Dear All, I am posting this on behalf of a new user.
Yesterday i found out that I have cancer in both breasts. I have to wait 2 to 4 weeks for an MRI scan then another 2 weeks for surgery. Slowly going mad. Any advice.
Dear Newbie
I am so sorry that you find yourself in this position. The initial shock and uncertainty are horrible though most of us find that when the treatment plan starts to become clear it gets easier to get your head round. We all cope differently but here’s what I have found most beneficial. My diagnosis was 15 months ago, I ended up having an mx,short for mastectomy,reconstruction and chemo and am still under reconstruction - it can be a lengthy process.
1.Don’t tell everyone you know and don’t expect your family and friends to know how to support you. I have found that the women on here are in the same place and actually do understand better than anyone else how I’m feeling. If I need to rant i do it here and there are no repercussions!
-
Get advice from other women in the same boat. Don’t panic about options etc and feel you need to decide in the Doctor’s office - write it down and come on here and get other people’s experiences, it can help you make decisions that you can live with.
-
All breast care nurses are not the same - some are great, some less so. Do not rely on them as a source of information. Also, there is not a lot of really helpful information out there in relation to some of the aspects of bc, such as intimate relationships, this is a difficulty area for most of us.
4.You will probably find that you get a weird upbeat sense of courage to get through treatment.
- It’s horrible and it changes most things in your life but most of us come out the other side of treatment still coping.
Think that is all for now
Do take care
Love
Jane x
Hi,
Good advice from Jane - I agree with everything she says.
I agree that my ‘new friends’ on this site are of far more help than my family and existing friends. I am sorry if that sounds weird or thoughtless, but for me at least it is true.
Get as much info as you can. This site has loads of info and help, especially if you have the time to dig around a bit. Take time to consider any options that might be available to you.
I always take a notebook for questions and answers with me when I go to the hospital - I forget things otherwise.
Sending love and best wishes.
Thank you for your comments. I’m still coming to terms with it, but early days yet.
I told lots of people about my diagnosis and it really worked for me. I have young children so still doing the school run twice a day. I found the support from other school mums amazing and many of them have said that the fact that I was so open about what was happening to me made it easier for them to offer to help me as they didn’t feel difficult talking about it.
Everyone’s different and I think we’re all agreed on this site that you just have to do what works for you. But just thought I’d pass on my positive experiences of telling people.
This site is amazing and you will always get brilliant support here regardless.
Take care
E xx
Hi and sorry you have to be in this club that none of us wanted to join but you will get lots of suppport here.
Whilst you feel that you’re going mad, you’re not - you’re actually reacting very normally to an awful and shocking situation, so don’t beat yourself up about it.
Whilst we all suffer the same disease, each of us will have a different and unique cancer journey but will share some common fears and dark thoughts and therefore we know and are able to understand exactly how you feel.
I was diagnosed with cancer in both breasts 7 and 1/2 years ago at the age of 44 and well remember the horror of my diagnosis.
I had bilateral mastectomy with right axillary clearance (3 out of 15 nodes affected)chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
Immediate reconstruction was not an option for me but I have since had reconstructive surgery.
I can only say that for me, the waiting for tests and results was the worst time.
Once I had a treatment plan, I felt more in control and better able to cope.
Of course, the treatment is not easy but it’s “do - able”.
I can remember thinking that I could never imagine a time where cancer wouldn’t be my first thought on waking and last thought before sleep (what little I had in my early diagnosis days!) and it’s only with the passsage of time, that this is not the case.
I took all the support I could get, from health care professionals, family and friends and was lucky enough to be referred to a cancer care centre which offers complimentary therapies.
I had hypnotherapy, aromatherapy and relaxation classes and having been very sceptical about them, I found that the therapies really did help.
We all have to find what works for us.
You will get so much advice and support here and if you’d rather, you can send a private message to anyone, rather than post.
Don’t be afraid to ask ANYTHING here, even if you think it’s a silly question - trust me it won’t be.
Do keep in touch and take care x
Hi Super Tutor
So sorry you had to join us, but a better bunch of gals you wont find. It is very tough at the beinning. I was diagnosed in Sept and can still remember the horror. Everyone will say it, but it DOES get easier. It helps when you have a treatment plan and know exactly what is wrong, what your options are, how long it may take, etc. I have had surgery and start chemo this Fri. In a sick way, I cant wait, cos i can see the end, even though its a few hard months away. Feel free to pm me if you prefer, or I will read your posts and offer support and guidance where i can. Its amazing how quickly you change from a newbie to an informed regular!
Take care
Julia xx
Thank you all for your support. I don’t have much else to say at the moment, I need to think.
I’m a private tutor and one of my concerns is what to say to the parents and students.
Super Tutor
I just got an appointment for my MRI next Wednesday. I suspect this is to tell them whether both cancers are primary, or if one is a secondary. Please let them both be primaries
Will be thinking of you Wednesday - please let us know how you get on x
Super Tutor,will be thinking of you Wednesday.The wating is the worse you will ever go through,best wishes and good luck.
Take care,
Ann xx
Had my MRI yesterday and now I am so depressed. I had something to focus on and now it’s just waiting for the results and then waiting for a date for the op. I’m fed up with being brave!
Hi Super Tutor
So sorry for you (((Big hugs))). Don’t feel you need to be brave all the time, especially on here. Think of ALL the things you want to shout, cry, scream, or yell about then write them down, either to us, or on a piece of paper just for you to see. It does help and many of us have used a few *****s to keep the language clean. Do you have anyone at home who can listen and give you physical hugs? I found it easier for all my family to cope by saying exactly how I felt so that they could do the same. We have had tears followed by hugs and usually a cake or something for extra comfort!!!
Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself.
Love
Margaret
Hello poppy
I was diagnosed with breast cancer on 20th oct my birthday, having my op next week 24th, I have chosen to have a double mastectomy. I have also thought I was going slowly mad, playing a long waiting game is awful. I have found the forum to be very friendly and full of useful info. I wish you well with the mri. take care, love Tracey
Super tutor
I remember exactly the panic and anxiety i felt when waiting for results of mri and bone scan. I had the tests the day before my outpatients appt with onc. It was in some ways amusing, cos she didn’t initially mention the results, but when i asked her, she said oh yes there are clear, but it was only in one lymph node! it seemed that one node was nothing to worry about as spread unlikely, but i didn’t know that! The sense of relief was palpable. I truly hope you have good results and am thinking of you.
Take care
Julia xx
Thank you all so much for your helpful comments. I feel much better today. I have a wonderful husband who listens when I need to talk and leaves me alone when I don’t.
Thankyou again.
Super Tutor may I just say that if you have bc in both breasts then one is not a secondary-honestly!It is either 2 separate primaries[likely]or a recurrence of the first one.As long as it hasnt spread outside the breast tissue then its not secondaries.The MRI will show if there has been any suggestion of spread elsewhere.I have done private tutoring after taking early retirement from teaching.I would tell the mums once you know what is going on and leave them to decide what,if anything,they tell the students.
Wishing you all the best,
Love Valxx
Thankyou Val
Hi super tutor
i have had breast cancer in both breast, 3 years apart… one was a grade 1 hormone positive then a new primary grade 3 hormone neg… but had no node involvement with either and no metastatic disease out with the breast.
i also have a friend who was diagnosed with cancer in both breasts at the time of diagnosis, 2 nodes affected and no disease spread.
if you only have 1 node then the chances of having secondaries is slim.
take care x
I should know by the end of next week, according to the breast care nurses. I’m feeling a bit more relaxed, until I get a date for surgery there is little I can do.