I don't belive it! One of the breast care nurses at the hospital left a voicemail on my mobile at 11 to say they need to delay my appointment and can I call her. Which I did 2 minutes later, but there's been an answerphone on ever since!! Left 2 messages so far.
I don't know if they mean I'm supposed to go in later (but surely she'd have said can you come in at 4.30 or whatever instead in the message), or not go in today at all in which case when am I to go? Do I have to stew another week til the breast clinic next Weds or what? My mind is going mad worrying it's because of something bad now.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeee Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Whoop Whoop indeed Carole. So glad you got the results you were hoping for. I can fully understand your reason for being happy about the chemo thing. Its not something I want to go through, although I too hope, I am going to be given chemo. Peace of mind thing I suppose.
Still not rang my bc nurse, regarding long wait for results. Grasping onto the no news, is good news thought. However. GO Sal, Go Sal. Well done for standing up to them and fighting your corner.
Gen, I have not had any strange dreams, that I know of. What I have been doing, that I find quite strange, is thinking about all the people I have been aquinted with in life. Right back to junior school. My partner gave a good explenation, in that, they say when your drowning, life flashes before you. Kind of makes sence to me. Also, I nearly drownd as a child and I'm still here to tell the tale, if you know what i mean.
Hope all goes well for you today Gen, I'll have everything crossed
lol! I think my blood pressure was sky high waiting to get called in! I am currently gulping the white wine of relief. But that stops tomorrow as I prepare for show down at Chemo Town.
Manflu. I call it manlingering! They are such big girls blouses when they feel a bit under the weather. And they call us the weaker sex. Bah phooey!
Where's my saucy dream! I reckon you were still hacked off at H's supposed joke the other day, so decided to show him what for. 🙂 Or, like I was last night, you are worried about tomorrow and decided to go for something you wish you'd always had the chance to do. Hope he still looked as good as you remember!
I dreamt about Brad Pitt last night, and usually when I dream about him I feel all safe and secure and like I've met a great friend. However, last night I was watching him and Angie with their kids and knew deep in my heart he would never be mine. How's that for subliminal imagery? Possibly I think, a simple reaction to fear of results, shattering my usual use of Brad as a soothing balm for when I feel a bit insecure. I really should have taken a Psychology Degree, and switch my affections to George Clooney....
I'm almost as nervous waiting for your results as I was waiting for mine!
Glad you got the news you were hoping for today Carole. Whoop indeed!! I've been thinking of you.
I was just talking to a friend and said what I'm hoping for tomorrow is that they got it all out so no more surgery, that there's no node spread and that they are going to do chemo anyway because I sure as hell don't want to do this again and if that reduces the chances then bring it on I say. Let's throw everything at it and get on with the rest of our lives!
Feeling very jittery today, although I did seize the opportunity of the kids' first day back at school to go back to bed when they had gone and slept til 11.30. Had a saucy dream about somebody I had a crush on at school 30 years ago. What's that about?!!! Hubby has been at home today with manflu dragging himself around like a wounded animal and has just taken himself off to bed. Trying very hard not to yell "do you want to swap" at him lol
I now have some of that manuka honey that's mentioned so often around these here parts. Blimey it's pricey!!! Â£12 for a little jar. It'd better be good!
Results time is 4pm tomorrow. My blood pressure is currently a smooth 115/75. Goodness knows what dizzy heights it will reach after a whole day stewing tomorrow!!
Line me up some gulping whisky on the bar Carole while I catch up with you 😄
Excellent story Jane! Thank your friend for sharing. I know what you mean about the health freak part. I am going to be skinny, muscled, and sprouting carrot fronds for hair by the end of this. I'll wave at all the trains next time I'm in Edinburgh. One of them might be you.
Sal, eeek, remind me not to get on the wrong side of you! Way to go though. You have to fight your side if you think they're getting fuzzy round the edges, and it doesn't hurt to have an inkling of law and how to present your case!
Ok. News Time! My tumour was a whopping 3cm square, but the margins are clear and there is no spread to the lymph nodes. Whoop, Whoop! It is graded as Stage 3 and is aggressive, and puts me automatically on the chemo list, which is exactly what I wanted, so I am one happy gunslinger at the moment. I am also highly oestrogen receptive, which means I have a rivetting 5 year course of Tamoxifen to start after the chemo. Zowie! I see the oncologist on the 20th to go over the whole chemo thing, what drugs, side effects etc, and they have all sorts of help to provide regarding wigs, hats, scarves, and anything else I can think of. I didn't think they did that. I was all ready to go online shopping at a great site I found in the US. Chemo will start approximately the 27th of this month and the hair will start coming in that first 3 weeks, and will be all gone in the course of the next 3 week treatment period. I reckon I'll hang fire on shopping till I see what the NHS can come up with. I can get my new style selection shipped over in a week to 10 days, so it doesn't look like there's a huge rush.
Like you Eliza I now have an appointment with my surgeon again for 22 Jan 2010. Talk about advance planning! It does however guarantee my personal favourite selection of appointment time, 9am. It's about the only time you can get parked at Wishaw General! I wonder if I can choose my chemo time too?
I'm really glad you're feeling better Gen. That lump dream is definitely spooky, but I completely buy it. I think your body knows when something's wrong and can send you messages. I went for scans a year ago after aches and pains in this boob, but what I thought was a swelling was just fat (I think I might have said that before, sorry for the repetition). Now that I know how big this tumour was and how fast it must have grown, I really think my body knew a year ago that cell division had started. If I hadn't had those scans, my GP and the surgeon would have been checking dense, cysty breasts from scratch. As it was, the surgeon already knew that I had cysts, so was paying close attention on 16 December this year, so took that decision to list me for surgery that same day before the biopsy results even came back! I also have had a really strong gut feeling this last two weeks that I have to go the chemo route. I can't explain it well, I just feel strongly that if they didn't do chemo I would back with another tumour very soon. Hopefully that is now going to be avoided.
Thanks for all your good wishes yesterday. Really good wishes to you for tomorrow Gen. All parts of my anatomy that can be crossed will be!
I reckon this next bit is the strangest, when the treatment means your life is just plain weird for the best part of a year. I'm really pleased with the op results, but I still feel like I've only just swallowed the red pill, entered the worm hole, stepped through the looking glass - pick your analogy. So, I'll get on with practicing my gun twirling and stealthy walking while we gather all those results together. We are gonna be one mean cancer fighting machine!
I remember Donaghue v Stephenson from the bit of law training I did when I was doing my accountancy training 20 years ago! Ooh that takes me back lol!
Had a horrible nightmare last night brought on by reading too far ahead on this forum, I won't elaborate but I have never been so relieved to wake up!
Did I tell you that my first inkling that something was wrong with me was 2 months before I noticed the dent in my boob? I had a dream that I had a lump in my left breast and it was so vivid I was feeling around for ages for it the following morning. Couldn't feel a thing so put it down to a bad nightmare but my subconscious must have noticed something. Spooky eh?
I'm feeling physically better today. Got funny shooting pains in my armpit, but I think that's probably nerves waking up again. Took the kids to see Bedtime Stories at the cinema this afternoon. It's good - worth a watch if you fancy a bit of escapism.
Anyway I really logged in to wish you the best of bestest luck and to send the positivest of positive vibes for you tomorrow Carole. I'll be thinking of you!
I agree the December Dx Gunslingers might move on to a next stage section once we all know where we are going with this. Another couple of weeks at the outside and we should all know, yes?
Keep whistling and polishing those guns ready for the showdown ladies!!!
Thornton v Shoe lane parking - gosh, I thought I'd forgotten that until you mentioned it, Sal!
I too am rather miffed about delays. I left hospital on 27th November and don't get to see the oncologist to discuss rads and hormone therapy until next Monday. Good for you for the foot stamping (making the point always makes me feel so much better). At the other end of the efficiency scale, I do have my appointment to see my surgeon again in December.
Thinking of you, Carole.
Talking of snow, we had a light dusting on the ground here this morning - quite an event here on the south coast! I also woke up after a great night's sleep with a stinking headache - stayed in bed all morning and couldn't be bothered to dress until about 3pm.
Spoke to bc nurse this morning and she said she would see the radiologist today and get back to me. Spoke again to her about half an our ago. The radiologist says she will try to get the MRI reported by Wed when they have their MDT meeting. I am scheduled to be discussed at that meeting and she has pencilled me in for an appointment with the doc on Friday at noon (High Noon?). I told her in my most assertive tone (you'd have been impressed) that I was not happy about the decision being delayed and going into another week. My 31 days expires next Mon and they will be out of time if I don't know what my treatment is going to be before that. She was very understanding but said she had done all she could at the moment - it was quite possible that it would be reported, but she could do no more. Told her I'd had enough of being fobbed off by the orthopaedic dept over the last two and a half years and I was not going to put up with any more of it. (stamps foot) She said they knew they would be in breach and the co-ordinator would be in touch with the radiologist as well because of that. She said I should go along to clinic anyway on Friday, so that I could at least talk to doc. Feel like screaming - aaaaaaagh!
I know the delay won't make any difference to me medically, but psychologically it's getting to me now. I think I've come out of the "this is not real" stage and since the MRI I realise this is happening and I want to get on with it. Good to hear those good news stories though Jane.
Carole, studying law - now that brings back memories! Donague v Stephenson, Thornton v Shoe Lane Parking ....... You're right about working in the law though, not nearly as interesting and studying it. I too wanted to be a ballet dancer - I think it's a little girl thing. Then I wanted to be a teacher - did two years teacher training, but decided it wasn't for me (lucky escape). I've done several things over the years - I don't think I'm capable of doing one thing for too long, I get bored too easily. I'm with you Gennie, it's a useful time to ponder my future.....
Anyway, good luck tomorrow Carole and hope you carry on feeling better Gennie
Great booster for us all. Just been talking with an old friend I have not seen for a while and she has just told me her mother had bc 23yrs ago. Was given a 50/50 chance of survival at time and says her survival was down to her determination not to give in. And if you think about the advancements in medicine. Well its the most poss i have felt since dx.
Just got back from massive spending spree. I have bought lots of nice m&s camisoles in sales, still struggling a little with bra's. A blu ray player, since I have lots of time on my hands and love a good chick flick. Also a very large jar of manuka honey, because everyone seems to be raving about its wound healing properties. I don't know about the rest of you girls but all of a sudden I have become an health food freak. I'm putting things in my mouth, that I would never of dreamed of. Low salt, greek yogurt, lots of green veg, no red meat, lots of fruit and fiber. My partner is going insane with me and says we'll all be looking like stick insects by the end of January. lol
Carole, you would not envy me if you knew my start times. some days its 3.30am and not for the whole week. It can be 5am day after and some days i don't finnish untill 3am. However only do a 4 day week so has its bonuses. And I do love being in the driving seat. I see all kinds of natures beauty and all seasons. This time of year is great. I work out of Manchester and my primory route is Edinburgh. Its a beautiful run during the winter, when snow is falling.
Champagne sounds great to me and I'll be having quite a few bottles at the end of all this. Good luck for your results tomorrow, Carole. Let us all know how you get on and I will be thinking about you and carrying my double barrel shot gun all day ready to help you zap the bu@@@er.
Sal, did you ring your bc nurse? I rang mine. Typical answer machine. She will be back from christmas holls Wednesday
take care girls xx
Pollyanna! How retro is that! Only kidding. Actually I never really got Pollyanna. Was she somebody that always saw the bright side, and what actually happened in the end? Don't tell me if it was anything less than an Audrey Hepburn happy ending in ballet flats. 🙂
Train driver? How cool is that! I wanted to be a train driver or a big truck driver when I was a kid (couldn't pronounce articulated lorry). Also wanted to be a nurse, ballet dancer, air hostess, secretary and whatever else those corny books they kept giving young girls were about. I am in total envy about the train driver thing.
Legal Exec. Also cool. I just finished my Law Degree. Absolutely no intention of becoming a lawyer. No idea why I did it. Yes I have. Wanted a degree and thought everybody would be impressed with the law thing. Sad, I know.....
I've been trying to pass on the wine, prep for chemo and all. However, thankfully, H was down at his family this weekend and came back with an bouteille de Champagne, which is now happily residing in my insides. Hic! I too am missing on the scan front, and am a tad perplexed. However, I had a phone call from a friend tonight who went through all this two years ago, and she didn't get scanned either. Straight to rad. I guess it's all individual needs and such. However, I am a great believer in fighting your corner. Gunslingers, if you suspect a slip up on the sheriff front, stand up and challenge them at noon. Aka, ask for what you want and don't give up till you get it, or a robust justification that you understand for why you don't need it.
Had a thought. Once we all know what we're getting for treatment and move into that phase, do you think we should shift over to one of the ongoing treatment categories? I'm just thinking it might be easier for other folks to follow our story. Y'know, there could be a gunslinger novel in here somewhere, and we want to keep our fan base up to date! lol. I'm totally a luddite when it comes to text, but some Smileys in here wouldn't be a bad idea for adding some inflection?
I've been fine today. No more bleeding, touch wood and yes the pain is definitely less now the pressure has eased. In fact, if anything, it's been quite itchy today which would indicate healing I fancy.
I'm with you all on the 3am Grims. I always seem to wake up then and my mind will insist on dragging itself into murky corners. I sleep with the tv on volume 1, so when I wake up there's usually a lame sitcom on somewhere on Sky to take my mind off it.
I haven't been offered scans yet either. To be honest I'm not sure I want to know if the beggar is seeding anywhere else right now, not sure I could cope with the knowledge if it's not going to make a difference to what is done to sort it out.
I only get statutory sick pay in my job too. My employers are a throwback to Scrooge & Sons and started me on the princely sum of Â£75 SSP a week from date of diagnosis. Nice of them, I thought, just before Xmas n all. I feel less guilty about leaving them in the lurch at the busiest time of the year now anyway. I might use this time to ponder a change of direction
All things happen for a reason. Sometimes the cruddiest of situations turn out to have positive consequences in the end. Oooh hark at me, Pollyanna!!
Right, wine is also calling me. Toodles.
Well, I'm lol, lmao and rofl! Are you impressed?
Well, Gennie, that was some day you had yesterday! I though for a minute you must have been shot by one of the baddies hiding in the saloon! NHS Direct is a great idea - shame it doesn't quite live up to expectations in practice. I'm with you - go and bleed all over the A& E floor - they'll soon notice you! They don't want anyone slipping on the blood and suing them do they? (does that sound really cynical?) Hope you're feeling much better now - it must have freaked you out!
On the job front, I used to be a Legal Executive until I got bored of sitting at a desk and wanted to do something more active/creative. Floristry is a great job in many ways, it's just the working conditions that are so sh*t! ie, the poor pay, the cold, being on your feet all day, not being able to take holidays at peak periods, only getting statutory sick pay...... I picked the wrong time to give up the safety net of good pay and sick pay provisions - ended up having 8 weeks off after skiing accident and 9 weeks off the following year after shoulder surgery and now this! Still, it makes life interesting.
Well, I can hear a glass of wine calling me, so I must run.
Snap. 3am is a pain in the b@@k s@@e. Thats when my cold shivers begin and like you Sal every ache and pain becomes something evil. I'm sorry your feeling down about the wait. The way I'm trying to look at my wait for results is, if it were that bad, they'd be getting me in there sharpish. However as Carole said, give your bc nurse I ring in the morning. She might be able to shed some light. Thinking of doing the same myself. As anybody else noticed on these threads, how a lot of the girls seem to get bone scans streight after dx. I have not been offered one yet and am starting to panick that not enough is being done.
Gen, what a nightmare yesterday. You and your husband must have been really woried. Dont know if this helps but I was told, any problams out of hours, to return to ward I was on when I had wle. Hope your feeling beter today? I'm curiouse too. Has the pain eased since bleed? I'm glad you've shared your day with us because I won't feel quite so scared if same happens to me.
On the work front, I wish I could go back in next week but they won't let me. I am a train driver and my team manager says my concentration has been compromised, I know he's right but just wish I could go back and have a normal day. Besides I miss work. I'm one of the lucky ones and love my job.
Anyway guns cocked, ready for the fight. Think I'll have another whisky first though. Duch courage. xx
Thanks for asking the imao question Sal. I didn't know either and was too embarrassed to ask. Only one I know is lol.
Definitely give them a call and chase up results. That 3am slot is not a good time. I start going to some really dark places then, and I wake up about that time pretty much every night. It's a real struggle to shut the door on those thoughts. And I know what you mean about any wee ache and pain. I've been getting all too familiar aches in the left breast, and it's not leaving me feeling all warm and fuzzy! Thinking logically though, it's just been fully and completely scanned and mammo'd, so I should stay focused and stop getting dragged off down yet another slippery thought slope!
I'm loving the Good, Bad and The Ugly analogy! Good job you're only going to be a florist one time. I'm not seeing a bouquet of roses helping us out during the shoot out.... You could always use them for target practice on Valentine's Day though. Keep pushing them Sal. We're here for extra posse back up anytime.
Gen, what a day!! It must have been so scary. I can't believe you had to hang around that long to be attended to either. This is a big time bummer on the NHS. They'd better make it up to you from now on. Re NHS Direct, I asked what to do if something happened to the wound while everyone was out over Christmas. Doc slightly rolled her eyes when saying I could phone NHS Direct, and when I suggested I just go straight down to the cottage hospital near to me, she gave that a big thumbs up. After your experience, I think that's what I'll do.
I know you're numb, but do you think the pain has settled any? I'm guessing it some of it must have been pressure build up inside. I really hope it's easing off soon. You're having a helluva time. And yet still up beat, strong, and remember to clean your gun. Just 'cos you had a teeny little bleed (!) doesn't mean you get out of showing up for show down.
Oh, I work from home as an ecological consultant with my husband. On the up side that means I don't have to commute, and as long as I meet my deadlines I can work when it suits me, which is good for the treatment period. On the downside, there's no sick pay, and if I don't work, well I won't need the credit crunch to shove me towards bankruptcy! On the up side, I can moan and gripe all I want and nobody's around to tell me to shut up.
Back to work tomorrow though. This fabulously festive, relaxing, and stress free holiday period must draw to a close. Detect a little hint of sarcasm at all? 🙂
"I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound - if I can remember any of the damn things." Dorothy Parker
lmao means laughing my @rse off Sal. Lol is laughing out loud. rofl is rolling on the floor laughing. - I can't think of any more, but we're only doing laughing ones aren't we?!
I was about to ask what you do for a living such that you have to be freezing cold, but you've answered my question. I'm a Chartered Accountant. Yawnarama but at least it's usually warm in the office!
Let me tell you about my little bit of drama yesterday. What a day!! I had a shower at about 11.30, came out, was sitting with a towel wrapped round me and my bathrobe over the top, putting my face on and thought I felt a bit warm. Then I stood up and realised I was soaked in blood! I yelled for Jez, who had a look and we figured out that all of the fluid that had built up inside my boob had drained out, it seemed to have stopped, so I'd just lie down for bit.
Then it started again. And it wouldn't stop! I was soaking through towels, we phoned NHS direct who said there'd be a 6 hour wait for somebody to call me back with advice. Phoned them again and spoke to a useless woman who was asking daft questions like "how aggressive is the bleeding" (on a scale of what - Winnie the Pooh to the Kray Twins?) and just ended up saying somebody will call back. So we got somebody round to mind the kids and headed off to A&E.
I was seen straight away, the wound had burst open part way down and they couldn't figure out if I was haemorraging or it was just draining, then it suddenly stopped again. I was then sent up to a ward which was chaos because they'd merged 3 wards into 1 due to staff shortages. I lay on the bed for 2 hours before anybody came near, then was given a leaflet on deep vein thrombosis, told I'd be in overnight and no, I couldn't have anything to eat or drink (I'd had nothing all day) until a doctor saw me again. I could have painkillers - but I was still waiting for those when I left 3 hours later!
About 3 hours later a surgeon came to see me and decided I'd had a haematoma in the wound (collection of blood n fluid I think) and it had burst it. Looked more alarming than it was, very common after breast surgery etc. So they just steri-stripped up the open bit, put a dressing over it and sent me on my way. Suited me fine!
So I finally got home at about 8.30pm. I don't mind admitting it scared the living daylights out of me and I slept really badly last night because I was scared it would all start again! Jez kept checking on me every 2 hours too for the same reason. However, touch wood, it all seems ok and I'm taking it easy today just in case. Fortunately it's not too painful because the whole area is mainly numb still.
What a palava! I never do anything by halves, me. It's got me off work for at least another week anyway. ;o)
I'm polishing my spurs as we speak, whistling and twizzling my guns ready for the battle.
What does imao mean? I don't do text-speak.
This will sound wierd, but I'm sort of envying your pain. At least that means your treatment has started. This waiting game seems interminable.... Over three weeks since my diagnosis and I still don't know what they are going to do - lumpectomy or mastectomy. I think I will probably be seen on Friday, but I'm going to ring the bc nurse tomorrow, just to make sure they don't forget me - I don't want this to go on another week, I've had enough! At the moment, any small ache or pain is being siezed upon by my stupid brain as being highly suspicious. Ridiculous I know, but at 3am your mind takes you to strange places!!
Yesterday at work was even colder. You don't need to tell me about thermals Carole! Yesterday I was wearing thermal top and long johns, a polo neck jumper and trousers, a fleece and a body warmer. Lost the feeling in my fingers and toes at about 9am and that was pretty much it for the day! I'm not doing another winter as a florist! Still, with any luck, I should be off work after surgery when Valentine's day comes along. I hate Val day - all those bl@@dy red roses! Can you tell I'm no romantic? Anyway, I've got an application in at the NHS to go on their bank staff list, now that would be warm!
Love the quotes/images Carole. Jeez, we'd frighten the pants off anyone! I've now got this picture in my head of my surgeon as Clint Eastwood in his poncho, squinting into the sun, with a cheroot in his mouth and his hand on his gun...... and The good, the bad, the ugly playing in my head. Brilliant! Come to think of it, the good (that's us), the bad (that's breast cancer) and the ugly (that's surgery and the aftermath). It's showdown week, girls. Shut all the doors and windows and put the children under the table - this is gonna be messy, but we will not be defeated!
Just had another song pop into my head and I think it will stay all day - Monty Python. "when you're chewing on life's gristle, don't worry, give a whistle.......Always look on the bright side of life" Now all together .... phoo phoo, phoo phoo phoo phoo phoo phoo (I don't know that's how you spell a whistle, but you got any better ideas?)
Good luck all.
lmao @u carole can't get that vision out of my head now. All four of us riding to the ok caroleeeeeeeeeeeee
I feel a "quotation of the week" direction coming on. So:
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." Herm Albright
Men! They all think they can do stand up.
"Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange."
Gen, I'm sorry to hear you're still in pain. I was doing well till about 3 days ago and now I've got shooting pains and a bad bruised feeling. I think you're right Jane, it's just the healing process, but it was a bit unexpected. Never mind, onwards and upwards.
Sal, think thermals. The warm, woolly kind, not the birds soaring high above us kind. Although come to think of it, it might be nice soaring about up there, far from the madding crowd, troubles but dreams.....
Keep the CV on the desk for a bit yet Sal. This could be the year for change in all directions. Remember, we decide, not this no good, rotten, flea ridden, spawn of a cess pit of a disease.
Keep smiling Kiddos. One step at a time and we'll leave this run down, shack town behind. Keep hold of the reins, we'll need the horses later. I'll take point. Gen, you take the saloon side. Sal, mosey down the right. Check out the grocery store, I thought I saw movement. Jane, cover the roof tops. Desert's behind us, border's ahead. Fingers loose, guns ready, stay sharp, keep moving. They won't get us, not this time, not these gunslingers! Sound of heels in the street dust, footfalls on boardwalks, slow clop of hooves, a shutter creaks in the background, sshoooosh of rolling desert brush. It's quiet, too quiet.
to be continued....
lol. 🙂 Carole
Hi girls and happy new year
I woke up on the 1st with my boxing gloves on but can easy change them for a saddle because that quote is a good description of how most of us are
probably feeling. Scared whitless but ready for a fight.
I think the pain is normal Gennie, I was pain free for first two weeks then all of a sudden yesterday it kicked in with a vengence. Had a quick chat with bc nurse over the phone and as long as no inflamation or redness round wound, its prob just the healing process and everything knitting back together.
Good luck eveyone with your results next week. I know carole Tue but what day you Gen? Sal? I have decided to go with the thought that things can't be too bad or else they surely wouldn't make me wait four weeks for results.
Hugs to everyone xtra for Gen cos hubby having a bad hair day.
Lets ride this horse heads held high
We all know that men can be insensitive pigs at times, but they do have their useful moments. Like .....um.... I'll think of one in a minute.
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? " - Groucho Marx
Now John Wayne is a great image - remember the film (I think it was The Shootist) where he is galloping across the plain on a horse, with a shotgun in each hand, firing them at ...someone. I can't remember who? Now that's an image to keep in your head when thinking of the battle ahead. And don't forget, we think we've got it tough. John Wayne was christened Marion - now that's a real cross to bear!
I think we've all got a week of results next week. Just imagine us holding each other's hands tight and willing each other on, as we mosey into town with our guns on our hips, ready to shoot at the first sign of trouble. (Don't ask me how we can be holding hands and our guns at the same time - I think I'm mixing metaphors now) Strength in numbers girls! We have to deal with this and move on - life's difficulties make us strong. "Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times." It is possible to think yourself into a happier place, but at times it's bl**dy hard work!
Anyway, you lot who are recuperating have it easy. Lazing around in the warm all day! I've just had a day at work freezing my butt off! And the same again tomorrow..... and next week doesn't look like it's getting any warmer. To think I was looking to change my job before all this kicked off, and get a job back in the warm...... Don't fancy my chances of impressing a prospective employer at the moment! So the CV's been put back in the drawer for the time being. Still, with the current economic situation, I'm lucky to have a job I suppose. See - positive thinking!!
Happy new year!
Happy New Year everyone. I had a lovely New Year's Eve - we had my brother and his family and my mum & stepdad staying. Drinking & karaoke til 3am, it was really good fun. Then yesterday I went into a big downer - the prospect of results next Wednesday is scaring me, I'm still struggling with pain & mobility in my left arm and my boob wound is still oozing, although I saw the nurse this morning and she says it's all healing well. I know the next few months are going to be horrid and I don't want to do it. I just want to be starting a normal, uneventful, run of the mill year, not this cr@p. Not helped by Jez (DH) making it pretty clear he's had enough of my malingering. He had to drive me to the nurse this morning so of course the kids had to come too and when I came out one of my boys asked me if I was better yet. I said not yet, it was going to take a while to be really better (thinking I was being truthful) and DH said "oh no mate, she'll be milking this for ages yet".
He said it was just a joke. I don't think it was very funny.
Anyway, I need to pull myself out of this funk and get the fighting spirit back. Carole - I love reading your words, you make me feel so much more positive.
Here's another quotation for you:
'Courage is being scared half to death, but saddling up anyway.' - John Wayne.
Let's saddle up and mosey on into town ladies!!
Jane, focus on the Lake District. That's the good time, the wait is, well, it's a helluva wait. Stay with it kiddo, stay positive, go for another bike ride. Like Gen says, you get an appointment (mine confirmed today for 6 jan), but you don't know if they're going to give you results, or just check the dressing. If there are Gods, we are in the lap of them as it were. Gen, and Sal, same goes for you. Don't cancel the plans, work towards them. This thing will not beat us, it will not make us change our lives except when we decide it. Having said that, I've been working on feeling pretty good, but now I know I have surgery results coming, I'm scared again. But,
"Growth is change, change is risk, risk is taking a step from the known to the unknown."
Eleanor Roosevelt said, "A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is till you put her in hot water". I think the water doesn't come much hotter than this. Let's lie in for a soak and burst the teapot.
I'm really, really, bad at these metaphore thingies amn't I. Sorry. 🙂
Sal, that sounded, um, an interesting position. I bet your E's coped admirably. My DD's are envious of the attention! I know it's a bugger of a decision, but if they're in doubt at any point about me, I'm going for the double and I won't get off the table till they agree. Do what you feel you need to do.
It's New Year's Eve. I'm in with my two dogs and a bottle of champagne. If ever I felt a new year was actually about to start, this is it.
Sal, Salute! Gen, A Votre Sante!, Jane, Salud! Everyone, Raise your glasses. The best is yet to come.
Well, for a sophisticated piece of equipment, the MRI scanner certainly makes an awful lot of noise! It sounded like the sound effects from an old sci-fi B movie! Not very glamorous, face down with my boobs dangling in what looked like a couple of strawberry punnets, but hey ho, I think I've got to get used to that sort of thing now! It took about half an hour and they had to inject dye at one point, so I had a cannula in my arm. Everything is then done remotely by a guy in the next room.
Just got to wait for results now, which is a pain, cos I'd really just like to get on with it. As you say, Jane, it's the not knowing. My problem is that I have lobular cancer (which apparently means I'm one of an elite band of about 10%-15% of breast cancer sufferers) and it tends to pop up in more than one place at a time. As my mammogram/ultrasound are difficult to read, I had to have MRI as another diagnostic tool to see what's going on. However, that's apparently going to be difficult to read too (I have cysty boobs), so I don't know if it's going to help. I suppose they've just got to make an educated guess, if they can't make out what's going on. The way I feel at the moment, if there's any doubt I'd rather them take the whole boob if there's a chance I have to go through this again in the not too distant future!!
I know what you mean about planning Gennie, we'd planned to go on holiday in Feb/March, as we didn't manage to get away this year. Don't think we'll be doing that now. Life's a bitch isn't it?
Well, don't know what you lot are doing this new year's eve, but I'm staying in with a bottle of wine, although I don't know if I'll make it to midnight, as I didn't sleep much last night.
Happy new year everyone - onwards an upwards as they say!
You moan away, Jane, that is rough. Presumably Christmas delays etc. I get my results on 7th Jan (well, I have an appointment, I may yet find they aren't ready by then I guess) and in many ways, although I would happily keep my head buried in the sand for longer, I want to know what I am up against and what happens next. I have things planned for the end of Jan, for example, - a spa day and a theatre trip to Brum - and although they are booked and paid for I don't feel as if I can plan for them or assume I will actually be able to go because I don't know what kind of state I'll be in. I think it's important to still feel as if we still have some semblance of control over our lives, particularly at a time like this.
You all sound in good spirits today, me too. That is, until I returned from the lake district. Been for a ride out today, its only a couple of hours and for the first time in about three weeks I felt normal and compleatly forgot the bc. Lake Windomere is still quite busy even at this time of year but I found it ever so peacful and am now planning a week, there at end of treatment, just for tranquility and rest.
Anyway like I said brill day. Then, home to a letter from the hosp. I can't believe I have to wait until the 19th january for my op results and treatment plan. Thats exactly 4 wks from op date and there was me, singing the praises of n.h.s and now this. I dont mean to shout but am so bloody angry. Most the threads I have read seem to wait 1 to 2 wks for op results. I will ring my bc nurse Mon, she may be able to shed a little light at least. After all its the not knowing that drives you mad. Not the knowing.
Sorry girls, I'll try not to moan too much in the future.
Take care xx
Glad your feeling better Gen. I thought it would only take a couple of weeks to repair post op, but I've had a bit of an aching relapse today. I think I'be been doing too much because I felt so good. Silly me. I suppose we'd best think 3 to 4 weeks in reality.
I didn't know that about post surgery bras and vat. Must check it out. Also great news about your sis in law. Makes you feel more positive whenever you hear an all clear story.
Best of luck tomorrow Sal. It is tomorrow for your MRI, yes? Have to agree on the underwire front. DD doesn't go with soft bras, although it's my own fault for putting on loads of weight! I had no idea till I put it on that I carry my weight from the belly up. If I can get focussed and lose it, I can get back down to a B/C. Much better. Must put the cork back in the bottle. That'd help for starters!
I personally think that the "underwired bra caused" this comment is a complete load of ballcocks! If I can't wear an underwired bra, I might as well give everything up to gravity - 32E is not easy to accommodate in a grotty soft bra - NO NO NO! And as for M&S, I've never found one to fit properly - think I must be a funny shape, although probably not as funny as I will be in a couple of weeks.... Sorry, I'm off my soapbox now.
You're right about the treatment, Gennie - everyone really seems to know where you're coming from, going to etc. By the way, my surgeon is Italian. Not the typical type though - he's got a shaved head, but nice all the same! How do you say "do you want to feel my boob" in Italian? Just a thought!
I'm feeling a lot more comfortable today. I don't know if it's the nurse telling me yesterday that all is as it should be but it's improved a bit and I didn't have to reach for the painkillers as soon as I woke up this morning (half an hour later, but still.....). She gave me dressings to put over the oozy bit (the fact that it's still oozing is a good thing as it's slowly releasing the pressure) and you're right, Carole, I have found that if I stretch my arm it does seem to ease the pressure a bit. My armpit swelled up yesterday and was pretty sore, but it's improving today and I'm getting quite a lot of sensation back. I even washed my armpit in the shower today so the wounds have received their first baptism without ill effect! The bruising that was all over my breast is gradually receding like a tide mark - from the top down it's getting more yellow while the purply/black bit at the bottom is getting less angry looking.
My sis in law went through all this about 2 1/2 years ago when she was 43 (she's all clear now, btw) and she said that, for all the NHS failings, you really do get Rolls Royce treatment for breast cancer. I was diagnosed less than 2 weeks ago and I'm already 8 days post op. You can't fault that can you? Although I agree, it would be nice if my consultant looked a bit more like Hugh Lawrie......
Interestingly, the nurse told me yesterday that I won't be allowed to wear underwired bras any more. In common with probably most ladies of the larger boobied persuasion I've worn them for years, but apparently it's thought that they can be a contributory factor in breast cancer!! Well they could have told me that sooner!!! I've ordered a couple of post surgery bras from M&S online - they deduct the VAT from post surgery ones on checkout so they are cheaper. Every cloud.... ;o)
Coldplay!!???!!! No Sal No! You can't, please, I beg you!!!!!!!! Half an hour, we'll never bring you round. Noooooooooooooo! Might as well go with Leonard Cohen, or just try reading MacBeth! Shaggy! Whats that Scoob! Yikes! Ruuuuuuuunnnnnn!.
sorry, you might be right, it could be the booze......
Annie Lennox, Yes! Good look. Gennie, I know it hurts, but can you move more at all? Every time I gurgled or sloshed I stretched the area right out in every direction in the vague hope that stretching would stretch and hence open up the drainage area (basically 'cos I'm a wimp and couldn't stand the feeling). I know your wound is different to mine, it's just a suggestion. Ignore it totally if it doesn't feel right for you.
I'm loving the idea of a new hair colour! I'm a, very quickly going prematurely white, strawberry blonde. I mean, really, 45, it's just not fair. If I go the chemo route, and I am seriously going to push for that, I'm going to have a shot a something on the mid brown to brunette line I think. Always wanted to be raven haired gorgeous, so might as well do it now! Sal, from what I've read about the hair coming back, be prepared for curly where you were straight and vice versa, and it might just come back a bit more to the silver side than it was before. Personally, I've got dibs on the "Silver Fox" soubriquet. Just so we don't fight over it....
And, aren't the nurses just wonderful. I had all my swelling padding removed today, and the nurse was an angel. She didn't even mind the dog hair we found during padding extraction number two. Ok, so I forgot to shave before going in, but she very generously bought the suggestion.
So, 5 days post op, padding removed, still can't really tell what it looks like as everything is squished under the pressure plastic that needs to stay in place till next week, but if pushed I'd say I have a new, slight ski jump kind of silhouette, and might need to lose 10 pounds to even it out on the other side. No definite notice of my date for finding out the surgery results yet.
Still no sign of anything resembling Dr Gregory House on the premises, sad to say. I'd be happy with Hugh Lawrie, if anybody's out there listening, at all, maybe....
Ah thats good Gennie, you dont sound so worried now. I'm glad you got a good nurse and she reasured you.
Disstrict nurse called at mine today and said everything fine and she was disscharging me but if I had any problems or questions reguarding future treatment, to give her a call. I thought that was really lovely of her, since her job with me was done and I have a bc nurse at the hsp for support. I dont know about you Gennie but I just can't fault the n.h.s on this one.
Take care x
Glad to hear your on track Gennie. The Annie Lennox look sounds good. If I need to, I'll definitely go really short before chemo, although I can't see me blonde - I'll leave that to my daughter. One thing does concern me though. I don't know how, but I've got to 52 with only about 5 grey hairs. If it all falls out, will it come back grey? I'll have to start paying to colour it then. Cripes!
Managed to grab a couple of bargains in M&S sale, including a pair of breast cancer care tracky bottoms! I fancy an oversize jumper or cardigan, but when you're only 5' 1' everything's oversize anyway (ie sleeves 6" too long etc) and you just look like little orphan annie in her big sister's clothes. I usually end up with quite fitted things from the petite section and I'm thinking they won't be the best option post surgery. Don't think I can pinch my husband's stuff either - he's 6'. Maybe I'll have to talk nicely to my daughter... She's borrowed enough of my stuff over the years (and usually kept it, as it looks better on her!)
Nurse was lovely and said all was as it should be really for one week post op. There is a lot of fluid and it's made the skin all very tight and swollen (hence the sloshing), but it's ok at the moment, just keep on top of the painkillers. I'm to go back Friday by which time hopefully it will be slightly better.
Hi gennie, the Annie Lenox look sounds good to me. I've been trying to think of something differant for my hair before chemo. (Thats if i'm having chemo, not got op results yet. Got to wait till after the new year) Thought I might go purple or something, after all if its going to fall out what does it matter if I dont like it. lol At least then I will look forward to it falling out hehe.
Good luck with your nurse app. Hope it goes well and she can give some reasurance about pressure under your arm.
Go for it Sal, treat yourself!! Hmmm I'd probably go for something soothing to listen to, you don't want to find yourself inadvertantly bopping away in there to something too lively!
I've had short hair in the past and grew it when I was about 35 to shoulder blade length. I've coloured it since I was about 16 - I'm sort of naturally mousey but have been blondeing it to varying degrees for years and it desperately needs doing but I'm not going to spend Â£100 on something I'll only have for a few weeks. I wonder if I could go for an Annie Lennox extremely short white crop before I lose it (if I have to).
Appointment with Nursey at 4.50. I kind of want her to relieve the pressure under my arm by draining it and I also want to leave well alone because I know it will sort itself out in time and I can keep on top of the pain with painkillers ok. It's taking longer than I expected I must say, I thought I'd be bounced back and fully mobile by now (Jez keeps pointing out it's only been a week, but I've never been "ill" for more than a couple of days ever before so this is very un-me).
Don't like all this talk of sloshing! Are you sure it's not the booze?
Cut my hair 18 months ago, after a couple of years of (for me) long hair. It's not as short as it has been, but short is definitely me - I find all that hair irritating! However, not too sure about the bald look, but I'll cross that bridge if I come to it!
Just been reading my letter about the MRI again. I can take in my own cd to listen to. So what do you reckon? Kaiser Chiefs of David Gray? The Killers or Coldplay? or should I go harking back to my teenage years with Pink Floyd or Led Zep? I think I have to be still for about half an hour, so maybe something soothing might be best, although I don't want to go to sleep and embarrass myself by snoring!
Going out to lunch with my daughter now and she's good at shopping, so maybe I might be tempted by a little something.....
I'm having a ball! Not. 🙂
I had a lot of sloshing and gurgling over Christmas Day but it seemed to go away in the course of Friday. It's the strangest feeling isn't it?
Definitely don't cut your hair yet. Way too early for that! Ironic though, I had my hair short this time last year and decided I am not a short hair person. I've just managed to grow it out to mid-length intending to grow it to shoulder length. Sheesh.
I never need much of an excuse to shop, but I can relate to your not wanting to tempt fate Sal. I haven't actually bought any earrings yet and I still have my long hair which I'm not getting cut off until I know for sure what's coming next. I also did the breast feeding etc with my children and am supposedly very low risk for this so I can understand your feelings of beligerance. I always said I'd be a stroppy red hat wearer when I get older, I meant slightly older than 41 but I reckon this qualifies me to start early eh?
Glad you got a shower Carole. I managed to douse myself today without Jez's help which is progress. I see the nurse tomorrow and suspect I might have to have some drainage works done because I can hear fluid sloshing around in there now like I'm a faulty hot water bottle! I pressed a picnic ice pack to it this morning which did seem to help a fair bit, and I've done without pain killers since first thing so that's progress.
It's all good fun innit?!
Wear your red hat of beligerence as much as you like Sal. I'm sure the Red Hat Ladies won't mind.
You're right about the, um, strange look I had. The other side had to get hoisted skyward by bra strap alone to even it all up. All the fabric dressing stuff came off this morning - too much unwashedness to keep it stuck down - so I've dropped back to about mid 30s position now. But Oh Joy, I got a shower! The plastic waterproof bit is still in place so I just kept that shoulder out as much as possible. Bliss. I wonder if the doc will take off waterproof thingy tomorrow? Five days post op might be too soon, but you never know.
Glad you got a good night's sleep. That's the best thing right now. So is shopping! Denial is totally understandable, but denying yourself the chance to justify buying things you don't need, you just WANT! Now that's taking it a bit far. 🙂
Seriously, I know what you mean about not wanting to tempt fate, and kick me hard if I get irritating.
Sorry, Carole, same applies to me - this thing does nothing for your concentration! (Neither does the alcohol, but it is Christmas after all)
You girls have really got your acts together on the shopping front. Personally, I'm in the denial position at the moment and not wanting to tempt fate by being too organized!
Yvonne, I too had convinced myself there was nothing wrong, having had a cyst drained a few years ago. However, when I went into that room and there were four people in there I thought "Ooops, this is not good!" or words to that effect.
Finally got to the gym today and came home feeling good. Had a good night's sleep last night as well (first time since about last Tues) so I'm feeling back to normal today (well, as normal as can be expected in the circumstances).
Carole, I like the sound of the boobs being hoisted to their long lost teenage position, although I can see if it's only one of them, it could look a bit strange. Mine have never recovered from being the size of melons when I was breast feeding (which, incidentally, I thought was supposed to help in the "protecting against breast cancer" situation). Seeing as I did that for a total of 14 months for two babies, I think I will ignore all such advice in future and just do as I please.
I'm feeling a bit beligerent today, do you think at 52 I'm too young to be one of the red-hatted ladies? I certainly feel like I am!
Concur absolutely. Also got a large pair of silver hoops for sticking out from under the scarf or hat, and as chance would have it I had to get new glasses last month. Spookily, as if I knew what was coming (and I most certainly didn't), I got a great pair of Max Mara frames that have size, shape, and colour, which will all help hugely if the eyelashes go too. Here's me planning way ahead..... Must take it one step at a time! 🙂
Oooh and I had the exact same thought yesterday re earrings. If I'm going to lose my hair I'm going to really go for it on the ear bling front. No dowdy old cancer patient look for me. Oh no.
Better clear something up quick before poor Di wonders what's going on. It's me, Carole, not Di that yourself and Sal are talking to the last day or so. LOL 🙂 Di will be thinking she's had an op and not known about it!
You're right about the extra bandages, they have helped with the upright mode. I've been using a sports bra a cup size up, and wearing it to bed at night too. It's helped a tonne, but I don't have an underarm wound. Poor you! Feeling for you. Hopefully nurse will be able to do something to help tomorrow.
LOL, love the new walk! I've been doing some very dangerous ebay surfing to pamper myself. So far I have managed to avoid putting the house up for sale to buy an Hermes bag, but it's getting mighty close - as if !!!!! Wouldn't it be lovely though. I settled for a pair of sparkly CZ earrings for wearing if I get chemo and the hair falls out, and found a gorgeous loose sweater to cover all sorts of weird and wonderful shapes I might end up with. I love an excuse to shop!
Welcome to the ranks of the great unwashed (or soon-to-be) and I'm sorry we meet in such orrible circumstances. I only had 5 days from diagnosis to op to get my head around what was going on with me and I'd say it's fair to say I'm probably still in shock (well in fairness it's only been 10 days even now although it feels like a blimmin lifetime). I'm in quite a comfortable denial place at the moment, which I know can't last, but just at the moment having had something done to take the vile thing (again, trying so hard not to swear!) out of me makes me feel a bit better.
Di - it sounds as if you are doing better than I on the recovery, although actually I think bandages and pressure on the wound might feel more comfortable as it's when I stand up and everything sags (can't wear a bra because its edges would be right where the wound under my arm is) that the weight of the swelling etc pulls and it hurts. I also have dissolvable stitches and glue, although I'm supposed to have a wound check on Monday if I can get in to see the practice nurse at my GP surgery. I have to sleep propped up because I can't lie on either side without pain, although I do find myself sliding down the bed overnight so it's not awfully good for the neck and back. When up and about I have affected a Larry Grayson-esque "shut that door" hand on hip stance which is helping. Well, if you can't camp it up at a time like this when can you?!
I've also been indulging myself in online sales with lots of pampery things for me to read, do and bathe myself in. If I'm going to be confined to barracks at times I'm going to make the most of it!!
The shock is something you can't explain, you've got to have gone through it. Sorry you've joined the ranks, but we're all here for any support you need.
Have a good think before you go in on Monday about anything and everything you want to ask. Doesn't matter how daft, they'll be glad to answer. They'll probably give you a notebook to jot down things, but take one with you anyway and write down everything you think you need to remember.
It gets clearer and more focused as time passes, even if you can't see how it ever could. You don't realise how much shock you are actually in until you start to come out of it.
Remember to breathe!
Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis, but I'm sure you'll get lots of support from the many informed users of this site. I have put for you below the link to one of BCC's many publications which you may like to read while you are waiting to see your medical team again. You can either download this directly from your computer or order free copy to be posted out to you. I have also put you the link to our Resource Pack which you may find helpful, this has to be ordered on line, again it's free, but because it's an A5 ring binder it has to be posted out to you. The resource pack contains lots of useful information to help you through your BC journey. I hope this is of some help to you.
Resource pack: http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/content.php?page_id=7514
Sorry to hear it's giving you so much gip. I can't tell what colour I am because of all the tape. I know I have a incision wound under there somewhere, covered with a waterproof pressure bandage, then a bit of padding over the wound covered with more pressure bandage, then she came and put even more padding over the front and strapped it down with three great big bits of sticky stuff. Managed to hoist it up to where it hasn't been since I was about 16! So I'm pretty much covered and not allowed to touch it till she has a look on Monday. Isn't it weird how all the doctors seem to do it slightly differently. I think my swelling is pretty much on the way down. I "gurgled" a lot on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with the post op fluids swilling about in there, but I'm down to just a little fizzzz every so often now where I'm still swollen to the side. Keep doing the exercises to loosen that shoulder up. They didn't give me additional painkillers for an hour or so after the op, and I couldn't get comfortable to I kept moving my arm out to the side for some relief. Might be an option to remember Sal if you're up to it when you go in. But check with your doc and nurses. Maybe that helped doing it so early, 'cos I'm not suffering that way. I am suffering (and so is anybody else in the vicinity) from total lack of underarm bathing. I completely sympathise!!!! PHEWWWEEEE! Boy, Doc's going to get a shock on Monday!
I can't wait to let that shower rain down wherever it wants on my stinky little bod! Well, not so little, but I'm kind of hoping for a positive side effect from treatment on that front over the next few months.
Ah, patience. A virtue I believe. One I am sadly lacking too. I reckon though, we're allowed a bit of dispensation on the patience front. I mean, how patient do you have to be with an uninvited evil doer in your midst. Patience phoooey! Through 'im out the saloon doors into the mud and horse poop (I think I'm getting the hang of this not swearing thing!), and run 'im out of town all guns blazing - was watching The Magnificent Seven last night. 🙂
Sal, I've got dissolvable stitches apparently, so they just disappear over a few weeks by themselves. I'll let you know how much bandaging I get rid of on Monday though. That'll be day 5 after the op. I don't know what they do with mastectomy. That's a bigger wound area I guess, but I think if they are removable they are in for about 10 days to a fortnight.
Right, I'm off for a bowl of soup and a sandwich. Chat later.
got my results on christmas eve thought it was going to be ok but when they take you in to a room with nice green sofas and a box of tissue's on the table you kinda know whats comeing just in shock and eating chocolate till i feel sick will go back on monday as i cant really remember what was explained to me just want to get this thing cut out as soon as possible thinking of going private to do it quicker
Good to see that you're in fighting form.
The shoulder's a bu@@er though. I've spent the last two and a half years getting my right shoulder sorted after I completed knackered it in a skiing accident. Now it's going to get stiff again. Sh:t! My bc nurse said they would give me some exercises to do - I think I could teach them what to do, given the amount of physio I've had!
How long before the stitches come out? I know what you mean about feeling clean. The worst thing for me was I didn't have enough mobility to shave my armpit for absolutely ages, so I had one hairy one and one clean shaven - good job we had a couple of lousy summers and I didn't mind so much having to wear tops with sleeves!
At least it's winter and you don't want to bare all - although I think aubergine is quite a fetching colour, don't you? Although maybe not with the red sparkly shoes!!!