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Dark Place

83 REPLIES 83
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Re: Dark Place

Hi Corrine

Hope it all went ok for you. Let us know how you got on.

Love
Andi

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Re: Dark Place

Corrine,

wishing u all the best for tomorrow xxxxx
louisexxx

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Re: Dark Place

Hi Xiaoping

I, like you, had grade 3 and had a WLE and lymph node clearance last year. I have just completed my treatment, so it can be done! There's no denying its a tough time, but it is doable.

Take care

Julia xx

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Re: Dark Place

Hi,

Sorry to hear that from you, I share the same feeling you had.

I was just diagnosed with invasive BC (grade 3, ER+) on 18th June 2010. Currently I am waiting for HER2 result and MRI scan, WLE/SLN op.

I was shocked and terrified at that monment when I was told, as I am only 47, and have no family history. But I am strong enough to overcome that feeling, since I know it is not helpful.

I pay my attention to the next steps, how to prepare for the op and find more infomation for the further treatment to prevent it return. By doing that, I feel much easier over the waiting time.

This is why I find you and this web. I just registrate today, and just read through a few of comments, and would like to put my issue to share.

I like the ideal of starting a new journey, so let us have a good plan and good preparation for the unknown future.

It is so nice to meet you here and share the experince and feeling.

Cheers,

Xiaoping

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Re: Dark Place

Hi Corinne

I just wanted to say all the very best for tomorrow. I hope the rest of your tests were OK.

Let us know how you are. Keep posting you'll get so much support on here from people who understand because they've been there and done it.

Sending you courage, grit, determination, so much love and hug hugs.

Jan xxx

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Re: Dark Place

Hi guys

Thanks for all your comments.

I have been to the hospital today to have an ultrasound on my lower parts!! The doc states there is nothing untoward on my liver, kidneys or stomach.. one test down two to go - after this news i managed to eat a whole pack of the crisps!!!!

have a bit of a wobble yesterday tho.. had to go into the hospital for my pre-op assessment and they sent me to the wrong place... i ended up in the chemo ward, and on seeing a row of dummys heads with different scarfs on i just burst into tears.... think they thought i was mad, ended up calling my bcn down to calm me!!! i then started ranting about where the cancer could be - bet i sounded like a neurotic (?sp).....

Back into hospital tomorrow to see consultant and sign forms for op... fingers crossed for the results of the chest xray..

Bcn has already told me there will be hot spots on my ct scan for bones as i have Rheumatoid Arthritis!!

Hope every else is gud..

Thanks for your support and encouragement

Corinne

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Re: Dark Place

Corinne

I admire your strength through this difficult time. I appreciate how hard and scary it is. I don't have BC but my mum has, I'm posting on her behalf because it affects us all.

Keep strong x

luamar
Member

Re: Dark Place

Hi,

I've been diagnosed last year and i have a young son too. I havent got the right words for you but just that you are not alone. This dark place will go and soon you will smile again.

God bless us all.

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Re: Dark Place

Hi Corinne

Hope the tablets are doing the trick and you are getting some sleep.
Good news that they are operating this week- I'm in on Thursday- at least they will get the "baddies" out!

As for the other aches and pains,try not to let your imagination run away with itself. Before you were diagnosed, you would never have let a little ache manifest itself into something more sinister! Far too busy being mum, chief cook and bottlewasher!

I hope you have got your childcare sorted out. My boys are off for a long sleepover at their cousins and are really excited. Luckily they will only be around the corner so will be able to pop in and see me.

Re food, I'm finding soft fruit the easiest to eat and good for you too. Lots of strawberries, grapes,raspberries etc to pick on. No preparation required!

Best of luck for Friday, Corinne.
Hugs and love

Andi

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Re: Dark Place

Corinne, you sound so much like me at the mo - every time I eat, I can't swallow (throat cancer!), cough twice (lung cancer), pains in arms and legs (bone cancer) - no wonder we're so bloody stressed!!! The breast cancer is quite a doddle really compared to all our other problems - ha ha!
What, lovely positive people on this forum, I hope you have found some comfort Corinne, I know I have and I've only been 'signed up' for a few days!
Best of luck on Friday - Complan full of calories/nutrients, so good to drink (even if you do have to hold your nose to do it!) and a robust red wine to follow!
Norma x

tors
Member

Re: Dark Place

hi corrine,

well done on being proactive today, its a big step getting people to listen and help and now you have got tablets to help you, plus you have added a lovely supportive gp to your team of people who will help you through this. My gp has been fantastic and it really helps to have them there.

Glad your op has been brought forward, so much better to have less time to stress and just get started on your treatment.

Hope you sleep tonight,

love

Vickie
xxx

libby_2010
Member

Re: Dark Place

Hi Corinne Pleased to hear your GP was so supportive and to the extent of making you another appt too.Its good that your surgery is soon now you can get on with treatment and the minimum of time to stress about it ( if you can do such a thing on diazepam?)Remember if you have lost weight you maybe able to feel bits of your anatomy that you couldn't before eg ribs and other bony bits. They are not cancer which has spread.Our imaginations can run riot can't they? When the surgeon drew my boob to show me where my lump was there was a big dot which I was fixated on and was positive that was another cancer that had not been spotted earlier, when I asked him what it was he said with a deadpan face that's your nipple lol. My BCN knew exactly what I thought and she and I managed to have a good laugh about it.Sleep well Jackie

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Re: Dark Place

Hi Corrinne,
So glad that you are getting some better support now and you have some medication to help. At least your op will now be done quickly so you won't be spending weeks dreading it, before you know it it will be done and you will be home, usually in hospital a couple of days...not long, and in the meantime you will be organising everyone.
One of my lumps was grade 3 (I was greedy and had it in both breasts) and I had node involvement and yes (pinching myself) I am still here and intend to be for hundreds of years yet:-))
Take care, look after yourself, here if you need
Hugs Suze xx

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Re: Dark Place

Hi corrine,

Am glad that you were able to see an understanding GP. My cancer /was Stage 3 but also had no lymph node involvment.

Although uoi still have anxieties I think you are coping fantastically, like i knew you would and you will be fine on Friday.

Louisexxx

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Re: Dark Place

Hi Corrine

I'm so pleased you managed to see an understanding GP. Just so you know, my tumour was also a grade 3. It just means its quite active. The good thing is you are getting your surgery quickly so can get on with the treatment.

Julia xx

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Re: Dark Place

Hi Guys,

Sorry post is so late - had trouble getting my boys to sleep.

It has been a long day today!!

Spoken to the gp (different one) she has given me diazepam 2 mg for in the day and 5 mg for the long nights (which she says i can double up if ness).. She was so supportive and has even made an appt with her tomorrow in case i need further support (her suggestiion not mine).. i was well impressed.

I got a telephone call from the bcn today asking me to go into the hospital, (start of the first panic attack of the day).. why!!! had they found something really bad.

Got to the hospital, and they have now scheduled me in to have mx on friday (queue second panic attack) - why the rush!!!

It just appears that they have a slot in the surgery schedule and wanted to get me in..

Tumour is a grade 3 - not gud.. but apparantly most young women have the more aggressive type.. lucky me euh.. She couldnt give me any further info. Though she did say that she thinks it is unlikely to have spread, but on asking why she thought this, it was because i was young and would be in more pain had it spread - does this make sense to anyone??

So i am now sitting here panicking about friday and what they will find.... not sure if i want to know now...

How paranoid is this? - was sitting here earlier feeling my stomach, again that scared feeling is not just in your breast.. and i found a very hard long 'lump'... only when i had calmed myself down somewhat did i realise that it had a pulse!!!! Just shows you what the mind does.. i will now stop feeling any parts of my body.....

Hope everyone else on here has a a gud day, and that tomorrow will be better for all!

Corinne

tors
Member

Re: Dark Place

hi corinne,

how did today go? How are you feeling? Hope your absence from the forum is a good sign,

take care

Vickie

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Re: Dark Place

Hi Corrine

I do hope that the red wine helped you sleep. Good to read your post last night you do sound like you are getting in control and your yogurt is a start to eating again!

Good luck with GP today.

Love Anne x x

lisaf
Member

Re: Dark Place

just read your post now and so reminds me of myself i cant even go back to thinking how scared i was and the week of not even going to bed just crying all the time and panicing about a cough, bad back and everything was it and i couldnt control the panic - my bc nurse was great - hope you get some peace tomorrow xxxx

scottishlass
Member

Re: Dark Place

Corinne you do sound a bit better tonight. I hope the glass of wine gets you off to sleep and you get some rest. I do hope you have a supportive GP and that you feel more like yourself soon. Take care of yourself first and the rest will all fall into place....it will you know. Love Val

tors
Member

Re: Dark Place

hiya

yes, you do sound a bit stronger,i will have to get some of those shape yoghurts if they do that for you!

good luck tomorrow

Vickie

marial
Member

Re: Dark Place

Hi Corrine,
Yes you do sound more in control, well done. You are just as brave as the next man (or woman!). Read the words of "Hero" by Marah Carey, and you will see. (google hero lyrics) Good luck with your doc tomorrow with the help of your Dad.
Hugs Maria

sandra4
Member

Re: Dark Place

Corinne, Well that made me laugh! 'reassuring and no nonsense' if you had seen my posts when l first came on here, you would have thought l was mad! l had so many lymph nodes infected thought that was it! took me ages to calm myself down! And in a month or so you will be giving the same advice to someone else in a panic about their diagnosis.
Really sorry to hear about your Mum, my Dad had alzheimers,dreadful illness. hope your dad is coping, sounds like he will protect the family very well, my Dad was like that.

Yes to the Wine, far better than any tablets!!

Lots of Hugs
Sandra xxx

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Re: Dark Place

Thanks guys

Sandra - thanks for your advice - pls dont take offence, but you sound exactly like my mum did before she got dementia, reassuring and no nonsense - calm your selp type of advise - it was lovely - actually made me smile remembering my mum before and how she would have been - thank you.

Well girls - i know this sounds stupid, but i have actually managed to eat a shape low fat orange flavoured yoghurt!!! I know its not much but first thing to pass my lips today.

I have considered going to the out of hours gp, but round here they are an absolute nightmare.. it takes me over half hour to get there and then you end up waiting for eternity.. think i might try some red wind instead!

I have read every single one of the post you have all put on my thread and i want to thank all of you so much - i have been crying through a lot of them and i admire the strong women that you are, and the openness that you have, and willing give to others.. i know that is corney, but you are all so brave. (and very nice women).

One more night to go and will be talking the a very stressed GP.. My dad may be elderly - but he protects his family with his whole being.

Thanks Again,
Corinne

Ps i have just re read my post - and i actually sound a bit better....not so panicky - u think???

sandra4
Member

Re: Dark Place

Hi Corinne, Hope you have managed to get the children in bed and some time for yourself, you have had so many possitive messages you must take the time to read everyone.
Have you tried eating anything yet? perhaps a little toast, or whatever you feel like. just as long as you have something. You have your children to get up for in the morning, and hopefully by then you will have had something to eat and a few hours sleep.

I remember those early days, when l did go to sleep l would wake in sheer panic, but it will get easier as you get a plan started on your treatment, and getting your life back together, just such a dreadful shock for you.

So sorry to hear you are by yourself in this, hopefully your oh is good and will help with the children.

You don't need me to tell you how much support you will get from this forum

Take care Corinne, and stop looking for every little lump and bump! probably an ingrowing hair! as for your lungs! l am sure they are fine, 'suddenly cant get my breath' as you say 'still having serveral panic attacks' you are stressed!!
Take it easy
Sandra xxx

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Re: Dark Place

Hi Corrine,

I'm sorry your day has not been good, however I'm glad that you have had some support.

Do not worry about your knee.I think you need to be honest with your family and ask for help , even if it means your ex playing a bigger role, it is only temporary. These panic attacks are just that panic attacks. They are a fear that you cannot rationalise. we all fear stuff but it is how we deal with that fear. Tomorrow y have you need to be firm with regards to asking for something to help you sleep and also talk about your fears and how they are impacting on life. If you have a cancer centre near you find it and utilise this.you will be able to accesss alternative therapies. Also when you have your treatment plan it will make things a little easier.

Aslo the banana smoothie is a good idea, andif you can't sleep come on here during the night and someone will answer you.

Louise

tors
Member

Re: Dark Place

hi corinne

sorry today has been hell for you, i promise it will pass but its horrific going through it. Could you phone your out of hours gp for a visit or go there tonight? When you are tired it is harder to cope and things feel much worse, its a chicken and egg situation. Maybe you could get something decent to knock you out tonight. Try breathing in the paper bag for your panic attacks, it helped me. Where abouts are you in the country?

Vickie

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Re: Dark Place

Hi Corinne

It is good to hear that you have your family and friends are supporting and the children through this difficult time.

Good luck with the doctor tomorrow and don't leave until he is giving you the help you need and deserve at the moment. Let us know how it goes and I do hope you get some rest tonight. When you haven't slept for days it is so difficult to get a decent sleep. Belive me it will get easier.

Lots of love Anne x

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Re: Dark Place

Thanks guys for all your posts

Dont want to go on too much, but my day has not been gud..

Still having several panic attacks, and suddenly cant get my breath, which in my mind means i have cancer of the lungs!!

My parents have been with me all day, i think they are trying to calm me down, i took myself off to bed for a bit, but ended up just lying there having cold sweats.... so much for the lovely summer day euh!!

My ex has stayed all afternoon to help look after the kids, but i am so hyper - everyone just keeps on telling me i will be okay, but this just doesnt seem to go past my ears - which hear it but dont transmit it to the brain..

To make things worse i have now found a lump on my knee.. this again gives me the chills. any ideas?

I am so sorry to go on about this, i defo need something to calm me down.. hope the docs do their job tomorrow..

Theres to the rest of the night, gonna be another long one

Thanks for all the thoughts and hugs you are all sending me..

Corinne

libby_2010
Member

Re: Dark Place

Corinne just wondered how you were doing. I have no answers to your queries but would echo what Sarah AL said about the lymph nodes. Lots of us had/ have lymph nodes and that is why we get everything thrown at us, ie. chemoIt does not mean that the BC has spread.Hope the appetite improves whether you have surgery or chemo first you need to keep up your strength and especially for your little ones. Hope all goes well with your GP tomorrow and that your dad can help there too. Just after I was dx ( just before Christmas 2009) I was so anxious etc that I was in almost unbearable physical pain and that is how you sound. Eventually my brain could not sustain that and it lessened I think that echoes what Anna's psychiatrist friend said. Also lost my appetite despite all the tempting goodies around with it being Christmas.Do keep posting and hope all goes well tomorrow.Jackie x

annalou24
Member

Re: Dark Place

Thanks Val...I so related to how she is feeling ! It's terrible when you can't eat. The banana smoothie is exactly what I used to make for myself !
I remember going out for a pub lunch with my mum and dad and other family members. I was trying to eat so as not to worry them. I had a jacket potato and just about managed 2 forkfuls. Then my dad got me some strawberries and cream, bless him . I almost threw up trying to eat it.

Corinne, please believe it is not physically possible for this horrible shock feeling to last forever. A psychiatric doctor told me that, so I know it's a fact !!

Anna XX

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Re: Dark Place

Hi Corinne,
So sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. I found my lump on 28.05.10, saw the specialist on 09.06.10 and was told there and then I had cancer, they didn't need to wait for the biopsy results as it was obvious from the ultrascan and mammogram! Like most people I already suspected the worst so was relieved when she said that it was totally treatable.This sounds daft but I actually took strength from this and became determined to beat it. My boys are 5 and 8 and their father can't cook so I am going nowhere!

The results on 16.06.10 show Grade 1, oestrogen supplied lump and it's coming out on Thursday, with sentinel lobe thingy then radio/chemo.

If it helps I told my children that Mummy has a baddie in her boob which the dr is going to cut out. Then just in caes there are any naughty baddies left they are going to shoot them with a Ben 10 laser gun or poison them. But the poison doesn't like hair so it gets spat out. They are both really chilled about the whole thing and are going on Club Penguin to buy me a wig! Bless.

It is going to be a rocky old road for a few months but you need to stay focused and determined to win the battle. My mantra is live through it not die from it.I know its tricky but you CAN do it!

Stay strong.
Love Andi

tors
Member

Re: Dark Place

hi corrinne

I am worried about how you are doing, please post. You sound like you will have a busy day tomorrow with gp and bcn to talk to. I spoke to the helpline here too when i was in the darkest places, the lady was lovely and really did help. I also remember now that i took nytol a few times too and it helped, would agree that that would bea good temporary solution for tonight,

take care
Vickie
xxx

scottishlass
Member

Re: Dark Place

Anna that was a lovely reply you gave to Corinne. Isn't it strange how things can change and that you can learn to live with devestating news and get on with you life again. When you are newly diagnosed you think that your life has come to an end.....and it hasn't.
Corrine, I am recommending a banana milk shake to build up your strength and you can get the kids involved too. Very simple, a couple of bananas, full milk, and a large dollop of icecream ( a dash of vanilla extract if you like that), whisk together either in liquidiser or a braun stick thingy. This milkshake is full of goodness and easy to swallow when you do not feel like eating. A straw helps too. In fact it soiunds so good I may jusy go and make one for myself. How are you today Corrine ? Love Val

annalou24
Member

Re: Dark Place

Dear Corinne
I hardly ever come on this forum anymore, but saw your post and thought I would add my two pennyworth...

I was dx at the end of July last year (2009) and can't believe almost a year has past since that dark and horrible time.

I did not have node involvement, but I don't really think it makes as much difference as we are sometimes lead to believe.

I remember being just like you. I could not eat or sleep. I lost over a stone and went down to a size 6/8 ! I looked terrible.I got myself some Complan shakes to keep me going. I found the stawberry one was ok and I could manage it better if I sipped it very slowly through a straw. I know it is hard, but you must eat for the sake of your 2 little ones. I have 2 kids as well, a bit older than yours at 12 and 9 when I was dx. Maybe you have the odd moment where hunger sort of breaks through the anxiety/sick feeling ? I know I did. Seize on those moments to stuff your face !! Also try making some smoothies from fresh fruit and milk etc; your kids will probably love these as well!

If you lose too much weight I think they can delay your surgery as you won't be strong enough to make a good recovery from it. So please, please try to eat !!!

I had to go on holiday the week after dx (it was all booked and paid for). I would not have got through this without Diazepam and sleeping tablets (Zopiclone). You must go back to your GP, or see a different one at the practice, and ask for something like this to help you. As a single mum, you need the strength from eating/sleeping to look after your kids. When on these tablets, I found my appetite came back and I was able to keep my strength up for the surgery.

When I went in for surgery, my ex had the kids for a week to give me time to recover. He took them away on holiday so they had their minds taken off it all.

You won't believe me Corinne, but it really does get easier. As time goes by and you don't actually die, you kind of get used to the shock, so that it is no longer a shock...does that make any sense??

I am now almost a year on. I have gone back to work, moved house and hardly ever think about Breast Cancer. You will be the same in a year and will most probably be on here helping others newly dx.

Sending you a big hug ((((()))))

Anna xxxxx

Let us know how you get on . PLease PM me if it helps at all.

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Re: Dark Place

Hi corrine,

How has your day been?

Louise

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Re: Dark Place

just to try to answer some of your questions (although I am not an expert, and you should take the list with you to see them or ring the bcc helpline)

i understand that BC is the most curable cancer?
- I know that on the whole there are very high survival rates these days. better than most other cancers

does this mean they can even cure the bc that has gone to other areas?
- yes, if the other area is lymph nodes

- is that what the chemo does? - partly, it gets rid of stray cancer cells that might have drifted away from the tumour

-Does lymph nodes being infected mean that i will be infected elsewhere? - not necessarily, I and many other had infected nodes but nothing else, lymph nodes actually help to trap cells and stop them going further

If the lymph nodes have taken elsewhere does that mean i will have a tumour elsewhere? - I think this is the same ans wer as above

scottishlass
Member

Re: Dark Place

Hi Corinne, i had a large tumour and it had spread to my lymph nodes. I was given chemo to reduce the tumour before I had any operation and it reduced the tumour a great deal. I did survive to see my children grow up. But I remember feeling as scared as you are now....crying my eyes out....and thinking the worst. No-one can wave a magic wand to make you feel like you used to but I do think you need to ask for help just now. Either the Breast Care Nurese at the hospital....or your GP. If you want you can even request to see a different GP at your doctor's surgery, someone who will understand just how you are feeling just now.
Someone mentioned the smell up their nose. It could be several things, nothing to do with cancer. It could be the amount of pollen just now and a nasal-spray from your doctor could help. Or it could be the fact that you are not eating and drinking enough? I am not doctor so these are only suggestions.
Is you ex partner any support to you during this difficult time? I do think you need someone just now to give you some support. My Mum and Dad didn't cope either and I have a photo of my Mum and I around that time and she looks more depressed than I was. It is not easy for close family when they see someone they love have all this worry to deal with. They are probably as scared as you are just now. Keep posting on here. Someone will be around. But I do think you need to speak to someone prefessional who may be able to help you more. Take care, love Val

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Re: Dark Place

Corrine,

I will tell you my story in 2008 dec time i found a lump, did the right thing got it checked out, referred to hosp core biopsies, mamogram etc, told everything ok you have lumpy boobs, blah blah blah come back in years time, exact same thing in 2009 told everything fine blah bl asked what i would like to do be discharged or have lump out. I asked for lump out and even after op on 18 Jan told it was ok, it was only a week later i was called back and told I had breast cancer. After all tests for staging mine had not spread it was Stage 2 with no lypm node involvement.

Whilst it is hard not too you need to hold onto some positives . You have 2 beautiful children your Mum and Dad are there for you

My earlier suggestion with regards to contacting your bcn she will have a ream of information with regards to local places of siupport it may not be Maggies or the Haven.

How long did you try the breathing exercises for, just the once you may need to keep doing them , is there any relaxtion classes near you. I am having a massage at maggies on Tues free of charge, look at alternative therapies like massage, and accupuncture

How is your relationship with your ex? have you discussed your bc with him. he may have to play a bigger role apart from when he has your children . I won't deny having 2 young children and doing chemo is harbut i had help from my mum and dad, esp chemo weekend as that was when i was at my worse. They would take the boys so i rest.

Can you get some nytol or bach rescue remedy for today and that might make you feel less jittery.

With regards to your questions re bc, don't think too far ahead. write down your questions when you feel less anxious and then you can ask your dr the questions thet next time you see them.

find one task to do today that you can do with your boys and enjoy

Louise

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Re: Dark Place

Thank you both for your comments

I just cant seem to dig myself out of this very dark hole.. and the pit in my stomach is getting bigger and bigger.

i am so scared that i missed the first signs of this thing and that it has spread throughout my body..

i try the breathing exercises but nothing works - i have no idea if there is a place near here.. never had to use before!!!

How did you cope with your young children? I want to be with them so much but feel so hyper around them, was it the same for you?

I need something to calm me down just so i can get through the day in a normal manner for the kids, and the nights - well they are a living hell..

i understand that BC is the most curable cancer? does this mean they can even cure the bc that has gone to other areas? is that what the chemo does? Does lymph nodes being infected mean that i will be infected elsewhere? If the lymph nodes have taken elsewhere does that mean i will have a tumour elsewhere? I have soo many questions and this is what scares me, cant seem to get answers from any of the professionals which makes me think it is the worse poss dx and that i will not see my kids grow up!!

Corinne

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Re: Dark Place

Hi Corrine,

Just wanted to say hi, so sorry you are feeling bad today, i agree with Louise little bits at a time and feel proud of your self for doing it. It does seem totally overwhelming at times but it does get easier.

Lots of love and hope your day gets better.

Jayne xxx

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Re: Dark Place

Hi Corrine,

sorry that today is not a good day. However that is what we are here for. You can off load your fears to us as somewhere on this forum there is someone who will have been in exactly the same place as yourself.

Please eat a little something today and remember that you are a strong, empowered woman who can get through this. Also whilst your Dad maybe upset about how you arte feeling, never feel that you should hide your feelings because in the long run that could make you feel worse.
I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old have just finished my chemo and will be having a WLE on the 19 July> Whilst it has been hard it has been doaable.

I saw at the beginnig there was an issue with your GP refusing to prescribe a sleeping pill. Personally i would ring up your BCN tomorrow and speak to her and maybe your breast surgeon could give you something. In the beginning that was how mine was prescribed.

You have until lunchtime before your children come back could you ask your ex to keep them for an extra hour so you could have a nice long relaxing bath, amyve extra hour in bed

I think we bacome more sensitive to our bodies and every new ache/pain is th cancer spreading or it is getting worse. it is m ore than likely the aches and pains that we had before but as strong empowered women we would ignore and get on with our lives.

You are a fantastic woman and you will get through this. Today set yourself a small goal even if it is to go to shops and buy a newsppaper and fell proud of yourself. Tomorrow you get in contact with your bcn and you tell her your fears, sleeping issues and hopefully you will get some sound advice

Do you have a Cancer centre near you. Like Maggies or the Haven they are fantastic

Louise

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Re: Dark Place

Thank you all for posts.

Having a really s**t time right now.. couldnt sleep at all during the night, and now i am sitting here crying my eyes out.

My ex had the kids last night and is bring them back at lunchtime and i have absolutely now idea how i am going to cope with them.

My parents have just come round to help me, and i this all i have managed to do is upset my dad with my uncontrolable sobbing.

I am so sorry to post something like this on here as i know there are people who are worse off than me....

i have to vent it somewhere..

Corinne

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Re: Dark Place

Hi,

Lymph node involvement seems very common and definitely doesn't mean there is no hope. Even people with secondaries can live for a very long time with good treatment. My mother has recently been diagnosed with BC with lymph node involvement and she is being treated with masectomy and hormones. The doctors are very positive about her prognosis.

Try and eat little bits if you can't manage a big meal. For some reason i find I can tolerate noodles during periods of grief, even if nothing else.

Thinking of you - it's a tough time but hang in there, lots of people in same boat.

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Re: Dark Place

Corinne I would echo the breathing exercises advice. The count 4 in/out one is v similar to a yoga breathing exercise. I actually took up yoga towards the end of chemo, and have done it ever since (I am very un-sporty, but got on very well with this which can be done very gently). If you can get to a class, or something similar, you would probably find it helps.

Another (more complicated) breathing exercises I read in a book, and helps if I can't get to sleep, goes something like: imagine your are breathing in slowly through your left toes, all the way up to your hip, the breathe out down through your leg out through your toes (yes, really! just focus on that leg). Do this 7 times, then swap to other leg. Then up through left leg down through right leg, then reverse - all 7 times. Then start on left fingers through to shoulder and down, then right arm, then up one arm , across chest, down through other etc, 7 times each. Then I think it moves on to spine, breathing up from base to head and down, then the last bit is the whole body from toes to head.....except I never got there, was always asleep before I finished! It takes a long time but is very soothing
Sarah

libby_2010
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Re: Dark Place

Corinne we posted at the same time at least you know what lol is))Vickie's advise re the breathing is something I was also told. Breath in through your nose for a count of 4, pause and out through you nose for a count of 4 pause. It slows the breathing down which can speed up when we are anxious or panicky. I was also able to access relaxation class at a local Macmillan centre and wished I had known about it earlier. Can you ask about any complementary therapies that might be on offer too. Take Care Jackie

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Re: Dark Place

Tors

Thanks for the reassurance and the ideas to calm myself down.
i have rheumatoid arthritis as well, and i know these pains but suddenly they have become cancer

Defo need to go to the docs get some happy pills to manage me until thursday.

Otherwise i will be totally unable to understand anything that the docs say to me and will be a size zero - lol...

Jackie - thanks for the advice about asking the bcn to come into the appt with me. Means i will be able to get her to translate the docs, as i sometimes find it hard to understand them.. My best friend is coming with me to the appt - she has got time off work, rearranged childcare etc - and she lost her mum to bc so she is being so gud to me.. u learn who your friends really are!

Corinne

libby_2010
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Re: Dark Place

Hi Corinne good that you have managed some toast.It is not unuasual to have chemo first, I too had it prior to surgery. Whilst my lump was not especially big it was in 2 quadrants so the Onc and the surgeon decided this was the best option for me. Everyone's treatment plan is tailored to them and the results of scans/ biopsies are taken into consideration. As mentioned before write down your questions and take someone with you if poss. Also can you arrange to see your BCN after the appt or can she sit in on appt with you. There is also a BCC booklet called something like BC and its treatment which has questions which you might like to ask. I know in the early days I did not always 'hear'things and my information processing ability was shot too.Not sure about the catarrh. The abbreviations take some getting used to. It took me ages to realise that lol meant laugh out loud and not lots of love although the latter did not fit in doh)))Take care Jackie

tors
Member

Re: Dark Place

i haven't heard of similar myself, and it doesn't sound very likely, but i know you will be thinking every possible thing you are aware of in your body is cancer related. We all do when first diagnosed, and i still do now a few months on, but ladies seem to get a sense of confidence back in their own bodies over time. But it doesnt make it any easier now.

I have been trying to recall things that helped me get through that stage.

My sister gave me a breathing exercise i used a lot at night, breathe in for count of 4 then breathe out for count of 5 and keep repeating until you calm down. If somebody rubbed my shoulders/head/hands/feet etc that soothed me too, especially with relaxing oils, but i had to have telly etc on to distract my mind, silence was no good for me, too easy to think bad stuff.

I also had lavender relaxing type sprays for my pillow, and a friend made me up a bachs rescue remedy. It helped, though am still not convinced that it was what was in the remedy itself that helped, but the action of having something to do when the panic and fear gripped me did help- find the bottle in my bag, get it out, shake, fill the dropper, drop the drops on my tongue, put the top back on, put it away. This all helped calm me down.

I had a paper bag with me in case of panicky breathing. I had loads of magazines on the go as i could not focus on books but having them managed to distract me if only briefly.

I also went with the flow and cried a lot, i had to get it out .

You will feel better i promise.

xxxx

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Re: Dark Place

Thanks guys

This smell i have, which is intermittent, has been there for the last three weeks or so.. I did go to the docs at the time, but he just prescribed antibiotics.. but i still there..

I worried it is the cancer gone to my lungs..

The nights are the worst for me, make me think of all sorts of things..

Corinne