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Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

25 REPLIES 25
Cackles
Member

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Lolly girl welcome to the Forums. A more supportive place you willnot find. You are in such shock at the moment it all will seem sureal. It does get better just as hopefully you will. When you know what is happening post on here again to find others who are having the same treatment at the same time as you. This is such a comfort especially if you need chemotherapy or radiotherapy.
Phil BM you might find it useful to speak to other men who have been through this. The Helpline can put you in touch Tel 0808 800 6000,
Talking of the Helpline i found them so easy to talk to and tney were helpful and kind with even the smallest silly panic call.
I hope all goes well for you all

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Thank you road runner. My treatment hasn't started and I feel great so your wise words are timely for me. A good friend and medic mentioned that I might feel down (and that go with it but ask for help rather than turn away from friends). Your story will probably be true for me and make sense of my friends comments. Forewarned is forearmed. It's also good to know that eventually you can take some positive messages out of this.
RoadRunner
Member

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

It's quite normal to be scared. You have had your mortality challenged. Although we all know we are going to die some day, we assume it is so far in the distant future that we can ignore it. Then a cancer diagnosis throws the possibility of an early death right in your face, you can't ignore it anymore. People glibbly talk about the possibility of going under a bus tomorrow, but the reality is no-one actually believes it will happen to them. I think part of the shock of a cancer diagnosis is that it is something that happens to 'other people' - we have all known of others with the disease and felt suitably sorry for them, safe in the knowledge it's not us. And then suddenly we are that 'other person' and it's very shocking and hard to take in.
As for others' reactions - I think they truly believe you will be fine (and statistics usually back that up) but it is very irritating all the same, as it somehow belittles the enormity of the situation you are in, it's like they are telling you that you have nothing to worry about when we all know that is not the case.
For the record - I am now five years on, fit and healthy, and loving every minute of life. Much more so than before. In the early days after diagnosis, and during all the treatment (which included herceptin so went on forever) I think I was in shock, and angry that this had happened to me. Why me? I was not grateful for the treatment I was getting - after all I started the process feeling fit and well, and the treatment was making me feel ill. However, now with the persepctive time gives, I am profoundly grateful to the NHS and really appreciate every day that I am still here. I definitely have a different perspective on life, and I would say a much better one. I am so aware that our time on earth is limited and we all need to make the most of it. I am trying my best!

Guest user
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Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Sailor girl thank you for your comment. It's very helpful to me, especially when I think of those closest to me. When I look at it from their perspective and reassuring themselves then that seems much easier for me to accept and not get annoyed.
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Hi Guys

Sorry to hear all of this , but for someone who was diagnosed in June and being half way down the road, you will all be ok, just remain positive. Be honest with your families as this helps and most of all beleive in yourselves that you will get through this .
I am going for my 3rd operation because they still have not got clear margins on the 2nd Oct, but I have gone back to work for a couple of days a week, just for things to be normal .
Like you guys I have checked and claimed on my critical illness insurance and yes having a stash now in the bank makes a difference but im going to be here for a while yet.
Be brave, cry when you need to , but there is a light at the end , and you will all be here to see

xxx
Guest user
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Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

hi guys i too was diagnosed on thurs with stage 3 and just like you phil i am putting on a brave face for everyone else but me, i dont want them all to worry, and have checked my insurances. so worried that something is gonna go wrong. but my main concern is not having enough money to last as i do nights and will loose my night allowance bringing my income down, already on full benefits with rent and council tax.
Sam_BCC
Member

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Hi PhilBM

I'm sorry to read of your recent diagnosis, the first few days and weeks are always difficult when coming to terms with things and getting to grips with your treatment plans, etc.

As well as the support you are receiving on the forums you might find it helpful to order the BCC resources pack. It has been specifically designed for those newly diagnosed and contains information to help you better understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. If you would like to order a copy just follow the link bellow:-

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/resource-pack-primary-early...


Also, do give the helpline a ring if you need any further support or information. They're on 0808 800 6000. Open 9-5 Monday to Friday and 9-2 Saturday.

Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Sorry to hear of your diagnosis 😞

I was dx on 6/9/12 so pretty recent and can totally relate to how you are feeling. I veer between denial and all-consuming fear. I got some Valium from my GP which I've taken a few times but they are more of a security blanket. I just had a lumpectomy and SNB and I'm waiting the results which is horrendous. I think the waiting is the worst bit of it all.

Im only 30 with two kids under 5 so fear of leaving them is terrifying. I think the only answer is to try to stay positive and fill the days of waiting with lots of activities.

Here for you if you need a friend.

Kerry
chascat
Member

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Phil, I can totally relate to what you've said. I was diagnosed in January aged 44, just completed treatement, WLE, ANC, chemo and rads, now on Tamoxifen, like you have said, I was scared for my family (have a 5 year old daughter) and still am, I think that's the hardest part. Thinking of you when you have your surgery x

PhilBM
Member

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

...ignore this...it double-posted for some reason.
PhilBM
Member

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

I'm a bloke who found out I had BC on Monday (17th Sept), I've been doing this super-putting-on-a-brave-face/"going to get through this" kind of thing, sometimes I believe my own bravado - but I've been checking my insurances, googling funeral details etc., oddly I'm not scared for myself but for my family - so whatever you're feeling there are people around to talk with. In fact just knowing I can come on here has been great in itself. Got a day of pre-op stuff tomorrow, which I'm less concerned about, but the actual mastectomy/node-removal stuff on Friday (28th) - and I can't pretend I'm not a bit freaked out about that, just don't feel I can let my family know, don't want to get them any more worried than they are. Anyway, Hugs, Phil.
carrie35
Member

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Be strong, you can so this and you will come out the otherside x

carrie35
Member

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Be strong, you can so this and you will come out the otherside x

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Try not to get annoyed at the people saying everything will be ok, they aren't telling you, they are trying to reassure themselves, I did it after my mum was diagnosed, it was like a mantra
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Its fine to have BAD days so dont be hard on yourself
It will get better, when you have more information

xx
Lolly_King
Member

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

I have read all of your replies. Thank you so much. Although I'm having quite a bad day today emotionally I do feel better about feeling how and why I do. I must learn to not be so hard on myself for feeling scared and I guess I have to let some of these unhelpful thoughts in and just accept that that is what they are UNHELPFUL!
You have all offered amazing advice and it all makes sense. I'm a bit of a technophobe so I'm still trying to work out how all this works so forgive me if I'm not replying individually. As soon as I have more time and less visitors I shall study this in depth 😉
once again thank you all so much x
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Hi Lolly,
im in a similar position to you. My operation is the 1st October. Through trawling through this BCC website I found a local group and I've been in touch with them via FB. They have been really supportive and because they've all been through it or are going through it they understand the implications of what they are saying.
I've told everyone that I have breast cancer as for me it's less stressful that people know (and then people can make allowances for any "off" behaviour.
its been nearly 3 weeks since my diagnosis, I've had 3 days at work and then carried on with our planned holiday in Turkey during which time I was on this site daily. I've 4 days work next week then the operation. I'm planning all the things I will do when I'm off work.
But, I wanted to scream at some of the people who WITH NO EXPERIENCE who told me I'd be fine. Especially those who were taking it worse than me or telling me I'd be fine while their behaviour gave the impression that they thought that I'd been handed a death sentence.
My BCC nurse has been great. She told me to take the day off work after my diagnosis but go back the following day. She has also suggested that I have my holiday and go back to work for the few weeks in between the operation and other treatment starting.
A girl at work who has been through all this and clear for the past 10 years, explained how she now has a new perspective on life. She was living with cancer, and living each day to the full.
On your anxiety, I had a huge wobble the day before I left on holiday and got some tranquillisers. I've not needed to take them but having them nearby for me is like having a teddy bear.
All the best with the nest few days and please let us know your date after your appointment on Thursday.
grumpy
Member

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Hi Lolly
I got DX in March 2010, had letrozole to shrink the cancers then WLE on both sides, and rads - no chemo required - and will have to take anastrozole for a few more years. The worst bit for me was having to get to grips with new choices at each clinic appt, it meant I couldn't see a clear 'path' through this whole experience, and my brain turned to jelly at times. There has been a lot of tears, ranting, withdrawing for a while, but I'm now NEDDY - No Evidence of the Damned Disease as Yet. For me I had to do it all on my own (by choice) and I didn't tell people until I could say I've HAD breast cancer and it's all gone now. So we all deal with it differently and that is for each of us to decide. I just had one friend as a support group, and that was great cos she lives miles away so I could pick up the phone and have a good rant and yell, without us falling out or seeing each other getting upset. Very liberating. BC seems to affect our brains so much, and emotions are all over the place, never mind our bodies with all the invasive treatment we need.
And now I'm well, getting on with the next stage of life, putting myself first for a change, enjoying retirement, just waiting for a nip and tuck to even things up (my boobs are currently known as droopy and perky...), camping holidays, my two little dogs, and in the middle of it all I moved house to downsize and had builders in!!!
So it's a bit different for all of us, and THAT IS ABSOLUTELY FINE - CANCER IS NOT A COMPETITION. Do it your own way, lean on others when you need to, be on your own when you need it, and remember that the Helpline and your clinic will offer all the support you need. Ask as many questions as you need to, as often as you want, write stuff down so you can read it later when you feel a bit calmer.
I wish you all the very best
grumpy.

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Hi Lolly King
I was diagnosed in June and had a panic attack on the phone, I am not normally an anxious person, in fact quite the opposite except when it comes to this I would say.
I have calmed down a little bit but am still finding it hard.
My sister has been throught he same and she told me that the worst bit was the waiting for results and the bit when you are first told and I have to say for me thats been the case too
I have had a bilateral mastectomy and I didnt find that too bad at all and am about to have my third chemoMonday and thats fine too. In fact Ive dealt well wih all the physical stuff I think but emotionally its difficult . Im 41 with 3 children. I needed to know what I was thinking and feeling was normal too and from what you have said I would say thats all very normal (no expert of course). I cannot still put into words the sheer terror i initaially felt
Hope you are ok
Please feel free to P.M. me if that helps at all
mandy xxxxxx
chascat
Member

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Hi Lolly-King
What you're feeling is perfectly normal. I was diagnosed in January and had a Wide Local Excision (WLE), in other words a lumpectomy and then further surgery to remove my lymph nodes, I can't tell you the fear I felt. Once I'd had surgery and knew the pathology and my treatment plan things started calming down, and they will for you too. I know exactly what you mean about everyone else being braver than you, I've just finished treatment (chemo and radio) and look at the others ladies I shared this journey with and they seem to be moving on with their lives and putting it behind them where as I can't - and I also know that although that's how I interpret them, they must feel exactly the same as me. Breast cancer is very treatable, I find myself telling other people that all the time - just not in a position yet to quite take it on board myself! Also as Anna says, give the helpline a ring, I can't stress enough how fantastic they are, i've rang them 4 or 5 times, including an hour before going to pick up my pathology post surgery as I had such jelly legs didn't think i'd be able to cope with it, and then I rang them to discuss the results, as well as all the other times i've just phoned and cried, they have really put my mind at rest.
Take care
Lydia x

Ribby72
Member

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Oh hun. Its ok to feel scared. I was diagnosed on 13th July. I actually had a panic attack in the consultant room! I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks too so know exactly how you feel. But i wasnt too bad tbh. For the first few days i was dazed.... then it hit me. I live in blackpool & used to take myself onto the promenade, sit in my car & just cry.... It really helped! Then i got angry. Why me? Wot have i done to deserve this? So i used to go to the prom & sit in my car & shout!! I was bipolar for about a week but then my survival instinct kicked in. I just said to myself i will NOT let this finish me & if its to be, then i certainly wont make it easy. Us women are strong & stubborn - we have to put up with men for goodness sake!! 😉
Find a friend you can talk to... in fact find a few. I am lucky to have a great support network in friends & family. But sometimes talking to random people helps. I had an hour long convo recently with my insurance broker who had BC 2 years ago - i only rang up for a quote!
I dont know if you are on facebook but i also use fb as a sort of diary/blog. It really helps. And i cant believe how many people on my fb friends list know women who have experienced this & therefore offer lots of support & advice.
I had a mastectomy on 28th July & am now awaiting chemo. The waiting is the hardest bit. I just want to get on with it.
Please please dont feel embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help or have a good cry or rant. Do it, get it out of your system & take any help, support, & advice offered by friends, family & your nurses....
Good luck hun. xxx
Lolly_King
Member

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Hi BMW07, thank you so much for taking the time to put my mind at ease. I have these exact same thoughts but then feel almost silly for having them. It's as if everybody is so much braver than me and I know really that isn't the case. I think this website is going to help me tremendously. Reading your story and others I know I have a long way to go yet. I wish you well on your breast cancer journey. Lots of love to you xx
Lolly_King
Member

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Thank you Anna for your lovely welcome. I'm sure I will be using that number lots in the near future x
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Hiya Lolly_king

First of all what you are feeling in normal and natural. When I was first told , planned my funeral and I was going to die within months.
I was diagnosed in June, and although I still have a long road ahead , after 2 operations still no clear margins , next surgery on 2nd Oct 12 . I have remained positive and I beleive things happen for a reason. I have returned to work and life is good.
So as a fellow girl friend look on this as a bump in the road of life , remain positive and trust me , some good things come out of this. You will be a stronger person and will grasp opportunities, instead of making up excuses.
Good luck on your journey, and you will be fine...

BMW07
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care Discussion Forums. I'm sure other forum users will be along soon to offer support but please do also give the BCC Helpline a call if you would like to talk to someone in confidence, Tel. 0808 800 6000 Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 10am-2pm.

With best wishes,

Anna, BCC Facilitator

Lolly_King
Member

Diagnosed 20/09/12 and terrified!!!!

Hello. i was diagnosed just 2 days ago after finding a lump last week. My consultant has told me i will need surgery to have the lump removed and i go back to see her this Thursday to find out when that will be happening.
I have never felt so scared in all my life and i feel like such a baby for feeling this way. So many emotions are running through me and I am bursting into tears at the most random moments. Even though my doctors seem very positive about things I cant help feeling like i have been given a death sentence. My mind keeps racing into the future and how on Earth I am going to cope with all this. I suffer from panic attacks and anxiety anyway and I am so scared of having panic attacks on top of everything else.
Family and friends have been amazing but im getting a bit fed up of them telling me that I will be fine. Im so grouchy at the moment!!
I think i just need to know that my reactions to all of this are "normal" or am I just being a big useless jelly?
Good luck to all who are going through this with me x