Being told I have BC before biopsy results

[SARN66]

Amazing news so happy for you x x

Sandra.

[Jobey68]

Oh my goodness, I am so delighted for you! You go and enjoy your life love and put all this stress behind you 😊😊 Xx

[mael]

Coco-chanel, this is amazing news!! Sending you congrats and love xxx

.. and yeeh, we should never sweat the small stuff.

[coco-chanel]

I really can't believe I'm writing this but I've just got back from my appointment and I'm cancer free!!!! It all seems very surreal. I have a radial scar that mimics cancer. I may have to have another biopsy and an op to remove it but she said there is def' no cancer cells. I've gone from elation to not knowing what to do. I had it all planned out in my head, surgery, treatment etc etc. I've learnt so much in the past 10 most anxious days of my life. I've read so many awe inspiring stories and I also feel bad about everyone else who hasn't had the same news as me.

Mael, I'm so sorry about your diagnosis. Have you joined the facebook group as it's wonderfully supportive. I really hope these next bumpy few months will be as peaceful as they can be.

Also to others reading this that are awaiting results, they do sometimes get things wrong, as in my case. I was told they were 90+% positive it was breast cancer and today was just to discuss surgery and treatment. I don't blame them for that, I just hope I can learn from this awful experience, most of all not to sweat the small stuff. Take care everyone xx

[DizzyDee]

Mael,

My heart goes out to you. Like Kim was dx in January, grade 2 ILC Er+ and no nodes affected about to start rads and tamoxifen.

I was in a very dark place when first dx. Exactly like Kim went to my GP and was prescribed Citlorpram and Dizapam for anxiety when i needed it eg hosp visits scans, surgery etc.. It really helped me get through first awful weeks. Things got better after surgery. I would advise seeing your GP as me and Kim did. It worked for us and helped get through this. Why suffer panic attack when u dont have too. I have never taken any anti depessants etc before but I'm glad I did. My onc said it was a really good idea and to stay on them as tamoxifen can give u mood swings. I'm reaching the end of treatment as Kim is. I was a nervous wreck a shell of my former self to start with. Now i have an inner calm and can begin to smile and you will too in time. These dark days will pass. Sending you a hug xxx

[Rachie1752]

Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you have some support around you?

R x

[Lucy_BCC]

Hi mael, I am sorry to read your news. Along with the support you have found here please feel free to call our helpliners for further practical and emotional support on 0808 800 6000 and lines are open 9-5 weekdays and 10-2 Saturdays

Here's a link to further information and support for you which I hope you will find helpful:

https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/diagnosis

Take care
Lucy BCC

[Jobey68]

Hi Mael,
So sorry you have been diagnosed,it'd very surreal in the beginning but things will happen pretty quick from now on and the hospital will take over and it seems and endless round of appointments but each one taking you closer to the end goal, I first went to Dr on Feb 27th and less than 3 months later I'm now starting rads with the end in sight. I had Grade 1 ER + and Her Negative and due to no node spread am on Tamoxifen and just 3 weeks of rads and prognosis is very good, they will look after you but it's normal to be she'll shocked,is still am some days. Take care love Jo xx

[mael]

Sadly it's really BC -- grade 2, hormone-positive, HER-negative, and I hope it hasn't spread. Still absorbing the hit, feeling like I am on an alien planet.

[coco-chanel]

Mael, please don't think I've stopped posting. There are problems with my account/posting as they keep dissapearing.

Hope you're coping ok

[coco-chanel]

I'm having problems posting on this thread, it's not that I've gone off the radar. Just waiting for the admin team to try and fix it. I have been posting but my messages don't appear. I hope you are doing ok? I'm up and down like a yoyo!!

[coco-chanel]

Mael, it sounds like we've been going through the same rollercoaster of emtions for the last few days, probably like everyone in the same boat as us reading this.

I turned a corner a few days ago and went from utter fear to 'that must have been a bad dream' I'm fine and this is not happening. I then went into angry mode and felt like standing infront of someone with my head and arms in a stock whilst they throw bucketfulls of sh*t at me, shouting 'come on then, is that the best you can do'!!! My husband says it's all a coping, defense mechanism.

I met a couple of friends yesterday and got quite tipsy which I'm regretting today as I feel as rough as a badgers ars*.

The days are going by thank goodness. In a way I've accepted the news whilst at the same time I think they've got it all wrong.

My sense of humour is definately still alive though as I just asked my husband if he could play Wham-Club Tropicana at my funeral...(unfortunately he didn't find it very funny!) I really do love that song and have been listening to it dreaming of being on holiday sipping a cocktail...But oh wait a minute! just another stupid annoying fact...our holiday insurance is now through the roof if what they have predicted about my boob is correct

[mael]

D'oh, posted it twice. For once, not a brain misfire, but the cat stepping on the keyboard. Ah, insouciance 🙂

[mael]

Coco-chanel, I think you're admirably brave to keep the secret to you for now. It may be unnecessary stress, but you only know what's better for you.

I was hoping for a tranquil day, but I've found in the post an invitation for an outpatient visit for "breast family history" for this Tuesday. I've obviously started to freak out. I say obviously, but more in the sense of "I am currently an idiot with an extremely sore soul and even reading the horoscope could freak me out" than in the sense of "this is a rationally bad sign". It's objectively a bit weird as it's in my records already that my family history in such sense is "none".

There's something in me that has given up already, I can feel all my synapsis snapping one after the other. I forget names, I take the wrong bus, I talk to myself. No, I don't think I've got brain cancer -- I think that this quiet anxiety (I don't cry, I am externally normal, I don't feel like drinking) is proving too much. 34 days ago I was a happy and healthy professional with a spring in her step, today I feel like a living dead. I am taking it probably in a worse manner than most, I just wish to be delivered, the sooner the better.

(sorry for being so depressing! Tomorrow will be better, I am sure)

[coco-chanel]

How is everyone doing in their waiting? I turned a corner 2 nights ago in work and started thinking differently. It's as if it was a bad dream when the lady told me she thinks it's cancer and it's all actually happening to someone else. I've told my dad in a matter of fact way but I don't want to talk to my mum. My husband thinks I'm guarding myself? Anyway, last night I went into angry mode. In the last 18 months I've had a nervous breakdown, depression, given up my career, lost my beautiful mother-in-law...and now this! I feel like putting my hands and head in a stock and letting someone throw sh*t at me whilst saying 'come on then, is that the best you can do? just keep throwing it and get it over with'.

Sorry that I'm not being positive. I am a Christian but my faith has seriously waned over the months and now it's at an all time low!

I still haven't cried. I'm scared that all this stuff is going to change me and turn me into a cold hearted cow 😞

[coco-chanel]

Hi, I've posted in this thread again yesterday morning but it's still not showing? I am really struggling right now, I've gone into angry mode and I'm shutting everyone out. Plus I could really do with chatting on this forum to others but my posts just aren't getting through?

[coco-chanel]

Well I've told my mum & dad. I spoke to dad as he's more practical (less emotional). I just can't be bothered with any fuss or sympathy, the worry of how everyone else is going to deal with it is sometimes more worrying than whether or not I have cancer!! If that makes sense?

I really want/need to know how often they get it right when they say they think it's cancer from the ultrasounds scan? Are there any figures on this? What are other's experiences of it as most of the stuff I've read say that they are usually correct in their prediction from the scan.

How many of us are waiting for results on here?

Also, is each post checked before allowing onto the site? as the post I wrote last night wasn't added until this morning which makes it difficult to have an ongoing/up to date chat about worries and concerns.

[coco-chanel]

Thanks Mael and others. I also survived my 1st day in work today. I had a meeting with my boss but still haven't told anyone. I just can't tell the kids, my daughter has an A-level exam on Monday and she's been slightly off the rails (drinking etc) since her nanny died at Christmas but has been better lately. I just can't see the point until we know more info. What if it's not cancer and they were worried for no reason? I'm probably being naieve I know.

My boob was hurting in work from the biopsies but paracetamol seems to have worked. I've gone from feeling like I'm about to go into major panic to feeling like 'oh well whatever will be, will be'! Whenever I've worried about things in life, they alwasy turn out different to what I expected (just like yesterday) so now I don't know what to tell myself to think about the results? as it will no doubt be different.

I have had aching joints for months to the point that I had blood tests, I've been run down and just had a bad case of flu, plus I had a raised liver test, all of which doesn't help. What if it's in my bones and there's nothing they can do?? The thoughts are so consuming and totally exhausting. I just can't get that womans face out of my head saying "If I had to put money on it, I'd say it's breast cancer" (whilst also saying she has 22 years experience)

Meal, I hope the panic attacks stop soon! we have a fair few days yet to get through and although it's probably the worst wait we've ever had, the days will go and we will see them though. x

[mael]

SARN66, hugs to you. I am glad you're feeling taken care of. It's so important, isn't it? 

Yes, I am sure it will feel better once I'll know... and at the same time, dunno, maybe these are my last days of relative innocence... ? Gosh, the future seems like a place I don't want to be. Maybe I should go to bed.

Hugs, gals xxx I am so glad I've found this board. 

[mael]

Kim68, thank you for the advice. I will go to the GP if the panic attacks don't go away soon. I am slightly resisting to medicate myself because... dunno, yes, the attacks are horrible, the panting, the weight on the chest, the shaking... but I can live through them. The sadness I feel worries me a lot more and I am not sure that can be helped right now. I hope I don't become a burden to my friends. I am tired. I want the ghosts in my mind to leave me alone. I sometimes say that in my mind to no-one or nothing in particular: leave me alone. I want to be again the happy, carefree person I used to be. 

I went to work today and it was at least bearable.

I am glad anyway that you're feeling better. I am not against medication per se, and I find admirable how you've taken the situation into your hands. Maybe I should do the same.

[mael]

coco-chanel, I am so sorry you're going through that. We are indeed in the same boat, I too am starting to wonder if I haven't got something even more -- two months ago I was super tired all the time, now I have shortness of breath and I get tired easily, altough the slumber is completely gone. But I also know that I can't trust my bodily sensations whilst I am having two panic attacks per day. I know that I am all over the place. I know I've drunk more in these two days than in the past year, and my eating patterns have been erratical at best, and I barely sleep. No surprise my body protests.

I've told my boss today, and I had already told pretty much everyone else. I know everyone is different, but if you are like me, I would advise against keeping it shut from your kids. Do you really need the additional weight of such a secret? They will be sad but they may help. Right now it's you who need all the help you can get. You will make it up for it in due time, when you feel better.

My boss has told me today about the illness of his dad and how it was a false positive on imaging, and then he had another condition instead, not less dangerous but manageable and eventually managed. I know such cases exist but I am too scared of nurturing illusions, I don't want to see them shattered. The shock the other day was too much. I don't want to go through this anymore. I just hope it's not a very bad cancer, that's all I feel like allowing myself.

I get my results on the 27th. Fingers intensely crossed for the both of us. xxx

[Jobey68]

I was exactly the same and have not shed a tear but suffered awful anxiety and panic attacks that made me physically sick and I was shaking all the time, the Dr put me in Diasapam and an anti depressant called Cetalipram, the Diasapam works instantly to help calm the anxiety but the other one takes a few weeks to get in your system but once it does it really helps and I rarely take Diasapam now, I'm sure your Dr will be very helpful once you tell them how you feel, don't try and deal with it on your own,we all need help to get through this xxx

[June_BCC]

Hello Coco-chanel

Welcome to the forums, this must be a very difficult time for you. 

As well as the support you will receive on the forums we also have a free helpline where you can talk things through with a member of staff who are there to offer emotional support as well as practical information. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9.00 to 5.00 and Saturday 10.00 to 2.00.

With best wishes

June

[SARN66]

Hi Mael,

As other replies have already said, waiting is the worse bit.  I knew at my u/s appt that it was cancer, I was told suspicious and knew what that meant.  When I went for results I just wanted to know the facts.  Once it was confirmed as cancer and was told about my treatment plan I felt so much better.  A weight had been lifted from me, I was now in the hands of the professionals and I knew how they were going to get rid of the Cancer.  Since diagnosis last week I have found out that other women I know have been through bc and are now well. 

This forum has been a god send because you immediately feel surrounded by others going through similar experiences and feeling the same anxieties.  Try and stay positive, keep busy, post on the forum and try and find a confidant not too emotionally involved who you can share your thoughts with.

Best wishes

Sandra (SARN66)

[coco-chanel]

Hi there, I hope you don't mind me joining this thread?

I'm in the same boat as you Mael...2 weeks ago I went to my GP as I found a lump on rt breast. Yesterday I went and had a mammogram and ultrasound, the lump I'd felt was a cyst, but the sonographer (or whatever she is?) was very concerned with a 7mm area on my left breast and said I needed a biopsy. I was so shocked! She said it could be scar tissue from a previous breast reduction though. But I knew something was wrong when I went back into the consultant and there was another lady there smiling pitifully (Sorry, I'm sure she is lovely but I was feeling cross!) Turns out she's a breast cancer helper or something? SO I went back in for biopsy and asked outright if she had to put money on it what does she think. She said she had 22 years experience and she said it looks like cancer. I saw my boob on the scan and it's no-where near the scar tissue from previous op'. She said the tissue she's worried about is 'pulling in on itself'?? I could see what she meant but can't really explain it.

I've gone into practical mode but my husband seems very low. We have 3 teenagers (13, 17 &19) oldest off to USA in a few weeks for summer work. We also lost my mother in law at Christmas from cancer and it's been a horrendous few months. I'm soooooo worried about telling my kids, they are already still reeling from losing nanny. I've told my best friend, my boss and will tell 2 of my other close friends on Saturday over a glass of wine. My biggest fear is that it's somewhere else in my body too. I've felt so crap for months now, is this related to the cancer?? Have I even got cancer?? Sorry again to use this thread but it seemed silly to start another one with exactly the same title. I don't get results until 22nd May x

[mael]

Thank you for your kind words Kim68. I have no family, but I do have friends (and a cat). As support networks go, everyone has been splendid so far, incredibly supportive, even the cat. But I need to find the force in myself, plus I am beginning to be sick and tired of telling everyone how poorly I feel. Usually I am the one who supports the others...

Earlier I've had a full-fledged panic attack: palpitations, shortness of breath, shaking, the works. I am almost glad that my body is finding a way to express its unease (unlike my mind -- I haven't cried a single tear, for example) But all the same, it ain't fun.

The antidepressants may be a good idea. Did it take trials and errors to find the right one, or the first one did work for you?

[Jobey68]

I would suggest you see your GP for something to help calm you down , I had never taken an antidepressent in my life but within days of diagnosis I was on them and and still am, They help keep me calm, you can't deal with this on your own and I would say get all the help you can, o know I've been very lucky as our local breast clinic is amazing, I have private Health care through work but have had such good treatment on the NHS I've not felt the need to use it, it's nice knowing it's there had I needed too but I cannot fault the treatment I've had, everyone has been wonderful, you will be ok love once you know what's happening, nothing seems as frightening as the unknown, I was incredibly calm once I knew and have felt so much better since, the waiting is the very worst bit but there is nothing you can do other than wait, I hope you have family and friends to help you, and we are all here to give you support so please keep in contact as we all know what your going through xx

[mael]

Wow, incredible. And yes, the NHS has helped you incredibly well. So far I can't quite be so enthusiastic... it's been 33 days since I went to an UCC because my breast was swollen, and still I don't know what I have.

You're right, there's no point in pretending everything is fine. It isn't. I am not good at keeping secrets, anyway. I've already told almost everyone (but not at work, altho I probably shall). 

My brain doesn't compute. One moment I feel almost like my normal self, the other moment some sinister thought feels like I was being stabbed in the back. If only I could stop thinking -- not even the alcohol prevents my brain from running in circles. I need some kind of catharsis. Maybe I should scream till I am sore.

[Jobey68]

I can't fault the NHS to be honest, I was seen within a week at the breast clinic from my referral by my Dr then a week later for biopsy results then an op within two weeks, took about 6 weeks from finding the lump to having an actual proper diagnosis which was nothing to do with my lump which was fat and an accidental finding by sheer luck via the biopsy, even the consultants were amazed by it! The hardest wait was the two weeks for lumpectomy and node results but I got the best news I could have hoped for and have grade 1 tubular breast cancer which is very early stage and a slow grower, I'm now on Tamoxifen and as I said will have 3 weeks of rads as an extra precaution, I had a diagnostic mammogram which was totally clear which is a scary thought as I would have been called for one later this year once I hit 47 and most likely been given the all clear but all the time I would have had something sinister brewing! Putting on a brave face is very hard and I tried to carry on as normal but almost had a total melt down so stopped trying to be pretend all was ok when it wasn't, the more info you Get the better you will feel whatever the news, nothing is worse than not knowing xx

[mael]

To give an idea of my coping skills or absolute lack thereof -- despite not having low blood pressure since my twenties, I faint if I see blood or what psychologists call "violations of bodily envelope". 

I just ripped away very carefully the bandage of the biopsies... from underneath a very opaque t-shirt. I didn't resist peeking quickly before I binned it, thanks $deity it was clean, phew.

And I'd love a bath, but I am waiting for the night for that, for similar reasons.

[mael]

Jo, wow, a cancer picked up only by the biopsy? I didn't know that that would be possible. So sorry you had to go through this, and nonetheless, how positive you come across, it's amazing and greatly reassured. "I thought my life was over", this is in a nutshell how I feel.

I love the NHS but they seem to let one wait. I amazed that you say that things went really fast afterwards! I'd really wish to start therapy and be done with it.

My day of tests felt like a slippery slope, I went in thinking that I had nothing, and came out hoping to not die. The doctor seemed optimistic, after palpation to her it was a benign thing, probably necrosis and she initially asked only for mammography. Then the mammography must have been really bad since the technician suddenly looked so apologetic, and recommended I had an ultrasound. The ultrasound technician recommended a biopsy... then another... The doctor herself was taken aback and seemed reluctant to let go of her initial hunch of necrosis, in face of this apparently horrible imaging stuff. My woes started after two strong traumas to the boob, so necrosis kinda made sense.

I am a teetotaller but I've almost dried the rhum bottle I keep for the guest, from yesterday. I am rigid as a plank and the alchool seems to take away the physical edge, at least a bit. My cortisol levels must be sky high. 

Tomorrow I'll go back to work. I am an IT contractor and my current contract expires in June. I hope I'll be able to finish it. I could afford to walk away but damn, I don't want to throw my life in the bin. Not, at least, for now. What if it's necrosis? What if it's cancer? I'll need a hell of a TLC in any case because this is prolonged duress* and it's not making me any good. I feel so close to the edge.

I may need psychological therapy as well. Like you, I am used to be as healthy as a tree. I simply never had to develop the coping skills for this kind of things, and it shows.

* my first referral got lost, so I waited a month to be seen

[Jobey68]

The waiting is utter hell and I won't tell you any different, I was told the opposite to you and although I had a biopsy they said they were pretty sure all was innocent ..... However they stumbled across some breast cancer cells lurking beside my very innocent lump which got picked up by the biopsy needle which they were stunned to find as nothing showed on mammogram or ultrasound, I had a gut feeling the news would be bad so hadn't allowed myself to think otherwise and lived a week of sheer torture waiting for the news so wasn't really surprised, things move pretty quick once you know and within two weeks I'd had a lumpectomy and a couple of nodes removed for testing and then another tow week wait for final results with thank god in my case came back grade 1 of just 4mm with clear nodes so I've been very lucky and about to start 3 weeks of radiotherapy next week, I am only just getting my head around it all and still have down days but am feeling so much better in myself now, I thought my life was over when I got the news but you do pick yourself up and although I'm fortunate not to have anything aggressive I've been in touch with plenty who have and are still going strong years later, I know it's utterly horrendous right now and nothing I say will make you feel any better but we all have been through it on here and totally understand, I feel I will be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my days but I will never let it ruin my life and and so very grateful to be here and feeling well, you will get there love it just takes some time but the dust will settle once you know for sure and you may well get good news so hang in there! I'm 46 as well and perfectly healthy all my life xx Jo

[mael]

Thank you saffronseed. I am usually disgustingly healthy, I've always felt that me and my body were a team. Now... well, not anymore, and no matter what the outcome is, I will have to second-guess my body for the rest of my life. 

I am still in the "gasping for air" phase. The doctor told me "please don't worry about anything until we know exactly what you have" which is a ridicolous thing to say right after saying that the imaging was 5 of 5 malignant. I've always thought "if I ever get a cancer, I'll refuse any painful treatment, stop working and enjoy every single second of life left to me". I know it sounds a bit ridicolous and out of place, since BC is usually treatable... You fought and won and from what you say, it was worth it.

I understand that your priorities may have changed. I have a friend going through cancer recently and she told me that she has learned "to put me first". I guess I'll do the same, in due time? I'll have also to learn to be gratful for small graces (my vida loca is probably over, and anyway I am 46), but I don't want to sink too low in graces size. I am proud and independent, I am vain -- I wish to remain what I am, if possible.

It's terrible to not knowing yet. I can't really hope in a case of "necrosis looking dodgy" like the doctor mentioned, it seems to me that she was trying to sugarcoat it (wouldn't be really strange to have a such a cancer-looking necrosis?). A more realistical hope is that it's not a very bad cancer.

I am exhausted right now. I dread the future. I am not in a mood to fight anything, I'd rather let go to be honest. Bit early to feel this way, I guess...

[saffronseed]

yes I felt like that - like my body had let me down and I lost a bit of confidence in myself as I thought I should have 'known' and done something about it  before I was diagnosied!  - its quite irrational to think like that but I do think its normal.  I hadn't had a days sick off in years and suddenly I had cancer and was a patient and for an healthy fairly intelligent person it didn't make sense to me.   You will come to terms with whatever they diagnose I promise and you will find from within you some inner strength that you didn't know you had and you will get through it.  It is a pile of poo and a horrid thing to happen to you and I would never wish it on anyone.  I am not saying it was a good thing for me, but it did give me the kick up the backside I needed to start thinking more about my life, what was important to me and how I wanted to live it and I have made many changes in my life - all for the better.   So what is a fightening and unthinkable place to be can turn into something positive and you will find that you will change your life forever - but heh fingers crossed the biopsy may come back with good results.  xxxx

[mael]

One of the various things that it's driving me insane today it's that sensation that my body doesn't belong to me anymore, but it's just a medical thing now, because of the boob who has betrayed me. I feel like a broken toy.

[mael]

Thank you saffronseed for your kind words xxx

I know I am in for a rough ride, and I know there's hope. Right now everything is too much. I am numb... I also have still the bandages from the biopsies, I think I could now take it out and have a bath, I'd love a bath, but I don't want to see my boob. It doesn't look too horrible but I just don't want to see it. I hate it in a sense, I don't know. Maybe I am afraid to just see something new? All I want it's to roll myself into a ball and stay in bed.

[saffronseed]

yes I think at first the news is devastating and very hard to come to terms with - they have been premature to tell you it is cancer before the biopsy but are probably preparing you for the worst.  Once you know exactly what you are up against, the type of cancer and stage (thats if they are right of course!) you will get a treatment plan and believe it or not it is easier then as you feel that you are able to take control of things and knowing there is a plan to destroy it makes you feel so much better.  Like you I was all over the place at first and didn't go to work as I couldn't think of anything else and my mind was racing forward with loads of 'what ifs'  usually the worst case scenarios.   I wish I could say something to make you feel better at this moment but waiting is the very worst and I am sure you are having sleepness nights as well which doesn't help.   I just hope that the two weeks passes quickly for you.   I had worse case scenario and ended up having Masectomy and a large number of lymph nodes affected too so I had chemo and rads  - but now  5 years later I am living a happy and healthy life  so on the plus side there is light at the end of that dark dark tunnel.   Good luck  with your results and lots of hugs xxxx

[Emma26]

Hi Mael,

I really feel for you. It really does take over your mind and it becomes so difficult to concentrate on anything else. I really believe that this being 'in limbo' waiting is the worst. I'm currently awaiting my second appointment to the BCC in 6 months. My appointment is next week and I'm trying to keep busy, but I empathise that waiting for biopsy results must be horrendous, especially when they've told you it's malignant already.

I would indulge yourself in some cake or chocolate and if you can concentrate on a book or tv programme, try to keep your mind occupied that way, but I understand how difficult that is.

x

[mael]

evs_71, it's only 24 hours and I am already going insane 😞

How does one manage to think to something else? We want to live to enjoy our lives, but right now I wonder, what's to enjoy about it? Everything seems rather bleak. My body feels fine, but my mind is aching to no ends.

[evs_71]

The waiting is the worst. They can be pretty certain from mammo and ultrasound pictures what's going on, but to be 100% sure, they wait for biopsy results. I waited a week for the results and it was looooong.

[mael]

I am 46 and usually healthy.  I have this lump seemingly grown overnight. I went to the breast clinic yesterday and had mammogram, sono and core biopsy. They told me straight away it's a 5, so malignant. Then they told me also that there is a chance it's "fat necrosis looking dodgy" (I do have a history of trauma).

I am crushed. I am not sure if it's better to attach myself to that tiny sliver of hope or just preparing myself for the worst case scenario. Plus, two weeks wait to go for the biopsy result! Ohmygod. I've taken the day off work because my mind is not there at all, but how the hell I am to cope in these two weeks?