Can't face another lot of chemo

[jenny5931]

hi
know what you mean a friend of mine rang tuesday , day after 1st fec-t, she said hi now you are better ill tell you whats been going on in my life. she then told me about all the illnesses others had had people i didnt know at all not what i needed. i tried to tell her i had just started my treatment but didnt get it grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
jenny x

[Jayne_m]

I know just what you mean catseye, I had 6th FEC two weeks ago and everyone seems to think that I am fully recovered - hello.... 6 hit me hard, as you say the cumulative effects make it worse each time and although I am through the worst of the side effects now I still have the itch eyes, metallic mouth that feels like it has been chemically stripped (probably because it has) and am so exhausted I can barely get upstairs. Trying to get people to understand is like banging my head against a brick wall, of course I am over the moon that chemo is over but I am not better, not by a long way - still have rads to go then 5 years tamoxifen. I know I will get there, I know I will get my strength back but it will take as long as it takes!

All we can do is keep going and shut out the ungelpful comments. We know people are only trying to be kind and supportive but grrrrr....

x

[catseye]

Hi Becemol,
Well done on getting through 5 and 6, as others have said, it is so,so, hard to face those last few chemos when you know what's coming. And so, so annoying to be told "Nearly over", by people who don't have to go through it. But you have done it and that's fantastic.
The thing "non cancer" people don't seem to realise is that your body doesn't know its the last chemo, so the side effects are just as bad as before and probably worse because of the cumulative effects. It is cetainly not the case that you walk out of the chemo suite and shout "Yippee, I'm fine now".
But, it will get better, promise! As always, it varies from person to person how long it takes, but slowly but surely it does improve. I remember a few weeks after finishing suddenly realising I felt more normal...it was like a big, bright light being switched on!
Take care of yourself, remember to rest as much as you can.
Most people find radiotherapy much,much easier that chemo. Tiring, yes, but overall far fewer hideous side effects to contend with.
Really hope things improve soon X

[Guest user]

Hi thank u all for comments and advise x much much appreciate x.
I did number 5 and got through Christmas , but been so ill since new year can't get it together , had last tax on 11th jan , but feel so low , pains upset tummy that foul mouth thing again , I know was last one every one tells me so soon pass b ok , but I don't feel ok in body or head 😞 .
radio next too , will this nightmare end or will I end first

[Guest user]

Hi Becemol, just sending hugs too, and hoping that you managed your chemo AND a special Christmas. I had TAC 4 on 19th December, and can identify that the thought of TAC 5 is the hardest of all because I KNOW what's coming and I KNOW there will still be one more after that! I just think by the end of Jan I'll be through it (apart from more surgery and poss radiotherapy!) and I KNOW it will be worth it.

Love and thoughts to you xx

[spookymoo]

Hi Becemol I hope by the time you read this post you have (a) managed to have chemo no 5 and (B) and more importantly enjoyed a wonderful Christmas with your partner and your children. I know chemo is absolutely the pits. I had my last one on December 7th. I am stil in pain from the Taxotere, especially in my right hip, which is making me limp about like Captain Pugwash on a good day - the only thing numbing it at the moment is wine so I am drinking copius amounts (all other pain relief NOT working!) . I know chemo is wretched and s+%&*(y and the absolute bloooming pits. Wouldn't put my worst enemy through it! But you can do it and you will make it through. You have children! I have two children and have told my OH he will have to drag me kicking and screaming to any more chemo if I need more. But I will do it. I will drag myself though the flames of hell (which is pretty much how poo chemo is!) if I have too to get well, and you will do be able to do it too! You are nearly done. No one can defeat you, you are a warrior! No one hasd more strength than a woman facing chemo! I know its the absolute pits, its horrid, nasty, painful, poo, but you CAN do it! Sending hugs.

[Guest user]

You have to do it. You're so nearly there.
I know how you feel, honestly, but to go so far and then give up??????? I'm now nearly 5 years out and really don't think I'd be here posting if I hadn't gone through chemo. But I am, and you'll be looking back back soon, thankful that you just 'put your head down and completed the treatment'. It's not pleasant and it's not easy but it will be worth it.
Just complete the treatment and then come back here every year to support those newbies who are doubting the worth of the treatment.
xx

[Guest user]

You have to do it. You're so nearly there.
I know how you feel, honestly, but to go so far and then give up??????? I'm now nearly 5 years out and really don't think I'd be here posting if I hadn't gone through chemo. But I am, and you'll be looking back back soon, thankful that you just 'put your head down and completed the treatment'. It's not pleasant and it's not easy but it will be worth it.
Just complete the treatment and then come back here every year to support those newbies who are doubting the worth of the treatment.
xx

[mandyj]

I too felt at my lowest after dose 4. It was the first of my Tax and it hit me really hard. I threw a massive wobbly and told the onc's secretary that I was not having any more thankyou very much!!Ii knew as soon as I put the phone down that I had made the wrong decision. Seeing my little boy running around laughing made me think that these last 2 doses could be the difference between a cure or no cure and I didn't want to feel as though I hadn't done everything possible to get rid of this disease forever. I have to be honest and say that chemo 5 was hard. I always said that I would not count number 5 and would just aim for number 6, the end!!! But dose 5 is hard because you know you have to do it again before it all stops. The time flew by and I am now 3 weeks after finishing the lot. Start radiotherapy on Wednesday. I think it may be a good idea to delay it for a few days as Margaret says. It's hard as if you are like me I didn't want any delays, i just wanted it finished.
It will all be done before you know it.
Take care.
mandyj.xxx

[Guest user]

Hi Becemol,

Sorry you're feeling so down about the chemo. They are all different, though. A bad chemo 4 doesn't necessarily mean that number five will be as bad. I have had three FECs (should have been 4, but stopped due to bad SEs) and three Ts. For me, the worst ones were FECs 1 and 3. Only one more to go, then on to surgery.

Just a thought, but if your family Christmas is that important to you it might be worth ringing your chemo unit and telling them how you feel. It may be possible for them to delay for a few days and do it after Christmas. However, this could mean your New Year isn't as good as it might otherwise have been. It's a case of deciding what's important to you, and it does sound as though you could do with a break now.

I hope things start to look at bit brighter for you very soon.

Hugs,

Margaret

[Quail]

Dear Becemol,
Oh, yes. I remember well that dread. For me chemo five was the worst. Everyone kept saying all those f***king cheery things like, "Woo, over half way done!!" and I just wanted to give up. To have added Christmas with young children to the mix--well, I'm not surprised you need to have a little moan.
You know you just have to do it, and you will feel better--we're all here to testify to that. Keep your chin up and don't try to push yourself too hard--there WILL be other Christmases. If you can feel these hugs through the internet, here's a big <<

[Guest user]

Hi becemol.
I really feel for you, especially with young children and a new partner. I was diagnosed 2 days after my 61st birthday in September 2011 and had mx 10 days later followed by chemo a month after that. I had 3 Tax with Herceptin then 3 Fec and after the 5th I felt so ill I didn't think I could do the last one but I did because I knew that if I refused I would never have forgiven myself and also my sons and daughters-in-law would have dragged me kicking and screaming to have the last dose. I finished Herceptin on Monday - it has been a long haul but I am feeling good now.
My very best wishes to you to get through 5 and 6 and you will feel such an achievement when you have done them.
Take care and hugs to you and your family,

Liz, x

[Downbutnotout]

Hi Becemol

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so low. People who haven't experienced it think how marvellous it is - 5th chemo, there'll just be one more after that! But having had 4 you know what's coming. I don't have children so didn't have all the extra worries and difficulties that you're having to contend with and it must be very difficult with a new partner and children.

I realise by the timing that Christmas day is likely to be very hard for you. However, you are getting there and if you can just hang in there and get through this and mid January then by the end of January you should be feeling much better and that would be a great start to the new year and on the way to putting it all behind you (as best you can, I know the difficulties).

I know you really have to steal yourself to get through but it will be over 'soon' and then you can look back with relief and get on with your life.

Sending you my best wishes.
X

[Louise_BCC]

Hi Becemol

Sorry you're feeling low, it won't be long before others are along to offer support.

In the meantime, if you feel you'd like to talk about how you're feeling, do call our Helpline. They're open weekdays 9-5 and Saturday 10-2. 0808 800 6000.

Kind regards.

Louise, Facilitator

[Guest user]

Next one 21 dec number 5 now had enough want a nice Christmas for my children not be unwell though it first Christmas with new partner and childrean , can't face another round feeling so low