Can't focus on anything today

Public Archive
1

Hi everyone x

This last week I’ve not really visited, I guess I’ve been trying to forget what’s going on and not face reality but I’m struggling with it today. The MRI results came back last week and doctor said they look “ok” to go ahead with lumpectomy and node biopsies. I feel a bit silly as I don’t know very much about what’s going on and despite having questions to ask felt too scared to ask them … silly I know but I couldn’t find the words. I am booked in for lumpectomy this Tuesday 9th and he’s told me I need a blue dye put in before surgery. When do I find out how bad the cancer is and can anyone offer me any insight as to what to expect before and after surgery please. I am trying to reason with myself but fear is creeping in and this pretend it’s not happening act is really starting to crumble xx

Fiona

2

Hi Fiona . I had mastectomy on Tuesday and what you are feeling is totally normal. It sounds strange but I feel better knowing treatment has started. Before part of me wanted it over and done with and part of me wanted to run 100 miles in the other direction.  We are on an emotional roller coaster. As I had mastectomy then I’m perhaps not best to advise you on the before and after. However what I have quickly learnt is to listen to my body and be kind to myself. What I know is I’ve been given an appointment for 2 weeks post surgery to get the histology results. - something else to stress over ! Big hugs to you xxx

3

Thanks Dawny, that’s a bit like I feel today, I know I need the surgery, I know I need this horrible lump taken out but my mind is just thinking I can’t do this! I’ve tried this last fortnight to “act normal” doing the routine stuff, getting kids up and out to school, going to college, just doing normal stuff like nothing has changed and it’s worked kids are blissfully unaware of how I’m struggling and that’s how I want it to stay, I need their lives to stay normal truth is I’m so worried, I’m hate to complain because I know I’m lucky it’s been found and is being dealt with and I can only pray it’s successful but I’m really not in a good place today and I need to snap out of it xx

4

Dawny I hope you make a speedy recovery from the operation xx thank you for replying to me. The histology is that when they can tell you grade, stage and what after treatment you will need? Xx

5

Thank you Dawny xx take care and take it easy xx

6

You really aren’t alone! I got diagnosed last week, so facing a mastectomy anytime soon…(sorry for swearing), but this **bleep** suddenly got real! I want it gone from my body, but I don’t want to have to go through all that it involves! I am naturally a strong person (or so I thought) up until now. I am breaking down at the slightest thing (like who is doing the washing up). Yet I am “matter of fact” with the actual diagnosis. Hold in there honey! xxx

7

Fee70

 

Well thats good news and a positive about the MRI :)  What you are feeling is perfectly normal and completely understandable but we will get you through it xx

 

Just to let you know I was diagnosed in Sept 16, had a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy (that is what the blue dye is for) in October, 20 sessions of radiotherapy which completed in Jan this year and I am back to my normal work and life (albeit a little different to the way it was),  It doesnt feel like it at the moment but you will get through this and out the other side, honestly xx

 

I would suggest that you write down the questions you want to ask and if you do not feel up to asking them, give them to your medical team and they will provide you with the answers.  remember they are experts and are used to people feeling like this so will not think any less of you for writing them down, you need answers for your own peace of mind and information, they will give them to you.

 

If it is anything like my hospital, I went to hospital the day before to have the liquid put in the breast, it is injected just above the nipple it doesnt really hurt, just a bit of a sharp prick and then it is done.  The day of your op will be when you have the blue dye injected it will be as part of your operation and will be done after you have gone to sleep. You will go to a day ward to await your op and will come back to that ward once you have woken up.  They will monitor you for a little while, you will need to go for a wee before they will let you go home, Your pee and poo will be blue for a day or two but that is totally normal and they will warn you about it, but it soon goes…

 

You will have exercises to do starting the day after your op which are important to do to maintain the mobility of your arm.  You might have two scars, some ladies only have one, one is where the lump is removed and the other just in your armpit where they remove the lymph nodes for testing. They are not big, mine have all biut faded into a line that looks like a crease now.

 

A few weeks after the op you will have an appointment with your consultant to discuss your results and any further treatment you may have.

 

You are doing so amazingly well in maintaining a normal a life as possible with your family, and we will all be here to help you through, just know you can come on here to rant, rave, cry, ask questions any time, there will always be someone to help you.

 

Small steps are the best, one thing at a time.  Hopefully this has been of help, it a scary time but just keep in mind that this is to get that little b****r out of you and on the road to recovery.

 

Helena xxxx

 

8

Hi Fee

I am at a similar stage to you.  Had MRI last week that showed up a ‘bright’ area that I had an ultrasound and biopsies done on today. I have an appointment next Tues to find out results of the biopsies (ultrasound didn’t show anything horrid though) and then will, I assume, find out when surgery will be done.  

It is scary, but we’ll get through it.  It sounds like you’re doing amazingly well so far.  You will be another step closer to being done with this whole thing xx

9

Helena xx

Thank you so much for that message, it has explained some of what I was unsure of and I’m so glad you are getting back to “normal” it really helps get my irrational thoughts into perspective reading about how other ladies have been through this and understand my worries. I’m just in panic overdrive today xxx ?

U2girlie xx

I know exactly how you feel, I also thought I was strong as auld boots but I’ve really felt like a scared child this last few weeks xxx we will get there ??

MandR

Thank you for your message … it’s a tough time x Let us know how you get on xx big hugs and take care xx

10

Hi Fee, a totally natural reaction to what is shocking news. Hold tight that BC is VERY treatable. Just had my first round of chemo this afternoon, then went to Asda, and have had some soup and fruit. I’m surprised myself, I was so scared yesterday ?. Everyone is very different, as are Hospital Trusts and their methods. I attended a one-stop-shop type clinic, and was told in a space of two hours that I had cancer. I’ve had a lumpectomy and total node excision. I didn’t need blue dye, so can’t help you there. You are having biopsies done, so if they are clear you will probably have radiotherapy. It took two weeks to get the results back on mine, and a week for the medical team to meet and decide suitable pathways for me. I then met my consultant and went into surgery after agreeing to a Lumpectomy. In total it was about four weeks. Go onto tips for hospital to make a list of what you need to take with you. My advice would be to trust your medical team, they only want positive outcomes. It is your body, so ask questions. Phone your BC nurse up and ask her to go over everything. Mine was more than happy to repeat what had been said to me. You’ll be amazed how brave you can be, and you really really are not alone. ??

11

Hi

Sorry I haven’t replied sooner, thank you and yes I do feel much better reading these comments I’m going to write my questions down and speak to the nurse. Thank you all so much xx I hate feeling this needy and unsure, I’m normally mrs positivity and Super independent but this has really knocked me down a peg or three xx

12

Hi Fee70, I had a lumpectomy on the 14th September last year and as stated in the other comments the dye is there to check the lymph nodes.  I was out of hospital the following day and had the results of the biopsy in under a fortnight.  I started chemo in December and am now half way through Radiotherapy.  The diagnosis and everything else at the start is a nightmare, but it does get easier and there is light at the end of the tunnel.  With regard to questions, I kept a note book and wrote down anything I wasn’t sure of and any questions that I needed to ask.  You will get through it.  Alison xxx

13

Hi flying

Thank you so much for your reply xx I’m having a major meltdown today can’t stop crying I’m terrified. I just feel totally beaten down and I had to go to gp for a doctors certificate today as my operation is tomorrow, he was telling me how sorry he was about my diagnosis etc and how I should talk about how I feel and that it’s gonna be a long process etc and I just came out of there and absolutely cracked down the seams. I just want to hide away and forget any of this ever happened does that sound pathetic ? I’m just not coping with this today so sorry for being so negative and down x

14

Hi fee. I think we all feel like that sometimes. For me, it’s the waiting for results. I feel positive most of the time, but then because it’s in at least some of my lymph nodes (or was before op last week) and the mass is 10cm ?? If I don’t work hard at keeping myself in check I can go from feeling good about things to being in an absolute state within minutes. Convincing myself that I’m on death row.
To be honest, I don’t think your GP has done you any favours talking like that. We need to be surrounded by positivity. My sister in law cried when she was leaving my house the other day. That didn’t do me any favours either. I plan on having a long life (I’m 43) so I don’t think this journey is going to be that long in the scheme of things. Mastectomy (done)
Then chemo for 12 weeks. Then all thing being well I plan to get on with my life. I’ve had numerous relatives who have had bc and it certainly hasn’t defined them. They’ve had treatment and moved on quickly. We will too. X

15

Hi feelthefear,

Thank you for replying I am trying so hard to be positive today and with two young kids I’m just worried I guess, after speaking to the doctor I felt like my balloon had burst I’ve had a few not great days but overall I’ve been trying to keep life normal, but I’ve really struggled today after speaking to the doctor. My op is tomorrow and I’m a bit of a wimp to be fair so I’m hyper worried and overthinking xx

16

I think you’ll be surprised at how quickly you bounce back after your op. I had mastectomy and lymph node removal and was up and about within 24 hours. I was sitting in the pub having pie within 48 hours. My 3 year old grandson was over for dinner yesterday and I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn’t allowed to swing him around the kitchen. ?
It’s completely natural to worry. I used to worry before the bc when I had absolutely nothing to worry about, so didn’t really stand a chance.
Gettin out to of the house and going to eat nice food and enjoy a glass of wine helps me.
You’ll be fine tomorrow and will have crossed a big part of your treatment off the list. X

17

Hi Fee!
I have come out of hospital today after my second op!
I am have had the same feelings as you and been a total mess!
I have spent 5 days in hospital as I didn’t fancy being at home on my own with a drain!
There were some very poorly people in there which put things into perspective for me! I have a second chance at life and am going to be around to enjoy it!
I am accepting any support I can get and start CBT this week…I have aromatherapy and am going to introduce some more complimentary therapies offered by a local Sara Lee trust.
You will be fine tomorrow another step closer to recovery!

Sandra x

18

I can’t thank all of you enough xxxx so sorry forblurting all this out … I just don’t want to be a burden to my family and feel guilty that they are all so worried and I’ve bottomed out today on being positive xx tomorrow is scary but I know the doctors will look after me xx

19

Thankyou Helena! x

20

Thank you Helena I will xxx

Hi Debbie yes coming on here as helped me so much. I can say how I feel without feeling guilty about it if you know what I mean, the support I’ve received has been phenomenal and it has helped keep me sane. I understand what you mean when you talk about other people feeling the same it’s so reassuring to know that how you feel is the same as everyone else in this horrible situation.

Hugs to all of you and thank you xx

Fee xx