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Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

36 REPLIES 36

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Yes CK, I'm not very good at coping with being sick either xx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Hi Sue C
Thanks for the info! I'm having 3 cycles of Epirubicin and cyclophosphamide and then 3 weeks of Docetaxel (Tacotere) with Herceptin! I'm just thinking that they are giving me the drugs which suits my situation so must trust that its the best. Really dreading the side effects but understand we are all different! Hair,skin, fatigue can deal with but sickness really worried! Then my mind wanders to other things as when we read the information booklets they all say 'these can be life threatening!' It scares the life out of me!

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

How's it going Butterfly? xx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Thanks Sue, that's really kind of you xx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Hi Jencat, I'm day 12 of my first cycle of EC. Xx
Sue C
Community Champion

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Hi jencat
I wasn't sick at all. But I think that's because of the type of chemo. I had a little bit of nausea for a few days and so took the anti sickness drugs that they gave me. TC chemo seemed to be good for that. Although I did suffer more with fatigue than some others so.... swings and roundabouts!
You learn as you go along really. I had mine last year and wished somebody had told me what I was in for! So, as much as possible, would like to help to prepare others xx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Have you started your chemo yet Butterfly? xx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

I didn't know all that about chemo, another thing I'm learning! Have you been sick with your chemo Sue? xx

Sue C
Community Champion

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

No problem 😊
Cycles can be 4,6 or 8. It depends on what you're having and that depends on your type of bc. I had TC chemo which seems to be quite unusual. Not really sure why?!
Intervals can be 3 or 4 weeks.
All seem to have slightly different side effects. But what is common is the first week is the difficult week.
Sue xx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

 

Thanks Sue. That's very helpful x

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

I'm having 8! Xx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Intresting to read what you've written about chemo Sue-I don't why, but I thought you had to have 6 lots of chemo. It obviously must vary xx

Sue C
Community Champion

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Hi Ladies
Sorry to interrupt your conversation.....just wanted to give you a heads up re. chemo...
Depending on what type you have, it tends to go in cycles. For example, I had 4 lots, which happened every 3 weeks. And its the first week that's the hardest. Probably days 2 to 7. And this will happen each time. The other 2 weeks, you pretty much feel ok. So the trick is to plan for that week, eg, stock up food cupboards, make sure all the washings done etc. If you get any offers of help, then accept it that week. Because sometimes you might just want someone to make you a cup of tea!
Hope this helps.
Sue xx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

 

Ha. Liking your style!!! X

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Perfect Cherry!!! Personal make up artist, cook, shopper and chauffeur!!!xxx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Morning CK

Yes, I can see our team house now - mocktails on the terrace and a walk in wig wardrobe. Very Sex & the City!!! xx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Ck, I'm really pleased to hear the good news you're daughter will be with you for part of the week whilst you are going through chemo. Even if you're feeling ok it'll be nice for you to have company for part of the week and something to look forward to xx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Cherry- looks like us ladies need to get a house and live together throughout treatment with a full time carer who does everything including hairdressing and make up, lol!

Jencat- my daughter too has anxiety but surprising has coped quite well after just a few blips at the beginning and I've seen big changes in her since I was diagnosed. I actually think it has helped in the way that she cannot just rant and rave at me when she is frustrated or worried! She seems to be able to control her temper now and we promised each other, if we aren't happy with something either has said we will walk away, have some space then when ready act as of nothing has happened. It works! She too helped me put a cover over my wound b4 my shower and was prepared to help me shower but I didn't need her too.

Tonight when I got home she said she had some good news, her uni course is only 3 days at the beginning off the week so she can come come for the rest of the week. This means I will only need someone else around me for earlier in the week. This is only if I really need someone but they do say have someone with you if you can as you don't know how the first chemo will affect you!

Oh well, all not fun and games but I guess like everything else I'll need to cross that bridge when it comes. Phew!!!xxx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Hi CK and Cherry,

You're right, little things definately don't seem to matter so much now and the hours I've also spent worrying about nothing!

I will have my daughter to look after me if I have chemo (it's not definite yet, but probably) but I worry about putting too much on her (she's 23, but suffers with her mental health) She's also talking about postponing her training to be play therapist until the Spring so she can be with me, (still working, but the hours aren't too long) which I feel really bad about.

CK-my relationship with daughter went to a new level when she helped me clingfilm my boob after the op so I could shower! xx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

 

Totally understand where you're coming from CK. Throughout my life I've always been such a perfectionist and fussed over every tiny detail. Suddenly it's like the scales have fallen from eyes and none of that matters any more. Well, apart from every tiny detail about how to hang onto my hair and breast of course!!! So glad to hear that your daughter is being such a great support and it's good that your mum is coming to visit. Get her cooking lovely wholesome meals that you can pop in the freezer.

 

Re. how will we manage living alone? This is one thing I'm wondering - just how much of a toll will chemo take?? Will there be days where I won't even have the energy to haul my carcass to the kitchen - let alone actually prepare food and cook?? Have lost a fair few pounds over the last few weeks with the worry and lack of appetite so need to make sure I get my strength up for what's ahead. 

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

I'm single, brought up my 20 year old single handedly whilst running my own bills ro pay for debts my ex left me otherwise bailiffs were coming round every day to take things away! So I am totally independent! Before this I was dating, but I have cooled that down to just mates as don't want any added stress.

My daughter will be going back to uni in Sept, after I start my chemo. My family live overseas. My 81 year mum will be arriving this Thur for 7 weeks so I'm dreading when that time comes as they will both have left.

We all adapt to what we have or don't have or lost but there hasn't been anything worse than the thought of me going through chemo living on my own! Like you I have many friends who are around but how much help can you ask for?
Can they come and live with me 24/7 but wouldn't want that either!
Guess I'll just have to cross that bridge when it comes!

When I was diagnosed I was more worried on how to tell my daughter and my mother, not for me!
But they have both taken it well. Mum being clear from Colon cancer for the past 5 years! Regards my daughter I am so proud of her! We had a few flips at the start when we are both trying to come to terms with it but now her temper has gone and her patience and support for me has been amazing!

This most certainly has changed both of our outlooks on life for the better but although I wish it was under different circumstances it is a positive and has brought us even closer.

Gosh, sorry to write all this, I feel it's the only place where people understand!!! Although we all have different circumstances at home we all have one thing in common and going through this together.xxx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

 

Morning All

 

I don't have children. I do have a boyfriend but we don't live together and he lives a fair drive away so won't be able to just pop in to make a post-chemo cup of tea for me - so I hope I sort of qualify. I have to say I think not having children has made getting this diagnosis slightly easier. I haven't had the usual thoughts that I'm sure all parents who receive a cancer diagnosis have, about not seeing their children grow up and stuff. I'm also going to be able to focus solely on getting myself better and not have to worry about getting children to school, helping with homework etc.

 

Obviously I have no idea yet how debilitating chemo is going to be and whether I'll feel strong enough to cook proper meals for myself but I'm sure I have enough people in my life who will rally round. Although I will find this hard as I've always been so independent and self-sufficient. They say everything in life is a lesson - maybe I need to learn to lean on people a little more...

 

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Hi Michele and everyone,

Good thread btw Michele Smiley Happy I've got 2 children, but been divorced for quite a few years and no new partner. My eldest daughter lives away from home, but my younger still with me. They've both been great, one or both coming to hospital appointments with me. However I find myself on my own quite a bit in the evenings, which I find the worst time. It can also be a bit of strain trying not to worry my daughters too much, so this forum has been great! xx

Sue C
Community Champion

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Thanks Helena

We've all got other things to deal with.....not just the BC.

Sending a hug back xx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Sue

 

I know it is only a virtual hug but I am giving you a hug and things will be all right my friend.

 

You and the other ladies are never alone when you have each other but I honestly know what you mean

 

Helena xxxx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Very good point Optimissy.  I'm sure there are some ladies who have partners who are neglectful or abusive and that would definitely be worse than being alone.  

xxx

Sue C
Community Champion

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

No its fine, I don't take offence!

To be honest, I'm glad my ex isn't around because he is a very selfish person. I've learnt to cope on my own. .......just don't always like it x

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Thanks Lady, that would be fab but my rads won't be until at least end of October now due to further surgery.  But if yours are in October then that's a date, lol.

xxx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Everyone I have told about my BC (and it is not many) is under strict instructions not to mention it to my ex-husband. The last thing I need right now is him!! You suddenly feel very dependent on people don't you, especially if you need someone to drive you to hospital.

 

Don't get me wrong - I have amazing friends and I love them all, but there are still a lot of lonely hours to cope with.

xxx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Hi Sue C, close enough, lol.  I honestly don't mean this in a bad way and I hope you don't take offence but, for the first time ever, I am almost glad I don't have children as it must be so hard trying to stay strong for them and keep everything 'normal'.  I just wish there was someone around to give me that hug you were talking about.  Smiley Sad

xxx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Hi Michelle and Rosie

Childfree divorcee checking in! On the whole my journey from diagnosis to the end of active treatment was fine as I have good friends and neighbours so no problems with the practical side of things. But yes, there were times when I felt envious of ladies on this forum who talked about their supportive partners, and times when I wished I just had someone to curl up with on the sofa or take me to hospital for my surgery rather than a neighbour. The only time I cried in the whole few months,( including diagnosis which I was expecting anyway so prepared for the outcome) was after my ex-husband rang to see if I was OK after my diagnosis, as I remembered how supportive he would have been and felt the loss anew (even after many years), - but I doubt the lady he lives with would have appreciated me using him for emotional support! Smiley Happy I try to remember that not eveyone has a supportive partner however, and maybe better to not have one than to have one who could be a pain in the ar%s. Anyway, you take care of yourselves and be assured there are plenty of us singletons around. xxxxxxx

 

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Alas no staff - just me - and my 81 year old dad Iives 80 miles away. I feel the same as you. I have never thought 'why me' at all - it's just one of those things. I have concluded I must have done something pretty bad in a previous life and this is retribution time - hey ho!!!

 

Please add me as a friend - no problem at all.

 

On the upside, my two dogs keep me active and distracted - and provide great cuddles.

xxx

Sue C
Community Champion

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Hi Ladies

I do have 2 children but no partner, so not sure if I qualify??

I had a partner of 20 years but we weren't getting on particular well. When I got my diagnosis, he decided that he wasn't happy and wanted to be on his own! Brilliant! So after chemo, and before rads, I moved out!

I now live with just my children. Well, I say children, one is at uni , so only here part time, and the other at college. My daughter was quite helpful when I was going through chemo, like making cups of tea.

But of course, I can't confide in them. In fact, its slightly harder, because I have to put on a brave face all the time.

Sometimes, I just want a hug and for someone to say it will be alright.

Sue xx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Hi Rosietd (am guessing you are a Rosie).  I think I'm the one that is moaning, lol.  I must sound like I'm feeling proper sorry for myself and to be honest, I am a little.  Since diagnosis I've never felt 'why me' but I have felt 'why do I have to do this alone'.   It didn't sound like a moan at all to me but if you need a full on moan please feel free to p.m. me as I totally get it.  Do you have parents or brothers/sisters you are close too?  It must be so stressful being self employed during this.  If you need to stop work for a time surely you  will you be able to claim incapacity benefit.  Do you have employees who you can trust to keep things going?  May I add you as a friend?

Michele xxx

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Michelle - Have you looked at the Someone Like Me on here? https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/information-support/support-you/someone-talk/someone-me

 

Let me know when you do the rads and if it is at the same time perhaps we might meet for a coffee.

 

x

Re: Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

Childless singleton here! ..... although I do have two dogs (not quite the same). Concur with everything you say - I have wonderful friends, but they cannot be here 24/7 and like you, I spend hours alone just thinking and worrying. I think it is really hard when you have no one on hand to talk to, bounce things off or just generally remind you of the positives. 

 

I think it it also affects your attitude towards treatment because the considerations extend beyond the obvious health concerns. I have no one who can look after me, so I need to be able to continue to function on a day to day level and, as I am self employed, I absolutely have to have continuity of work, so as to be financially secure. The is no one else here to pay the mortgage and the last thing I need right now are financial stresses too.

 

Sorry - don't mean for this to sound like a moan! It is just tough when you are alone.

xxxx

Any other singletons with no kids going through this?

All you lovely ladies on here are fabulous and it's a sad but wonderful gift that I can come on here to speak to people who are also going through the same things.  But was wondering if there are any other ladies on here who don't have partners or children?  I'm finding it very difficult at times being on my own.  Don't get me wrong I have some great friends, some in UK, some here in Jersey.  A couple of my friends here have been great at trying to keep me company during the day but at night I feel so alone.  No-one to talk to, so I find myself having full blown conversations with myself.  It would be good to speak to someone in the same situation although in a way it would be good not to, as it would mean no-one else is doing this alone!

Michele xxx