Coping with bad news and seeing people fall out during treatment

[CK]

Routine indeed Rosie!!!! We are not a machine!!! Simetimes you just have to laugh afterwards eben if not at the time.x

[rosietd]

When I got my treatment plan, someone remarked that “it all sounded very routine”. ROUTINE??!! It might be routine to all the wonderful medical teams but it is very definitely not routine to me! 

Suffice to say, I have not spoken to that person since.

xxx

[feistyflora]

Hi CK

I have sent you the title of the book as promised. Quite a while ago I remember someone started a thread on the MacMillan breast cancer site listing all the stupid things people say to us, some were absolutely unbelievable! You know what they say "ignorance is bliss" so there certainly must be a lot of 'blissed out' people out there.

[CK]

Feistyflora
Thank you for the message and you hit the nail on the head. Please send me the title of the book. Si ce treatment Ive still been trying to hellp people but I have since changed as can feel my heart beating when I hear bad news. I can relate to eveytjing you wrote. My friends husband died on Monday so she is full of devastion and guilt but yes, Iam leaving it to her 3 daughters.xxx

Confused daughter
Another post I can relate to and have decided to concentrate on myself and be with positive people, especially right now. Life a a river sounds good, it will flow and continue, just like us.xx

Lady Bowler
Im wearing those trendy updated pants! They are helping. I hope you and Colin are well.xx

Rosie and Jencat
I just blabber on what Im thinking as I kbow you ladies can relate. Hope you are both coping well.xx

Xena
Yes, you are right and Im leaving it to others to deal with their problems and grief. As for the idiot I feel I will let it pass but it still lingers on my mind as I was shocked at what she said...hoe in sensitive and nasty!!!;

Ladies, thank you for listening and it does help. The threads are a little different as when I post I feel they arent seen and some may just post without reading previous ones so some posts get lost and change of subject.

Im resting up after Herceptin on Tues and Docetaxol yesterday and wairing for SE. Had a lovely walk into the village with my cousin for lunch and a wander and now resting up. Leys see whsts in store in the next few days.

Lots of love.xxx

[Xena75]

Ah Ck, sorry to hear you have had this upsetting news. I really do agree that at this time you need to concentrate on yourself, be there as an ear and give a hug, but don't take too much on. I'm sure your friends daughters will look after her beautifully. 

As for the other woman and her idiotic comments, let them fly over your head, people are idiots but that's their problem, not yours. Just take a step back from her. 

Xx

[feistyflora]

Hi CK

You are obviously a lovely caring person but there can be such a thing as caring too much. Yes really. There is even a thing called White Knight Syndrome, although that applies to men I think. I also once commented that maybe stress could trigger stuff in our bodies and I was howled down (or words to that effect) for even daring to suggest such a thing but that thought did cross my mind too. I used to care too much and I was always 'rescuing' people, until one day it all rebounded horribly on me and 'bit me on the bum'. Then by chance I came across a certain book and it made we wake up, smell the coffee and realise what a mistake I had been making always putting other people before myself. I would like to send you the title and author of this book in a private message if you have no objection. I would urge you most sincerely to concentrate on yourself at this very difficult time because chemo is hard and it takes a huge toll on the body. By all means listen sympathetically to your friend but she is an adult. I would gently advise you to take a step back and let her solve her marriage problems by herself. Please, please put yourself first, it is not being selfish just sensible. As for those silly comments people make, I have heard quite a few myself but I just laugh them off nowadays. Best wishes x

[Jencat]

CK, I was so sorry to hear the sad news about your friend's husband, such a shock for you all. Thinking of you and sending a hug xx

[rosietd]

Ah CK you talk so much sense. Lovely to hear from you.

xxx

[ladybowler]

CK

Oh my dear I am so sorry to hear about your friends husband, so sad but I am sure with the support of her family and certainly having you there will be of great help to her.

What an idiot that other woman was, dont waste your time or energy on people like that, they are just not worth it. I hope she is reflecting on what she said in the cold light of day and in a sober state.

Right mrs.  especially for you the super spangly strictly tough pants are winging their way to you with lots of hugs

Helena xxxx

[Confuseddaughter]

Hi CK

I read your post and funny enough had s conversation to someone I don't often speak to about these things (they're unaware of mum) but anyway she was so calming and optimistic and life and focused on being around positive people. For example I went for a curry on Sunday with two of my long time friends hadn't seen them in ages and you know what it was lovely to be around sincere people who genuinely care about you and make you laugh.

People are selfish at times and it always comes back to them, but you know what be around people who make you feel good and happy and take your minds off things and will be their for a chin wag or a shopping trip or meal.

As for the bad news I'm resly sorry to hear that, life is so unpredictably sad, and unfortunately, these bursts of sad news we come across happens - another friend (one j went for a curry either Sunday) actually said it's life and need to look at life as a river not a lake...

A River keeps going, keeps flowing despite its rapids and bumps along the way - where as a lake sits still.

Keep your chin up xxxxx

[ann-m]

Hi CK,
So sorry to hear about your friends husband, what a terrible shock.
Sadly, as we all know, life does not go on hold when going through this & it still continues to throw these s****y things at us.
So big hugs all round...
ann x

[CK]

Hi ladies
Its the deep writer again:)
I was in tears yesterday and was in a state of shock as my friend rang me to tell me her she found her husband dead in his sleep, so sad and even though it doesnt get any worse 2 months ago she told him things werent working out and wanted him to leave. She confided in me and I told her to think clearly and dont make any hasty decisions as they have been together for 17 years, so she listened and didnt push too much and didnt want him with nowhere to live (the house is hers and he paid towards rent)which showed that she still cared! I made the decision to ring him myself as I know he would need someone to talk to too but being a man he wouldnt just go to someone. I asked what he had in his mind and he agreed he needed to make an effort and instead of going to the pub after work to go home. They hoth work long hours! I tild him to send her some flowers and to tske her out more and he agreed. This is 10 days ago since I spoke to him and I will never see him again. Im so sad:( My friend is now really suffering with guilt and Im not in a goid position to help her. She does have 3 daughters of her own and grandchildren which helps but she is absolutely devasted!

Then a couple dags ago a couple of people fell out and if I didnt intervene it would've got worse! I can't just ignore a bad situation!

Then a different kind of situation is when one stupid woman who I assumed had a few to drink asked me If treatment has stunted my growth!!! Its nice to meet someone smaller than her! I am tiny but what f...!!! Really? Is that something you really ask someone going through this! I then ignored her and she dug a deeper hole and said well its nice to be small!! I looked at her in the eyes and said 'Can you say sonething nice?' I can have a laugh about most things as I am quite cheeky myself but I'm sorry to use my treatment was low and!!!She of all people should undersysnd as she has a son with problems and has probly gone through tough times with him and I was so attentive to him after meeting rhem once b4!

Not to sound selfish but everyday there seems to be some bad news crop up and I do often worry whether this can trigger stuff off in our bodies! I appreciate my friend telling me and I would have been upset if she didn't but it got my heart beating and I was down. And rhe stupid woman got my heart beating too! But we cannot avoid coming across bad news or idiots in our life as we need to live life as normal as possible if it lets us and when we have so many friends, family, colleagues, customers, there are bound to be things happening that we need to know. We cannot live in a bubble, yet they say stress is no good!
We really do need to cope with so much ladies, we need to give ourselves a big pat on the back and borrow Lady Bowlers big pants as much as possible!
Tomorrow is another day!!!xxx