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Depression after treatment ends

65 REPLIES 65
Bobsicle
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends..Menieres

Hey drdspq and vankee,

Sorry not been on for a while, was having such a hard time with it all, but with my antidepressants working now I feel a lot calmer than I was..., as vankee said in her reply Menieres is exactly what she said, I'm not sure about if it is connected to breast cancer or not to be honest .... I have a app at the hospital 2moro at the ENT clinic so I will ask.. The exercises have helped abit but not a lot if I'm honest, I'm going to ask if there is anything else that will help me, I feel so sick with it and as you said yankee u do move a lot slower..

Will let you know how I get on 2moro

Much love Bobbie xx
Yankee
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends..Menieres

Dear drdspq -- earlier in this thread I made reference to my having "non-positional" vertigo, having pulled out the papers I realize that, same as you, I have BPPV!  My understanding, as explained to me by the GP at the time of diagnosis, is that this condition is a purely physical one.  It is caused by crystal-like structures in the inner ear getting in the wrong place, and making you feel unbalanced in certain positions.  What I don't understand properly, is if these crystal-like structures are normally in the inner ear, or if the BPPV develops when they appear.  Looking on the web last night, it says that BPPV can be caused by a virus, or that it can develop when the patient doesn't move their head very much.  I also note that although nobody actually says the BPPV is linked with BC, a lot of sites show up when you google "breast cancer and BPPV"!  From my own BC experience, I know that I moved around less while I was going through treatment.  I also have been told by the GP that in this post-treatment stage, my body is more vulnerable to viruses.  I have, for instance, just had a case of shingles affecting my right eye!

 

As for Menieres Disease, my understanding is that it can be caused by immune system problems; so certainly could be linked to the process of chemotherapy.

 

My experience with BPPV, (and I have had it for over 6 yrs -- long before BC reared its ugly head ) is that it is very disabling when you first get it; but you learn to deal with it and it becomes less of a problem.  I got very nauseous at first, but now I don't seem to anymore.  I just have to slow down when it occurs and move carefully.

 

Anyway, hope my thoughts and own experiences are a little bit helpful.  I'm afraid there are just a whole lot of nasty things that happen to us post treatment!  All the best XXXXXXX

drdspg
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends..Menieres

Interested to hear about Ménière's disease as I was diagnosed with BPPV; also an inner ear condition. I wonder if there are any links with breast cancer treatment and inner ear problems?

Yankee
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Bobbie -- just found out from another thread that you are near Salisbury -- so am I!  I have sent you a PM.  Louise

Yankee
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Bobbie -- how are you feeling?  I have been worried about you.

nursemakeyouwel
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hi Bobbie,
Sounds horrible. Just when you think all the anti sickness pills are behind you!!! I really feel for you. I am not too bad at the moment. Had a really rough end to last year and beginning to this but the past 10 days or so I have been feeling a bit better. I had a resurgence of the most horrendous hour flashes after my laparoscopy in January. Couldn't sleep, kept feeling like I was going to explode. Add that the the pelvic pain and nauseai was getting And I got really down. But following advice from one if these forums I cut out tea(don't drink code anyway) and touch Wood the hot flushes have stopped. Still get the pains and nausea but even that's improved a bit so there's hope for me yet. Really hope Docs can sort something out for you. Xx Jo xx
Motherhubbard
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Following first round of councilling decided that this is not the route for me. I feel more positive now that I have decided not to carry on with it. Also managed to lose 9 lbs so feel a lot better. Hope all ok

Bev
Yankee
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Dear Bobbie -- so sorry that you are still suffering!  Yes, I think seeing someone about the depression would be a good thing.  As some wise person told me when I was first diagnosed with BC, "take any help that is offered"!  I don't  know if it is any help, or if it is even relevant, but I have something called Benign non-positional vertigo, which also makes me dizzy.  When it first affected me it was absolutely devastating and I couldn't even get out of bed for the first week.  I was given some medication, but when I read about the terrible side effects I decided not to even start them.  Now, about 6 years later, I have pretty much learned to deal with it.  I still have it, but can  get through it.  I have no idea how this condition compares with your situation -- but you have my full sympathy!

With lots of love, Louise

Bobsicle
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hi Jo ,
I have been taking stemetil tablets but as soon as I stop within a week it starts again 😞 so instead of them
I've got head exercises to do , but if by Monday the dizziness has not improved I will be speaking to the doctor again to get some more ...how have you been feeling lately?

Love Bobbie xx
nursemakeyouwel
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Poor you bobsicle. It's not surprising you are depressed. It's horrible when you just seen to get one thing after another, as if treatment isn't bad enough, then getting lots of other little things on top just add insult to injury. Out of interest, has the Doc prescribed you stemetil ( aka prochlorperazine or buccastem)? This is an anti sickness drug which is also used for dizziness and motion sickness which are some of the effects of menieres. If not it might be Worth asking for it as it is quite effective.
Hope you feel better soon. Xxxxx
Bobsicle
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hi Louise ,
Yes it is all to do with my ears balance , it's head exercises they have given me, and so far they are not working, but it's only day 2, so I'm hoping they will work .....I've spoken to my doctor today and she thinks I should see someone to help me with my depression . She has also changed my tablets to see if they work better... I do hope they do as I don't like feeling this way... Thank you for listening to me moan ..

Love Bobbie xx
Yankee
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Dear Bobbie -- what is minieries disease?  My instant recall makes me think it has something to do with ears and/or balance, but can't quite think how that would be helped by exercises.  In any case, I'm sure its something else that you didn't really need and sorry to hear that you have it!

with love, Louise

Bobsicle
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hey Yankee, I'm glad you had a good time meeting up with others, I wish we had something like that around where I live 😞
I having a bad time again 😞 every time I feel as thou things are getting better, they take a turn for the worst..I've just been told I have minieres disease, they have given me exercises to do to help it 🙂
I say ur friend is so right, about the treatment is the easier part to this whole nightmare

Love bobbie xx
Yankee
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

I'm hoping that the lack of posts on this thread recently mean that we are all coping at the moment!  I went this weekend to the first reunion of the 2013 Febrauary Valentines.  There were 15 of us in attendance.  All of us had different stories of our treatment and recovery, but lots and lots of similarities, too.  We were all getting better; but fed up with how long it was taking!!!!!!  We found the weekend very moving and, perhaps most important, lots of fun!  Hope all of you on here have had some fun moments in the last weeks.

With love, Louise

Yankee
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Please consider yourself well cuddled Bobsicle!  How we are not all feeling totally negative all the time, I do not know.  With this weather in addition to everything we are going through within ourselves ------!!!!!!!!  One of the Ladies on my Valentines FB page said yesterday that she was beginning to think that treatment was the easy part and that life afterwards was the tricky bit.  I think I'm beginning to agree with her!  With much love, Louise

Kazey
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Thanks for your reply, Jo. I know just what you mean about head funk. One of the things i liked about the Galgut book was that it told me that was normal and gave ideas about coping and she's had breast cancer herself and its all about breast cancer. Hope you find it useful.

Kazey

Bobsicle
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hey, sorry feeling really low today, I hate having bad days, have not had one for a week 😞 I wish I could stop feeling like this 😞 sorry need a cuddle so bad
nursemakeyouwel
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Thanksi will do kazey. I got another one written more recently called the"cancer survivors companion" by Frances goodhrt and Lucy atkins. Having a real tough time mentally ( and physically) at the mo and despite a wonderful support network of family and friend and an amazingly supportive husband, just can't get my head out of this funk. Thanks for the reply. Xx
Kazey
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hi Nursemakeyouwel/Jo,

I'm really intrested to hear about Dancing in Limbo. I had a look on Amazon and your right it's a bit wordy but it looks interesting, I might get it. If you read the thread you'll know I keep recommending a book called Emotional support through breast cancer by Cordelia Galgut. It's a much easier read than the Dancing in Limbo one, you might be interested in it. I think it's brilliant, it told me I was not going mad! Anyway, it's on Amazon if you want to have a look. Kazey

nursemakeyouwel
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hi all, I am New to this forum malarkey!! I was 41 when I was diagnosed 2 years ago. Been through all the treatment and had one thing after another since in terms of side effects from treatment. It has been relentless. I went back to work one month after treatment finished but could only manage part time so had to take a huge pay cut and am still working only part time. I get really frustrated and angry as I wanted to be back to normal by now but it's beginning to dawn ok New that that's not going to happen. I have been having counseling for 8 months which has helped me stay of the anti depressants as I get such bad side effects. (they gave me some earlier last year in low dosage to help with terrible nerve pain but they made me feel ill). I am lucky to have a charity drop in Centre nearby where you can get comp therapies and counseling for free. I am also lucky to have a very understanding and supportive husband, poor thing. I can totally relate to everything everyone is saying about tiredness, anxiety and depression and how it's over for everyone else but us. However I do have some light to shed on things in the hope that it may help!! Firstly, 16 months after end of treatment, the post treatment side effectsI had have improved, I had terrible nerve pain, asi said, and although I still get it, it is much less frequent and less painful when it does come. I also had some rare chronic radiation dermatitis which baffled everyone and was so so sore for so long I could wear a bra. Had to spend virtually the whole year in baggy sack like clothing and Big scarves to cover up the freak show on my chest, as I was unable to wear the breast insert to even the chest area out! This is now less sore and I am now beginning to once again be able to wear a bra and insert and hence normal clothes. So things do slowly improve, but battling with access, pains, nausea and tiredness every day is a challenge. I founda book which really helped knew understand why I was feeling the way I was and that I want going mad! It's a bit wordy but I really found it helpful. It's out of print now but you can get it on Amazon etc. It's called" dancing in limbo"z anyway that's my experiences, hope that helps. It's hard to see improvements when they are so slow and over such long periods of time, but they are there. 3 years to recovery seems more like a reasonable estimate to me! Jo xx
Motherhubbard
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Going for first session of councilling today. Don't really know what to expect I will let you know how I get on.
Yankee
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

I truly think that men don't have any idea how to treat us!  I think that they actually need support too, but -- being men-- refuse to accept it when it is offered.

Kazey
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hi Motherhubbard, 

Only just found this reply, sorry. I really hope the book helps you like it's helped me. It's so easy to think your unusual but it made me feel like i'm not the only one and gave me some different ways of thinking.

Kazey

Kazey
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hi Gilly,,

Only just noticed your reply. Your so right that lots of us are struggling and i noticed that on the  threads too. It's so easy for us to think we're the only one. That's why i liked Dr Galgut's book.

Take care of yourself,

Kazey

Motherhubbard
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hope so too. I agree I went back to work after six weeks of surgery as this was my way if coping. He was great to start with but not has gone to the extreme of leaving g everything for me to do.
Bobsicle
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hi everyone,
I think that's just men in general, my husband was brilliant when I was having my treatment but as soon as it finished, I feel as though he's thinking well she's better now, and let me get on with it 😞 I know I'm not back at work yet but I still need some help.... Motherhubbard they won't say it's all in your head honestly, Angie your not nuts your saying it how it is ...I hope things for both of you get better

Big hugs

Bobbie xx
Motherhubbard
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Glad I'm not the only one. I am coping with the surgery as got a free tummy tuck so that's a benefit. Why are men who can be so sensitive suddenly be complete idiots when it comes to us.
angiepops
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

hi motherhubbard

i feel like that too about my partner, ive been fine with everyone except him. dont know what it is either. i went and told the doctors that i wanted to kill him and bury him in the garden!! got tablets straight away. then i felt awful after when i thought about it, but there you go, too late once youve said it. they think i'm nuts i expect!

angie xx

 

Motherhubbard
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

I'm not sure if looking forward to it in case they say all in my head. I have had not a bad day but my husband has done nothing all weekend and so I feel very frustrated. Why is it I feel so resentful towards him. He should be thankful that I am here. There said it , it's out there.
angiepops
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

hi

i like being in bed too. never used to stay in  bed past 6am even when i wasnt working, stay there all day if i could now.

angie xx

 

Yankee
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

I'm with you Bobsicle!  I fear I have become terminally lazy.  I never get out of bed until my Husband drags me. (Before BC, I always used to bring him up his tea!)  I sit around all day and usually fall asleep in my chair in the late afternoon.  Its getting serious now, as we have a plant nursery and this should be a really busy time of year -- our first plant fair of the season is in 2 weeks.  Don't know if it is reassuring or terrifying, but I read somewhere on another part of the Forum that one lady had been told by her Oncologist husband that 3 years is a realistic recovery time!!!

Bobsicle
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hey everybody, hope you are all having a nice weekend:) the weather here is bad Again, we need some sun .....
Motherhubbard , I'm so pleased you had a better week , are you looking forward to your councilling??
I know what you mean about the housework, when I was going through my chemo I used to get so upset as I wasn't able to clean the house , as I was not strong enough. Now though. I have learnt it does not matter if I can't clean everyday , I can even leave it for 2days without doing it ...I can't leave it any longer than that or I do get depressed about it, silly I know but that's just me..
I still get tired a lot some days I just stay in bed until I have to get up, do other people do this ?? Or am I just lazy ? I keep being told that I need to give myself time to recover but surely how long does it take?

Hugs

Bobbie xx
Lols
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hi angiepops , your not alone I was diagnosed may, chemo August to dec just finished rads and now on antidepressants. Feel exactly the same I can't give things proper thought at all. I'm a staff nurse and not back in work yet and I've no idea how il cope when I am. All I can think is perhaps its the body's way of dealing with all the crap we've had but I don't know. I feel as if something is missing and I can't get it back, perhaps it's the new me, hope not though . Anyway your not alone xx ju
Motherhubbard
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hello all. Had a better end if the week as now have got my first councilling session next weds. I agree with all I was lucky not to have chemo or radiotherapy and because I had immediate reconstruction everyone looks at me and thinks I am back to normal. It's the little things that set me off like not having the strength to clean the house from top to bottom. And then it doesn't get done and that depresses me. I am also going to try some relaxation and Bach treatments as this is offered at our local cancer centre. Have a good weekend
angiepops
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

hi all

i was diagnosed 1 year ago this week, had mx and chemo, rads and now tamoxifen. i'm back at work full time since last september, worked a lot through treatment. i had a bit of a meltdown in december 2012 and got anti depressants, which i think are working. i'm struggling to think though, as in to actually focus on anything and give it proper thought. i am fine at work, thats just sorting stuff out, but at home - we are thinking of moving, i jus cant seem to care one way or another - i feel like im slower, got no energy, like ive had something taken away and now i dont function on all cylinders

anyone else had this feeling

angie xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hello all
It's comforting to know that I'm not going completely mad with my emotions. I was diagnosed Dec 2012 and had a mastectomy and an immediate diep reconstruction followed by chemo, herceptin and tamoxifen. You are all so right, you spend a year going through the motions. It becomes our routine and of course we accept whatever is thrown at us. No time to think just get through it. Our poor bodies, they have taken a beating and they are hanging on in there!
Now we face a new challenge, our minds are in turmoil. I never imagined I would feel quite so fuzzy with how I am feeling. I simply cannot think logically and one minute I feel fine and the next I am in pieces. How does that work?! I know we have to accept that this is what happens, but it doesn't make it any easier. I also get so tired in the afternoons and haven't really done anything major to warrant it. It's sooooo frustrating.
Well, at least we can vent our feelings here and not be judged. It's nice to know we are all in good company on this site.
Keep smiling everyone.
Lisa xx
Bobsicle
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hey everybody,
How are we all doing lately?
As you are all well aware I have had my antidepressedants upped and I have to admit I think they are starting to work 🙂 I havnt cried at all for the last 2days :). I'm still taking 1day at a time as I know that my mood can change from hour to hour.....
I've been reading a lot of the treads and I must admit there are lovely people on here that are so supportive to others, it's so nice to know that your not alone and they is kind people out there who really care , and I thank everybody on here 🙂

Big hugs to you all and I hope everyone is well

Bobbie xxx
Yankee
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Motherhubbard -- and everyone else who is posting -- you, we, are definitely not alone.  I am a member of the February 2013 Valentines.  We had a very active thread going during treatment (which for me ended in July)  but have now largely moved to a private facebook page as we are talking mainly about life and non-BC things!

 

 Of the 28  Valentines, there is not one who is feeling anything like normal.  Three of us returned to work immediately after treatment was finished, 2 of those are now on semi-permanent sick leave.  Several others have left the jobs they had before treatment. and have either taken early retirement or are considering their options.  Nearly all of us are or have been on anti-depressents. Most have gained weight, are having sleeping problems and cry a lot.  Three have recently been diagnosed with diabetes.

 

In short, we are finding recovery fully as challenging as treatment.  They don't tell us this when we are diagnosed; but perhaps they know that we already have too much to cope with to be able to deal with this other little sting in the tail.  But Ladies, we CAN get through this together!  So keep posting.  Use this Forum as a place to say anything you need to say and ask for any support you need to have!

With much love and many hugs,

Louise

Butterfly318
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Kazey

 

Thank you for the information about the book.  Looking at different threads it looks like a lot of are struggling in different ways following treatment.

 

Thanks again.  Take Care   Gilly x  

Bobsicle
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hey motherhubbard,
It's not nice feeling that way...I'm hoping to have the same reconstruction as you , cos same as you I think it's the only good thing to come out of all of this ....
I'm on antidepressants and I'm waiting for them to kick in, I'm prepared to take all the help I can ...
My husband and my kids think I'm ok now , I'm not I just try my hardest to hide it from them,
I've not gone back to work yet as I don't feel as thou I'm ready yet and don't know when I will be 😞
Oh and by the way Your not useless 🙂

Sending big hugs

Bobbie xx
Motherhubbard
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

I will get if and hope it helps thanks.
Motherhubbard
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

It's good to know thst I am not alone and that appears to be normal. Let's hope we can help each other through it.
Bobsicle
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hey linney, sending you big big hugs, and I'm always here if u want to chat , please don't feel as though your on your own

Take care

Bobbie xx
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hey Motherhubbard,

I'm in a dark place at the moment too.  I've started some councilling and anti-depressants. I finished chemo' and radio' in January but spend most of my days anxious and crying. I don't leave my house as it is the only place that i feel safe.  I can't imagine going back to work or even getting my life back. I love this forum but usually i just read the stories because i am feeling so bad all the time  i don't want to upset other people.  I just feel as though i am living under a black cloud and i feel so lost.

sending big hugs

Linney xxx

Kazey
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

I really feel for you. try a short book I read recently by a psychologist who has been through it herself. it's called Emotional support though breast cancer, by Cordelia galgut. it really helped me. You can get in on Amazon. i hope it helps you too.

Kazey

 

Kazey
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hi Motherhubbard,

I know how you feel. i've just read a book recently that has really helped me. It's the only thing i've read by someone who understands how we feel because she's been through it herself and she's a psychologist. I think you might find it really helpful too. It's called Emotional support through breast cancer and you can get it through Amazon. I hope it helps.

Kazey

 

Jo_BCC
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hi Motherhubbard,

 

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way.  To help you along I have put for you below the link to BCC's publication regarding moving forward. I hope you find it helpful.  Also please do give our helpline team a ring they're here to support you through this.  Calls are free 0808 800 6000 lines open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 10-2.

 

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/about-breast-cancer-care/moving-forward-resource-pa...

 

 

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/moving-forward/moving-forward-support-you-after-tre...

 

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

Motherhubbard
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

I don't really know if any one will answer this as never used site before to push are how I feel. I had left breast cancer and had immediate reconstructin using tummy fat. (I got afree tummy tick that's the way I coped ). I fine on the surgery site as all healed and that's not what is bothering me. I returned to work fill time 1st oct and now everyone thinks that bev , mum, wife is as I was before. I now find that I have been feeling depressed at times and angry with other people not myself as they are carrying in as if nothing as happened. When I was diagnosed my husband was all about what I wanted done (I just wanted the porch painted. Weird I know). Now he has gone back to his normal self and leaving me to stew about has he is not doing anything and happy to sit watching tv until mid Morning. I went for check up on Friday and the consultant has suggested councilling or anti depressants. Any one else feeling as I do at the moment totally useless
NAZ
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Hi Bobsicle (and any other lovely ladies who are also plagued by the fog)

 

I can totally empathise with how you are feeling and just to reassure you, things DO get better, but as Yankes has said to you, it can take a long long time to adjust to life post BC, far longer than anyone who has not experienced this disease, can truly appreciate and sometimes that is half the problem Those who love us desperatelty want us to slip back to our usual selves, once treatment is over and for many, this is just not possible and certainly was not for me.

 

I was DX way back at the end of 2009 and it was the reconstruction that i stuggled with the most. Yes i wanted it, no i was not told how it would look or feel and no i had no idea now a HEAVILY scarred false breast coupled with the SE's of tamox was going to impinge on my relationship with my OH. It is only now  as in last couple of months, that i have stopped raging at the unfairness of it all, for me the pain has died only recently.

 

 Bobsoicle i totally get what you are saying and i felt the same as you for months then years. So, if you can access some local support, please do it. Anything  is better than bottling thoughts up, because if left bottled for too long, eventually the lid comes off and there is an explosion which can be quite scary at times.

 

Cry, rant, thump a pilow, cry some more and scream your head off it it helps. BC is so unfair and can leave many of us in a state of shock and bewilderment for a long time to come.


Baby steps, lots of TLC, being nice to self and time can all help healing, but it won't happen overnight.

 

Take care

Naz xxx

 

 

Bobsicle
Member

Re: Depression after treatment ends

Thank you Louise and Anne for your kind words, knowing that I'm not the only one who has had these feeling is a comfort to me, I just wish I could get a magic wand and go back to last April when everything was ok 😞
I'm hoping it won't take long for my antidepressedants to start kicking in, and this dark cloud goes away....
I don't like to burden people with the way I feel as all of you on here have your own battles to cope with , and you don't need me (doom and gloom) always being sad 😞 my husband says I'm to impatient and want everything to be back to normal straight away, but like you have both said its takes time 🙂 ..
I wish I had found this forum earlier when I was going through treatment, as it does help me to talk to other people....

Big hugs

Bobbie xx