This is my first post. I’ve read some stories and think you are all amazing. My wife had a mammogram and scan on monday and we went back for a Core Biopsy yesterday. They described the lump on her breast as indeterminate. We will get the results of the Core Biopsy tomorrow. I am trying to stay positive but like everyone in this situation am fearing the worst. The consultant did a further ultrasound scan yesterday and found the lymph node under her right arm was slightly enlarged. He told us that this is nothing to worry about if the lump is benign but could be cause for concern if the lump is malignant.
This is causing a great deal of anxiety for my wife and even waiting two days seems like forever. I want to support my wife every way I can and would like to understand some of the key things to find out when we get the results tomorrow. Thanks.
Hi worried hubby,
I think at this moment in time you and your wife should wait till you get your results. The waiting is terrible but until you know what your dealing with its hard to give any advice. Try not to worry to much. I’ll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you, hope you get good news. Take Care.
Leslee x
Hello worried hubby - sorry to hear your news. The waiting is the hardest part and with the best distractions in the world, this will always pop into your mind, the ‘what if’ scenario is so distressing.
On a positive note though, she has done the right thing in going to get it checked, so thats good, she has also told you rather than keep it to herself. Another Brucie Bonus!
My hubby just stared at the tv or into space until I was diagnosed, then he became velcro-ed to my side treating me like a Princess. I had a small (1cm dodgy lump) removed in Jan and some nodes, one of which had a few cells in, so back to have the lot out in Feb. Chemo starts tomorrow.
We have coped by being honest to people, saying ‘we don’t know’ about a million times and having a joke when we can, and not being morose at all - what’s the point? We are neither doctors or fortune tellers, so there is NO POINT guessing. It only does your head in.
So, my advice is, be nice to her, hold her hand, lots of hugs in the night when she WILL be wide awake and listen to her fears, don’t poo-poo them, they are real fears to her, even if they turn out to be totally way off beat once the results come in. Try and stay normal as much as you can.
Hope this is of some help, and I will keep my fingers x for you both that the news is good. My surgery went without a hitch, fab care, minimal pain, and luckily I have minimal scarring and no loss of size, so not all doom & gloom.
Off to bed now as I have poison to look forward to in the morning (after a massive fry up).
Kind regards to you both…Sharon x
and theres more…
If it is ‘dodgy’ they should tell you what ‘fed’ the cancer, mine is oestrogen which us ladies make naturally, so bugger all I could have doen to stop it, plus my Mum had breast cancer at 41, so I was at risk anyway - I am 39.
They will tell you what treatment she will have, and might even give you a date then. It is also graded, I believe 1-3. Mine is a 1, don’t panic if they say 3 though, it’s not ‘go pick a coffin time!!!’ It just means a different surgery to the other grades.
Depending on the type of cancer, and her own medical history, she may be told about hormone drugs to shut down her ovaries,. but they dont start until after chemo.
You will come away with HEAPS of info, of which you will remember half, so take a pen & pad, most folk do. My breast nurses are always at the other end of a phone to ask questions to, so if you do need to phone back, DONT hesitate.
I am going to bed now!!! Please feel free to ask anymore questions either of you have.
Sharon x
Hi Worried husband
I hope the news was positive, thinking of you both
SharonC
Best of luck to you and your wife with the results worriedhusband.,
The waiting is such a nightmare - Im waiting myself for results of a biopsy after mammogram and ultrasound - been waiting one week now - but Im in Spain and apparently I can wait upto two weeks to finally get them! Im glad that your wife isnt having to wait so long - at least if its good news you can celebrate - and if not you at least know what you are facing and can take it one step at a time.
Keeping everything crossed for you and my love and regards to Mrs worried.
Sue xxxx
Thanks all for your kind words. We got the news on Friday that my wife has bc. Total shock and disbelief. She is only 37 and we have two young children so it feels like our world has been turned upside down. They will perform a lumpectomy(?) on Friday and we have been advised this will be followed with 6 sessions of chemo and 15 sessions of radio. As I’m sure is normal procedure they will check her nodes and she is so frightened that it has spread. The next six months look very dawnting and we are so worried about the treatment and the future. I am normally a very postitive person and my wife is the worrier. Trying to be positive but it is difficult. My wife leapt out of bed in the early hours screaming and sobbing and I feel helpless to give her the support she needs. Please tell me how you get through this and what I can do to comfort her.
Sorry to hear your news worried hubby, have you suggested your wife come on here, I have got a very supportive hubs and good friends but NOBODY understands me and what im going through as much as the women I have met on here. It helps looking through various posts and see how scared and worried or strong and positive people are,we are all in the same boat in various degrees. It’s like being a member of a mad club but there is so much help and info and support and often we laugh about the maddest things but we are here to hold each others hands.
Your heads will spin at the speed of it all and it is a huge shock to the system but do realise that you are not alone and any worry or question you have there will always be someone on here to help you.
Sandra x
Im so sorry to hear that your wife has been diagnosed with BC, it is very difficult to know what I can say in addition to the comments from Sandra - I would only agree with her wholeheartedly and confirm that using the experiences of other women on the forum could be a really useful support to your wife.
At every stage of the testing and the treatments there is someone on here who has gone through it - and they will completely understand some of the fears and worries that you and your wife now have.
Its a wonderful place (hope that doesnt sound out of context) for giving people the chance and the “safe” environment to shout, scream, ask, share and support each other …
Good luck to your wife with her treatment and to you too - I think she is very lucky to have a partner who is so supportive and wants to find ways of helping and supporting her even more …
Love Sue x
Hi Im so sorry for your wife and she is lucky to have you supporting her I was diagnosed with BC at age of 35, wow jsut over a year agao now. Its a whirlwhind when you find out and they are times she wil be fine and others so low, you just have to be there to listen and talk through things, yes be positive but dont brush her what ifs under the carpet sometimes you need to get it out of yoru system.
Your wife might really benefit from being on here, but just to read relevant posts, I found when I started I was reading all the secondaries etc. and got myself even more wound up.
Its a total whirlwind for you at teh moment, I also had a lump under my arm but luckily (or unlucky) it was only in 1 lymph node. Its hard but it is also doable (a word you might find a lot in the chemo section). It is really daunting but I felt the worst bit was the aprehension of starting things like chemo, once in it, hated it but was on count down to finsh and got amazing support on here and still do from a group of friends that know me as much as my own friends.
I hope you start to move through the process and it seems to be moving along fast which is good. Take care and keep us updated.
Im here a year after first finding out, worked part time through most of all my treatments and all my radiotherapy, back at work full time and sometimes I think, god how did I ever do it all - you just do.
Best of luck to you both and I hope you continue to get support from here.
x
Hi,
Im really sorry too for both of you, for your wifes recent diagnosis.
I was 32 when i was diagnosed 18 months ago. Its a devastating ordeal that you both are going through, all emotions are all over the place but dont be to hard on yourselves its quite normal to feel unsure, s**t about it all.
I would also say like the other ladies on here if you can get your wife on here im sure she could get some kind of understanding of it all.
Take Care
Leslee x
Hi Worried Hubby
I am sorry to read of your wifes diagnosis. As well as the support you are receiving from the other users you may find the BCC booklet, ‘In it together’ helpful. It can be found by following the link below:-
breastcancercare.org.uk/server/show/nav.718/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/15
I hope this helps.
Kind regards
Sam (BCC Facilitator)
Hi Worried-hubby - so sorry to hear the news wasn’t good. Try your very best to get her on here to chat to others. We can fill her in with what to expect at appointments, and that leaping out of bed and screaming is perfectly acceptable. We can also give her heaps of tips on what to say to the kids and say to YOU!
Lots of kind thoughts are being sent your way and if you are troubled, just pour it out on here, even the most silly sounding question really isn’t! Don’t sit and ponder, ask away.
Keep in touch with us and I hope today went well.
Daisy x
My wife had her lumpectomy and after 2 long long weeks of waiting we got the worst news on Monday. They have told us that she must now have a mastectomy and all her nodes removed. They have told us it is grade 3 and she has field change in her breast. From the 4 sample nodes the sentinel node has shown a flake but the other 3 were clear. This just seems to go from bad to worse. All the positives we were clinging to have been taken away and we are both so scared of what news we will get next. We have an oncology appointment tomorrow to discuss treatment but I’m so worried this will be more bad news. The next operation is on Friday. I am staying positive about this but am struggling to keep it all together. Still don’t know how to talk to our children 3 1/2 (as he keeps telling me and 6 year old daughter.
Try and hang on to the good news which is that the Sentinal Node only had a flake and the rest of the nodes were clear. Many, many women on here would have liked to hear that result. So many people have node involvement, sometimes numbers like 20 out of 25 involved - so clear nodes IS good. The fact that they are going to remove all the nodes can only be a “belt and braces” approach - to stop any kind of spread. For the moment I would only tell your children that Mummy isn’t very well, although BCC have a very good book called I think “Mummy has a Lump” which might be good for you to read with them.
Hi Worried Hubby - sorry to hear your wife has to have another op. I went through the same but had 3 out of 12 nodes infected…this was taken as a good result by the Surgeon and Oncologist, so the news on your wife’s SNB is good I would say. I found the hardest part having 2 operations in close succession, so plenty of TLC for her afterwards…you are obviously a very caring husband anyway. It seems like a huge hill to climb now but she will get through it with your support and I’d rather throw everything at ‘it’ now to make sure of the right result later. Please ask if there is anything we can help with, however small it amy seem.
Thanks for the comments. Hope I am not being insensitive to other people. Help me out here. What is SNB? What do they mean by a ‘flake’. They have said that she will have full node clearance and we won’t know the full extent of node involvement until that is done.
My wife keeps asking everyone if she will get through this and when first diagnosed the consultant told us “it’s not the end of the world”. Now everybody seems reluctant to pass a comment but I guess there are no guarantees and that is the reason they refrain. We were always told Chemo and Rads would be done because my wife is only 37. By the way I hope to get my wife to eventually sign up to this site. She is adamant at the moment that talking about it doesn’t change anything but am sure she will see the benefit once we are over the shock. I find this really helpful as it helps me feel informed but I do feel a little guilty that I am doing this without her knowledge…
Hi worried hubby, SNB is senital node biopsy. Don’t know about a flake though!!!
Try and get your wife to come on here, i agree talking about it doesn’t change anything, but its brilliant for support, I don’t think i could have got this far without it! love Debs x