Where do I start? I’m really overwhelmed (in a good way!) with all the advice and support. Thank you all so much; I’m just so grateful I stumbled onto this site.
Every one of you who stressed counselling – I think you’re absolutely right. My GP wanted to see me today as she’d got the letter from the hospital and was very shocked at the diagnosis. I’m quite a private, controlled person who compartmentalises how I feel about things. I’d read so many threads using words like ‘confused’, ‘frightened’, ‘scared’ etc. that I was starting to feel there was something genuinely wrong with me as I haven’t really felt much of anything. It’s been a bit like a project for me to research so far, and I’ve just been intellectualising it. Perhaps it was because I was drained having spent 2.5 hours in an MRI scanner this morning, being whipped in an out to have lots of biopsies taken (after 2 hours and the second lot of dye intravenously I nearly puked and they told me not to worry, if I was sick I wouldn’t choke as I had my head to one side!), but I had a complete meltdown at the docs. It was scary. I didn’t see it coming at all – one minute I was talking about wedge pillows and the next minute a tsunami of emotion just came at me from behind. I cried from a very deep place inside me. It wasn’t just crying; it was wracking, gasping, teeth-chattering sobbing that was totally uncontrollable. I couldn’t even breathe.
So Cybele, jmr, maggy, Emma, featherbird and RoadRunner, thank you for your advice and for sharing some of your own experiences. And I hope I speak for all of us when I say to Paddy that you’re welcome any time, I for one think your wife is one very lucky lady to have you by her side; and I’m sure that any info you want from this site will be willingly shared.
Interestingly, the specialist doing the biopsies today said that I don’t have two lesions in my left breast, I have lots of them throughout the breast but they just biopsied the two furthest apart. She said the MRI scan I had last week showed the same picture in the right breast. Nothing had come up on the mammogram at all as they are like shotgun pellets! I do consider that I’m really lucky that my GP was prepared to humour me and send me to the clinic even though she couldn’t find anything.
Sorry for yet another essay… all I really wanted to say was a massive ‘thank you’, and Emma, will definitely pm you on Monday when I have my date. I have a feeling it might even be next week…
Love and hugs to all, Anna xxx