Hiya Karen and Seren
Sen did you have chemo your Dx sounds like mine. Isnt it terrifying when we lose friends. I have lost 2 this year. I sort of dont trust the 'good prognosis' jargon. I think it can give false hope. Sorry you lost your dear friend. I do enjoy your posts.
Before Dx i always said 'anyone with a Dx of cancer is living on borrowed time' but since my own Dx i DONT want to believe this.
That word reocurrence is awful. I was only thinking today about the ladies who have secondaries and how they cope, if we fear it.
Karen will Private message you.
off to a family funeral tomorrow up at 6am so night night take care
Hi Ruth and Josie,
Fairly new to this wonderful site where I'm finding that the feelings you are expressing describe how I feel . I was dx in the summer of 2005 with invasive lobular and had a mastectomy-thought eventually life would feel something like the 'normal' it had been before it was turned upside down- I needed to believe this for my 15yr old son -so got on with trying to accept what had happened and move forward. My dear friend was dx with bone secondaries winter 2005- liver secondaries spring 2006 and died summer 2006.She had a 'good prognosis' like me after her primary 14 yrs ago and somehow, I increasingly dwell on the possibility of recurrence and everything sometimes feels so bleak when I remember the happy occasions like birthdays and christmas past and associate them now with feelings of loss and uncertainty.
Love Seren xx
Hope you had a nice evening with your friends and x-factor.
feel a bit better today.
i know when i'm at work my mind is taken off the cancer to a certain degree..!
hope your back feels better soon
I think it is the time of year, and you also have the mammogram coming up in Jan and the rememberance of 3 years ago.
I dont know about you but do you think back to the christmas before DX and think how normal it was?
I found this in Sept i kept thinking this time 2 years ago the world was 'fine' and ignorance was bliss.Then Dx Oct.
Christmas is a very 'odd' time as we think about next christmas and future ones. When we have not had a cancer DX we somehow take it for granted we will be here for years especially at our age.
I do know you have lost a special friend this year who i think i am right in sayin had a good prognosis, all these things freak us out dont they?
Many have died from the site and i also lost my friend in March and obviously this frightens us.
I do know though were you are coming from and i HATE IT TOO.
I have friends coming now for drinks and mince pies and choccies and to watch the X-factor final. they havent had BC are older than me and it will be lovely but i envy them.
I feel so much for you with work. I am not working just now because of my torn tendon in my back. I know i am fortunate as i can do 'nice' things but i would love to work and when i dont i feel useless and i am sponging off hubby. complicated hey.
Take Care and let us know how you are and we will be here for you in Jan, always a nerve wracking time the mammogram.
Thanks Jo, its good to know someone understands......you were obviously dx'd not longer after me......thanks for being there.
I can relate exactly to how you are feeling today. For the past few weeks, I have been feeling quite under par and anxious for no particular reason. Was feeling some discomfort in my treated breast and across my chest. GP ran some blood tests which were all normal, apart from a raised cholesterol level due to Arimidex. It's 3.5 years since I was diagnosed and most of the time I'm fine but every now and again I get these little "blips". Spoke to bcn who suggested bringing my scheduled appointment with surgeon forward (wasn't due to see him until March). So I trolled off to see him on Monday last. He gave me a thorough examination, listened to me ranting on and said that as far as he was concerned "everything was fine on the bc front". Would you believe it, strange symptoms have all disappeared and I'm feeling my old self again!
This c**p disease leaves you with no confidence in your body and every ache and pain is manifested into something sinister. Living with the fear of recurrence or spread is horrible and nobody really understands until they have been through it, which is what makes this site and others like it so good.
I hope you feel more like your old self soon and don't forget, this is the perfect place to let your feelings out.
Take care, Jo
Just wanted to let my feelings out.......for some reason the cancer is bothering me mentally today......i know i'm due for a mammogram in january, which doesn't help, coupled with this time of year i think thats whats got my anxiety levels raging......i was dx in jan 04.....most days it crosses my mind but today the anxiety is high....i hate living with this fear......i know nobody knows what the future holds even if they haven't had a cancer dx.....today i feel like jacking my job and spending time doing what i want.....[ which isn't a financial option unfortunately ]......i want to have time to meet my grandaughter from school, i want to have time to spend with my friends, i don't want to be rushing round in the evenings after work, i don't want my weekends taken up with doing all the things i haven't had time to do during the week........whats it all about at the end of the day?????