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Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

The operation will be fine . I was so nervous about mine . But you will be fine theanethnatists and surgeons are good .its nit just Xmas its a long wait for those results as they have to do lots of tests on them at the lab . Your right though it is the worst roller coaster ride ever i think its so sad that so many of us have to ride it . My ct scan tomorrow to check its not gone elsewhere . I those results on the 22 nd . I have had so much bad news i hoping for break that its not gone ekse where and I can just concentrate on my year of treatment and have a nice Xmas next year which will be less stressful and enjoyable instead of living on my nerves 😞 . Hope you gave good results pippa . Helen xx
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

This is the worst roller coaster ride ever. 48 hours till lymph node removal, feeling sick with nerves, and have a horrendous wait for results because of christmas and new year. Had my 8 year old daughters school Christmas concert today, sobbed. First time I have seen a large group of friends since my diagnosis and the looks of pity - not good being on the receiving end. I hope you are all having some moments in the day when you are feeling positive. I like to think of springtime - lighter days and getting warmer, we will all be part way through and can hopefully enjoy some spring sun. Wishing you all a good Christmas, hard I know but I am not going to let it spoil my favourite time of year.
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Hi Karen and all

I think it's so true about the exhaustion... I know we all go through all the emotions... panic, terror,  with the occassional odd elated moment (when we get a clear scan or a clear node or a relatively positive bit of news) but it is all so exhausting, all of it. Sometimes I wish i could just sleep through the next six months.

Wishing us all just a bit of peace

love, jane

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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Helen you echo everything I am thinking... I have so many friends and support but there are some things you just cant say to them or you fear they dont want to hear or you dont want to upset them or they just wont comprehend - 3 weeks ago I was unware myself...
I am struggling with the exhaustion - the sheer mental burden of everything, my thoughts weigh me down sometimes and I cant seem to turn them off - unable to plan... losing time... forgeting things... reassessing whats important... the panic and fear... I am also impatient and downright grumpy at times. I find hospital the worst bit and have had times when I am so sick of test, waiting rooms, needles and I am only at the beginning of this journey, so I wonder how I will bear it all and if I will still be me at the end of this... I try to enjoy time but find myself ticking off the days until the chemo starts.
I hate saying it, but I am also very glad I found this forum and know now that I am not alone with my thoughts and feelings, but I am shocked and saddened at how many of us are going through this...

Wishing us all success, resilience and fortitude
Karen x

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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Ok Sam will take a look . I hoping threads all over the place . I know its sad but i finding comfort not being alone in this fight . Before discovering this forum i was feeling very alone and isolated despite support of friends and relatives . I felt guilty for having negative thoughts and fearing the worse and being silly as I was told I was being . Now I realise its all so natural and you all feeling emotional i dint feel like i letting any one down so much any more which results in me feeling much less stress with myself as I wondered how everyone else just coped and I couldn't . I trying my best to be a good patient but i just want to jump ahead with evry thing . I hope your journey is sucessful . Helen xx
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Hi Elaine , yes herceptin git to be given by the professionals . The injections i on about are the subcutaneous gcsf ones . Your allowed to do them yourself even if your not qualified . Your right i hate roller coasters and this roller coaster is deffinately one ride i wish I wasn't on. I glad your ct is clear hope mines the same . Let's try to be good patients lol .Helen xx
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Murphy, your post made me chuckle, I am also a nurse and proving a dreadful and impariemt patient!!

We have started a post Xmas chemo starter thread on the monthly threads so hope,to meet some of you ladies there too

Sam xx
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Hi H I'm in the same place just had echo today and results of CT clear thank goodness I was really worried as you think every ache and pain is connected,it's been really busy to this week what with all the appointments as you say .I start chemo on Monday and can't wait until I get going now I am also a nurse and asked if I could give my own herseptin after chemo as subcutaneous but they said I would have to keep going to day unit for them
Your right I have been told I am the most inpatient patient we don't make good patients at all it's hard giving in to anything when never been ill before .But I hope our experience helps us through this and I'm sure you will tackle your emotions once you are feeling more yourself it's a long journey but we will do it with the help of all these lovely ladies support .I don't think I have ever been on such an emotional roller coaster
Take care good luck for Wed
Elaine
Xx
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Hi all, my breast cancer nurse told me off fir bring too hard on myself as I could not under Stan's bring si exhausted and tires after 8 hours of shopping on sat fir more or less two days . She said it was early days and that would have tired a fit person let alone someone who had a mastectomy lymoh node clearance and reconstruction four weeks ago . She thought I was trying to rush Head to much . She says the lead up to chemo is very busy cos of all the scans and appts and sorting your teeth and flu jab out etc . Things will settle diwn once i settle into the three weekly chemo and herceptin . She advised me to gave a ho doing my own jabs as i qualified nurse so i probably will one they explain what I have to watch out for etc after doing them .saves waiting around fir the district nurse .i expect us nurses make some of the worst patients as we not used to being ill ourselves . Never had a serious illness before just cared for others .just hoping fir clear scan wed now . Psychology appt fri to tackle my emotions which ATM are all over the place .H. Xx
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Hi.

Diagnosed with grade 2 ductal invasive mid October.

Had surgery mid Nov with SNB.

unfortunately gotta have chemo and then axillary clearance.

Just received start date. 2nd Jan.

 

Happy New Year eh. 

 

The ladies on site are great.

You are not alone. I think evryone naturally falls apart with such news.

Then you learn to deal with it bit by bit..

Day by day.

 

Hoping tpo have a nice Christmas then to deal with the next stage.

I have 6 sessions of FEC T then surgery then radio and Tamixifen 5 years.

 

Take care.

x

 

Member

Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Pippa I feel for you - its the thought of the unknown for me, how will I cope, will I be able to bear it and still be me/mummy... its all so surreal and I agree 2015 is going to be a very odd year...

I hope Thursday goes well for you
Karen x

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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

I get my lymph nodes removed Thursday, and feel like I have to wait an age for the results because of christmas and new year. I'm really not looking forward to it. Sometimes feels like it isn't me this is happening to, and other times I am totally crushed by all that lies ahead. This is totally terrifying. I hadn't thought about the flu jab, better get one booked for after op. 2015 is going to be a strange year. It is shocking how many people are going through this.
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Chaz - this is THE worst thing and whether we like it or not we are having to deal with it - our emotions will be all over. My brain wont stop working, from everything I have to do, to ticking off what i have done, to wondering about the unknown, to dreaming about losing clumps of hair... Its a strange comfort to know that I am not alone and everyone who has found this forum, all understand how you are feeling - its a sad too to know how many of us are affected... x

I hope the clothes shopping went well - I bought pyjamas but now have to get the comfy 'leisure wear' look going on (coming from Liverpool I am gonna fit right in hehe). Sending virtual hugs - Karen x

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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Hey ladies,  I sitting reading the posts and can relate to it all.  I have grade 3 tumour 4 cms and another one grade 2 1.5 cms, with cancer in my lymph node.  I am starting off on chemo then probably a mastectomy.  I have had my flu jags and going to dentist tomorrow.   

Ive not got a date yet for chemo but know its anytime between now and 26 December.  I have purchased a bandana.   For the life of me I cant imagine wearing it.  My emotions are all over the place.  Yes its going to be a long hard journey but one which we can share with each other and get as much support as possible.  Im going shopping for comfy clothes today and warm socks.!  Good luck to you all xx

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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Enjoy your Christmas dinner hun... Thinking of you and right with you re the exhaustion xxx
Member

Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Hi Karen me too i helped look after my dad as well as work full time when he had a brain tumour . I am always the one the family and friends turn to in crisis and now this happening to me i don't think they can quite believe how i fall apart at timers .yesterday I went Xmas shopping for the whole day with my partner first day of full shopping since my operation 4 weeks ago .it totally exhausted me and made me feel sick so much so that my appetite just went and I couldn't eat a thing .its come back today and just had some toast . My family are cooking Xmas dinner for me today incase i not well enough Xmas day to eat it . So they doing their best to support me . Just can't wait for this scan now on wed . It feels wring wishing my days away really but until I have that I feel in limbo and don't really know what I am facing . Hope your having a good weekend . H .x
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

H I'm usually the strong one, the achiever, the organiser, the one who gives support and who raises money each year for charity - healthy, fit, busy, superwoman... Yet here I am crying, all over the place, scared & trying to be brave - it's exhausting!
And unless you have been here/are going through it, people don't fully understand... A few good friends when I've said I'm utterly exhausted have asked if I've started the chemo yet... One day at a time
Karen x
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Hi salaroja . Yes a roller coaster ride is correct and a very exhaustion emotional one as you say . Each time i think I got my head around it something starts me off again .:-( . Do you ever get to a stage where you just don't cry any more . I still feel at times its happening to someone else then I have to have something done or tell someone like the dentist etc or hair dresser and its just real again . 😞 .H .x
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Sounds similar to me ladies - long journey ahead and huge fear of the unknown so trying to prepare & get my head round the bits I can control ie hair being cut short after xmas for chemo/cold cap starting on 30th - appointment for wig fitting booked for Monday just in case - had eyebrows and eyeliner tattooed on last week as my birthday present to me - last dental appointment to sort out overdue root canal this week - flu jab booked - childcare in place - going comfy clothes/PJ shopping and a quick trip to chemo unit so I know how to get there etc this week - it's like a mission, educating myself about treatment, side effects, how to minimise these etc. It's like a scary exhausting emotional roller coaster... 😉
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Re: Telling people.. :/

Hi yes sounds familiar think the tamoxefin will be for five years as thats the standard i think .they swap the chemo half easy through ad standard i told too by my consultant something to do with research proving it to be more sucessful .i think i rather the tatood ones my friend gas had then done and they look really good . Good to know all the choices though . H. X
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Re: Telling people.. :/

Hi the shop where I am getting my wig from do false eyebrows ( wish I had known sooner mine have been scanty for years ) so pretty used to drawing them on and I believe the false eyelashes are good also
Sounds like we are on a similar journey I just want to have my first chemo to see how I cope I am having FEC x 3 then TAX x 3 with herseptin ,15 radiotherapy and herseptin for a further 12 months and tabs for 5 years
I am thinking little price to pay for successful outcome
Elaine x
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Re: Telling people.. :/

Meant to say four and half months of other Chemos xox typo xx
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Re: Telling people.. :/

Hi Elaine Yes I got herceptin too with second chemo and four others . Then herceptin for another 8 months at home . I got radiotherapy after and temoxefin . I just want the results so I can concentrate on my treatment . I hope yours goes well . And mine too l suppose we can just wait ans see . I have had my hair cut short ready fir the cold cap , flu jab tues , and teeth sorted with dentist and dental hygienist . So hoping for minimal problems . Been told losing eyebrows and eyelashes is inevitable though bit looking at having eyebrows tattooed on when this happens . H x
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Re: Telling people.. :/

Meant to say
Well for you
Member

Re: Telling people.. :/

Hi H I am like you I get results of CT 22nd and start first chemo the same day it's pretty daunting waiting for the CT and I am frightened about chemo I have HER2+ so going down the herseptin route after chemo x6 cycles ,I am trying to take things in small bites day today .I am sure we are probably thinking it's going to be worse than what it is ,reading other ladies comments a lot say it's not as bad as you imagine .
Hope things go wheel for you
Take care
Elaine
X
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

I only told close friends and family, but once it became Grade 3 and chemo I put it in facebook, i couldn't face saying it over and over. I'm not putting it Christmas cards, it's not a happy message. Christmas decks went up when I thought it was grade 1 and I was positive. Have up and down times, sometimes terrified that it has spread and other times feeling better than I have done in ages (bit weird I know considering). Been discussing wigs/ scarfs with my 8 year old daughter, we are going to go shopping together. Really looking forward to next Christmas and this will all be in the past, I shall enjoy EVERYTHING so much more. I have my daughters school Christmas concert on Tuesday, she is in the choir and plays recorder - I shall be sobbing. Good luck to everyone on here. xxx
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Re: Telling people.. :/

I told people via face book i wasn't going to tell people inyially but as more people found out about it i felt it was much easier to post breast cancer posts and support and people put two and two together .i found after I had my op i was less sensitive to people knowing . I just get annoyed when they say don't worry the treatment be over before you know it . I them point out its going to be a year of treatment so i not going to finish it until this time next year .my tumour was 3.3cm and I had few small ones too . I was diagnosed in oct but had to wait till the 12 th nov to have the op as I opted for a reconstruction at the same time of the mastectomy .so its been a month after the op and. I healing well . Had my heart scan today and git my ct scan next week .my biggest fear is what if its gone else where . Get those results on the 22nd and first chemo on the 23 rd . Nervous about the chemo and the more scans and treatment I have scheduled it makes it more and more real.sometimes its like its happening to someone else not me .i have put up decorations but don't feel very Christmassy at all and can't get my head around buying presents or going for Christmas meals .Feel a bit bad over that really .luckily I don't have any children so its just me and my oartner and hes quite understanding about it . Finding the amount of appointments to attend quite over whelming at times . Next week i have something everyday . H.x
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Telling people.. :/

Annie I hear you... You will get through it and there are lots of strong women here thinking of you x

 

M - I was the same re Xmas decorations but knew I needed to for my kids... in the end half a dozen of my girls came over with their kids and helped my sons put the tree up and decorate it as I couldnt face it alone. We had mince pies, goodies and Baileys 🙂 Exhausting but worth it x

 

Pippa - I hope today is a good day x

In the end I told my close friends and family and then announced it on Facebook - I just wanted to tell everyone in one go (I run dance/fitness classes so have many students/friends) and then answered the 200+ replies in my own time when I felt I could - exhausting, but I just couldnt face the 'How are you?', oh no... im so sorry, etc general coversations as it was like reliving the confirmation over and over...

 

The Facebook route isnt for everyone though haha 😉 but it helps when I meet people and I can tell they know so I dont have to say it again... Karen x

 

PS My tumour was 25mm when I was diagnosed on 20th Nov and it is now 45mm - its very scary!

 

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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Funny you should say that Annie. I haven't even started my cards for that very reason! People I don't see from one year to the other I have no intention of telling (despite having heard of their medical traumas in the past).

However I have some friends from my school, student, flat share days who now live all round the country. One of the things I usually enjoy at Christmas is sitting down with a blank sheet of paper (or five) and writing a long newsy letter telling them what has been going on. I know that they enjoy getting the letters and I get one in return. We have shared experiences of jobs, marriages (and divorces!), children, parents etc. Do I tell them, can I tell them? I won't know until I start writing their letter....I had better get on with it though or they won't get a letter!

Tricky year this one. Haven't bought a tree yet, put up any festive decorations in the house or made a Christmas cake. Husband in fear for his stomach did order a turkey...what he has ordered goodness knows. Hope it fits in the oven!

Mx
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Hi Karen - I know what you mean! Am finding the whole Christmas card business a nightmare - whom to tell and how etc. Steeling myself now for the resultant upset from others and "terrible news - cannot believe it of you - always superfit etc etc " type of comments which will I know be a bit of a challenge. Annie x
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Hi Pippa  I start chemo on 30th December - diagnosed with grade III on 20th November and its looking like a long long road ahead. I have been through a range of emotions in the 2 weeks since diagnosis from positivity, to shock, to exceptional tiredness, to brief falshes of anger (I asked for genetic testing & double mastectomy in 2011 for family history and was refused), to panic and terror... and am now in up n down weepiness 😉

But this too shall pass... I have decided to keep holiday brochures on my coffee table and mentally plan where I will be booking when the worst of it is over, until then friends, family and this forum help 🙂
The terror will pass...
Karen x

Member

Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Hi Pippa

If you look at the Monthly Chemo Threads section of the forum you will see a thread started entitled Post Xmas Chemo Starters. Come and join us!

Sorry to hear that your original diagnosis turned out to be incorrect. Unfortunately this happens with quite a few of us. Despite all the tests, scans and biopsies it isn't until they operate that they get the full picture.

Mine started off as a 1 cm lump with nodes clear to being 5.5 cm with 5 nodes affected.

We are all terrified but this forum will give you the support and answers you need.

Maggie x
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

I starting at the end of dec .23 rd . I think it terifys all of us . I had a grade three tumour and three other tumours removed . I also had twenty lymph nodes test postive fir cancer out if 24 so had lymph node clearance too .its horrible finding out its grade three . I don't know anyone yet who was diagnosed grad three and not worried . They always find out more after the operation as they can really see whats going in then and test the tumours more thoroughly . Have you been assigned a breast care nurse ? I find mine excellent to talk too. I also just been refered to a psychologist too as i really fall apart at times about it all. H.xx
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Re: Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

Hi Pippa47

 

Welcome to the BCC discussion forums where I am sure you will receive lots of good, honest support from the many informed users of this site.

 

Please don't be afraid to ask anything, there's always someone around to help, plus our helpline team are just a free phone call away if you need to talk to someone in person and in confidence.  0808 800 6000 lines open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 10-2

 

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

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Anyone starting chemo in January? A 'new' kind of New Years resolution

I am new here so please excuse me. I was diagnosed with Grade1, lymph node clear in October. Having had a wide local excision they found two lumps, one grade 2 and another grade 3, plus the cancer had snuck round the back door to other lymph nodes. I am booked in Thursday to have the nodes cleared. To say I have fallen apart is an understatement, I was coping because I thought it was grade1. I now also have to have chemo. Anyone else starting chemo in January? And as terrified as me? Thank you