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Back in the scary place

41 REPLIES 41
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Re: Back in the scary place

Enjoy your hols and relax xxx
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Re: Back in the scary place

All I can say is Phew!
Big {{{HUGS}}}

Jan x
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Re: Back in the scary place

Yay! Hope you can relax and slog through the rest of your treatment! xx
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Re: Back in the scary place

Ok, so short version is the report does say fibrocystic changes and glandular tissue with no evidence of malignancy or lymphadenopathy!

I'm going with that, even though there's no mention of the "node" the technician identified per se!

For the long version see January Jems thread on the Chemo forum!

Oh, and so far my ADHD robin has managed to hatch one egg! I am happy!! 😄
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Re: Back in the scary place

Morwenna-Ouch! But I was glad to hear you got in well before 2 July. Just the weekend to get through now. Not long! Enjoy some strawberries- the crop is over a month behind here. Plenty of cream though.
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Re: Back in the scary place

So, both my oncologist, and my breast surgeon (who I saw yesterday) feel that I have nothing to worry about, but the imaging centre called me with a cancellation appointment, so I went for my u/s this morning.

The tech said she couldn't feel anything, but she went on to mark what looked like a couple of small cysts ........ And then an area in the axilla!!

Then she went off to find the doctor, and he had a go. She informed him that she had "found a node".

He decided to get a mammogram, so I had that, and then went back for another view with a bit more compression. (My port was rather in the way)

I sat and waited, trying not to bawl too loudly, and then the girl came back and told me " the doctor said there's no cause for concern".
"What about the node?" I asked. But of course she couldn't tell me anything, just "the doctor will have another look and send the full report to your oncologist"

Now, I don't know what to think, but I do not feel totally reassured. I see my onc on Monday pm, so I hope they do have the report done stat. 😞
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Re: Back in the scary place

Dear Morwenna,

Thinking about you and sending you positive thoughts.
Love xxx

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Re: Back in the scary place

Hi Morwenna I am thinking of you. I looked at your profile the other day. Like you I am a leftie. And I wanted a double mx - just wanted rid of the whole darn lot - but they wouldn't do it! I am waiting for a mammogram on the right too. If they find something on it I shall probably smack someone in the face! I know its a bit of a wait until the 2nd July but I hope you get the reults quicker - the waiting is the worst bit! Sending positive vibes to you! Em x
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Re: Back in the scary place

So I had an appointment through the mail today for my ultrasound.
It is not until July 2 ..... at 7.20 am!! They really do start early here. The downside to that is all my friends are in bed by 9pm! 😉

Anyway, it's all good. I have had a nice couple of days, the sun has been shining and I'm enjoying my chemo-holiday week! Went for a nice walk yesterday and I've been pottering in the garden.

I've got a dippy robin nesting under our deck. I think she has ADHD. She built multiple nests, completing 2 1/2, and laid eggs in two of them! I've seen her sitting on both nests so I'm afraid neither clutch will hatch! Wild bird experts have advised me to leave her alone, and if neither succeeds then at least we won't be adding stupidity to the gene pool. Rather Darwinian of them, I feel!!!

I really feel quite chillaxed about the right breast lumps at this time. I am hoping they will cut the whole damn thing off anyway as I'm sure even if it is benign just now, it is only a matter of time!
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Re: Back in the scary place

I don't know when it'll be, but hopefully soon! The inc will send the order to the imaging centre, then no doubt they'll give me a call. I was hoping she could have sent me down the hall as a "walk-in", but I guess I can wait. I've done it before! "_"
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Re: Back in the scary place

Oh Morwenna, no wonder you said you were feeling down on the other thread when I was moaning about my tooth.
I too am triple neg. I am having chemo first in case it doesn't respond, so they will know either way. I am having MRI next week to see if it's working, but it appears to be. I am on FEC and just had 3rd lot.
When will you have your ultrasound? waiting for results is the worst bit I think.
Sending you good vibes 🙂
xx
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Re: Back in the scary place

hi ,
glad you were taken seriously and are getting an ultrasound.lets hope its nothing to worry about and you get an appointment soon.i have just had an ultrasound which i was told showed the lump to be benign change. i have to still get a mri though.i totally get how you must be feeling, take care xx

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Re: Back in the scary place

Well, I just got back from my appointment, and first I want to thank you all for all your messages of support and encouragement! I really haven't discussed my current worries with anybody else but you guys, and its been a relief to have been able to "voice" my concerns.

So, my oncologist examined my breast and declared that she could feel "fibrocystic changes". At this point I start to explain that my left breast issue was "just another cyst" until it turned out to be cancer, but to my horror just dissolved into sobs. Anyway, upshot is that she agrees an ultrasound is in order, and so I guess that's good news. At least she felt "lumps" and didn't just tell me not to worry! (as I feared she might)

She did try to reassure me that triple negative cancer is often very responsive to chemotherapy,....... "and sometimes it isn't" I interjected, perhaps a little rudely. "And sometimes it isn't", she agreed calmly.

I do like that about her. I feel I can be honest, and she will be honest back to me, and I don't have to worry about her being arrogant or dismissive of my thoughts and opinions.

The bummer is that I admitted to how much intestinal upset I have had over the past week, and now they've decided to cancel this week's treatment, and also to check me out for infection. While I am pleased in some ways to "have a week off", I'm not so happy that it'll stretch this whole thing along a bit more. I was kind of looking forward to be finished in three weeks! 😞
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Re: Back in the scary place

Do hope things have gone ok. Thinking of you and hoping to hear from you soon. Cress xxx
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Re: Back in the scary place

Hope all goes well xx
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Re: Back in the scary place

Good luck Morwenna x
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Re: Back in the scary place

Thinking of you and saying a prayer for everything being ok tomorrow Morwenna.
Big hugs MMM x
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Re: Back in the scary place

Hi Morwenna, Hoping all goes well for tomorrow. have are a great inspiration to us all.thoughts and prayers with you xx
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Re: Back in the scary place

Hope all goes well tomorrow, big hug x
Teresa x x
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Re: Back in the scary place

Hope all goes well tomorrow, big hug x
Teresa x x
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Re: Back in the scary place

Thinking of you for tomorrow xx
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Re: Back in the scary place

Hi Morwenna, Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you for tomorrow and wish you all the very best. x
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Re: Back in the scary place

Good luck tomorrow, chances of it being another tumour are very low but I know how worried you must be. please let us know how you get on.
Hugs x Yvonne
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Re: Back in the scary place

Just wanted to wish you the very best for tomorrow, have read many of your very supportive posts, sending you big hugs! Fingers and toes crossed for the best news possible, take care xx

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Re: Back in the scary place

hoping for good news on monday for you

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Re: Back in the scary place

Hi Morwenna
Haven't been on for a while but had to post you as you have been there many times for me since my dx. I have had my first chemo and although I have had scans and examinations on my left breast I have started to feel some twinges and itching under my left armpit. I know that after all the scans it is unlikely to be cancer after just a few weeks of scans but it doesn't stop you from worrying. I do know that I have aches and pains in various parts of my body since chemo started so I hope the chemo is doing its job.I have heard a few people say it is very unlikely to develope a new primary during chemo and with everything that is going into our bodies I suppose they must be right. I know you will worry until you have seen your onc but worrying is a waste of your energy so try to enjoy your beautiful views and lovely walks and I will be thinking of you.
Take care
Angela xxx
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Re: Back in the scary place

Thankyou ladies for all the kind responses! Just wanted to say - I wasn't posting in the middle of the night for me; we are 7 hours behind UK time, here in western Canada! And I really had quite a good sleep (8.00 am now), and this morning I looked out of my bedroom window to unbroken blue skies, and white snowy mountains, so the world looks a brighter place already!

That's just what I wanted to hear: the chances of developing a new primary while on chemo are extremely small!

I do have cystic breasts, oh I guess "breast" now, and I'm hoping that's what I'm feeling. The thing is I was positive my other lump was "just another cyst", and it turned out to be a cancerous cyst, which again, I was told, was "extremely rare".

To imperfectly quote the Cancer Curmudgeon in her blog, "I don't believe in aliens, but if an alien space ship were to land on Earth it would be in my back yard, because, well, what are the odds, right?"

I have a choreography rehearsal this morning, so that'll wear me out. I'll let you know what my oncologist says on Monday.

Love to you all ....... xxx
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Re: Back in the scary place

Morweena,

Sorry to hear you are going through all teh worry again. I saw my consultant last week for my MRI scan result and I asked him if he was 100% sure I only had the one tumour as I was convinced I could feel another. Paranoia! He reassured me there wasn't another but said I have several cysts in both breasts.
Hope you gte goo dnews on Monday,

Hugs xx
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Re: Back in the scary place

Morweena,
Sorry that you are feeling so worried, you have given the rest of us so much love, comfort and support, now it's our turn to help you through the scary times. It won't be long till Monday, till then I'll be thinking of you and wishing you all the best , great big hugs Pat xx
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Re: Back in the scary place

Oh Morwenna I am so sorry to hear that you are back worrying about a new lump when you are so far down the line with your treatment. I will be thinking of you on Monday and hoping that you get good news. Take care. Xxx
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Re: Back in the scary place

Morwenna,
Keeping fingers crossed for you that it is nothing to worry about.
Take care
Faye
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Re: Back in the scary place

I'm triple negative too and had to have a problem investigated 3 weeks after finishing chemo - it was benign. When I questioned the likelihood of a recurrence or new primary, having literallly just completed chemo, I was told this would be extremely unlikely. Thankfully, you don't have to wait long to see someone, but I can totally understand how you feel. Hopefully, the outcome will be innocent.
Will be thinking of you on Monday,

Diane xx
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Re: Back in the scary place

Morwenna,
I had an area of pain in my left breast when I had the first mammo and thought that was what I was being called back for, only to find I had a lump in the right breast which was cancer. They did a biopsy of the lump they found in the left, where the pain was and it was non malignant. The pain went away but has now come back, the tiny lump in the left breast did not show up on the mammo, the surgeon found it by hand.
The pain is getting worse now and I am will ask about it again when I see the onc on 18th June. I am worried to hell about it but am trying to convince myself the surgeon was right and it is nothing. As the others have said your mammo is very recent, tr to stay calm, Monday will soon be here.
xxAnn
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Re: Back in the scary place

Hi Morwenna,

Just a few days ago you popped into our Dec thread to say Hi, and now you are up in the middle of the night with a terrifying new lump. Try to remember there are lots of things it can be apart from cancer - cysts etc. I have spoken to ladies before who have new lumps that have turnd out to be harmless. I really hope it is nothing to worry about. It is very unusual to have a new primary whilst on chemo. I had my chemo before my Mx (TN) and mine did not respond to chemo and I'm afraid I had to start a new chemo regime. This is the absolute worst case scenario, but if it is the case, then it is caught very early. I now have no evidence of secondaries so it seems to have worked. I hope I am not scaring you more, and I wouldn't tell you about it, except you have clearly already thought of the possibilty yourself. The point is, that even in the worst case, there is still stuff that can work.

There is not much you can do before your appointment on Monday. Please try to distract yourself and do something as nice as possible to keep your mind off it. The most likely outcome is still that it is nothing to worry about. I will check this next week and I really hope to hear the outcome. Lots of girls on here will be thinking of you, massive hug from me, xxx
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Re: Back in the scary place

Morwenna
I too will be keeping everything crossed for you that it proves to be nothing serious. Will be thinking of you on Monday.
Big hug x
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Morwenna I'm keeping everything crossed this is nothing serious and sending you big hugs. Let us know how things go Monday. Off to church soon so will say a little prayer for you xx
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Re: Back in the scary place

Morwenna fingers crossed it is not what you ar thinking an if you had mammograms atrays start of your journey it obviously wasn't there hen so worst case scenario you have caught it early . Will be thinking of you.

Jill you maybe want to get checked out for BRCA mutation as looks like 2 Tn primary's which could suggest this. I have had 2 tn primary's although 14 years apart and only a cousin with BC and we both have BRCA 1

Wendy x x
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Re: Back in the scary place

Hi Morwenna
I have just been dx with new primary in right breast after grade 3 TN in left in Feb 2011 have been told er and pr neg have to wait for HER result . I was told to go away for 6 weeks by my GP as I think he thought I was imagining it!! Have surgery on Wed next week to remove lump. I had chemo and rads finished in Sept 11.
I do hope it is not a new primary but at least you are being seen quickly
Good Luck for Monday!!
Jill
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Re: Back in the scary place

Morwenna that's terrible-just bearing you in mind and hoping you find somethiing really nice and distracting in the hours til you see the ONC and maybe any waiting tiime afterwards...don't they just excel in stringing it out!
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Re: Back in the scary place

Bless you, words can't express how you must feel, I like Suffolklady have no medical knowledge...........I do however send a huge hug.......your mind must be in overdrive.
Roll on Monday, so you can get this checked asap.
Cancer sucks!!!!
Tx
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Re: Back in the scary place

Oh sweetie, I really feel for you - you must be going crazy with worry. I have no medical knowledge whatsoever so I can't tell you anything useful, but I can send you a virtual hug and let you know I'm thinking of you. Take care - Cress xxxxx
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Back in the scary place

Am I going crazy?

Is it possible to be growing a new primary in the other breast while not quite having completed 6 months of chemo following left mastectomy for stage IIIA grade 3 triple neg?

Two days ago, while showering, I feel like I have a new lump in my right breast that seems similar to the left one that kicked all this off back in September last year. If it is not my fertile imagination, then it presumably means that my cancer is not responsive to AC-T chemo, and my disease is marching merrily on.

I have an appointment anyway with my oncologist on Monday. Meanwhile I guess I will keep checking for that lump. I hate this bloody disease.

I was walking with hubby today in a bird sanctuary by a river, and I read a memorial on a bench, somebody saying goodbye to their loved one, and could hardly hold it together.

Somebody please tell me this isn't possible?