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Annoying questions

14 REPLIES 14
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Annoying questions

That annoying question I so agree with all of the above!!

As someone said, it is down to ignorance sometimes.

I was a couple of weeks post mastectomy with immediate Tram recon, not feeling great, I had recently had a check up and was told that (thankfully) all my lymph nodes were clear.

I was sitting in the car whilst my parents dashed into the supermarket to get some bits and pieces for me. An Uncle and Aunt came over to the car, lovely to see them of course, and started chatting. I explained that I was making good progress, but of course would start chemo shortly, followed by radiotherapy to which they looked at me strangely and said 'oh you STILL have to have treatment?'! I said yes I did, and that had always been the situation.

Although positive, in my already emotional state this really hurt as they had heard the 'all clear' re lymph nodes, and assumed that that was the situation. Then on learning that I needed further treatment assumed the worst.I realise that years ago such an operation didn't always require further treatment, but I know we're given a better chance by having .

I know I'm preaching to the converted, but at least I've got it off my chest! - sorry no pun intended.

Thanks for some of the answers that you have posted regarding 'that question' - they will come in very useful!

Better education is definitely needed!! along with a lot of patience from us!

All the best to you all

TAY X

DruChurch
Member

Re: Annoying questions

Annoying question Yes, how I agree with you all. Everyone thinks that now I'm back at work and getting on with life that I must have had the 'all clear', it's too hard to explain to people and even if you do try, they don't really want to know! It is such an annoying question and I don't know how to answer!

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Annoying questions

Blame the media I think a lot of people followed Kylie's story and the media made a big deal of her being given 'the all clear'. I remember thinking - wow which oncologist is she under!)

My doctors are ever cautious and it amuses me sometimes the way they couch things - my onc described my prognosis as 'not ideal'!

Moderator
Community Manager

Re: Annoying questions

I have posted for new user Glen

Kind Regards
Forum Host
Breast Cancer Care

why are we always treated as if we are being unduly pessimistic? I think we are just being realistic. 'Think positively' is another annoying statement - as if that is all there is to it!

Guest user
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Re: Annoying questions

Hi - funnily enough one of my daughter's friends asked me that question today - I could have throttled her! But instead just said that you never really get the all clear from breast cancer, as the doctors can never predict if or when, or even where, it will recur. My friend's daughter was a little embarrassed at that reply and said 'well you don't have to think like that'!!!!

Jean xxx

BCC_Host
Member

Re: Annoying questions

how true I have posted this for Glen a new user.

Regards
Forum Host
Breast Cancer Care

have encountered this twice in my life - firstly as a mother of a child with a brain tumour and now as someone who has been treated for breast cancer. Both times I've had the 'so you've had the all clear now' comment and found it frustrating that people have so little idea about the disease and what it's like to live with. However, I guess I was just as ignorant before I encountered the disease so closely. With my son people could not accept our telling them that his longterm prospects were so poor despite the clear scans. I tried to explain that a scan was just a snapshot of now and didn't tell us what would happen in the future. Most people didn't listen and were then shocked when he died of his disease. With the breast cancer I have tried to say that my chances of recurrence will always be there but people equate that with 'oh well we could all get run over by a bus tomorrow' as if it's the same thing. I think the only people who really understand what it's like to feel you are living with a time bomb are the people who are in the same position - thank goodness you guys are there!! We can only continue to go on trying to educate people but it's very hard. I don't try to spare people's feelings over it - they are still lucky because they don't know what we know.
Glen

Guest user
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Re: Annoying questions

happy ending I tend to say the same too - that they can't give an all clear, but then add that all the treatment is carefully calculated to get rid of the stuff so I just have to take it on trust that it's gone. Lots of people ask when I'll be having a scan to show everything is clear, and of course it really doesn't work like that.

People just want a nice tidy happy ending to the story I think. Pity life's not as straightforward as that!

carolsav
Member

Re: Annoying questions

sonya i always say the same as Frances - but i will definitely have to try Cherryreds withering look next time someone says it to me!

Carol

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Annoying questions

Hi I find this very irritating too, and I tend to give the same answer as Frances. If they want further explanation, I'm happy to give it, but mostly they just shrug as if they think I'm being difficult and negative. If only they knew!

cherub
Member

Re: Annoying questions

I'm just coming up to rads and my breast surgeon told me months ago he would never be able to say to me I was cured, merely that I was free of cancer. I've already told everyone that, and I don't dwell on it myself as I feel nothing is certain in anyone's life, you don't know what's in front of you and you could just as easily be hit by a bus..............

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Annoying questions

Yes I find it the most frustratingly ignorant question but interestingly few people have lobbed it at me. However when they do I reply "you never get the all clear with Breast Cancer".

Cherryred
Member

Re: Annoying questions

.... yes!! nerve jaringly irriatating question, born out of ignorance I think. For me ,it depends who is asking it of me and whether I still want them to speak to me that dictates my response -if i dont care I usually say (with my specialtiy withering look), " You really have no idea do you?".............. Most of you are a lot nicer than me though!

karen
Member

Re: Annoying questions

Hi sonya Yes it's very annoying isn't it.....i said to my friend the other day....people think well she's back at work and smiling and laughing......she's all right....
....but they don't realise whats going on in your head and how you have to learn to live with this, the fear, anxiety etc.,
as for the question....i don't want to start the ''all clear debate ''......but i tend to say i'm in remission...and i don't think anyone can ever say they are ''all clear '' ....
fortunately for me, maybe because i've always said ''don't say that '' to people who say it.....they tend to think before they open their mouths
now.....think you have to explain to people as they don't neccessarily understand the ins and outs.........hopefully then they might be more understanding regarding asking that question.

Failing that take yourself off to a darkened room and scream!!

karen

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Annoying questions

Annoying questions Hi everyone,

You know the question I get all the time that bugs me the most...

"So have you had the all clear then now?"

People keep asking me that one over and over again, and since my mammo result I'm getting it even more. I still haven't found a way to answer this one, except to frown in annoyance. Any tips on answering this one?

Sonya

Guest user
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Annoying questions

Annoying questions