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Bad News

13 REPLIES 13
ForumMember
Member

Re: Bad News

Hello everyone,,

Thank you all so much for your posts, it means so much to have friends who have been through the same.

Sadly, my friend passed peacefully on 30th October, in our local hospice. I would have liked to see her (but funeral direct, said she was detiorating fast due to all the drugs) and it was'nt possible - does that sound sad that i wanted to say goodbye.???

I've spent the last few days in an unknown world, i can't quite believe she's gone, but one thing is for sure I could'nt have watched her go through anymore pain, at least she's at peace now. I think once her funeral is over (Tue) and I go back to work I might be able to rebuild my life again, time is a great heeler.

Thank you, all so so much
Love and huds to you all

Paula xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Bad News

Hi Fairfield

Just to let you know thinking of you all,and with regards to dealing with the grief,let me try and help a little.My sister who passed was single with 2 young children.One of the children is autistic and was completely and utterly devoted to his mother (as she was to him),also her young daughter,but more so her son we were all concerned about (re his state of mind etc),we cannot as a family believe how well he in particular has coped,it is truly amazing,we felt he would fall back on his development and be completely inconsolable,especially as both the children had to watch their mother suffer and die as she was at home(with the Marie Curie nurses)her wish.People that we believe will fall apart are usually the strongest ones at the most difficult times,I believe the only way forward is firstly to be grateful that your loved one is no longer suffering and that time will be the best healer of all.Cetainly there will be bad days,but in life there always are.

Take care

xxx

FizBix
Member

Re: Bad News

hi fairfield

really sorry to hear about everything you're going through - my mother-in-law died in a similar way - it's a very difficult time and very all-consuming - which makes getting on with normal life almost impossible - you seem to be judging yourself quite a lot which really isn't necessary or getting you anywhere - it's horrible but you can only go with the flow and be there - nothing is under your control so you just have to accept it as it happens

have to say I agree with you - during this whole process there have been times when I have felt very "watched over" ... I know exactly what you mean

love FB xx

ForumMember
Member

Re: Bad News

Dear Cyprus,

Thank you so much for those very true heartfelt words, its good to know others understand. My whole life at the mo, is a struggle, I can't think straight never mind do my every day routines. your right your mind does play tricks with you, its awful. I also believe in pshyics, I lost my brother 16years ago and my nana 18months ago, and I truly beleive they have been with me on this whole dreadful bc journey. I just wish my friend would close her eyes and sleep away as I hate to see her suffering so much, especially as she has never complained once and always been so so positive, she was my brick whilst going through chemo, we would speak or text everyday. I feel for her family too, her hubbie is broken hearted, they did/went everywhere/everything together, so devoted.

Thank you, sending you hugs xxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Bad News

Hi

So sorry to hear about your friend.I completely understand your situation.I myself have been diagnosed with 3 primary cancers,first one 8 years ago-recent one June 2007 -BC.My poor sister was told last year at the age of 41 she had terminal pancreatic cancer and would be lucky to survive 3 months,maximum (although very unlikely,12 months)the poor soul lasted 3 months.It was especially hard for me as I was recovering from BC and then I was going with her to discuss any prolonging treatments for her(however it was too late for treatment as it had spread to the liver etc)It truly was one of the worst moments of my life,I had to watch her suffer so much as pancreatic cancer is very cruel and she was in terrible pain,however at no time did I let her lose hope,even although we both knew she was terminal,I always told her she could make the year and last 12 months or more,I knew her eyes told a different story,she died the day of her dreaded appointment when they announced the Big C.My advice for you would be to let your friend know that you are there and when the time comes that it is time for her to let go(myself and one of my sisters,told my own sister that on the night of her passing)we felt she had to know that it was okay to let go and be free of the pain.Try not to doubt your own survival,as your mind is a very powerful tool,truly believe yourself well and you will be,be positive your friend would want that for you.If it is any comfort to you,I feel my sister around me and another of my sisters who live abroad was told via a physic(if you believe in these things)that my sister who passed had a message for me,that I would be fine and my planned op for recon work(which I hadn't told anyone as yet about,would be fine).My thoughts are with you and your friend.

Be strong

xxx

ForumMember
Member

Re: Bad News

Thank you Angie and Kelly,

this whole journey is so hard - why is life like this at times?? I'm visiting everyday as I want to be there for her. She is now confused and very sleepy, I know it sounds awful, but I wish she could just close her eyes and pass away peacefully, its awful to see her in so much pain.

The whole bc thing is hard, my stomach feels like a lead weight and I don't feel much like eating its just so hard. The hospice nurses are struggling too. Kelly your right when you say about being scared for yourself, even though my prognosis was good it still makes you wonder and gives you a jolt.

speak soon. love to all

Paula xx

princess18
Member

Re: Bad News

Hi P,

I am so sorry to hear that your friend is so poorly. I was in a very similar situation to the unfortunate one you sadly find yourself in, earlier this year. A great friend I had met through bc was diagnosed with extensive secondaries. Literally out of the blue and following a 'reasonably good' prognosis. She was always ahead of me during treatment and was so supportive of me when I was having my chemo and then rads. Sadly my friend passed away in march, only a matter of weeks after being diagnosed with secondaries to her liver, lungs and bones. She was 28 and left behind a loving husband and gorgeous son.

You are so right in what you say, this disease is wicked and incredibly cruel. I feel for you right now, and of course your lovely friend and her family. I have no doubt the hospice staff will take extra special care of her and will make sure she is as comfortable as possible.

It is such a blow when something like this happens. Of course you are sad for your friend but I was also scared for myself. Especially seeing how quickly things can change, literally in the blink of an eye.

I am thinking of you at this very sad time. Not sure what else to say as words seem so inadequate,

Take care,

Kelly
-x-

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Bad News

Hugs Paula. I'm sure this is really tough for you on so many levels.

Email me if you want to talk.

Angie

josyemarie
Member

Re: Bad News

Be strong.My thoughts and prayers are with you both.x

ForumMember
Member

Re: Bad News

Hi there friends,

Well what can i say, but my friend has now been admitted to the local hospice and is deteriorating very quickly, i so feel helpless and heartbroken, but i can't bear to see her suffering so much, this whole disease is wicked and so so cruel!!! I feel for her so much as she has fought and fought and is still fighting to the end. My heart goes out to her, and her family, this is all happening too quickly

love P xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Bad News

My friend lost her fight quite recently too. It is hard to know how to deal with situation, and with her husband and sons, she was 64 I am 68, she had bowel cancer which spread and in spite of her positive attitude in the end she died quite quickly. The only thing anyone can do is BE THERE, at the end of the phone, or in the flesh. Just try and keep in touch and be cheerful as posible.

josyemarie
Member

Re: Bad News

Just be there for your friend.I was in a similar situation but my friend turned her back on me.Instead of the long conversations we used to have I would talk to her husband and sister instead.I'm sure she knew I was very much there for her but she kept her distance and died very suddenly while on chemo.She's never very far from my mind. You are lucky your friend feels able to confide in you- It's a very special bond,and I hope your friendship has many happy years yet.
Josie x

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Bad News

Hi

I think your friend will just want to be treated as your friend - so if you might have gone out to coffee with her - ask her for a coffee- just ask her if there is anything you can do to help (and mean it), and tell her its crap this happned to her and just treat her normally. She may have some time and she may not - you don't really know, I thought I was gone a year ago, but I am still here leading a relatively normal life....how long it can continue I have no idea. Its perfectly natural that it makes you worry about your cancer - but don't let that stop you being a good friends,

best
cathy

ForumMember
Member

Bad News

hi there,

I hav'nt posted on here for a while as I've been trying to rebuild my life and get on with it - but i've just had a right blow to the heart today when i learned that a fellow friend who has travelled this whole journey with me and we've compared notes day and night, has just been told her cancer is back and its now in her liver!!! giving her not much time left - I don't no what to do or say and feel helpless, its also made me worry about whether my cancer will come back even thou my prognosis was good. My friends 46 and I'm 35 - help!!