i know exactly what you mean and i do much the same as you, it would be too harsh i feel to actually say that you feel nothing, and it is nothing isnt it, so i just go with the flow and do as i used to just for his sake. i dont want the whole thing blowing up into a big issue, because for me it isnt, but it would be for him. i do have 'yes' oil based lubricant, but to be honest its for my comfort at all times, not a sex aid. its so hard to be able to talk about this , i think he would find it even more difficult than i do! so thats why i just go along with it, it works for me. dont beat yourself up about it, do whatever you need to do.
If you haven't seen BCC's publication Your body, intimacy and sex, I have put the link below for you and hope you find it helpful.
And also the link to the area of this website where this is discussed further.
thank you for posting your experience. I had a breast cancer linked to HRT, had a lumpectomy, chemo and just finishing radiotherapy and about to start hormone therapy. This part is the most frightening for me, i am scared of notfeeling like a woman again, if HRT ect caused cancer then surely as we stopped taking them we stand the same chance as anyone else. I am seriously considering not taking them asthe side effects are or can be debilitating. I am looking into being able to take phytooestrogens from plants.
There is no definite answer to this hormone therapy they are offering us i think we are guinea pigs, i'm so confused about this.
I hope you are ok and as with you I feel it's important to have a healthy sex life. I am worried that my husband will give up on me, there must be something out there men can get viagraif I find one for women will let youknow.
I wrote this post ages ago and never got any replies but thought I'd post it again because I'm sure I can't be the only one withthis problem.
Quite simply - it's zero libido. I have absokutely none. I love my husband of 43 years sooooo much and he doesn't know I have zero libido because it would terribly confuse and upset him. So I pretend I have much less (rather than zero) and we tick over.
Anyone else have this problem? I do wonder if when I finish anastrozole a little feeling may come back - but if it doesn't, it's not the end of the world. Hey - I'm still here! love CherryH x
Whilst you are waiting for the other users to reply with their support you might find it helpful to talk things through with a member of staff on the BCC helpline. Here you can share your thoughts and feelings with someone who will offer you a listening ear as well as emotional support and practical information. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 and lines are open weekdays 9 to 5pm and Saturday 10 to 2pm.
Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator
Hi all, I had my mastectomy 26 months ago and have since been on anastrozole. I feel really well, ok - hot flushes are a pain a times and aching joints a nuisance but overall I'm doing good. Before BC I was on HRT and testosterone implants for several years but obviously these screeched to a halt the second I was diagnosed. They were very happy supplements ensuring a feeling of being thirty something ! (I'm 66.)
For a while I had ups and downs, reeling from the shock of cancer, surgery and coming off hormones mixed with a positve mood of having it all behind me, enjoying such closeness from family and support from friends and in many ways, feeling better than I had for some time. Our love life continued although without my surge of hormones, it became tickover and non-urgent. Fine. At 66 after 43 years of marriage we were happy to slow down a bit. He was so kind, patient and caring it seemed ungrateful not to respond, so where libido lacked - I faked my pleasure. Again, fine. But now, 26 months down the road, my libido is totally non-existent; my clitoris has little more sensation than my little toe and all the patience and kindness in the world cannot evoke a sexual response from me. There just isn't any to be had. Now for him to know this would be cruel and enormously disappointing for him ....he can understand my slowing down and occasionaly not needing an orgasm, but I simply can't bring myself to tell him that I NEVER have one anymore, nor am I likely to ever have again - so I fake it. If I didn't, he'd possibly try for hours and I think I would up sore and nauseated. We often use a vibrator as he knows I need 'extra help' but between you and me, even that doesn' work. (Too much information, but I once tried this on my own and it DID work, but it was a physical reaction - neither pleasant nor unpleasant but certainly not sexual.)
In my head now, it's becoming an issue. If I have permission from somewhere that my 'lies' are understandable and okay, I might carry on. But a bit of me feels guilty ... yet what can I do? I can't tell him I fake it. Yes, I know the closeness is what matters - and it does. But I'm absolutely sure closeness alone wouldn't make him feel sexually happy.... and he deserves to feel sexually happy. He's the bestest husband ever. Has anyone else experienced this problem?
I do feel better telling you. A secret shared is a secret halved etc... thanks for listening. love Cherry X