Debs is still with us. She was here when I was first diagnosed, and was still here when I was going thro' chemo, was trying to recover from chemo etc and had my scares.
She was such a powerful force, I can't imagine life after her on the boards. I really mourn her loss. I will miss her.
She was a lovely lady (that's a term not given lightly when you're my age).
I have not been on the site for a while, but am so saddened to hear the news about debs, she truly was an inspiration, my thoughts are with you and your family xxx
Thankyou for sharing that with us, it all sounded perfect and Im sure Debs would be so very proud of you all and happy with what you chose.
I feel quite sad that that was the last posting you are going to make...I surpose its because I looked forward to coming on here everyday to read what Debs had written and the last couple of weeks Ive been coming on to read all the love and surport messages to you and the messages from you...I will miss both Debs and your postings.
I really wish you Ian and all your Family very much love and luck in the future. Please know that Debs will never be forgotten by many of us on this site, and her postings still being read everyday.
I hope that you know if ever you need to, please come back to the site and we will all be here for you.
Much love to you Ian 🙂 x
Debs, will never forget you xx
Thank you, Ian. You are the girls are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you Ian, You have given me something to think about......regarding funeral arrangements......I know what I do NOT want but am not sure what I do want.....so to make it easier for my husband and daughters I will do as you have suggested and make some serious decisions soon. I have bone mets and have been living with this dreaded disease for over twenty years now.....but there comes a time when "we need to get out house in order".....so that is at the top of my to do list for 2010. Wishing you the strength to get through the next few months. Much love Val XX
Thank you Ian
Thanks Ian - great post. I'm sorry that this will be your last post, because there is support on this forum for husband/relatives too. Nevertheless you will have many decisions to make in the long and short term, and I am sure the wealth of experience you have accrued with Debs going through the whole bc thing, will nevertheless prepare you for anymore crap that life will throw at you. Say yes to any genuine offers of help and bugger off to the gawpers of misery.
You take care x
Ian - thank you so much for letting us know about the funeral - Debs has been on my mind so much and she is really mourned and missed on this site - i know i feel very bereft so it was so kind of you to include us with this - You have also made me think I have not been able to put things down / make decisions about my funeral but hearing things from your point of view has made me think about how that will be for my friends and family - i hope i can now do it- i wish you well - Debs love for you ( and you for her) shone through all her posts - take care , and thank you ....jayne x
Thank you Ian. The service sounds a beautiful tribute to Debs.
Good Luck to you and to all of Deb's family, facing life without her.
that is so kind of you to spare some time to write and let us know how things went at debs funeral. i understand as well what you are saying about lettin family members know what you would like at your funeral, even though im sure debs didnt worry because she felt confident you would handle this in the way she wanted. you seemed to share a lot of the same thoughts of mind, so im sure she would have been looking down smiling at you.,
i am at present about to start another dose of chemo because my cancer as spread, but i hope i can deal with it in the couragous way debs and yourself did.
i hope this year is a peaceful one for you and your family, cos more than anything that is what i feel debs would have wanted=
take care x
What a beautiful and moving account of Debs' funeral, Ian. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I am sure that Debs is very happy with all that took place, she lived for her loving family and would have been so happy that you all managed to organise things amicably for her.
You take care
Hello this is Deb’s husband Ian.
I thought I would just let everyone know the funeral service seemed to go very well. The chapel at Manchester Crematorium was full and I had managed to get hold of a number of her old friends so even if they could not manage to get to the wake afterwards, they were able to pay their respects at the service.
About half the “congregation” then went on to the White Lion pub in Manchester which Debs used to manage in the 80’s and which always remained her social base when we went into Manchester centre. We were joined by a good many other people unable to get to the actual service.
In the past Debs and I had often talked about her ideas for the service and she had pondered a “green” casket and a humanist service but in the past few months when she became much more ill she was much less willing to discuss it.
Her daughters and I were desperate to organise something she would have been happy with so the absence of specifics was a bit of a nightmare and could easily have led to disagreement and upset among us if we had had different ideas about what she would have wanted but we made sure we all agreed on everything so there could be no regrets or recriminations afterwards.
Although she had mused about wicker caskets and half-a-dozen other other types of ceremony, as I say, nothing was ever properly written down which was very unusual for Debs. We decided that at heart she liked tradition so went for a lovely dark oak casket and we ummed-and-ahhed about whether we should ask for no flowers except family. I hope she was happy with our choices
All I knew for sure was her choice of four songs because she had played them to me and her eldest, Samantha and explained why she chose them. They were Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley as we walked in; Our Love Is Easy by Melody Gardot for me; It’s Your World Now by the Eagles for her girls and Don’t Rain On My Parade by Bobby Darin to lift our spirits as we left. In the absence of any other definite instructions from Debs we decided to have an Anglican priest coordinate the service, linking a couple of simple prayers, the songs and a couple of eulogies, one from her best friend Elaine and one from me. It was nerve-wracking for both of us but the adrenaline got us through even though we each both really struggled with our last paragraphs.
I must tell you that in my eulogy I quoted from several of the condolence messages posted here on this thread, they were a beautiful accompaniment to my own efforts to describe my wife and our time together.
This will be my last posting here on BCC so I would once again like to thank all the other members, both present and no longer with us, for their friendship and companionship with Debs.
Also, at the risk of sounding bossy or morbid, I would strongly urge anyone to make it very clear what they want at their service. Each family member has strong views on what they think sums-up their beloved wife, mum, sister etc. and they can be very different.
Good luck to all the women on here dealing with cancer, on top of everything else life throws at you. Good luck also to your partners and family; often our sense of helplessness when we look at you can be overwhelming. I know Debs was helped by the support and advice of others and so I took comfort in knowing she had more than just me to talk to.
Finally, at the risk of souring the tone, may I also ask that everyone here makes sure that the announcement of someone’s passing is done in in the right way, i.e. an “official message” from either the partner / family or a BCC member who has been asked to speak on their behalf.
I cannot begin to tell you how upset I was to discover Deb’s passing was common knowledge before I had even had time to prepare myself to let you all know in a manner I felt was fitting for Deb’s memory. I wrote to the forum moderators to express my hurt but never received a reply. One of Deb’s friends on this site had to be a spokesperson on my behalf and effectively act as a moderator. This is an incredibly unsatisfactory state of affairs.
Love to you all.
I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss - my thoughts and prayers are with you all.
I am so sad at your loss. Reading your words moved me to tears.
Love and strength to you and your family at this truly difficult time.
Dear Ian and Family,
A little late, I am so sorry to hear the passing of your dear beloved Wife and Mum Debs.
Have not ventured on this site over Xmas.
Well what can I say!!, only to loose another one of us to this Ba****d of a cruel disease, pls excuse my french far too soon.....
My sincere condolences to you and yours.
Just wondered if anybody from here went to the funeral? I have been thinking of Debs and her Family alot today xx
Will be thinking of you all today and saying a prayer for Debs, may she rest in peace. xx
I rarely come on the site now,but was very sad to hear of Debs' passing.God bless you and yours Ian.
Dear Ian and family
so sorry to hear of Debs passing. I read many of her posts and saw her on the BBC interview. I am so sorry she has gone and I wish you and your family all the best at this difficult time.
hello ian and family,
i have had connection problems for the last week or so and have only just caught up on your news. my heart is sad that your wonderful wife and mum has had to leave you because of this awful disease. there is very little i can say that has not already been said. it has been a privilege to be a cyber friend of such a special person, i promised to pray for her and all of you - that promise will continue.
my thoughts will especially be with you on tuesday as you say your last goodbyes, may you feel loved and supported by all who love debs and you,
I would to add my sincere condolences to Debs family and friends. I know she will be greatly missed on this forum and that she has helped many people.
I would just like to say that was an amazing,tribute to an amazing lady.Well done on looking after her so tremendously. You are an inspiration as was debs.
Thinking of your family.
deepest net hugs.
I am so sorry to hear this. Thank you Ian for your touching tribute and for taking the time to fill us in on her last hours. It really helps us to know a little of how she went. I am so glad you had all those extra years, but so sad she didn't make it to see the little bean. At least she knew of his/her existence and could share in that joy. I will be praying for you and all the family,Ian, that God will bring you his peace and strength at such a rotten time, especially with it being Christmas.
Missing her 'voice' already
The legacy we leave is a measure of what sort of person we were. Debsincornwall has left an amazing legacy of love, seflessness and help for others, so eloquently testified in the posts made in tribute to her here. As someone who is merely the husband of a woman with secondaries I would like to thank Debs for her posts, particularly her post about mothers of young children with secondary breast cancer. The world really is a poorer place for her passing. Best wishes to her family at this terrible time.
So sorry that Debs has gone and you have lost your lovely wife Ian. To my shame I have been avoiding her thread recently because I found it too painful to read.
Your mutual love and support shone through in her posts and I have envied what you shared. My sincere condolences to you and your family. She was a special person to find the strength to help others throughout her own struggle.
I'll miss her too, her posts informed me,made me laugh, and she was very generous in the time she gave to others on here and through her campaigning. So sorry for your loss.
RIP Debs and special thoughts to Ian and all the family. Your special memories will stay with you and Debs will live in your hearts forever xx
I was so sorry to hear that Debs is gone. Ian thanking for taking the time to write that lovely post.
with love and prayers for your and your family
Words fail me, I cannot begin to feel how you must all be feeling right now, but cyber love and hugs to you all,
Ive been following Debs post for a while now but have never posted before...so apologies if Im doing this wrong!
Most days I would log on at some point to catch up with Debs news, Im really sad to come on here and to read of Debs passing, what terrible sad news.
Debs was a great help to many on here, even the slient ones like me. Her posts would never fail to cheer me up and make me laugh, even on the bad days I would take great comfort coming on here and knowing Im not alone...I will forever be greatfull to Debs for that.
Ian your post was lovely, thanyou for sharing and letting us all know. You are a true credit to Debs. My thoughts are with you, the girls and the rest of Debs Family and Friends.
I can just imagen her showing the Angels how to do the poo dance lol!
Thankyou Debs and see you in the next life xx
Ian, I have just seen this. I am so sorry to hear the news. Debs was a wonderful lady (well you know that) and your words were a great tribute to her. She was lucky to have you, as you were to have her. She will be sorely missed.
Much love and strength
it's just the saddest thing and so wrong, see you soon debs wherever we go, hxxx
What a wonderful moving tribute Ian to your wonderful wife.
My sincere condolensces to you and yours at this dreadful time.
I read many of Debs inspirational posts and will miss them very much.
Thank you for posting such a wonderful tribute to Debs, I hope you get the support you need, just as Debs provided so much support here to everyone that needed it. This forum will not be the same without her, she was such an inspiration.
I am so sorry to read this news. Thinking of you at this dreadful time.
Rest in peace Debs.
Thinking of you all at this sad time. I didn't know Debs but have read many many of her posts and have found them helpful and comforting. She was an inspiration and will be sadly missed.
What a wonderful tribute from Ian. I always read Debs postings for her wise words and sense of humour:she will be greatly missed. Now that JaneRA has passed on too something seems to have gone from this site and it won't seem the same to me anymore.
Thankyou Ian for thinking of us at such a difficult time. My heart goes out to you. Debs will be very sadly missed by her 'other' family - all of us here who looked forward to her posts. I'm sure I speak for everyone here when I say we've lost someone special.
Thank you, Ian, for taking the time to post your beautiful tribute to Debs. I am sure it is nothing near what you want to say from your heart; but in cases like this, words are useless really.
My prayers will continue for your family and the difficult times ahead as you absorb this shock. Just know that we are with you -- let us know if we can help....
Rest in peace - Debs - Shalom.
I have posted details of the funeral arrangements on a separate thread so this can continue to be used by people to express their appreciation and sympathy.
How very sad, your words brought tears to me,it's really tragic to lose such a lovely lady and your loss must be insufferable.
My thoughts are with you all at this very sad time.
I am so sorry to hear this sad news. My thoughts are with you and your family. A lovely,moving tribute to a truly inspirational lady.
I will raise a glass to Debs
Ian, what a lovely tribute to Debs, I send my love to you and all the family. Debs was such a caring person to everyone, and will be missed by each and every one of us. love junieliz
My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time.
Ian words are hard to find at times like this, Debs was an imspiration to me as she was to many others. Thoughts are with you and her daughters. Fond memories of the two of us causing lots of noise whilst having chemo!! Mandyx
Ian I was incredibly moved by your beautiful tribute to such a beautiful person and post this with tears in my eyes. I hope you can find some comfort in the time to come that Debs' life and her passing has touched so many people who never actually met her. Thank you for sharing a little of her last moments with you all with us.
God bless, Debs, and sending love & prayers to everyone who loves you. xxx
Another lady gone from this world too soon, my sincere condolences
Just wanted to let you know how much of an inspiration Debs has been to me - I only met her once her last February in Bristol, when I was only two months beyond diagnosis. She spent a while telling me how she was at the end of her journey, but she told me in such an upbeat way that I was very uplifted by her whole attitude. I know that sometimes the P word (positive) is frowned upon on these forums, but sorry, that's how Debs appeared to me and that's the way I intend to deal with my own disease. If I can manage my life with secondary breast cancer half as well as Debs did, I'll be a stronger person than I think I am. Your wife was a very, very special person Ian, I know you know that but she touched so many people in so many ways.
All my love to you and to Debs' daughters. I am sure Debs is looking down on all of us now and raising a glass of red or two, no longer in any pain.
These forums will be a lesser place without her.
Love Lesley xxxx
So sorry to here of Debs passing, deep sympathy to all family and friends.
I shall miss Debs greatly, and I don't think there is anyone else on this site that can come close to filling her shoes. Even during the roughest times you would find her posting to someone in need, and of course who can fail to forget the time she got up from her bed and appeared on television looking postivily healthy - such willpower! She did that of course not for herself, but for the rest of us.
I shall remember her most for her honesty, and her ability to share the worst symptoms of this disease with humour - and goodness what humour. I had never heard of the term 'lady garden' before she spoke of it. We all became intimately aware of the effects of cancer on her anatomy - the poo and lack of it, and strangeness of it. This all gzve us the confidence to say 'me too' - when before we were too inhibited to speak of it. Giving women this confidence was a great gift Debs, maybe none greater.
I find myself without you at a loss.
Rest in peace sport x