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Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Thanks Sue, hope you are able to get on with your treatment soon. Good luck Janey with your results. I was lucky and didn't have to go through chemo, hope you will be too. Went for nice meal out with friends tonight and managed to stay awake! Must be something to do the the nap I had after returning home after rads😊
Have a good weekend everyone. x
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Everything crossed for you Jane hope you get good results from oncotype test and you can get on with rads as soon as possible . It's the wait that's the worse the Unknown but we will all send best wishes and help you no matter what we girls are stronger than we think onwards and upwards have a good weekend Jackie x

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Finally met with a lovely oncologist today. Feeling reassured that chemo will be unlikely outcome but I am having the Oncotype DX test, just to be certain. Hoping to get results back by 14th for decision making. Fingers crossed rads and Anastrozole only - however, rads will be 3 - 4 weeks after 14th if no chemo, so it looks like I'll be in the October thread if Oncotype results are kind!!! I hope you are all having good Fridays xx
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Hi Jane, lovely surprise for you seeing your daughter. Gives you a lift doesn't it. No appt yet still waiting for planning appt.

sue x

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

You're doing well heather! Hope the worries about your fatty lump turn out to be just that and nothing more.  The aloe Vera sounds good. Def on my list when the time comes. I'm due to start Anastrazole too very soon. I'm 57 so I'm no longer the younger end of the scale.  Hope things continue to go well for you.

sue x

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Hi everyone, so sorry that some of you are having such an uncomfortable time, hang in there, I tell myself by Christmas all will hopefully be much better! I'm promising myself lots of new pretty under wired bras!!! I'm on number 7 of 15 rads today, so far just twinges in the boob and snb scar a bit tender. I use H&B Aloe Vera straight after treatment, then cream when I get home, only marginally pink so far. My surgeon started me on anastrozole straight after results just over two months ago and onc said carry on with them through rads. I'm lucky I don't get hot flushes, just feel a little warmer than usual, I do ache a lot though, hips, pelvis and hands mostly, that's what keeps me awake at night. I think I'm probably a lot older than you guys though (65). Beginning to feel tired in the evening and early to bed now, I was always a late to bed person. I found a fatty lump on my non cancer side, just where the bottom of my bra goes, surgeon looked at it a couple of days ago and said he doesn't think it's anything, but will do an ultrasound to check, something else to bother about now! Ah well we have to do the best we can and at least all this treatment is available to us, but it's really good to be able to have a good moan to other ladies that really understand our problems. Hope everyone has a good or better day. x
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Evening and how's everyone doing?
Just on the Aloe Gel, I've been using the Dr.Organic from H & B double strength, I have some in a small pot I take and put on after the rads and then at home bra off and more aloe. I have been using coconut oil as well in between and weekends, though tending to stick with the aloe majority of the time. The radiologists said CO wasn't on their list of recommended treatments but i find it good for moisturising and the aloe good for cooling and healing.
I get my coconut online from Fresh Skin and use the organic virgin coconut....it's lovely. Free postage and pretty quick and if I remember rightly a lot cheaper than H & B. It does liquify in the heat but you can keep it in the fridge. If you have a shower scoop a little out and rub all over and rinse and pat yourself.dry...instantly mositurises ypur skin.
Hope people get a good sleep tonight and tomorrow is a good day.
Kate xx
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Thanks Sue. Have you met with an oncologist yet? A bit anxious but a lovely surprise tonight, as my daughter came to see us for supper and has just headed home. Xx
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

People say the aloe gel is good. I did wonder whether to get some but then wondered too about the pure coconut oil.. Went in H & B and it was £15 something for 2 jars so left it for now. Can't seem to make a decision on anything. Good luck Jane tomor for your meeting with oncologist.   Kary, let's hope meds get working fast. 

 

A new day tomorrow. Sleep well all. Xx

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

I'm so glad you're on the mend Kary. I have an Aloe Vera plant ready and waiting but not sure there are enough leaves for what you and Lesley have described Kim. I could have done with that lovely pool last night but did sleep much better thankfully for a cooler night. Kate, imagining us all stood in front of dragons gave me a much needed giggle. One more (bad night's!) sleep for me and finally seeing the oncologist tomorrow to discuss treatment. Lesley how are you feeling? I hope you have a good journey xx
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

A friend of mine who had rads bought me two aloe Vera gels the other day she said it was very good,hope you are feeling a bit better soon Kim.This virtual pool sound like fun ladies,id love to jump into a pool right now to cool this hot boogie down,feeling a lot better today so antibiotics are working but still very hot and swollen.You know sue when you are going through all of this even without the hormone drugs,emotions run high,i think it's OK to have a cry from time to time,boo would do it for me just now.Onwards and upwards ladies let's kick its bum!!!!

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

I went to Holland and Barrett last night at 6.30 bought some pure Aloe Vera gel and literally smothered my boob in it and then just laid with the fan on it all night. I put a few more layers of the gel on through the night and it does feel slightly easier although there is a deep kind of burn feeling. My boob is literally peeling all over  the place with this dried gel. What with the blue dye, the scars, the overall redness and now the peeling aloe vera my boob looks like some sort of horror movie.

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Kim, hang in there! You must be almost finished. Don't know much about the boosters but hope it's not too bad for you.

 

this virtual pool sounds idyllic. Bring it on lol

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Hi kary

you are certainly having a rough time of it. Hope the meds clear it up fast and you get your appt ok. Keep positive! X

 

leslie hope you have a good break by the sea. Great therapy. 

 

All this his mixture of emotions drives me scatty. Then to top it off I fell over flat in the driveway this eve and just cried my eyes out!!

 

 Have a good night ladies. Here's to a better day tomorrow.

 Xxd

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Ouch Kim, but you're nearly there and can put this episode on the shelf and rest up. I wonder if they can recommend a stronger cream to help you? The nurse I saw last week said a bout a cream they can give at the end called Zotraban (not sure if I spelt that right) it has silver in it so can't use during treatment but after and they use it for burns patients....maybe see if you can get some? 

 

Lesley I really hope you make it to your sisters and get some good cool sea air. I like that reverse electric blanket idea!

 

Dragons Den sounds good.....can you imagine what we would look like wearing and demonstrating these inventions though? 🙂

 

Hoping tomorrow's a good day for you all.

Kate xx

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Lesley I have everything crossed you feel brighter and enjoy a bit of seaside healing with your sister. I do remember considering a full body chillow at one point! Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a handmade tailored fit kind and supportive bra ... Perhaps with silk covered chillow cups to soothe after operations and rads. Sofa duvet day here today, peaking with Bake Off, for ultimate soothing! Xx
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Lesley you poor thing hope you are not getting something, I did read that your immune system is down after rads. 

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

oh Kim, you poor thing, only 3 more to go though I think?  Woman having rads same time as me said boosters were OK as so quick but I did read in a previous months rad thread that someone else did say that boosters were worse.  Guess everyone is different.  Hang on in there, this time next week you will be finished and can rest and recover, though have to say it's taking me longer than I thought it would.  Some days I feel fine, then the next I seem to go back.  This whole thing is awful Isnt? And people seem to think once you've finished your treatment that's it, youre fine and can just carry on like before

 

ive just started feeling like I'm going down with something, really hope not as I'm off to stay with my sister tomorrow and got a long journey ahead of me.  So fed up with feeling like cr*p.

 

 

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Had my second booster this morning and where they zapped is so so hot and sore. Have people found boosters worse than the whole boob zap? 

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Lesley you so have to invent that blanket ! And a cooling bra would be good for rads. Dragons Den here we come !

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Kary I'm sorry you've had all that to deal with. Hopefully you will get some sleep and heal well enough for your planning to go ahead.
Starting to pink up more now so will see how I go. Home in my floppy vest dresswith littlw breeze nd no bra. I was saying to my sister you would have thought someone would have invented a BC friendly bra...or some kind of cool cotton base boob hanger. I get too trussed up and sweaty in a bra, plus the side scar always seems in line woth the edge seams....then withought one the weight hurts the scar area. She sews so was thinking of a comfy alternative!
Not much planned today...the sofa and bit of rubbish tv I think.
Take care all xx
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Oh Kary, really hope antibiotics kick in fast and no delay in planning/rads, you just want to get started and finished asap.  Janey, in the virtual pool you can have wine, G&T, cocktails and bubbly even on antibiotics, that's the thing about virtual, you can have what you want.  I'm going to order more cooling pads, 3 is not enough (they are quite small, and like the chillow pads don't stay cold one you use them for long) Last night was horrendous again and I was thinking if I was clever I'd invent an electric blanket that instead of getting hot got cold!

 

Kate, we used to have a pond full of frogs and our dog used to catch them, poor things used to squeak, I'm sure she thought they were the same as her squeaky toys.  Husband used to have to chase her round the garden and get them out of her mouth without damaging their skin.

 

Tommorrow I'm off to stay with my sister for some R&R, and as she lives right by the sea I'm hoping it will be cooler at night.  I can always go paddling in the night if the tide is in xx

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Kary you poor thing. Hopefully all will be fine for planning appointment and that your horse pills are as effective as mine have been. I'm day 4 of tablets and feel so much better, so hopefully reassuring. I guess it's just as week it's a virtual pool you have us in Lesley, otherwise 2 of us wouldn't be able to drink! A hot and sleepless night in Devon and hoping yours were better nationwide. We have a pond too Kate - no toads but baby fish and dragonflies have appeared. Xx
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Thanks I'm checking out the cool pads now and rather excited,how sad is this becoming lol
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Hi thanks all infection,had to get some problematic stitches out so had to cut slightly,im all padded up again it a shame because most was healing well,so strong antibiotics and something to help me sleep,so zombie like today. I have to go back Monday because if the swelling doesn't go down I won't be able to go for my planning appointment next Thursday......hope you ladies are all doing well.

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Oh a pool and a glass of wine sounds perfect! And a get together so we can grumble but then have a laugh.
We have a garden pond with some toads in.....don't think i'll be joining them!! I saw a paddling pool at the market and was very tempted to get one.....
Hahaaa.....a support group for the heat monsters! Yes mine is struggling but he enjoys going outside on toad-watch....so far he counted 4.....he's out there now!
I hope everyone gets a better sleep this evening xx
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Fingers crossed. It's awful to dread going to bed xx


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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Anyone feeling like me, totally exhausted and drained but dreading going to bed knowing it's going to be another night of sweating, twitching and fretting until dawn?  Off up the wooden soon, lugging chillows, cooling pads, iced water and tonic water, but you never know, tonight might be different, here's hoping anyway xx

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

I do like the idea of a pool outside and a glass Lesley, what a pity we are all miles apart. Certainly glad of you all, as I only had a returned call from the BC nurse just before 5 tonight to apologise for not ringing! I feel better today than I have for weeks, so I think I've been fighting an infection for a while. Kary how are you feeling? I'm excited now about cool pads, as I thought they were chillows and something else for the arsenal against heat - I am thinking the heat monster other halves may need a support thread to themselves, so they can fantasise about fires, hot water bottles and hot toddies! Kate, that must have been a shock today. Hope you're ok and soreness not too bad. Xxx
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Hello ladies,  I was just lying on bed feeling so sorry for myself with the 'Blues'  and read all your posts from today. Realised its not just me with this overwhelming roller coaster of emotions! We're all suffering with it but being able to share on here is such a comfort. Let's hope things finally settle down. Thank you for the chillow info. I haven't ordered any yet either. Must do it!! 

I hope everyone has a better night. If not, I like the sound of that pool sipping a glass or two of wine! X

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Sorry Kary, just realised you asked about cooling pads not chillow pads.  Same, Amazon, I got 3, free P&P, came to just under £10.  Same as chillow pads I put them in freezer 2 hours before bed. I save them until REALLY need them and put  near feet.  Last night was so awful I was putting them under feet, on wrists, crock of elbows, I could have done with at least 100.  Just hoping last night was just a particularly bad one and not going to be a regular thing, never have I wished summer over before and longing for cold weather.  I'm pretty sure if men had to go through this they would have come up with something to help by now.  To add to the delights of Anastrozole I'm now developing painful thumb joints, deep joy!

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Kary, got my chillow pads off Amazon, they were I think about £19.99 each, I got two.  Looks like we all had a bad night last night.  I drunk my tonic before bed but instead of getting my usual hour and a half I got 50 minutes, tonic didn't work! I was sweating, flushing, banging headache.  I usually make a rule about not coming downstairs at night as I know I'll just get on the iPad, but had to come down for painkillers.  House much cooler downstairs.  I laid on the cool kitchen tiles until  the thought of spiders came into my mind and soon got up!  Went back to bed, swigged a whole bottle of tonic thinking I cant go on like this, surely there's something they can do to help us.  Think I must have dozed off about 6.30 then the builders doing an extension next door started work just before 8am, if I'd had a gum I'd be in a nice cool police cell now.

 

Hang on there Kate, so near the end, but watch that nipple though, that's what gave me the most trouble at the end (and under the arm where I didn't cream) nipple is still swollen and peeling  now but so much better, I can wear a bra for several hours at at time.

 

what a shame were not all near to each other, we could rent out an outside swimming pool or something at nights and sit in it to keep cool swigging  wine instead of tonic water xx

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Hi all
Kary and Janey I hope today is a better say for you. Am just back from no.10 so nearly there. I have 4 booster sessions...so 5 more rads and 4 boosters. Nipple is quite sore and told to place a cotton hanky in my bra and it's quite normal as the rads are aggravating the area.
Unfortunately met a friend up there...her partner has throat cancer so has now got a feeding tube,was in for chemo then rads for 6 weeks. Met her outside while he was getting rehydrated so she could have a vent and eat something.
Just picked up a little hand fan on the way home and gonna look for a small one to have in my room as already hot and not started the tamoxifen. I have a sheet, no duvet and window open, though the nightlife can be noisy here I often find myself on the sofa. Also hubby is a heat monster and can't take a breeze.....uh oh!
Have as good a day as possible ladies xxx
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Hi Kary. So sorry you had a rotten day and hope you can get checked out today. If you google "chillow" you should find lots of sites. I did buy the originals about 5 years ago and they lasted about 3 years and very well used! I ended up buying some as presents too, as they made such a difference to my comfort - well combined with a 4 tog duvet, cool max mattress and pillow protectors and silk pillowcase!!! I was a blubbery mess yesterday and also hoping a BC nurse will call me back. Thankfully today there is a noticeable reduction in heat, swelling and pain. Sue I hope you're feeling brighter too, I'm determined to find Anastacia today! Hugs to all xx
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Poopiest day yet yesterday,the hormone monster took hold ,went back to bed and cried most of the day,so unlike me.I have left a message on my nurses answer phone so hopefully she will ring today,i think maybe there is something going on its so hot.... need to get things sorted before my planning app next week,where did you get the cooling pads from please Lesley,sound like they could be a plan,i think I could cope with it all if I could just get a nights sleep,i did get some tablets to help but they didn't work,infact the pain killers were far better,have a good day ladies looks like it's going to be nice,up here today.

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Yes Sue, get a chillow ready for when you start the tablets, brilliant invention. Also the cooling pads, I put them by my feet in bed.  My freezer now has more cooling stuff in than food!

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Oh yes Kim, I'm so with you on that - so tired but can't sleep at night, and lethargic and dopey in the day.  Was feeling really low and depressed today but just had a call from a friend and now going out to visit her daughter for tea so brightened up a bit.

 

Good luck with boosters.  I didn't have them but lady who was having rads same time as me had her booster week same week as my last week of rads and said it was great, in and out so quick.  Soon be over.  I know I was so happy to finish with mine.  My redness is now turning brown like a good suntan, not sore at all, nipple still sensitive but improving daily, still twinges inside now and then but been told that can go for for months and is quite normal.  If only I could get a good nights sleep I'd be fine, we then wouldn't we all lol.

 

Enjoy what's left of the BH weekend everyone xx

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Thanks for all the advice ladies. Will get hold of this chillow then in readiness!!!!! Got appt to start tab beg sept can't recall date at mo. And a fan too. Sounds good plan! Feeling a bit low for some reason. Have a good day everyone. X
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

yes bank holiday off hurray, with all this talk of sweats at night and bad sleep, does anyone feel like a zombie through the day like me? I feel so tired but I am sure its the fact that I am just not getting a good sleep which is so frustrating. x

 

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Morning fellow Anastacia's! I like your thinking there Kate, it's time to get feisty! Thankfully the swelling has gone down a little, not as hot and I think the redness is starting to fade. I too had a flash of cabbage recall last night, but sadly not one leaf left on my patch. Cucumber strips were soothing though. I've stuck with the tonic and it definitely is reducing problems at night. I remain hopeful that when I finally get to the tablets it won't make any difference to already menopausal me!
I still fee a cheat on this thread - I thought I would be all done with rads by the end of this week!!
Kary I hope your boob is less hot, but do check out, especially if it gets red.
Enjoy your Mondays - it's glorious here, so hope it is with you all too. Do you get a day off Rads on bank holidays?
Xxx
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Kary I am so with you on the hot meal sweats. Last night we had a chinese takeway and I was dripping through the whole meal. This could be a bit tricky if you are out in a restaurant.

 

I am getting myself ready for my boosters this week, waiting to see how they will affect things. First one tomorrow.

 

 

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Good morning all,

 

These days I'm glad to get out of bed!  The tonic - well, I'm having a glass before bed and still wake up with a jolt after an hour or so, that's when the dreaded sweats normally start.  Since drinking the tonic, I still wake up with a jolt after just a short sleep, but no sweats, just hot and bothered.  I keep a bottle by the bed and have a swig a couple of times during the night.  The sweats do kick in still but much reduced and not until about 4am.  However, still hot, bothered, twitchy and can't get back to sleep, still at least I'm not laying in a pool of sweat so I'm going to keep drinking it.

 

Kate, nearly there, the last few go quicker, though I didn't have to have boosters so was done after my 15 sessions thankfully.

 

Sue, not everyone has s/e hopefully you'll be one of the lucky ones.  Do you know when you've got to start taking it?

 

Hope you're feeling a but better today Janey xx

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Yes thanks guys it's still very hot,and very swollen its much bigger than the other one,but they said it may take a while to settle with the size,i will ring the breast nurse in the morning,i too have glue and dissolving stitches.Cabbage I'm sure iv heard of that too,im up for a cabbage bra!Sue get a chillows before you start the tablets and make sure you have a fan,chillows on e bay for £2.75 as apposed to Amazon,but put it in a pillow case when you use it I'm hating the tamoxifen so I hope you are better with it I think they are similar drugs.Janey get well soon,well I'm away to hang my washing out,sinc iv been up half the night happy bank holiday Monday peeps.😁

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Hi everyone, I hope people are feeling more comfy with the cooler evening air. Has anyone else tried the tonic....will be giving it a go when I start the Tamoxifen so it'd be interesting to hear how people find it. A friend of mine has joint problems and hypermobility and her GP recommended she has tonic every day...apparently it's the quinin that helps! May look up what else it helps.

 

Kim I hope you're alright, that does sound like a stressful time, and if anything at least they are being thorough. It's all a worry plus like you say any niggles or pains and the mind goes into overdrive but get the pains checked if you aren't sure to get peace of mind. I've been getting the stabbing boob pains as well, there's still also a lot of scar tissue so I think mine's from that. 

 

Ouch Janey, good you have the antibiotics now and really hope you're getting some relief. You're allowed to moan....this is the place to let it out. Ooooh a cream tea sounds good right now!

 

Lesley how are the cooling pads....are they making the night more comfortable? 

I got a cool pillow from Maplins to try and it's pretty good and doing the trick for now. I'm 9 down of 19 treatments, I have boosters included and find out Tuesday how many of those. So nearly at the halfway mark. Am a bit itchy and red under arm and under boob and waver between no bra for freedom and air and bra to support and air under boob! Just can't win! It seems we are all having different bra experiences as well! I've got a mix...M & S and Lindex but limited with their sizes in the 'soft' and un wired departments though they were both great after surgery, also tried some from Asda but really just making do for now and will get re measured when all this is done and boobs have perhaps settled themselves down! My BC boob is about 2 sizes smaller and I shouldn't grumble but find my bras twist and seems the good boob takes the most of the bra. Cor blimey!

 

Hi Kary, how is your hot boob...any relief? I think like Janey said get it checked if you aren't sure. I had disolving stitches with a 'glue' covering rather than any dressings so difficult to advise but contact your nurse if you are worried. They are there to help and advise us.

 

Sue I keep reading about the Tamoxifen and side effects....will start after the rads finish and hope for the best but will read up about tonic/quinin (my allotment froiend was growing it before and made a jam,

 

Just to add when I saw the nurse last week after the rads, as well as saying about the cream they can give at the end, she said if there's any soreness and the aloe gel isn't doing enough I can use cabbage leaves! I remember this being advised for painful blocked ducts when breastfeeding and there's something in the cabbage that soothes the pain....funnily enough I have about 5 cabbages to pull up and blanche for the freezer! Cabbage leaf bra anyone!?

So far I haven't tried the cucumber boob bath....been having a lot of salads instead! I think there are a lot of inventions possible here!!

 

Am tuning into my inner Anastacia at the moment....a bit more shouty and in your face than Kylie....I'm generally very quiet but think all this has changed me quite a bit!

Anyways sorry guys once again I've rambled on.

Hope everyone's enjoying the bank holiday.

Kate x

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

I'm dreading starting anastrazole Lesley. Keep reading about all these hot flushes etc. Think I need to be prepared!  

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Jane, hope you feel a bit better soon once meds well in your system. Infections make you feel rubbish. Take care and hope you have a good night x

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Kary, my boob after lumpectomy is still bit tender but not as bad. Maybe you should get it checked. It's good that we can compare notes on here. I would be panicking at times if I hadn't read other posts and then realised I wasn't the only one.  

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Kary, not sure if helpful but I'm 2 weeks and 3 days post op. My boob was swollen, but I ignored as last time I was told it's normal. Yesterday started to get red and much hotter, than the other, which is when I saw out of hours doc and am being treated for infection. Hope yours is ok but may be worth checking out? Xx
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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Kim I hate taking this tamoxifen,my nights too are spent with my fan on,boob and head on separate chillows,but I can't sleep normally its 3/4 I'm up,im blaming the tablet ,but I'm taking mine in the morning,im going to try one day this week to take it in the evening.Also I can't eat a hot meal without starting to melt?is it just me.Janey so sorry you had a poo time I hope you feel much better soon,and sue yeah we are from everywhere,but we will all be going through our treatment together so that should be a fantastic support,i find it is already.One last thing ladies in 3weeks 2 days since op my poor giant boob is really very hot,anyone? And stitches are still in just wondering if this is all normal....

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Re: Aug 2016 Rads anyone?

Thank you Lesley. Hope you are enjoying a peaceful Sunday. My inner Kylie is very much AWOL today! First day I've felt properly ill since diagnosis and not sure if it's supposed to get worse before its better. Have taken myself to a darkened room to read the paper and hoping tablets kick in soon ... Moan moan moan xx