As anyone's partner left them during ot after treatment?

[Rachy65]

Hi Leigh
Sorry havnt been on here for a while.
So sorry you having a rough time too hun...send me an inbox and we can keep in touch x

[Jobey68]

 Hi Leigh, How sad to read how you are being treated but Ann is quite right he has the problem not you, I would seriously question if I wanted to be in a relationship with someone so controlling and verbally aggressive, the one thing cancer teaches us all is life is short and you certainly deserve better than you are getting right now . No one has the right to hold power over another and you do not have to put up with it, go and visit your mum and enjoy Christmas with someone who loves you Xx Jo 

[ann-m]

Hi Leigh,
Well, he does certainly seem somewhat controlling, including financially as well as emotionally. This behaviour is His problem, it’s Not you. As ever though, you are left feeling vulnerable in all of this.
Of course it’s wholly reasonable for you to see your mother & so you should. If him & the family cannot cope with your completely reasonable wishes, then it says a lot more about them. They should be supporting you in seeing your elderly mum who’s on her own this Xmas.
Do keep on getting support with all of this. The dynamics of this sort of behaviour follow a similar script with all of those who behave like this. Mostly, it stems from a deep insecurity where there is a need to control others to feel better about themselves.
Sending hugs & do take care
ann x

[Leigh446]

Hi ladies. Am very. Sorry to hear that, rachey. I guess am looking for a kind word too, maybe we could give them to each other. My story is that I went to counselling after cancer treatment cos I was so depressed and just not getting any stronger, and my counsellor started off by wandering if my bf was selfish, and then suggested I go to woman’s aid as he is being abusive emotionally. Shock! Luckily cancer has taught me all sorts of strong skills, but this has still knocked me for 6. I’m up late and wandering around forums looking for support because I think I may have just been an idiot.

We were going to see his family then his friends after Xmas, and I got more and more concerned about my mum 85, being on her own. She lives in Spain and he makes it very difficult for me to see her, I don’t earn, and he won’t pay for my ticket so she has sent me money. Last time I went, 4 months after treatment, he yelled and nagged for 2 weeks before, telling me I’d booked the wrong flight, Id done it all wrong. Etc.The woman’s aid lady said, don’t tell him till the last minute. But of course now the in laws are upset, and he’s furious. And I’ve ruined Xmas and am a bundle of nerves. Help!

[Rachy65]

Hi Jobey
Thanks so much for that.
It's been 5 months now and he expected me to be up and running to attend partys eith him etc, a month after mastectomy and reconstruction!
I've had quite a bit of emotional abuse too...but have been too weak and vulnerable to stand up to him.
My priorities are my family now so my 22 year old son is getting a flat with me..im a survivor in oh so many ways! X

[Jobey68]

Hi Rachy , 

I'm sorry your having to deal with a break up at a time when you need a partners support but the fact that he has left you when you need him the most speaks volumes, you want to be surrounded by people you can depend on and he clearly wasn't one of them! I know that's no help when you are hurting but I'm sure if you took a step back you will realise that you are better off without him, it's hard on everyone but you dig deep and get on with it not run for the hills! Xx Jo 

[Rachy65]

Hi ladies
Just looking for support really.
My partner told me on Monday that we were through..so I'm feeling quite down at the mo. I could see it coming but I don't know where to turn it what to do