Can I join your group please?

[13gerbera]

Ooh, good thinking Sandie, p'raps I'll think of it as one of those little pink sugar mice with string tails that we used to get as kids, seems much less disgusting that way! 😄

x

Sharon

[keepmumsane]

Ooo I wondered what they were. Can you think of it as those sweet marzipan mice at the Bakery?  Xx

[13gerbera]

Apropos of absolutely nothing, I've been doing some research on fibroadenoma as I have one right next to my cancer lump (it's benign and been there at least a decade) and I've just discovered they are known as breast mice! Ewwwww! I was totally OK with it being there until I read that and now I feel vaguely disgusted that there is a mouse in my chest!  And a cyst.  And cancer.  I've always hated my boobs but until now it was vanity. Now I truly hate them and want the dang things gone with all their nasties too 😄

x

Sharon

[Matty2]

There is a huge Asda near where daughter works so she said she would have a look after work today - fingers crossed.

[Rosemaryanne]

Dammit! sorry about that xx

[Matty2]

Went straight onto the site - says sold out

B

[Rosemaryanne]

Hi

Back to the heart shaped cushions:

Asda do one for £4 + delivery. It's maybe not as ideally shaped as the specialist ones but mine arrived this morning and it does the job

http://direct.asda.com/george/george-home/George-Home-Red-Knitted-Heart-Cushion/002030864,default,pd...

Have a good day, everyone xx

[Matty2]

mmmmmm

[13gerbera]

You wouldn't thank me for it Beryl, I'm a horrible cook and baking seems to be completely beyond me.  Part of the pleasure of living in London though is truly gorgeous bakeries everywhere you look so I could bring a Hummingbird Red Velvet cake if that would suit :D?

x

[Matty2]

Even better you could bring cake as well 

[13gerbera]

Ooh yes, of course you did, sorry.  Shall I nip round to entertain you while you recuperate, I think I could probably manage to arrive about the time that the cake was ready to eat? 😄

[Matty2]

Did mention cake but I can take or leave chocolate, not really my thing -

[13gerbera]

Sounds perfect Beryl, except there was no mention of chocolate/cake/(insert name of your own treat here) and let's face it, we can't be expected to recover fully without a little treat or two can we 😄

x

Sharon

[Matty2]

A trip to the sea sounds fun

Have made another step towards my after op comfort today. A lovely load of kiln dried logs. We have some ordinary ones but they are not burning well so with these I can curl up on the settee, burner blazing in the lovely fleecy snuggle throw my SIL bought me and be in heaven - well comfy any way.

Bliss - good book, catch up TV, seed catalogues, mugs of tea on demand - Hopefully daughter will supply cake - oooh yum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[13gerbera]

Hope you enjoy your holiday with the littlies Sandie and get to put your treatment to the back of your mind for a couple of days.  I think your friend is right, there are plenty of people who manage chemo without too many problems so hopefully you'll be one of them. 

x

Sharon

[keepmumsane]

😉 actually seems odd if I tuck the softie in my camisole. Looks surprisingly normal which mentally feels wrong. does also seem strange to be bra less... hard to break the habit of underwires. Feeling too tender gor sports bra shopping. 

I got my pathology back 10 days after my surgery. No spread just a few spots in one of the sentinel nodes.

But size 5cm and o/e+,her2+ means herceptin which goes with chemo. Nasty aggressive little toad. 

I felt like the princess and the pea before they removed it, couldnt sleep on that side. 

Scared myself by reading ahead on these boards and a clever friend pointed out that the good stories are often missing as those people are out there getting on with life. 🙂 made me feel better.

My surgeon said to wait till all the treatment was done for reconstruction as its a big op and I ve got do much more to be getting on with, I struggled with that but its fine now im living with it. 

Taking our kiddlets for a beach break for a couple of days, its summer here so a delightful treat for us all, the loan of a caravan.  (Possibly 2 days in a caravan will be More than enough )

Happy thoughts

Xxx

S

[13gerbera]

Oh bless you Sandie, whatever the size/shape of your chest you're still the same lovely caring person and I'm sure they'll be able to sort you out with a new boob when/if you want one.  Are you still waiting for your pathology results from the surgery?

x

Sharon

[keepmumsane]

Must be the moon,  we're all flat at once.. actually im flat on one side...lol

I had a very kind photographer ring me the night before my surgery and get me round for photos.  They should be beautiful but Im a bit nervous about going to look. I already feel like a differant person.  I certainly look like one. 

I love being able to check in with you all, up or down you're all great people

Xxx hugs ladies

[13gerbera]

Ah, woken up with sore throat and snotty nose so that explains the tiredness yesterday (relieved actually, was worried I was turning into a hypochondriac fretting about every little thing, but seems now there was actually a reason for feeling a bit yuck!).  

Still on a search for a post-surgery underarm cushion that isn't too expensive so that's today's mission.  I've given up on the bra thing for now as the ladies in John Lewis said that the hospital will provide one that I'll wake up in post-surgery, and I should go to John Lewis to get properly fitted once I've healed a bit so that's reassuring.

Hope you've all had a good nights sleep and today is a good one for you

x

Sharon

[Rosemaryanne]

Just a quickie- I haven't had or needed any prescribed painkillers, just OTC paracetamol. I'm hardcore! xx

[13gerbera]

Thanks Rose, I had a long nap (3hrs!) this afternoon but still feel tired so it's an early night for me & the housework can wait. I use the same glasses trick (handy isn't it!) and keep the lights low as much as possible so I just don't see too much of the mess.

I love cake and eat with my eyes so the more creative and beautiful the more I want it.  We had to walk past a Pattiserie Valerie yesterday en route to the hospital which is why I ended up eating so much cake.  They were all mini works of art so we stopped on the way back too for another one 😄 love the moving house idea, are  you thinking a removals van or packing cases?  Or new home? Shame there is no facility to add photos on this forum.

I read on the other thread that you're still getting some post surgery twinges so I hope they've given you some painkillers for that?  I haven't really had anything that could count as pain as yet, but a few little twinges from the haematoma caused by the biopsies and I think that is more to do with my imagination thinking about what is going on inside my boob than actual pain.

Enjoy your baking tomorrow, I'm going to make a start on a good book or one of the TV series

x

Sharon

[Rosemaryanne]

Hi Sharon

They wouldn't prescribe it if you didn't need it, so if it helps, don't worry! My blood pressure has been all over the place, sky high at pre-op assessment, almost non-existent post-op. I think that's pretty standard.

Exhaustion was a huge problem for me too. Be self-indulgent. If it isn't urgent, leave it. I find if I don't put my glasses on, the world looks much better in soft-focus. I am very accomplished at ignoring a mess! (Plus I can't hoover or anything yet so it's best to not see things too closely)

Fun things for tomorrow: constructing a birthday cake for my son. It's become something of a tradition to make more and more complex cakes for my kids' birthdays, but after 28 + 32 birthdays so far, I'm struggling for ideas. He moves house that day so that could be a possible theme...

Best wishes to all for a peaceful evening and the bliss of a good night's sleep

Love, Rose xx

[13gerbera]

Thanks Beryl and sorry you're having a low night/day 🙂

I also had a sleepless night last night (something to do with a bit of biopsy pain but mostly indigestion from the huge amount of cake & curry I had yesterday!)

Feel like I hit a wall of tiredness today which I think is just a build up of anxiety and I've been a bit worried about my blood pressure for the last few days as I've felt like my veins are about to pop so I took myself off to see my GP who is lovely.  Normally I'm not a fan of unnecessary medication but she prescribed low dose Citropram which is used for panic attacks and depression and although I wish I didn't need to take anything, I am going to take it as anything that will keep the fear at bay is good news.  I'll give The Haven a call in the next few days too and have downloaded a guided relaxation session to my iPod to use before I go to bed tonight. I feel basically OK and am not particularly down, just a bit tired and emotions are close to the surface.

Fingers crossed we all have 'up' days full of comforting fun things tomorrow

x

Sharon

[Matty2]

Hi Sharon and Rose and anyone else

OH says have a look on 

www.brainbashers.com

For puzzles etc - different puzzles evryday and lots of different knids and what is more he says it's free!

Sarah you just be careful, it's more important to be relaxed and rested than anything.

Isn't there financial help through charoiteis if you need it or would you prefer not to go down that road?

Bad sleep last night, tears at two, but then slept fine until tea brought about 8.30

Daughter has been to a shop in Worcester for me that specialises in everything for breast cancer care (private enterprise) seems cushions there are £23 so will not buy one!!

Have talked to BCN on phone about this pain and what she will talk to me about on Thursday. Thinks pain may be nerve damage form Lympn Nodes op. 

Have good day all.

Am off into garden for some therapy - I'm a bit obsessed with it and panicing about not being able to do much with spring just round corner. And before any one syas I know, it's not going anywhere............

[JETS]

Sharon - breaking bad but seen? - I am literally jealous that you are starting this - it's amazing .

Big c in norfolk are amazing - everything is free there and my little heart cushions have lavender sewn in them. They are made by a group of ladies and my daughter loved them so much she wanted to buy some but they are there for free for cancer patients - it's also a lovely place to get a tea coffee in between treatments x not much use to anyone else but can't understand why something so vital isn't set up in every region - hey ho the old postcode lottery - also seems to play in waiting times etc
Back at work today .... So up early and dodgy sleep. I'm trying to save my sick leave for post as if I can stretch to 28 April I will get another month paid so will only lose a fortnight - have tried not to worry about money but think it's in the back of my mind. Not bringing any work home with me though 😊
Wishing you all well x sarah

[13gerbera]

Hi Beryl

I found two companies that do them:

www.tendercush.co.uk

www.paradisepillows.co.uk

I'm still looking for some more so I'll post if I find any.  

Great idea about the on-line jigsaw puzzles too, hadn't thought of that 🙂

x

Sharon

[Rosemaryanne]

Hi Beryl

I didn't know you could get jigsaws for kindles! Mine's only a basic bog-standard one, but I shall investigate that.

Sarah got her cushions from Big C which looks like a fantastic organisation, but it's local to Norfolk, and I couldn't see an online shopping facility on their website.

How are you?

Love Rose xx

[Matty2]

Hi

My OH does jigsaws on his Kindle while he's waiting for me at hospital appointments. 

If you have a Kindle could always try that

Trying to find a heart cushion on internet to purchase not make - any ideas anyone?

beryl

[13gerbera]

Ah, definitely no homeworking for you then Rose.  Perhaps you could write a coaching book instead though, inbetween jigsaw puzzles? It's the sort of thing I would buy 🙂  Mind you, if I could cook I'd be baking too just for the pleasure of eating it all (lemon drizzle cake is the food of angels )

As well as looking after my Dad, I've spent my year away from work exploring London so I feel I've been out and about a lot.  What I haven't done is as much reading as normal and I've missed all the TV series that everyone has been raving about so my cunning plan for post-surgery is to read a lot and watch all of Breaking Bad, Broadchurch, Game of Thrones and that other one that everyone raved about (can't remember the title now but it sounded fairly violent which puts me off, but I think I need to see at least a bit of it before I write it off)

I've got all sorts of other things I could do (wool, needles and a book that is supposed to teach me how to knit; new jigsaw puzzles that I got for Christmas; a calligraphy book and several cookery books from which I have made precisely no recipes, ever) but they all seem to involve a lot of arm movement so I don't know how much they'll help to fill the time.  Still, the pictures are pretty...:D

[Rosemaryanne]

Oddly, Sharon, I already have some fab jigsaw puzzles I'm itching to have a go at. Trouble is the back bedroom is full of my son's drum kit, pending his house move on Friday, and I can't unfold the table in there. It's the only room I can shut the cats out of permanently, they would create havoc with a jigsaw.

I begin to get the feeling that there are a lot of cat-ladies on here? (I didn't use the word "crazy", you'll see!)

I can't really work from home, as I'm a development coach/trainer, and I'm not willing to fill my house with the lovely but bonkers people my bosses recruit! However I'm going to pop in informally just to remind them of who I am, from time to time.

I've got 20 unread books on my kindle plus some childhood favourites to re-read (anyone remember the "Little Women" series, "Anne of Green Gables" or "What Katy Did"?) so no excuse for getting bored.

Tomorrow I'm going to bake: Lemon Drizzle Cake, old school Chocolate "Concrete", and Gingerbread. Not sure I'm up to wielding a rolling pin yet so no pastries.

Love to all the moggies on here- keep purring, it soothes your poorly mums! xx

[13gerbera]

Hi Sarah, the stress of it all is exhausting isn't it, so glad you've got your girls to help you a bit.  Those cushions sound like a great idea, I'm off to google them right now

Take care

x

Sharon (my cat says hello to your cat :D)

[13gerbera]

Oh Rose you can't go back to work just weeks after such major surgery, that's not nearly enough time to recover!   And then there's the radiotherapy to get through and I'm told that although the first couple of weeks are fine, tiredness sets in after that and daily naps are sometimes needed right up to a few weeks after the rads are done.  Is your work something that could be done at home, at least in part, when you start to feel a bit better in a couple of months time?

I think we'll all have to come up with an entirely new and totally absorbing hobby for you so you forget about work for a while.  Shall I send you some lovely complicated jigsaw puzzles or a great thrillers to read?  Or you could set up a company that makes bras in sizes to fit larger ladies like myself that don't involve underwires or engineering grade scaffolding?  Actually, you are already doing more than enough in supporting all of us who end up here on this forum and making us feel welcome and like we've got a shoulder to cry on (genuinely can't thank you enough for that)

Love Sharon (currently cross-legged on the sofa with a cat on my lap and twisting in a very awkward position to reach my laptop!) x

[Rosemaryanne]

Hi Sarah,

Heart shaped cushions sound so good! I have an old pillow tucked between the seat belt and me. Oh and my lovely sheepskin seatbelt cover which I am going to use FOREVER. Just googled big c, I was intrigued. I don't think there is anything like that in Hull. They sound wonderful.

(Cat's now off my back and screaming abuse at me to try and make me move so she can take over the entire firefront area.)

Are you feeling any better today?

Love Rose xx

[JETS]

Rose x you take it easy babe xxx I went to big c with one of my girls to get a couple of lovely heart cushions that are made and can protect my boob gaps in the car etc on way home - got v v tired x now sitting on sofa with fire and cat on lap x ( not fire on lap - you know what I mean !) take care x

[Rosemaryanne]

Hi Sharon

Delighted to hear you sounding so positive and mischievous. I bet you feel better for clearing the air with the radiographer - told you she'd feel as bad, if not worse! Sounds like you are much happier with the way things are progressing, this can only be good.

I popped into town today, had a couple of errands to run, and realised i am not quite as back to normal as I thought. It could be just because I'm  out of practice, but I was soooo tired, walking at snail's pace and hugging my arm over "Leftie" in case it got jostled. This was actually a valuable lesson. I was feeling lazy, thinking about maybe approaching work for a mini phased return, but now know that I still have to heal a lot more before I even think about that. It's that impatience rearing its ugly head again. I shall wait until I receive the Path results before I make any decisions.

Love Rose (currently squatting on the floor near the fire with a cat on my back) xx

[Matty2]

Well done Sharon

much better to smile the way through it than cry.

All the best

berylx

[13gerbera]

Hi ladies 🙂

Went back for more biopsies today and had a much better time of it, hurrah! I saw the 'problem' radiographer again and we both apologised to each other.  Actually I think she is the radiographers assistant as it is someone else who does the actual jabbing while she does something on the computer then sticks the steristrips on, and I had a different radiologist/jabber this time who was so much better. She took loads of time to explain things to me and told me exactly what was going on which was hugely reassuring.

I had a lovely friend with me this time throughout the whole thing and she distracted me from the gruesome bits by singing show tunes loudly and out of key.  In the end the radiology assistant and radiologist joined in so we had a bit of a singsong to the Sound of Music and a debate about which was the weepiest bit of a film (couldn't decide between Bambi losing his mother or the 'Daddy, my Daddy...' bit of The Railway Children).  It worked a treat, I managed to get through the whole thing without crying or feeling faint which is a first for me.

So, back on Thursday 15th for final set of full results and treatment plan but it's all looking pretty good at the moment.  Phew!

x

[JETS]

aNd on a lighter note - I pinned up my post surgery exercises on the bedroom door and was telling my girls that eveb the advanced ones are easy pre surgery so be prepared for a totally hopeless mum - they had a go and one of my girls was lifting her elbows up and said "I'm finding this really hard - I must be sooooo unfit !!" - much giggling xx I giggle and laugh a lot with my girls - please don't all imagine that I'm sobbing every minute ! My posts here tend to be when I am on an edge as don't want to overly wordy tgem with my macabre thoughts and feel safe in these forums xx

[JETS]

Hi beryl and rose
I also took the selfies - in sporty bra - really in case I do reconstruction down the line ! Yes rose think I was missing my son already and v tired and yes don't think I'll make the whole week at work. My last day leave today and i woke up after a pretty restless night and thought can't go in for the whole week. Sooo plan to take back work tomorrow ( it's not a job that stays in the office ) deal with a few out standings see how I get on then will defo not be in on the Friday as a minimum. Hoping it might be a distraction though and have promised myself to only work my hours. Beryl - I found the big c here and they have been great. Dud chat about counselling but they suggested I waited until I'd had my op and git further treatment plan - quite sensibly they pointed out that I had enough appointments to worry about at the moment. It's good to know it's there though and I can have 6 free sessions of massages which I will take tgem up on. If I had a carer they could also have six sessions but I'm on my own here and rose is spot o. About not burdening the girls (15 twins) - they get what I am going though and know that I am dreading the arrival of my parents next week ( mid 70 and 84) - I love then am recognise I need to lean but every time they phone they are soooo worried and can't talk about anything else - plus I do t think I sm going to cope with their sad faces ! It feels such a drain ...my closest friends live the othe dude of the country as we moved around a lot with my ex husbands job - I v recently joined a social group but then got diagnosed .... Anyway enough of my troubles ! I'm back to looking forward and I'm going for a run this morning as might be last time in a little while and I am doing race for life this year as my girls asked me to xxx hope you are both ok and lots love to everyone else x sarah

[Matty2]

On a lighter note I insisted at Christmas that photos were taken full frontal and in profile (with clothes on) so that I could remember. OH thought I was weird, but it was a laugh!! Daughter took pictures and it did her good to be silly about it as well,
B x

[Matty2]

Hi Sarah

Just read your posts - Big hug chugging along the cyber wires from me. I think that's what you need.

Is there a way to have some counselling - Macmillan as well as breast cancer care.

I do feel you need to talk to someone

Do you have someone to go to the appointments with you? 

If not can you find someone?

Anyway big hug - lots of positive non-soggy thoughts coming your way xx

Talk tomorrow

Beryl x

[Rosemaryanne]

Aw, have a good sob, You probably are tired, plus you must be missing your son already? Are you sure you should be going into work? It may prove to be a distraction, but you mustn't tire yourself too much. I found it was too hard to keep up the "I'm fine" smile while fielding all the "how are you?"s from people whose facial expressions and tone of voice seemed to imply I was dying! They meant well, but it made my job impossible. I'm supposed to motivate and raise morale in my role, not create concern and mop up tears!

I wish I could make the next 8 days easier for you, I think it's absolutely natural that you are up and down, how much local support do you have? I guess you're protecting your girls as they, poor things, have also had far too much to deal with over the last few months, but don't hide too much of how you feel from them. I think they will worry more about what's not said than what is. Sorry if I sound patronising, of course you know your girls best and I don't know how open you all are with each other.But I do know how hard it is when you feel you are upsetting your children, and how strong the instinct is to shield them.

Sending all love and hugs, hope you get a peaceful night xxx

[JETS]

Hi Sharon x thx x
I actually like my boobs - gone off them a bit since the whole cancer thing mind you ! Psychology hard tonight but must remember this is to keep me alive x another week feels like a long time today

[13gerbera]

Oh Sarah, wish I could help you but the best I can do is a big hug winging it's way to you over the internet. The low mood WILL pass in it's own good time and there is nothing wrong with feeling sad and or angry about what you are going through.

I agree with you about 'grieving' for our soon-to-be-lost boobs, even though I've always hated mine!  It's just that it is a loss of part of us not just physically but psychologically and I can't help feeling that we should be allowed to grieve.  Was seriously thinking about having a 'Bye Boobs' gathering with some friends before surgery to give them a proper send off, and I'm definitely going to take some photos of myself (fully clothed I hasten to add!), as a reminder of what I used to be.  Still hope I'll be happy with the 'after' pictures but that doesn't mean I won't mourn the loss.

Take care of yourself

x

Sharon

[JETS]

Hi rose xxx you love xxx don't know what's up - suddenly down and tearful x x good day up to about hour ago - prob tired from driving up to lincoln - imagination a bit wild tonight and missing my boobs even though they haven't gone yet !!! Jeez - I'm like a bloody Alton towers ride on emotions xxx lots love xx don't you DARE start doing stuff- still feet up ( or arm up!) except for your fun visits out xxx

[Rosemaryanne]

Hi Sarah

Are you ok? Anything I can do? If I was allowed to drive, I'd be there like a shot xxx

[JETS]

Hi - a lovely thread idea rose x x bit low this evening but read on one of the threads somewhere that someone's surgeon had said Something like if you worry to much you will forget to live - I quite like the idea of this and am trying to focus on the positives as much as possible xx but like I say ... A low one tonight x

[Rosemaryanne]

I did that yesterday. Scared myself silly about the possible years to come. Lost my best friend in July after 7 years of being in and out of remission. Is there an "I am now perfectly healthy and have put all this behind me forever" thread? xx

[keepmumsane]

Pahahaha pianist.... its so like that isnt it! I read some boards I shouldnt accidently but Couldn't put the tablet down and Thoroughly depressed myself.  So this morning I'm off to pinterest and the humour pages to pretend I saw nothing. 

Xx

[chascat]

I never had an MRI either