Dear Tigony sorry to hear about all that your going through , as if breast cancer wasn't enough . I think the nature this disease makes it a lonely one , everyone's experience of it is so unique . At times I find myself surrounded by people who love me or want to help me but yet I still feel so alone . We can only be kind to ourselves and give ourselves time to heal emotionally as well as physically Bad things happen but life still goes on and maybe what doesn't kill us really does make us stronger,............. we live in hope , have to really . Can I just say it's lovely to have somewhere like this website to express yourself and maybe help someone in the process . XX
Dear Helen, I am allowing myself plunges of self pity, which I then try to climb out of. I find my mood is a bit unstable. I am also going through a divorce from my abusive ex, who I left 7 years ago. He doesn't know about my BC, but will be told soon. I am doggedly making myself go through all this, but with the odd day when I literally can't move from my bed for misery. The main thing is loneliness, and a longing for someone to come and look after me for five minutes without being asked. But I know it is silly, and I soon pull myself together and get on with my life.
Your right about this breast cancer lark being a funny old business , 15 weeks ago they were words never even needing a mention in our home , now we are lucky if a day goes by without them coming into play , life's bizarre xxxx
Good on you Helen - it is fine to feel whatever you feel, whether that is Cr*p OR Bl**dy fantastic! And it can change from day to day - very odd. Yeah, the sentinel node thing is really weird - numb for a while then getting sore weeks later when the feeling comes back. It's the nerves healing apparently but when it's numb we don't feel them, so i suppose we should be glad they are knitting together properly or whatever they do. I still get the odd little twinge from the node site occasionally, and i have a bit of a stretch then.
I think you are spot-on about feeling not in control (which is really important for me too) and I remember that before my op I was so determined not to get a chest infection that might have delayed it (winter time, everyone I knew had viruses........) that I hibernated for a fortnight, had an online shop to avoid the supermarket and didn't socialise till the op was done. Looking back, I think that was about me trying to have control over at least something at that time, though I didn't realise it at the time, and it kind of worked for me. We certainly find out a lot about ourselves during this process - "another flipping growth opportunity", as a friend wryly remarks whenever something challenging happens to them! Funny old business this breast cancer lark. Take care. xxxxxxx
Thank you for your kind words I really appreciate them , i to had SNB which thankfully was clear (couldn't remember how to abbreviate it , fuzzy brain !! ) . Strangest pain I have ever felt and I had 6 children naturally !! . I don't know if it's just a coincidence but since I started radiotherapy my underarm has been very painful again ?? .I also had reconstructive surgery to both breasts so have quite extensive scarring but I can live with that (I think 😕 ) My life wasn't perfect before breast cancer but it was in my control and they were my choices and my decisions , hopefully I will feel like that again , sooner rather than later ...... God just read this back and I sound so sorry for myself and what's worse , I don't even care 😞 xxxx
I think how you are feeling right now is so usual and it does pass, honest. I was absoiutely fine from diagnosis till the end of rads (I had WLE and SNB as well, and 15 rads, no boosters). It was when the rads finished that instead of feeling euphoric as I expected, I felt a bit "flat" as though "is that it then?". I think you are right - we are so focussed on getting the lump out and getting on with the radiotherapy, that when it ends we can feel a little "lost". I was pleased to see my oncologist a month after the rads ended just to have contact with a health professional, even though all was well with my surgery and rads and I didn't have any problems at all - but it did help to have the appointment with him.He said it was very normal to feel a bit "flat" after the whirlwind of treatments that suddenly stop, and that it would pass. And it did pass, quite soon after. I can reassure you that life does get back to normal sooner than you might imagine. Exactly 6 months after my op and four months after the end of rads I am doing everything I did before, plus a few things I didn't do before, and have had a holiday in Greece last month and am off on holiday at the end of this month. In a way i feel I've had a second chance so am grabbing life with both hands. You're right about so much changing, but for me the changes have actually been for the better. Don't rush to "get back to normal", just pace yourself and you will find normality resumes at its own pace. How you are feeling right now is just another step in the process. Very best wishes to you.xxx
Hi ladies thank you so very much for replying to my post , I had a grade 3 , 27mm IDC and low and intermediate grades DCIS . I was diagnosed in march and had WLE 11 days later. I have to take Tamoxifen for 5 years then will be changed to another drug , I am 13 out of 15 days into Radiotherapy which I am coping with quite well just sore tired and hot . I was sooo positive when I first found out but now I just feel lost , I've just been swept along with the treatment ( which I am very grateful for ) but I just don't know what to do to get my life back to normal , so much has changed in such a short space of time . I feel bad for feeling so negative but it all seems beyond my control. I am seeing my consultant in July so maybe that will help ?? , thanks again ladies
Hi, are these clips a new thing for radiotherapy? I've heard they put clips in for those having chemo first so they know where the tumour was. I was diagnosed 10 years ago and there was no mention of clips for radiotherapy boosters. I had 7 boosters, the oncologist came and was looking at notes then marked where the tumour had been. Also my tumour was only 17mm and grade 2 so not large or aggressive Actually I just remembered lol I did have an area of high grade DCIS removed too so maybe that was a factor in the boosters
HI Helen I can see why you would feel anxious about that. I thought they put clips into everyone. I was a bit put out that no one mentioned them to me. I just spotted mine on the year on mammogram. I didn't have a boost either & everyone else did. I don't know why they decided that. The radiotherapy doesn't make that much difference if your recurrence risk is low e.g. If you have 2% chance of it coming back you only gain c.10% (depending on your exact diagnosis) which makes .2% difference. Doing things like diet & exercise can have a greater impact. So if you've had the main rads, don't worry about the boost, it would make even less difference. Might be worth asking about why the clips were omitted though. Hope you're feeling ok. xx
Hi I was just wondering if anyone else was told they would need a boost but was unable to have it because they didn't have any clips put in to pinpoint the tumour site during WLE . I feel very concerned about this as it not that I didn't need it , it's just adding to all the other things I am trying to deal with , which I am not coping well with at all 😕