I 14 when I first had cancer and just couldnt keep my mouth shut about it. It improved over the years but I still needed people to know I had had leukaemia. 30 years later breast cancer hit me and the urge to keep talking has hit me hard again. Its particularly hard when your hair grows back and you look normal on the outside…
I seem compelled to bring my experiences into conversations; even as the words are coming out of my mouth and I am hearing them, I cant stop myself.I do know that when most people ask “How are you” what they want to hear is “doing well” or “on the mend” or something else short and sweet. They dont actually want to know about chemo side effects or the infection I had in my breast.
Does anyone else have similar experiences?
Meant breast care nurse
You aren’t alone I just gave up in the end and find that chatting on here is best thing I ever did.A lot of people don’t like to talk about it so don’t listen either.Maybe chat to B.B NURSE or a counsellor or just give vent in here take care and just tell them your fine uf they aren’t listening xx
Dear drdspg, Yoyu sound just like me. I tell anyone who wants to listen and I do not know why I do it. I have tried to stop as like you said people just want a simple answer…and I know to stop when their eyes start to glaze over 
. Do not worry about it. If it helps you and makes it easier to cope just go with the flow. PM me anytime you want to offload and then you can listen to my moans in return . Let us know how you are getting on. Val
I find I’m the same. It’s almost like I need people to know that although I “look well” I have had this enormous thing hanging over me for the last 10 months. It’s odd, because when people tell me I’ve been so brave, or how much they admire me that feels silly too! I’m feeling quite conflicted about it!
On the other hand, it has its perks. 
On Weds I had my last rad Tx, and my son and d.i.l came to support me finishing and ringing the bell, then I took them for lunch afterwards. When we got there, I recognised the dtr of the owner, as I had looked after her after she had burned her face and hands some two years earlier. She was sporting a bandaged finger, and I asked her if she had burned herself again! Then she recognised me, and much to my surprise remembered my name, and asked me how I was. So I told her I had just finished treatment for breast cancer! (Thinking “shut up, and tell her you’re fine!”, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself!)
Anyway, upshot was we had a free lunch! When I tried to argue about that, she told me I had changed her life when I treated her burns, and she was pleased to give something back! So sweet. I nearly cried. I don’t really think I could have changed her life, but I do remember how extremely anxious she had been about scarring on her face, even though it wasn’t really too bad of a burn! So I guess what goes around comes around.
Hi all
I hate to admit it, but I’m just the same. I can’t let it go. At first I kept mentioning cancer because the more I said it the more it became part of everyday vocabulary and made it seem a bit less shocking to me. I still have issues with my hair because it’s just not me yet; I’m carrying a lot more weight because I’m waiting for recon - so again, I feel so unlike me and am very self conscious because I don’t want people to think this is the way I am normally.
I sometimes say to my colleagues I’m very tired because it can be a struggle getting through the week at work, but they say, “Oh, yes, I’m tired too,” and then I feel frustrated because my tired is so intense, not a normal, pre-cancer kind of tired but a combination of all the treatment and the subsequent underactive thyroid (which although my blood tests say it’s now normal range I just don’t feel that way). When I get home from work, or if I try to exercise to shake it off, I just end up fatigued and lie there feeling dreadful for a couple of hours.
Another issue I have is that they all think life is sweet as I’ve ‘recovered’ and it’s all behind me, but most people don’t know the prognosis which hangs over me.
On the one hand, I’m sorry you’re all in the position of understanding, but on the other hand it’s reassuring to know others are the same. Thanks for posting it Drdspg!
X
I’ve only just found this thread and some of the posts are very reassuring .I also find the need to talk about the cancer and initially everyone was keen to listen. However, as time has gone on, some people seem to almost think that because its now been 7 months, I shouldn’t need to talk about it anymore!
I finished chemo 4 weeks ago and start radiotherapy next Tues-24th Sept. Generally I don’t feel too bad but find my joints are really stiff and painful, particularly in the morning. It tends to be my ankles andhands/ fingers. Also the wrist that I had my chemo in keeeps swelling. The last time was quite bad and I struggled to use my hand-very weird. Ukelele, I also have difficulty getting up in the night for the loo! I have to “shuffle” to the bathroom.
Flori, its interesting to hear about your underactive thyroid. I have also just been diagnosed with this though my GP thinks its probably chemo related. Do you have to take anything for it ie Thyroxine or did it resolve itself? My GP hasn’t started me on medication but wants to check it again in 6 weeks and if still underactve, will then start me on something.
Although all the side effects are a pain (some literally!) its very reassuring to know others have them as well so I kind of feel that its not just me.
Take care everyone :smileyhappy:
It seems we all cope in our own different way - and no one can say what is “right” or “wrong”. I wanted to leave all my cancer experience at the hospital and ignore it when I was at home, whilst my husband felt he needed to talk to anyone and everyone about what what happening to us. If it makes you feel better to talk about it, then go ahead. At best you are giving people the opportunity to learn all about chemo and the treatment, and if they are not interested you are giving them the opportunity to learn a little bit about empathy!
I really want to talk about things - am 6 months post-op/treatment - only radiotherapy - but people do think you’re over it and it’s never mentioned. I don’t like to bring it up as I feel I should be ‘over it’. When I have tried talking about things to my partner he couldn’t and one close friend hasn’t been in touch since I had the op so I’m mindful of boring people and quite often it’s difficult to put into words how I’m feeling. I had just started a new job when i was diagnosed and so I don’t have much of a support during the week and feel that I’m having to prove myself constantly as I’m the new girl. Hey ho!
Flori, I know just what you mean by the response " I’m tired too" - it drives me mad. The other one if you are worried about recurrence is " well I could get knocked down by a bus tomorrow". This was my major bugbear as a teenager and I would explain with my teeth gritted that the probability of getting run over by a bus was x, and the probability of relapsing was y and that it was y that I was worried about. Whilst they had risk x of dying, I had x+y !!
I feel as if I should be a bit more mature in my responses to platitudes as I am sure people mean well. I think the problem is that it highlights just how little people understand and makes you feel even more isolated…