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Bad news again.

5 REPLIES 5
scottishlass
Member

Re: Bad news again.

Hi Nic, I got a prognosis from my Oncologist that I had 50% chance of surviving 2 years.......that was back in 1999/2000.......and I am still here yet! My mother said I was always thrawn ( stubborn). I have 2 daughters and have told them I am not going until I have a grandchild in my arms!.....they tell me they are not ready yet!....so I have to hang in there for a wee while yet. I have mets in ribs and pelvis too...and also in my spine and thorax.....I was in great pain to begin with...and looked a lot more frail....but keep going every 3/4 weeks to the ward to get my treatment.I am sure if you met me in the street you wouldn't know I had BC at all. Hope your Mum survives to have lots of grandchildren. Hope you have another baby soon, take care, love from Scottishlass

nic71
Member

Re: Bad news again.

Thank you ladies.
Since I posted last my mum has been told it is also in her pelvis and her ribs. She will have a full body ct scan to see where they need to aim the radiotherapy, she will also be getting 6 doses of taxotere. In a way this is good news as they wouldn't be offering her so much if they didn't think it would make that much difference. They gave her some sort of acid to help relieve the neck pain and the nerve problem causing her fingers to be numb with pins&needles.
When I talked about christmas, I, at the time ,just meant the first christmas without her, but looking back I probably had it in mind that she might not be here for this christmas as it all seems to have come on so quickly.
Your right Linda, it mostly is my darkest fear, as the oncologist said she maybe would have a year but I have worked in an oncology ward and have heard the docs say many times that they can only really guess and there is no way to know that she will get that much time.
The baby side of things started when my mum was first diagnosed. I have fertility problems and whilst mum was being treated we talked about how she had to get well and see me finally get pregnant and have a baby. She has gotten to do that, and she even got the auburn haired boy that she wanted!{I aim to please}. So this diagnosis has come whilst I'm in the process of trying again hence the goal of getting pregnant as soon as possible.
Your right scottishlass there is only so much I can do but part of me needs to do this as it represents the living life as normally as possible that mum wants us to, but, there is the fact that it is not normal and that we can't ignore the "pink elephant in the room" as it were.
Peppapot I know from other times, and other people, that what seems like little things often mean the most, just like the hug I got from my friend at the school gate today, all she said was "will you cry if I give you a hug?" and kissed me on the head{I'm 4'11" she is 6'} some people make it easy to just be.
The support on here makes it easier to cry, something that I spend all day trying not to do and I know I need to.
Thank you for being there.

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Bad news again.

Hi Nic

So sorry about your mum, this is a dreadful shock for you all. Your thread suggests that your mum won't be with you by Christmas, I just wondered if she has been given that prognosis by her Oncologist or whether that is your darkest fear? As someone with secondary breast cancer myself (mine is bones), I regularly use the secondary threads and know there are people on there with various mets that have responded well to treatment and are living (like myself) for years with them, so please don't give up hope, as even if your mum has been given a poor prognosis, statistically Oncologists get it wrong more often than they get it right. We lost a 'cyber-friend' on this site earlier in the year who had been given 3 months to live 2 1/2 yrs before she lost her life to this wicked disease. There are more drugs becoming available now to help with the fight too.

I hope you can find a little more peace as you come to terms with this bad news.

Best wishes
Linda

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Bad news again.

I am so sorry darl. I can only pray for you all. I read your post and wanted to reply, but I am pretty useless apart from letting you know someone else is thinking of you, and praying for the strength you need darl. (((( HUGS))))

scottishlass
Member

Re: Bad news again.

Take a deep breath.....one step at a time.....Just be there for your Mum ....forget the providing a grandchild bit and put it on the back burner... You cannot deal with all of this and Mum would not want you to ....I have two daughters and would love to hold a grandchild BUT... one step at a time. Help Mum through all of this ....you will get there ....but one step at a time....I am a Mum cioping with Cancer. If I can help you send me a private email....Breathe....take your time...we will getr there together .... LOL XX

nic71
Member

Bad news again.

Mum's cancer has returned. After 8 yrs since first diagnosis they have found it in her lungs,liver,neck,and spine{so far}. I am 3yrs post diagnosis and treatment. My mum is now looking at how most of our female relatives have died of mets and worrying about me.
I know I can't stop her fears, and it makes it all the harder to try, when I know that were it me, she wouldn't be able to stop my fears for her either.
I'm trying to help my mum stay positive as she watches my father crumble with the pain of losing her, don't get me wrong he is doing a great job of being there for her but after 41yrs married there is not much they could keep from each other. I'm somewhat gobsmacked at the moment that there appears to be a number of problems that should have flagged up concerns much earlier, it was a similar scenario that caused her cancer to be picked up late the first time around.
I have cried with her but know that I can't do too much more of that for sometime to come as she is so fragile.
I have recently gone back to the fertility clinic to try to have another baby, so now the race is on to get pregnant so that mum can if not hold the baby then know the sex and name before she dies. What I know will break me is the christmas there is a present under the tree from her{she did this for my son} for the baby ,and she isn't there to see it being opened. We fought so hard together to recover from both our cancers that I never considered that one of us would not survive it nor did I think she wouldn't be there for the rough time through fertility treatment and to hold the longed for baby at the end.
I'm too calm right now and it worries me, but I will be going to maggies center soon to try and navigate this mess.
I just needed to start to get this whole thing out of my head and this place has always helped in the past.
I can't see a life without her, or how my father will cope, his whole world revolves around her.