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Good evening ladies
I just wanted to chime in and say that I was just the same - 20 months ago when I was Dx'ed. Its like every litte ache or pain is magnified 1000 times and you begin to believe that cancer is invading every limb, every vessel, every bone, every organ. Even bits of your body you have never ever felt before begin to start calling to you. I was totally convinced I had mets to the point I had to ask my onc to scan me as I was losing my flippin mind - which he did and I was clear but during the Waiting room time I was planning my funeral, thinking about my care, heck I even looked into which hospice I would go to as I had convinced myself I was a goner and resigned to the rest of my time on earth on being on chemo or fighting for my life.
Anyway - I went onto chemo, an Mx then rads and now on Tamoxifen. In recent months the demons came back again and all the aches and pains started up - same ole feelings, lacking sleep, feeling so so tired (but thats because of the lack of sleep) feeling odd aches and pains and yet again I believed it was back in every limb, every vessel, every.......you get the picture.
Back to my onc I went and again he listened to my plight and scanned me (CT scan an bone scan), got the results just Wednesday. All clear (THANK GOD). Again I sigh a huge relief and close the door but I know that at some stage in the future I will open it again and some random ache will send me doolally again....its the nature of the beast....but its the beast within my mind im fighting - your mind is a powerful tool - its can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You start to convince yourself you have pains you dont have. Its amazing as once I get an all clear - the pain just goes in an instant - thats how I know its my damn mind.
Just know that none of you are going mad - most of us on this forum who have had a positive Dx of BC will have gone down the same paranoid path you are currently walking down - how you are feeling is perfectly normal. But the fear will subside and you will begin to live again. At times the fear returns, something minor can set it off, and at other times you will have noticed you just get on with living and "cancer" will no longer be the first thing you think of when you open your eyes in the morning or close them at night.
It has its peaks and troughs and we just learn to accept them as part of our "new" normal. In a couple of years from now you will all probably like me pop in to see how everyone is doing and you will meet a lady going through the same fears as you are right now and you will be one of many who will think to themselves "there but for the grace of God go I" and be one of many who will try to lift them back up again.
Keep your chins up - truly.......it will get better.
Im living proof.
God Bless
I just wanted to chime in and say that I was just the same - 20 months ago when I was Dx'ed. Its like every litte ache or pain is magnified 1000 times and you begin to believe that cancer is invading every limb, every vessel, every bone, every organ. Even bits of your body you have never ever felt before begin to start calling to you. I was totally convinced I had mets to the point I had to ask my onc to scan me as I was losing my flippin mind - which he did and I was clear but during the Waiting room time I was planning my funeral, thinking about my care, heck I even looked into which hospice I would go to as I had convinced myself I was a goner and resigned to the rest of my time on earth on being on chemo or fighting for my life.
Anyway - I went onto chemo, an Mx then rads and now on Tamoxifen. In recent months the demons came back again and all the aches and pains started up - same ole feelings, lacking sleep, feeling so so tired (but thats because of the lack of sleep) feeling odd aches and pains and yet again I believed it was back in every limb, every vessel, every.......you get the picture.
Back to my onc I went and again he listened to my plight and scanned me (CT scan an bone scan), got the results just Wednesday. All clear (THANK GOD). Again I sigh a huge relief and close the door but I know that at some stage in the future I will open it again and some random ache will send me doolally again....its the nature of the beast....but its the beast within my mind im fighting - your mind is a powerful tool - its can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You start to convince yourself you have pains you dont have. Its amazing as once I get an all clear - the pain just goes in an instant - thats how I know its my damn mind.
Just know that none of you are going mad - most of us on this forum who have had a positive Dx of BC will have gone down the same paranoid path you are currently walking down - how you are feeling is perfectly normal. But the fear will subside and you will begin to live again. At times the fear returns, something minor can set it off, and at other times you will have noticed you just get on with living and "cancer" will no longer be the first thing you think of when you open your eyes in the morning or close them at night.
It has its peaks and troughs and we just learn to accept them as part of our "new" normal. In a couple of years from now you will all probably like me pop in to see how everyone is doing and you will meet a lady going through the same fears as you are right now and you will be one of many who will think to themselves "there but for the grace of God go I" and be one of many who will try to lift them back up again.
Keep your chins up - truly.......it will get better.
Im living proof.God Bless
Hi Ladies
As most of you know, I have had my WLE & SNB on Friday 3rd May. Bank Holiday permitting, I am to recieve my results on 15th May.
I have been so positive since my op - My recovery is excellent, there was little to no swelling, the bruising in minimal (with the help or arnica) and my boob looks amazing (after remaining breast tissue was shuffled around).
In the back on my mind, I am preparing (mentally), to be told that I need another op because of either no clear margins or there are mets in my sentinel nodes. But this little niggle in the back of my mind is brewing every day into something a little bigger.
A second op isn't scaring me at all. What is scaring me is the fact that if I feel a pain in my ribs then I think it has spread, if I feel a twinge in my spine, I think it's spread. With all the stress (and I think I'm due a period very, very soon) then I think it's spread to my skull or my brain. I think I'm going nuts!
My lump was (I say was because it don't have it any more lol) a Grade 3 IDC and hormone responsive level 5 (so I was told after the biopsy) and I think because it was such a high grade that is the reason why I'm getting myself into such a state.
I feel a little bits better now that I've got it off my chest (no pun intended)
Thanks for reading,
Martha xx
As most of you know, I have had my WLE & SNB on Friday 3rd May. Bank Holiday permitting, I am to recieve my results on 15th May.
I have been so positive since my op - My recovery is excellent, there was little to no swelling, the bruising in minimal (with the help or arnica) and my boob looks amazing (after remaining breast tissue was shuffled around).
In the back on my mind, I am preparing (mentally), to be told that I need another op because of either no clear margins or there are mets in my sentinel nodes. But this little niggle in the back of my mind is brewing every day into something a little bigger.
A second op isn't scaring me at all. What is scaring me is the fact that if I feel a pain in my ribs then I think it has spread, if I feel a twinge in my spine, I think it's spread. With all the stress (and I think I'm due a period very, very soon) then I think it's spread to my skull or my brain. I think I'm going nuts!
My lump was (I say was because it don't have it any more lol) a Grade 3 IDC and hormone responsive level 5 (so I was told after the biopsy) and I think because it was such a high grade that is the reason why I'm getting myself into such a state.
I feel a little bits better now that I've got it off my chest (no pun intended
)Thanks for reading,
Martha xx
