Hi Everyone
Just want a little advice really. I was diagnosed back in Oct 2007. Had WLE, Chemo, Radiotherapy and am now on Tamoxifen which I’ve been taking for 2 1/2 years.
The thing is, I thought I as doing very well regarding getting through treatment and getting back to work but just recently I’ve been feeling quite low and am finding it difficult to communicate my feelings to anyone. Silly as it seems, I have recently fallen and broken my wrist which has really knocked my confidence. So much so I don’t want to work anymore. I’m only 50 but feel like twenty years older. I work full time in Palliative Care so I feel my possible future is flaunted in front of me everyday. All I want is to forget the past and try to move on but feel stuck. Am I on my own in feeling like this? Is this depression?
Greenpea, I do know where you’re coming from. I finished my treatment 10 months ago and I’m now on tamoxifen. I was really making an effort to get fit and have damaged my achilles tendon. I’m hobbling about now, get terrible pain and although I 46 I feel about 96.
I am surprised at how much that injury has brought me down emotionally. I think it’s probably that we’ve already been through so much and then something else happens and it’s bring a loss of confidence.
I was self employed and haven’t been able to go back to work as I can’t face it. I’m not even sure with the recession that I’d be able to go back to the work I did before anyway. I used to be a complete workaholic so it’s a very strange feeling. I’m lucky my husband is supportive, I have some savings and we get by. I’ve also started an Open University course.
I’m finding doing something new is really helping to improve my mood. The best thing about it is that it gives me something to really focus on and I completely forget about cancer and treatments etc. You’re not really get much escape with work at all.
Is changing jobs or taking a break to study an option for you?
You may have some depression so you could chat to your GP and see if counselling is available. It could though be triggered by the type of work you do and change there might be beneficial. Another option is seeing a life coach with the emphasis on what changes you can make and how. I’ve done that once and my friend always sees a life coach when she wants to change jobs, shift her career or negotiate changes. Just some thoughts…
take care
Elinda x
Hi Greenpea
Feel free to give our helpliners a call, here you can talk through your feelings with someone in confidence which may help, the line is open Mon-Fri 9-5 and Sat 9-2 on 0808 800 6000.
Take care
Lucy
Hi greenpea,
I think all of us have felt like this from time to time so I suppose it is normal. I’m the same age as you and sometimes I manage to convince myself I won’t live long enough to retire. At those times I wish I could retire now to enjoy some free time while I still have reasonably good health. Most of the time the feelings pass when something good happens to lift my spirits and sometimes I think it’s really just the menopause making me feel like that.
On one of my better days I came across the Breast Cancer Care Overseas Challenges and decided to sign up to trek South Africa next year. I’m not suggesting you do the same but to try to find something to aim for that will help you look forward. Does the organisation you work for have free couselling on offer? I would never have though of using it before but a few session have helped me look at things differently.
best wishes, Jan xx
Hi Greenpea and JanB, I’ve finished treatment except for tamoxifen 3 months ago now and I think it takes as much effort to be positive now as it did during treatment - I broke my toe (small injury in comparison to you guys) in early September and it really set me back and ground me down.
My partner works in oncology and I don’t really like hearing the stories from work anymore, even tho its part of her support system. So yup , maybe a work alteration may help you greenpea. Coming to terms with what we have been through is tough I think and doesn’t get easier neccessarily. I too am trying to get back to work but as another self employed person I doubt there will be much work around, so I have lots of projects to keep me focussed. And limiting my time on here helps to!
As a friend said at their second wedding recently after his first wife died of cancer - aim to enjoy now but don;t be tyranised by it. very best of luck to you, Nicola
Hi
I think it’s perfectly normal. I was dx 2 and a half years ago and had the full monte as far as treatment goes.
Pre BC I loved my job, had been doing it for 20 + years and really couldn’t imagine myself retiring. After treatment it was all different. I was lucky and was given an opportunity for early retirement, which I took.
I really think it’s down to the fact that BC makes us re-assess our priorities. Work isn’t so important (that and the fact that the treatment gives us lingering side effects). So whereas before, we would have knuckled down and got on with it, afterwards our hearts really aren’t in it.
Yes I’m a bit older than you - 58 now (56 at dx) but I couldn’t have carried on with my job with the attitude that I had. It would have become a lower priority and I think that’s maybe what you’re struggling with.
I can imagine why your line of work would be difficult and maybe a talk to someone could help.
Although I gave up work, I’m now feeling so much better physically that I have signed on with an agency. I couldn’t have foreseen that a few months ago.
Take it easy.
Mal
Ah Mel, Thank’s so much for that. I’ve made the decision to see the GP today. I think everything has got on top of me recently and I’m not coping as well as I’m used to. No one knows how I’m feeling - not even my family! I plaster the makeup on in the mornings and follow it with a smile and go. But it is bloody exhausting! I think I need a change of job but what to do?
Well, lets just wait and see what the Dr comes up with.
Thanks again
xx
That’s where a life coach (or maybe called career coach) may be helpful. When I faced redundancy a few years back the company I worked for gave us all the option of two sessions with a life coach. It was amazing! I wished I’d done it years ago. She helped me to understand what my strengths were, what my priorities were, what transferable skills I had, what balance of work/home life I wanted and also helped me with some of the practilities such as cv writing.
I don’t know where you live but if you think that might be for you then I can recommend this person (she’s based in London). My friend went to her when she was being bullied at work and it transformed her life.
Of course it isn’t a miracle but it does help with the sense of making steps towards something new and different.
Thanks elinda.
I have been thinking about change for a while now and perhaps this is the right time. Trouble is, at the moment, I haven’t got the energy for anything. Not even sure whether I want to work at all!
GP gave me antidepressants as I went into her room and promptly burst into tears! Where did that come from?? Normally people come to me for advice and support. Just feel a little sorry for myself at present.
Well, will give the pills a try and see what happens.
Thanks for the idea though - may just take you up on it.
xx
I have just found all your posts. At first I only saw Mel’s but all of a sudden, I have more responses! So thank you all. It makes me feel less lonely knowing someone else knows just how I’m feeling.
Take care all of you. xxx