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Can't cope today

12 REPLIES 12
Guest user
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Re: Can't cope today

Hi Ester. I have just been diagnosed. How have you coped? I have the same type so im told but have to have more tests to make sure its not anywhere else. Chemo has also been mentioned to me
Guest user
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Re: Can't cope today

Hi Esther, I really feel for you.
I was diagnosed in December and I remember the first few days your mind is in total chaos. I felt like I'd been blasted up in the air by a bomb and couldn't get down again. It takes time to take in bad news like this and it makes it much harder when you don't have all the information and all these frightening thoughts are hitting you for the first time. I would say just go with all your feelings, don't try to be super positive all the time, you have to work through them to come out the other end. Once you have more information things will feel more manageable.
Stressful situations will seem more stressful, it doesn't help you've got a project house but you just have to vent, make sure your husband is understanding and just remember you will get through this and you will have a lovely house eventually!
It is likely that they will offer chemo to you as an option, and they'll be able to talk you through all the pros and cons. They will probably give you statistics based on all your results on how likely it is the cancer will come back, and with it all being early stages, those figures will probably reassure you that it really isn't very likely. If chemo is recommended, you can have your eggs frozen and with you being 26 you should have good quality eggs, and waiting 5 years might seem a long time but you'll still only be 31 which is still young to have kids.
I'm 37 and already have two kids so I opted for chemotherapy. I've had two rounds and it's not been as bad so far as I imagined.
Good luck and remember you're not on your own, and it will get easier!
Patchit
Member

Re: Can't cope today

Hi Esther
Hope you get on ok today when you go for your results. Thinking of you and sending best wishes
Joan xx

Zuzy
Member

Re: Can't cope today

Gretna and Esther if you look in the younger women's section there is the link to a secret FB group where we discuss these very issues, you are not alone, there are unfortunately lots of people going through the same thing if you want to join us you'd be very welcome xx
Jo_BCC
Member

Re: Can't cope today

Hi Gretna2011,

Here at BCC one of the services we offer is our one to one telephone support service (where we have more than 200 volunteers), and also an email version where you can be matched with someone of a similar age and experiences. I have put for you below the link to the area of this website where this is discussed.

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/breast-cancer-services/someone-talk/one-one-peer-support-email

If you think you may be interested please do give our helpline a call and they can talk to you in detail about how this works.

Take care,

Jo, Facilitator

Guest user
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Re: Can't cope today

Hi Esther,
Im also 26, been married for 2 years. I was diagnosed with Grade 3 cancer and had surgery 2 weeks ago now. I am due to go back to work tomorrow for 2 weeks before i have further surgery.
I have been so positive throughout the whole process, shocking those around me at how well I'm dealing with it. Up until the other day when I was told it had spread to my Lymph nodes. Since then and my husband going back to work i;ve been in the house on my own. I;ve had a few bad days which is not like me at all.
It is compleatly normal to have good and bad days, so please dont feel like you are being a drama queen... everyone will understand.
Im looking forward to going back to work so that I can occupy my mind for a couple of weeks.
I hope all goes well... There are loads of people around to talk to who have been through/going through the same thing, mostly who are older and as much as I appreciate their words of advice and happy endings Sometimes I just want to talk to someone my own age who knows exactly how I might be feeling, like you, the worst part of this is I cant have kids for 5 years if I can at all.... Loosing my hair is not an issue to loosing my fertility (thats what worries me most).... If you ever want someone to talk to feel free to message me.
Good luck with everything x Amanda x
tracyld
Member

Re: Can't cope today

Hi, you are not being dramatic ! You are scared and worried about what is going to happen to you. Take each day very slowly and be mindful of what you are doing. Keep busy and focused and you will cope . I know you must feel devaststed but stay strong. Sending you lots of love and positive vibes .Tracy xxx
Guest user
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Re: Can't cope today

I know how you are feeling. I am married and aged 31. I am likely to have chemo. I have just had my WLE to remove the lump. My cancer is triple negative and therefore chemo is my only option. I have an appointment with the fertility team next week to discuss options. If you are concerned speak to your nurse and she can arrange a referral if appropriate. I am nervous as hell. We hadn't even thought about kids and now suddenly I have to make decisions about it all.

just know that there are people on here Orr on the helpline who can help you and who know what you are going through.

I am thinking of you xoxo
Guest user
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Re: Can't cope today

Hello Ester, you're not alone and the doctors and nurses are fantastic, hang on and you'll get through every hour, every day somehow, and when it gets too much lie down on your bed with a pillow over your head and probably some music on earphones and only emerge when you feel a little better! Thinking of you and wishing you strong thoughts.
Patchit
Member

Re: Can't cope today

Dear Esther, you’ve got such a lot to adapt to and accept. Give yourself some time to process everything that is happening to you. I expect people wont really know how to be around you at the moment. I’m sure no-one will expect you to just cope with everything and be ok about it all. Its not a sign of weakness to need help. I think its important to talk to loved ones and be open about what you are going through. Its natural and normal to turn to family and friends at times like this. I am sure they will only want to be a help to you. I am sure you will all get through it together, it sounds like you have a supportive family around you which will be invaluable.
I had chemo last year, started in March, and joined the chemo thread for that month. We were such a support to each other, looking back now, it was such a blessing. Whatever your treatment plan, you will find ladies going through the same thing as you at the same time and I would thoroughly recommend you joining the appropriate thread once you have your treatment plan in place. There were a few younger ladies in our group, at least one of them had the fertility issues you mentioned in your post. Be assured, it is totally possible to plan for a future family if you do happen to find yourself in that position. But, its early days yet, do try to take each day as it comes and deal with things one day at a time.
Sending you positive thoughts and calming wishes.
Joan xx

Guest user
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Re: Can't cope today

Thank you Joan. That is so kind of you. there is just so much to get to. everything in my life has changed all of a sudden. I can't have a baby for 5 years. That is devastating enough. Let alone everything else. I just need to stay positive and take a day at a time but it is so hard. I find myself pretending to be ok in front of everyone and just collapsing when I get home. I spend so long yesterday pretending to everyone that I was ok and managing it all ok that I gave myself a stress headache.

Esther xxxxx
Patchit
Member

Re: Can't cope today

Dear Esther, sorry you are having such a hard time. You are so young to be dealing with all this! Its not surprising that you are feeling overwhelmed with the situation you find yourself in. I can understand that the mention of chemo would be a shock to you, but it may be a consideration because of your age. You need to get all the facts after your MRI next week and then talk through a treatment plan with your consultant. Its so horrid waiting for tests and results, nothing ever happens fast enough, does it? Sometimes people mention things to you without thinking about the possible impact of what they say. You are already reeling from the news of your diagnosis, only 5 days ago. Try hard to keep everything in perspective if you can (not easy, I know). You are not going to know anymore until after your MRI, take one step at a time and try to fill the next few days with lovely things that make you feel happy. You could also ring the BCC helpline to talk through your fears. They are very helpful, knowledgeable and friendly, I am sure they would be a help to you.
Wishing you all the best for next week.
Joan xxx

Guest user
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Can't cope today

I'm 26 years old. I'm married and I've just moved into a project house with my husband. The house has no bathroom, no kitchen and its a shambles. We've lived here for 3 months. I've had my diagnosis for 5 days and today I feel completely overwhelmed. So far I've been really positive. It's early breast cancer only measuring 15mm. its oestrogen and progesteron positive. I'm still waiting for my her2 results. I've had a mammogram now and there's nothing else showing. I've got my MRI booked for weds 3rd April and ill get the results Friday 5th April.

I was having a good day today. I've seen my mother in law and we went out for a cup of tea which cheered me up. The ret of the family have been starting on the kitchen which is good news. Then I had a call from my breast care nurse to book my MRI and results appointments. We had a chat and she mentioned there's a possibility of chemo. She said we had already discussed it on Friday, but I don't recall it. It seemed to tip me over the edge today. I feel completely overwhelmed. I started looking at why I would need chemo if it was this early and then I read up on her2. Now I'm feeling paranoid about how quickly it's going to grow and even when all this is over I it really over or will it affect my life forever more? What if it comes back? I'm only 26 now. It's bound to come back. My head is going crazy today. i don't think I could contemplate the thought of it coming back. Is this normal for me to be feeling like this or am I being over dramatic?

I feel like my whole world is upside down today.


Esther