Depression

[NAZ]

I have very down days at times, largely due to altered body image and I was diagnosed a few months earlier than you. I was fine for 3 years, but then crashed.. Every bath and shower upsets me somehow. Life goes on though doesn't it and as you say, we are still here ! Xx

[mnc]

Hi everyone

Feel down and depressed is normal for most people with a diagnosis of breast cancer.

I am on anti-depressents and still have times (like right at this moment) when I can't seem to be happy about anything.  I went out today to lunch with my boss and supplier and they were laughing so much I thought to myself 'what is there to laugh about' and I was itching to go rather than sit there not moving for two hours.

I was diagnosed in May 2009.  Had a mastectomy in December 2009 and lymph node removal.  Two nodes positive, ER positive, PR positive and HER2 positive..  Chemo, radiotherapy and Herceptin.  Tamoxifen for two years and then moved to Arimex. 

Second mastectomy in November 2011 (my choice - no cancer). Zoladex injections and  Overies and fallopian tubes removed (hospital decision)  in March 2012. 

It is now January 2015 and I am still here although I am eating very healthly with the occasional biscuit, chocolate cake etc and very rarely a glass of wine or G and T I have stopped exercising as I have developed psoriasis (a non infections) skin disease due to stress.

I had a CT scan this week for my chest, abdoman and pelvis.

Keep strong, as I said I am still here and although not happy, I feel well.  Might increase the anti-depressent dosage however!

xxxx

[Tinkerbelle]

Hello Ladies,

Sorry that you are feeling down (((Hugs))).  I think we expect an awful lot from ourselves after treatment.

I'm sure this had probably been posted elsewhere but this article by Dr. Peter Harvey may help as it is aimed at explaining how people feel both phsically and mentally after active treatment has finished.

http://www.cancercounselling.org.uk/Peter%20Harvey%20-%20After%20the%20Treatment%20Finishes%20then%2...

Anti-depressants can be a godsend if you are feeling very down and they don't have to be taken forever.

Tamoxifen is well known for causing mood swings, depression and anger.

The most important thing. I think,  is to be kind to yourself - it does get better but it takes time - sometimes a lot of time.

Tink x

[ravensk1]

Hi Diane, it's reassuring to know that we are not alone. I am also in Letrozole after having had tamoxifen for 2 years. I also have weight gain around the middle and currently can't stop crying. IT must be to do with the drug in some way. I'm considering talking with my GP about anti depressants but am afraid to take them. I socialise a lot and everyone says how much they admire me and how 'strong' I am. The reality behind closed doors is very different. I would be interested to know how you have got on more recently? Take care and remember it's not you, it's the drugs. Katie xxx

[Melena]

Hiya Dianne,

I am the same age as you and had my op last year. I can relate to how you feel and from speaking to others it is normal. I spoke to the Breast nurse about it and she said that my body had been through a major trauma with having to op then chemo and RADs so it can take time.

18mths on and I am beginning to feel more like my old self again. Be kind to yourself and give it time you will get through. Talk to your Breast Nurse. Mine were really nice.

Take care

[melly04]

I know how you feel. I'm exactly the same. People say I should be grateful that my Cancer hasn't spead (yet). I am one year from diagnosis followed by mastectomy, chemo, rads now on tamoxifen. Not a day goes by that I have something wrong with me and feel it's back. Every ache. Awful to be so down. I too have a lovely family but they are too close to talk to as I don't want to worry them. Don't like to talk about my problems all the time. Am often at the drs crying. So you are not alone.

[NAZ]

Hi Dianne

Your body and mind has been through a trauma and it can take perhaps longer than you expect, to find yourself again.

I also present as a very positve person, look well etc, but believe you me, I have had some dark days and weeks relating to all kinds of BC 'things'. These days I try to keep busy and focused on the task in hand (even if it is the washing up!) I try not to look too far ahead and take one day at a time. If it is a good day, great and if not, there is always tomorrow.

Yes, life goes on, but you need some space to come to terms with what has happened and that can take time for some. If you feel it is all getting too much, do seek out someone to talk to.

Naz xxx

[Butterfly318]

Dear Dianne

Please don't feel silly. Different things worry different people.  I am a very positive person and i do present as looking well,  sounding positive etc.......   But i am using distraction techniques all the time, Mindfulness and currently looking to start some CBT.  Some days i can push the dread that the Cancer may return to the back of my mind but some days i can't.  This is not an irrational fear we have, it is based in reality.  Please be kind to yourself and look for some support / distraction.

Take Care   Gilly x

[Dianne60]

Thankyou Seabreeze, sound advice, I'm going to talk to someone, can't go on like this. Everyone on here is so positive and optimistic- I feel silly now, so many people with bigger problems.thanks again.x

[Dianne60]

Hi Busyanne of course you are right and I need to get on with life.I will try to talk to someone, emotions get in the way, they always have...but I know I must. Thankyou, you have helped.x

[busyanne]

Hi Dianne, I had my treatment last year.  Her2 positive. When given results of pathology I immediately set about looking at Dr Google.  I was frightened to death.  As I said I am now one year on from treatment and overall I have coped quite well.  No real side affects, fatigue does hit me from time to time but I generally get over it fairly quickly.  I have found the psychological affect more depressing as I to think about death and how long I am going to live.  Over the last year I find that I dont think about cancer all the time and only when I hear of someone who has died.  I try to reflect on that we are all going to die and no one knows when it is going to happen.  You have had good treatment, a plan is in place and as you say you are a young 61 so get out there and get on with you life and live it to the full.

My oncologist is great as when I speak to her she reminds me that I  have had good treatment and the prognosis for breast cancer sufferers are now very good.  If caught early you have a very good chance of living out your natural life without cancer being the cause of death.

Take care and remember all of us think the same from time to time.

Regards

Anne

[Seabreeze]

Hi Dianne60,
I think most of us who go through this are so focused on getting through the treatment that when we get to the end of the main active treatment it still hits us about what has gone on, what we've been through etc while still physically and emotionally recovering from both treatments and the implications of it all. Side affects of radiotherapy include fatigue which doesn't help....it takes time....
Have you approached your breast care nurse to see if she can refer you to counselling? I found it really helped to be able to outpour at times and get some reassurance that all these feelings are normal.
While I appreciate you saying you are naturally quite quiet and shy I think it may help to confide in someone you know about how you feel. Often people don't talk about a subject if they either don't know how to raise it or think they may accidentally say something which may upset the other person. I'm sure if you raised the subject either with someone in your family or a friend you would find they have a sympathetic ear, even if they don't understand all the details....and sometimes it helps just to tell someone or know that someone knows.
Be kind to yourself, it's not long since your op or radio...it takes time.
Seabreeze x

[Dianne60]

Hi, I had mastectomy on August 15th, 3 wks of radiotherapy now on letrozole for 5 years. I should be happy that I've got through it all but I feel so depressed! I'm putting on a brave face, they all think I'm amazing and coping and getting on with it all but inside I feel like I'm dying!i can't be bothered to be sociable, at home or at work, and don't seem to have any friends...I feel people don't know what to say to me,so I avoid people ,or they don't say anything! I've always been a bit quiet and shy but now I'm a hundred times worse! I can't see the doctor because I start crying as soon as I walk in i literally can't talk, it's awful. im a young 61 and have my family around me, why do I feel so bad? I'm not sleeping because of the hot flushes and then being cold....I ache and I've put on weight...I feel like giving up. Are all these things normal? I feel so tired I just can't do it any more.