies it's so good to get support from people who've been there. Good news yesterday, second USS showed nothing in lymph nodes. They sent her for a chest x-ray as well which we weren't expecting. And I did my xmas shopping, well most of it anyway. Not told the kids yet, son not too well.
geeG you're so right people handle it completely differently, my wife's way is to carry on as normal, won't talk about it more than necessary, and she'll put complete trust in the medical profession whereas I'll research and talk to people, talking to work colleagues was so helpful to me and here of course.
Good luck to everyone in beating this your way
i just love your post.... you probably don't know how much we worry about this whole sorry business being too much for our husbands or partners. thank you. and you were NOT moaning a bit
Really dreading telling her mum - I guess parents generally take it worse than partners or kids? Her mum leant on her so much when her dad was dying of cancer. Luckily she has a son and DIL nearby, will ask them to look after mum. Might tell kids today, that's the first hurdle.
Haha I told my mum that she couldn't come to my wig appointment unless she stopped crying because she was driving me bloody mad!! Felt like I was fine but all around me were falling apart, and thats not right!!
I'm not taking it seriously because by this time next year it will be all over
Xmas works nights out. I've been to my fair share and enjoyed them all. Unfortunately missed mines this year as in for investigations! Just got another appointment through for the dreaded camera test, up and down, not looking forward to that but hopefully again all will be ok.
We're all entitled to a wee wobble and why shouldn't you have yours. You'll probably feel a whole lot better for it.
Glad to hear your good news whatthehell. Bit of a wobble for me yesterday. MRI scan in morning, my works xmas do the afternoon. They kept us waiting ages, a previous patient was late. I'm generally impatient anyway and all I was thinking was I can't be late for the xmas do, I can't describe how important it was for me to go, I really tried not to show it but probably did. They got her gowned up 2 hours late and I was thinking how sexy she looked in the gown! Afterwards dropped her back at work, she told me "have a drink you need it" so I was transparent! then off to the do.
So glad I made it before anyone had gone. All the old guys I used to work with years ago were there, a couple of who are cancer survivors, one bowel cancer about 15 years ago and it was so so so good talking to him looking so well in his mid 70's having survived a 'worse' cancer at an older age, and telling him about my wife's attitude to it and saying he was the same and he's sure that was a major factor in him overcoming it.
We've been drinking with the same crowd for decades at xmas dos and the pattern of the night is predictable - same old jokes, same old stories, same old p**s takes and they didn't go easy on me which I appreciated. As always happens the older guys get off about 5pm leaving the 'younger' ones to carry on (young means under 60 it's an old workforce!) one of whom turns into a sex maniac after a few drinks and every year without fail tries getting us to go to a strip club or similar and every year we laugh at him and tell him no way. Anyway he was a bit persistant and I just couldn't take it, full blown waterworks in the middle of a packed pub, rushed off to the toilets and 5 or 10 mins sobbing like a baby.
He went soon afterwards thank god and the rest of us went for a curry and a chat we'd all had enough to drink, felt much better, then got home as my wife was getting back from the weekly shop, clumsily tried to help putting stuff away, fell asleep watching telly, all very traditional.
Today feeling a bit down, was going to go xmas shopping but just couldn't face it. I still have time, around all the appointments.
Sorry for droning on, my wife's back from the gym so I'll stop wasting bandwidth....she'll want her back scrubbing in the bath One thing I can say for certain is none of this has stopped me fancying her and whatever they have to do that won't change. Although she might not see that as good news!
Absolutely agree that this whole wretched nuisance can bring you much closer.... I don't think my husband and I (get MOI) have ever been closer.
Whilst i wish i could be a bit more matter-of-fact about the whole thing, I am impressed beyond measure at your gumption. I am beginning to grow a backbone and threads like this really inspire.
it certainly does make one realise just what the important things in life are doesn't it?
love to all, but strictly no hand patting or cow eyes.
Hi all, glad there are so many like minded people who just want to get on with it! had another appointment today to discuss results of an earlier scan, Good News all ok! Was given the date for my operation would you believe it 23 December?? I politely declined, as mentioned earlier I have 2 new grandsons and there was no way I was missing out on thir 1st Christmas. Consultant had a wee chuckle and said he wished more of his patients were like me. I know circumstances alter cases and everyone is different but I've found great strength in being true to myself. The handholders have their place but not in my life, 1 0r 2 people have actually told me to start taking things a bit more seriously!! would you believe it!
Good luck all and keep posting, this positivity certainly rubs off.
I may have to have another large Gin & slimline just to celebrate being amongst normal people. ( partners and husbands included)
Thanks very much Ladies...first day back at work today and told a few people I had to (boss & small team I work with) and they were brilliant, no soppyness or anything just "take whatever time you need" and a few uplifting stories about relatives who'd overcome BC, seems everyone knows someone. I know they'll keep it quiet so hope my wife won't be furious! Not told her yet it's hard to talk as the kids are in and out all the time, and she's been on the phone to loads of people about Christmas etc.
Greenleaf I think you're right it will make us stronger, I told her on Thu I am so proud of her because I was, it probably sounded really patronising, but I'm in awe of the way she's handling this and it's rubbed off on me.
Maggie save me a slice of that cake please! I don't like cake generally but lemon curd and cheesecake are definitely exceptions!
First rant - there seems to be complete confusion as to where and when the MRI scan is - told me one thing and my wife another. But good news is they told us both Weds. Different times and hospitals, but assuming one of them is right at least it's very quick.
HI andyx - so sorry about your wife's diagnosis. I bet you wished you'd never end up here, but both my husband and I found this forum so helpful at the time of my diagnosis. Hope you can get something out of it too. In fact I'm surprised more partners don't post on here (maybe they just lurk?). A BC diagnosis is such a shock and burden on them too - in fact in some ways even greater than it is on us - at least we know exactly what's happening to us and can be proactive.
Like maggie says both you and your wife sound like strong, capable people. Believe me, those are great qualities to have right now. I took a lot of comfort from arming myself with the facts, knowing that BC is so treatable, and (sadly) also so common. You and your wife will manage this, because you just have to. Concentrate on the specifics of your wife's diagnosis and treatment plan, don't compare too much with others, and - definitely - no "what ifs" or "worst case scenarios". Just one day, and one little step at a time.
I know how difficult my diagnosis was for my husband - but in a strange way it's made our marriage a lot stronger. We've worked together to get through it, and come out the other side. We all need to keep an eye on any positives that come from this whole wretched business.
All the very best to you and your wife,
Greenleaf - you did make me laugh re the hand holders!!! So true - didn't do touchy feely in pre BC days certainly don't now!!
Andyx - your wife sounds as though she is a strong and determined lady and knows what is right for her. She is lucky to have you to support her.
I was furious when my husband told his work colleagues about me (before I had even told my parents!!). I know that he had to tell a few in order to get some time off but he could have asked them to keep it confidential.
I also reacted quite strongly when the BC suggested counselling or support group coffee mornings. I know that they are very effective and helpful for some people and are to be commended as much of it is done on a voluntary basis but definitely not for me I'm afraid. Horses for courses I guess.
One thing that has really helped me (apart from this forum of course!) is a friend who sends me short but chatty emails during the day - she make me laugh and listens to my rants. I work from home so it keep me in a sense of normality and she is very matter of fact about the BC - no soppy nonsense
Just going to make a great big lemon curd sponge cake - how does that sound ladies (and Andyx of course!)?
Hi andyx, you're in good company. My husband has said he doesnt want to burden me with his emotions, but you need to let them out somewhere safe, and this is it.
Its what it is.... sucky. Hugs .We're all here taking one day at a time. I told lots of people as a support mechanism, but its had its pitfalls a la drama and other peoples issues.
We'll chat, we lean on each other.
Hugs for you both.
Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear of your wifes diagnosis, this must be a very difficult time for both of you.
As well as the support you will receive on the forums you might find it helpful to order the BCC resources pack. It has been specifically designed for those newly diagnosed and contains information to help you understand the diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. If you would like to order a copy just follow the link bellow:-
You and your wife may also like to talk things through with one of the helpline staff, they are there to offer emotional support as well as provide information. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and lines are open 9-5 Monday to Friday and 10-2 Saturday.
Really glad to read this thread. My wife was diagnosed 90% on Weds, confirmed Fri. Now Sun and we're both feeling fine! She has taken it better than me but I'm amazed at both of us and I was thinking this can't be normal. I get stressed and lose sleep over trivial things, what is wrong with me? She is always very practical and "whatever will be will be" type so I'm less surprised with her.
We have two teenage kids, not told them yet. Nor anyone in the family.
On the day she went for mammogram (Weds) never thought for a moment they're be a problem but she came home in tears. She took the afternoon off work and had a bit of a cry, then just said "I'm healthy, I'll beat this". That was it. Self-pity over, now get on with it. I was still in denial saying they can't be sure yet, wait for the biopsy results, but she was sure. She took the afternoon off work, but by the evening it was as if nothing had happened. She went food shopping because that's the Weds job, didn't really need to, cupboards weren't bare, didn't want me to come. Bad night's sleep Weds for both of us, but she went into work as normal Thu, I was off, spent the day in tears mostly but managed to get through an eye test without crying, thought the optician would comment about my red eyes but didn't! Meal out with kids that night, they didn't notice a thing.
Fri was appointment for results, they kept us waiting ages and confirmed it. ILC grade 2. That night was her works xmas do. She went, had a good night, someone gave her a lift, I told her ring me if you want to come back early but I knew she wouldn't. Back at midnight, we both slept well.
Sat was an extended family meal out. It was as if nothing was wrong. I was probably a bit quiet but nobody said anything. She was her usual self, completely.
We know what's coming. Or what's likely to. We're not in denial. I think some emotional protection mechanism has kicked in so we can look at what's coming rationally.
She doesn't want to tell anyone till after xmas but I did. But I think I'm coming round to her way of thinking having read this thread. Really don't want the symapathic looks etc, the pussyfooting round, the "so sorry..." from all the relatives we'll be seeing. But really would like someone to talk to so I hope I can here.
Wish I'd seen a thread like this when I was diagnosed with BC in May this year! I wondered if I was some sort of freak in the way I coped.
Ladies - great minds think alike! I took the attitude too that nothing could be changed so best just deal with things as they come up, take a day at a time, and focus on my medical team's (positive) assessment. I too thought I was in denial - thought I'd collapse in a quivering heap a few weeks later when reality struck. But seven months on and - nope - nothing. I'm out the other side, counting my blessings.
There really is no "normal" way to deal with this. Just what ever feels right to you. And it's YOU and how you feel that matters!
I hear you about other people! If it ever happened to me again (God forbid) I would arrange someone to help my amazing husband cope with the practicalities of my care for the week or so post surgery, maybe tell a close friend of two who "gets it", and leave the rest till it's over.
Whatthehell I get totally what you mean about feeling "embarrassed" - I hated the cards and flowers, the sickly "keep smiling" messages (smile about WHAT precisely?!), the sympathetic glances, and the "handholders" (don't even get me started on them!). But worst of all - the gossips - and the ones who made it all about them.
Interesting seeing how different people cope with friends/relatives with a cancer diagnosis ... some real suprises there I must say ...
And yes please mine's a Sauvignon too 🙂
Best of luck to you all. You're doing great.
I know how you feel. I actually felt a bit of a fraud at the beginning, my husband and daughter, especially took the news badly, my son's a bit more like me and said whatever it takes mum we'll deal with it.
The few work mates who do know were very upset and I've had to reassure them that I'm ok with things and I know I will beat this. I've just asked everyone to treat me as normal, no kid gloves or sympathetic sideways glances, and I think with me being so positive its actually beginning to rub off on them.
I am the same, I feel like I am carrying on when all around me are falling apart. At times I've felt like saying its me who's got it not you!! I asked my step-sister who has been through the same if I was not taking it seriously enough, her reply, Don't take it seriously treat it like you'll beat it and you will!!
Thanks Ladies. I am normal!!
I think a positive attitute will help me through this and I thank my lucky stars that I'm able to think like this. I Know I'm lucky, as I have brilliant family support and I totally trust the medical profession.
I attended the school of hard knocks and the university of life and I believe this has made me the positive person I am today.
Good Luck all in your various journeys and lets all have a toast for a bright and cancer free future.
Cheers " Mine's a large gin & slimline"
I feel perfectly healthy.
I decided to talk about it and tell people, as talking is what I do
Some people just txt hugs - don't need that. A SIL keeps asking me how I am.grrr!!
In fact now I Know my results, my fighting plan, and have made some decisions myself (it's my body) I am feeling fairly boyant. Want to get the op over and done with now
I know I'll have some down days but have my man here all the time, with me all the way, as well as my grown children and a couple of really good friends
So I am normal, not changed, no different, just need to get on with beating the beast
Hi ladies, I just had a complete melt down cos everyone says, if people offer help, say yes. And suddenly it was like mobilisation of an army. So I called a friend with better skills and got her to pass on the message. Im not sick, im tired but I have a perfectly useful man and I would like us to work through this together without someone popping in to do my laundry or polish the ornaments.
It felt odd to say it, but I even asked my extended family just to let us be and get on with it ourselves.
I say we all get through this our way, lots of people know about me, its a small tight knit town, I thought I would need help. But now I find we are just fine. I may feel differently after surgery on friday but I doubt it
Its your fight, theres no wrong way.
There is a logical progression to how we recieve treatment and it takes it own time too. If you're naturally practical you probably dont feel like panicking.
Its your bc experience no one elses.
Hi what the hell, like you , I feel like well I have to get on with things, can't control what's happening and just deal with things. Its three weeks since my lumpectomy, and hoping to start radiotherapy soon, dont feel ill and don't feel like I've had cancer! I've been very positive and just got on with things, and I've felt is this normal to react this way! I suppose everyone deals with things differently and it does help to be positive, so don't worry about the way you're feeling, you deal with it in a way that's right for you. Take care and stay positive xx
Thanks for this, I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me. I've had flowers delivered and cards sent and although I am grateful and I know people are concerned, I find it all a bit embarrasing, as I don't feel ill or down at this point in time and I want to just get on with it.
I've been told several times, I must be in denial and it will hit me like a ton of bricks, but I'm well aware of whats going on but I believe it doesn't do me any good to worry about something I can't control. I'll need all my energy and positive thinking for the weeks ahead and I hope I can remain as positive as I do just now.
Of course it's normal - we all approach this beastly condition in the way we know works best for us!!!
I told only one person about my diagnosis, she lives 5 hours away, and that was deliberate - i just wanted someone I could rant at and let off steam. I didn't want advice or 'sympathy' or anyone 'popping round with a little casserole for the freezer' or patting my hand - next thing they would be asking about flowers for funerals!!!!
I told everyone that the nasty bits had gone once the clinic told me NED, and that was fantastic. So you carry on dealing with it YOUR way, and blow everyone else. Yes some folk will be offended you don't want to discuss it, or don't want them running round after you, however YOU are the person with BC and you have the absolute right to handle it YOUR way.
That was March 2010, age 62, and I know it was the best way for me. Perhaps it would have been different if I had a partner at the time or children.........
And 5 years later I'm fit and healthy and coming to the end of the tablets, so I can move on to the next stage in my life thanking god for the NHS.
Welcome to the BCC discussion forums, you've come to the right place for some good, honest support from the many informed users of this site who I am sure will be along soon.
In the meantime I have put for you below links to some of BCC's publications which I hope you find helpful. Also our helpline team are just a free phone call away if you need to talk to someone in confidence away from family and friends. 0808 800 6000 lines open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 10-2.
I was recently diagnosed with BC on 18 November, I am 50 years of age, fit and active, never smoked, eat well etc, etc. I have had a couple of visits to the hospital and have been sent for various scans. My consultant and breast nurse have told me that the cancer is small and will be removed in about 4 weeks, but in the meantime I have to commence taking hormone treatment.
I am not in denial but my way of dealing with things is just to get on with it. I have continued at work as normal and told only a very small amount of people. I've got Christmas to look forward to and am busy planning for that. I have 2 small grandsons who take a lot of my time and keep me busy. I'll take things as they come.
I keep being asked if I'm ok, if I've accepted things yet, if I'm prepared for the outcome? , If I'm ready for treatment? Yes is my answer to all of these and more.
Why am I feeling like this? is it normal?