You sound very level headed and in control. I had surgery first at the recommendation of surgeon and oncologist because tumour was too large and even with chemo wouldn't have shrunk enough to save my breast. I think you know your body and how you will react. If I had my time again I would have them both removed!
I don't know if that helps but listen to what you want as well as medical advice and don't be afraid to put your foot down
Good luck