Have been seeing counsellor at big c centre and am ok. Can sometimes be hard to balance being positive and being in denial
I've been up and down a few times the last two years Chicci, take it as part of the disease and adaptation process, but hang on that a dip isn't the end and the tide will come back in, you will learn strategies that help you and ones that may work for others but not for you. Chocolate helps me but then i feel fat and guilty, running helps me but then i feel tired and sore, reading helps me but sometimes i just need to sleep. Sometimes i let myself cry 24hours then say Okay enough and have to call a friend or the helpline. It is a rough ride we are on, and pretending it isnt, can make it harder. Get the help you need, and your better days you will be passing it on too, sometimes without even knowing it.
Although we don’t currently have any male Helpline staff, we frequently speak to male partners of women with breast cancer on the Helpline. One of the things we can offer is a referral to One-to-One support, where partners are put in touch with a male volunteer who has been in a similar situation. So please do call or encourage your partner to call if you’d like to talk things through and get some further support.
Rose, Helpline Manager
Feel for you both Chicci. You are his special burden, he chose that when he committed to you, although everyone would obviously rather you weren't ill, and giving that special position away to other people could actually undermine him and leave him feeling unwanted and cut off from you, at the very time he should be there, scope for big guilt trip, even if it is a difficult time for him now. Where else would he be than at the appointment with you if it's at all possible? Now, how to make that easier for both of you - taxi? Friend could give you both a lift, then leave you to it?
Total shame on those two "friends" - i bet he was there for them, and they better have a damn good excuse, I would be livid at them for letting him down.
Chicci, I'm sure you are hugely valued to many people, it's a shame we don't always tell our loved ones clearly enough while we can. Definitely the helpline. The struggle to be well is because you are worth it and you have a life ahead of you, please don't give up!
And for you OH, if Breast Cancer care sounds intimidating and girly, and he'd rather talk to another guy, there are places like macmillan have similar cancer support lines that a man might feel less awkward about calling. BCC, do you have male advisers on the phone-lines? or at particular times?
I understand how you feel, I've been there. All I can suggest is that you keep talking to him and best of all, please don't take this the wrong way, try to listen. I didn't and now things are a mess. Ask him to write it down if things are too hard to say.
Please take the advise and give the helpline a wee call as you seem to have hit a bad patch and need support for you both.
Theres a few threads on here from OH's which may help too.
Its inevitable that we go through low's and its the same for those watching us from 'the sidelines'.
Is there a support group where you live as they might have a talking session for him and you.
Please do give the helpline here a ring the staff are here to support you through this. Lines are open now and until 5pm today, then 9-5 Mon-Fri, Sat 9-2. Calls are free 0808 800 6000
My OH is becoming withdrawn and I feel like I'm a burden on him. Don't know what to do. Have tried to involve others with getting to appts / sharing how I'm feeling but most of it has/is still falling on his shoulders. He's not talking to anyone about this - his 2 best mates aren't available at the mo both for different reasons.
Wondering lately what value I am to anyone, really. And what is the point of all this struggling to be well.