Diagnosed on Thursday 20th November - what to expect?

[Matty2]

Hi

Had  a Cancer sleep last night - first one for a over a week (ie didn't sleep)

When I was up I phoned the BCN always good to have someone with a sympathetic voice who doesn't hug/love/cry but just talks about how things are. and listens

Anyway result is I have the worried for appointment, and I may have a bit of fluid in my arm pit from biopsy but not to worry as it's not the size of a golf ball (she was joking!) Practical though told me to keep an eye on it as may need to be drained if it does get that big.

Felt better, hoping for a sleep tonight, must be ready for Father Christmas (Even over 60's need him to lighten things if you have Beast cancer) !!!!!!!

<a href=http://yoursmiles.org/t-nysnowmen.php><img src=http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/nysnowmen/t7819.gif></a>

[JETS]

Rose - fantastic!! Enjoy a VERY relaxing Christmas x
Sorry to dump - posted in lobular also today ....
Despair city today - had a good day at work and was looking forward to tomorrow as I have a few hours to myself to "sort" Christmas - wrap presents/cry/reframe as fun mum- but hospital rang me at about three to say they had had a second opinion on my left breast and wanted to see me again tomorrow # sigh - lots and lots of tears - had to leave work. Apparently the multi group reviewed all the information and are convinced about the decision. To do mastectomy on right but think they might need more tests to ensure correct decision are made for left - this will involve a referal to specialist at Addenbrookes to do an MRI biopsy ..... I thought all the decisions were over - I've come home to a pre-op appointment letter for original op on 12th - I am trying so hard to be positive but feel like I get bad news at every turn and now I won't even get the Christmas Eve I had so desperately needed to try to lift the mood in the house ....my next decision is going to be double mastectomy - absolutely terrified of post op recovery - it was going to bad enough with one bad arm now two I don't know how I am going to function.... Sorry to be full of despair - I see so many positive ladies on this site and out ans about I am smiling and laughing but feel safe here to say what I am really feeling and right now I am in a very dark place, has anyone had an MRI biopsy ? What is involved - anyone having the double?

[lolk]

Great to hear all went well yesterday Rose - was thinking of you.  Be kind to yourself this week and as hard as it will be..rest!!! 

I did laugh about you worried in case anything falls off!!!!  I had to gear myself up to look at my wound (which they left undressed with this spray on clear plastic stuff!) and taking a shower/washing hair was a drawn out faff each morning but as each day passes by it is certainly looking better. The only thing I am finding comfy to wear is these cropped stretchy tops from Primark - they were only £1!!!  Mind you they are a fluro orange colour (hence the price!) but at least the colour distracts from my wound!! 

Have a wonderful time with your family over Christmas and hopefully you feel better in yourself now the op is out of the way.

Happy healing!

Lorraine xx

[Salsaroja]

Rose you are a star!!! And boy oh boy do I wish it was just haemorrhoids we were having to deal with eheheh 😉
Lorraine and Sarah I hear you re the sleep - I am exhausted and looking forward to a rest over Christmas. Wishing you all the same - enjoy and lets all look forward to a very healthy 2015 xxx Karen xxx

[Rosemaryanne]

Home now, feeling a bit sore and tired but otherwise fine. SO glad it's over, for now! All went well, according to the doctors, and I'm strapped up in this ghastly bra thingy, daren't loosen it to take a look in case anything falls off! Taking it easy today, but can't see that lasting. I don't do sitting around. For anyone else still waiting, please don't worry. The haemorrhoid op I had a few years ago was much more unpleasant. One day I'll have something done where I can show off my scars! Love, Rose xx

[lolk]

Oh I'm ok thanks rose! Like you can't be doing with all the fuss. I know people mean well but I just like getting on with stuff myself. It's a pain not being able to drive but I am walking the legs off myself and! I have been a whiz around the house with one arm too!! My two kids (9 & 11) are back to their usual lazy selves so things getting back to normal i guess!

It's good to hear that you are ready for tomorrow - bring it on! Please don't worry about the anaesthetic. One of the ladies I was with on the day of my op (a nurse!) was petrified of being put to sleep but afterwards joked it was the best sleep she'd had in weeks!

I was going to say have a good sleep but doubt you will tonight but hey you're almost there and I am sure you will feel somewhat relieved once the op is out of the way.

Love lorraine x

[JETS]

Will be thinking of you rose xxx - the only thing I'm looking forward to is someone making me sleep - lol - will b the first time I go out easily in about eight weeks !!!! Lots love x sarah

[Rosemaryanne]

Hi Lorraine! Good to hear from you. How are you doing?

I'm all packed and ready for tomorrow, looking forward to getting it over with. It's the anaesthetic I'm dreading, hate that feeling of going to sleep against my will! Other than that, I'm just going with the flow. I'm in the hands of people who know what they're doing, I'll just let them do what they need to. I visited a friend for a few hours this afternoon, family are fussing too much and getting on my nerves, even though I know they mean well.

I'll be back here in a couple of days to see how everyone's doing.

Much love, Rose xx

[lolk]

Hi rose, hope you are all set for tomorrow - I will be thinking of you. I bet it feels like you have been waiting a lifetime for tomorrow to come. I think the whole array of emotions you have been going through are perfectly normal in these circumstances. I went from an anxious wreck to an ice maiden with horns over the 3 weeks from diagnosis to op 2 weeks ago. I don't get my results til 30th dec but even after waking up from the op I felt as though a massive weight had been lifted.

Take it easy and let your family look after you over Christmas...

Lorraine x

[Salsaroja]

PS the Facebook group is much easier to use than the forum format in my opinion 🙂

[Salsaroja]

Hi ladies, I got button front PJs at new look and they are pretty + in the sale.
The insomnia has finally got me and I'm exhausted again... Emotions bit more settled tho. I guess we just have to be kind & pace ourselves. Karen x

[Matty2]

Hi Jets

I started sleeping again last weekend - a whole week of sleep (great), wonder if it 's something to do with fact Lymph Nodes were stage one to me of getting on with my life, so feel more relaxed. Mind you once Mastectomy date set may not.

As for clothes, my lovely daughter came with me and we bought some really nice cardigans and scarves to brighten them up. Primark was one place, as I wanted to buy stuff I may not want to look at in a years time, and I bought a Glitzy one as well for Christmas do's.

Good luck 

[JETS]

Ps Facebook is easy !!! If u can use this forum u can defo use Facebook x

[JETS]

Hi Matty - know exactly how u feel - I went to get some button tops and pjs at the weekend and realised I literallyvown nothing with buttons down the front - it all became 'cancer clothes' and I was super fed up x my bCN recommended our local john Lewis branch for measuring for the bra etc and I popped in there - they were lovely and showed me some maternity bras that were quite pretty - Ibe mad an appointment for after Christmas to see them. After this, I actually felt a bit happier - it's madness - one minute up one minute ok ... Still not sleeping though and this is becoming. Big issue now so think I'm going to try to see gp over next few days xxx take care and lots of hugs again to everyone

[Matty2]

Just went out to but some more suitable soft seamless bra's. I bought one a week ago from Sainsbury's that was pretty. 

Today have looked at Matalan and M&S and OH had to guide me out of both shops sobbing. I did not realise how close to 'the surface' these emotions were!!

Is it too much to ask to have another pretty, feminine soft seamless sport type bra at this time??

We live too far fromSainsbury for a visit but OH said next weekend

Jusy had to say.........

Still waiting for date for mastectomy, had Lymph nodes removed on last Tuesday and feel fine, just a bit sore (and smelly!1) in the arm pit.

Facebook page looks a good idea but have never used it, not registered or anything!

[Brewster]

Val

Facebook page is called The January Crew.mif you pm Katherine62 (Jane) post Xmas starters she can add you. I seem to have problems adding people.,I'm not very techy !!

See you there xx

[Nelliealice]

Can anyone send me the details of the FB page please

Val

[Nelliealice]

I read all the posts on here with great interest and can relate to most of the comments, such a mixed bag of emotions, up one day down the next. I have now met my plastic surgeon who is very positive of the outcome of my reconstruction (Deip) which I will have at the same time as the mastectomy, am now just waiting for the date, I still feel as if I am talking about someone else. Best wishes to all for christmas and lets hope for some good health in 2015!!

Val

[Salsaroja]

Add a bit of a shimmy with that toe tap Sarah haha x

[JETS]

Toe tapping with all my lovely ladies xxx

[Salsaroja]

Spirit is willing body/energy levels weak but I will always be dancing in my head Rose - I am thinking of you each day Kx

[Rosemaryanne]

Been at my daughter's today, discussing her cooking Christmas dinner (my job!) and the twins each wrote me a card saying "I love you" in their best handwriting. That started me off.

Enjoy your holiday, Sarah, hope the ready-roasts are good!  Seabreeze, thanks for your encouragement, it's good to hear from someone recovering well from what sounds like a similar case to mine. Karen- keep dancing!

Tomorrow will be spent either in silent contemplation or manic activity- just going with the flow. If I'm not back on here before then, I hope everyone has the best possible Christmas xxx

[JETS]

Hi - to be honest I e been in a dream like state since the whole thing started x sent to work Xmas party tonight - had to leave early as am so bloody knackered and randomly got a bit upset - you know one of those 'when u least expect it waves' - dancing to a band then ' need to get. Outra here' - roll on ice maiden x I've got holiday booked afte next Tuesday and intend to race round being organised the n ! Oh - and for some reason my mum sent me ready made roast potatoes for Christmas day !!! I'm not actually having the op until 12 jan ! Hilarious x

[Seabreeze]

Rosemaryanne,
Saw your message, I had bit of an icemaiden run around organising phase before my op back in June. Go with it, there's no right or wrong, whatever gets you through it. I don't know if you are good at visualisation but if you are it can help when you get to op day. You will get through it and you will emerge the other side. Thinking of you, it does get easier as you get further through treatment.
Seabreeze (post op, post radio, now on Tamoxifen)

[Rosemaryanne]

Two days to go, bag packed, and it still feels unreal. I've read masses of literature about the various things that I'm about to go through and it's like it's all happening to someone else, apart from the occasional stomach churn. The emotional wreck has turned into an ice maiden and I don't know why. It's a good thing in some ways, I'm tearing round getting things done, but can't help wondering when reality will smack me in the face and I'll fall apart. Anyone else go through this dream-like state? xx

[Rosemaryanne]

Same goes for me! xx

[Salsaroja]

Yayyy glad to have found you on FB Rose... Here if you need anything 🙂 Kx

[Rosemaryanne]

as i am fortunate not to have chemo in my plan (so far) the FB page is not for me x

[Rosemaryanne]

oooh, will look that up. By the way, that comedienne was brilliant, I forgot to thank you ! xx

[Salsaroja]

Sarah - glad that you have a plan of action and are happier re the left boob etc.

Rosemary - still smiling re the journey of weirdness... thinking of having a T-shirt made with that on it 😉

Regards to you both - Karen xx

PS

A few people have started a facebook group apparently so I have asked to join that - the thread for details is post xmas chemo

[Rosemaryanne]

Thanks, and you take care of yourself- that's an order! xx

[JETS]

* hugs * rose xxx thinking of you on Monday xxxx enjoy the weekend x will be in touch soon sarah

[Rosemaryanne]

Hi Sarah. Oh, isn't it such a relief when you know what's happening and when? Glad you're getting sorted out with a plan for work, you will honestly feel so much better when you've got control of your daily life instead of having to be at work. it's so lovely to be able to choose to nap during the day if you can't sleep at night and just to be able to lay out your own day at your own pace, before the medical machine will take over. I'm happy for you too that you get to keep Leftie! My bag is now packed, got visits to make to close friends and family over the next couple of days then I'll be ready for Monday. Went to see the twins in their Christmas Carol Concert today, such fun! And this morning my son and I created mayhem in the local Toys R Us while choosing his presents for them. Oh and I got my first wage including sick pay today and it wasn't quite as bad as I expected cos I got a tax rebate, so you should too. Every little helps. I don't want to sound flippant here, but husbands (mine at least) aren't always that much help in the support department. Some of them (mine, again!) are harder to deal with than the diagnosis. Good friends are so valuable at this time, also sons are amazing! Keep us updated as and when you feel able. Love Rose xx

[JETS]

Journey of weirdness DEFINATELY!!! Spent 5.5 hours at hosp today - long story but masectomy 12 jan because xmas and consultant hol etc - decided to delay reconstruction because couldn't face any more decisions due to everything recently - initially I was " new boo. Please " but then when they explained it all I thoght - I don't have the energy to talk about thus anymore - not having my husband to support me was very hard today - so I am happy to just concentrate on getting better and handing over to the Drs now xxx staff at hospital so wonderful - he meeting tomorrow but my bCN said to tell them not to expect to see me for two months so that they could sort cover and I could stop worrying about work as well as everything else - and good news that my left boob has survived - found some stuff in mri but they r not worried and just going to monitor it over the next year xxx - like you all said - I do feel mighty relieved to at least have a plan and am going to seek funky ' button ' pjs in the sales xxx much love as always to you all x s

[Salsaroja]

Rose, I love your description 'journey of weirdness' hehe as it most certainly is *siggghhhhhh 😄
Thanks for thinking of me - really appreciate it Rose - likewise Kx

[Salsaroja]

PS Sarah hope the HR Meeting went well and empathiese re kids, ex husbands, job etc you are doing brilliantly... In my thoughts Kx

[Rosemaryanne]

Hi Karen,Glad you had a fab birthday! The meeting was held at the Unit, hosted by McMillan nurses, and it was lovely to meet other women from this area and share feelings and experiences. I'm not very good at these things really, as most of the time the whole situation seems unreal, then suddenly it hits me that it is actually happening and I get emotional.But i do feel fortunate cos my situation is so much less traumatic than many others. I'll be thinking of you on 30th. Enjoy Christmas, let's all hope we end 2015 in a much healthier state than at the start. Love and very, very best wishes to you all as we embark on this journey of weirdness xx

[Salsaroja]

Hi Sarah & Rose
Sarah it took me a couple of days to recover from the party haha 😉 Feel better for having seen all my friends though in one go... and spiritually it has done me the world of good as there was not a pitying look in the building 😄

Rose well done you - I was thinking of you - 22nd right?? Sending all my well wishes xxx

I contacted Breast cancer support and spoke to a lovely volunteer who had BC in 2011 with similar treatment plan to mine and is out the other side - meant alot to know that others with a 50:50 prognosis beat this!!!

Tomorrow I have an appointment with headstrong and a wig stockist just in case the cld cap doesnt work... Friday its the pre chemo meet with the breast care nurses - Tuesday heart echocardiograph test and then 30th my first chemo.... Cant believe how fast everything is moving. Few days of peace for us all over Christmas I hope - Hugs Karen x

[Rosemaryanne]

Went to a Support Group meeting today, really good experience. met up with some ladies who were just a couple of weeks after surgery and they were all so well and reassuring. Only 4 days left till it's my turn. How's everyone doing? x

[JETS]

Wow Karen!!! That sounds like one hell of a party!!!!! Dancing shoes might be off for a little while but those toes can still tap out and you will be swinging a little Latin number again really soon xxx I was up at 3 ( sigh ) - could've played virtual tango or something!
Rose - Santa express one of my favourites! Girls identical but one has defect ( being fixed by operation in two years time - I known way around a hospital!) - they are my lights x I have 19 year old son who texted last night to say he's coming home today for a couple of weeks I- so excited x I'm by myself as husband left me early November ( shock totally through ME until I got diagnosis then I have had to get over it quick ) - so I need to work x prob is its a tough job -regular 40-50 hour weeks - im looking forward to HR meeting to find out where I stand a bit more x
Have a good weekend ladies x sarah

[Salsaroja]

Phewwww its 3:30am & can't sleep - tonight was my big 46th birthday party - I managed to DJ for an hour but little dancing as so tired... 150 Latin dancers, most of whom are my students/friends, hugs, great music, pictures, cake, love & support but utterly & totally exhausting. I cried more than I wanted but mainly due to tiredness... Tonight I said goodbye to the dance part of my life for a while but I'll be back & I'll still be dancing in my head 🙂 Now I'm looking forward to getting ready for xmas with my kids, then starting treatment... Just want to get fighting now!!!

I've read all the new posts and I just want to say thank each of you for sharing this part of my journey with me - Karen x

[Rosemaryanne]

Hi Sarah! Oh yes, twins are so, so much fun. Are your girls identical? Our two are and are already extremely good at playing on that. We're off on the Santa Express steam train tomorrow, probably my last fun day out for a while. I'm so pleased you're getting sorted at work. I didn't know hospital appts were covered, I've been using holiday entitlement. Tell you what, when I finally decided I'd had enough and handed over my sick note I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted. It's wonderful to know that when I can't sleep at night I can nap during the day. Also, I don't miss the sympathetic looks, and the "how are you?"s in that awful quiet concerned tone. And the sudden bearhugs and tearful faces. All well-meant, I know, but I'm NOT DYING!!! I love the guy who said "You didn't have to go to these extremes to get out of going to the Xmas party. Next time, just say no". If you can afford it, get yourself signed off and enjoy some time for yourself, even if that's just watching rubbish daytime TV under a blanket on the couch. My cheer-up time is dancing round the kitchen singing my head off to loud rock CDs, while the neighbours are out at work. Lord knows what the window-cleaner thought. Like Elaine said, there's still a lot of energy left in us 60-year-olds!

I hope you get some decent rest this weekend. Figure out what jobs can wait, and do them later, much later. Someone once said "After 7 years the dust doesn't get any thicker". I'm putting that to the test.

Talk to you soon, Rose xx

[JETS]

And thank you so much everyone else also - I don't know where I would b without this forum x the early mornings are bad but I'm also in the late nights!!! Not a good combination - I'm going to see how I go over the weekendx I don't think I e ver been this tired xxx

[JETS]

Hi rose thx again and you are right - like u say it's hard to be all motivational when u feel like crap! I've got twin girls (15 now!) - they are so much fun still and you will have so much laughter with them! ! I discovered that I am covered with cancer under disability legislation and so I am entilted to hosp appts and have made appt to meet hr manager next Friday - it's been a hard shift to start to focus on me but I am starting to realise that this is the best way forward - thx again - u have fun with those girls!!!

[rachel.collins99@talktalk.net]

Good luck Karen😊...will follow you on the other board when I start my chemo in Jan.
I had an appointment yesterday late afternoon with my consultant and breast nurse to run through everything and make my final desision about my Masectomy.Its all happening fast(which is good I guess),pre op checks this morning and Masectomy/lymph nodes next Thursday...then Chemo Jan..a lot to take in!
The NHS is wonderful though,they've been so supportive and helpful since my diagnosis 3 weeks ago.
You ladies are great and put a smile on my face reading your messages!X

[lolk]

60 is the new 40!! You def have the right attitude and bite size chunks is the way forward for us all...
Xx

[Woodview]

Maybe 60 but bouncing with energy I won't let this horrible thing get me down any more I am going to rise above this and bring my logical mind back to some kind of balance .Sorry ladies rant over
Of course the little niggles get in but I am trying to park them n a place where I can bring them out one by one and deal with them ( don't worry I am not going loopy I promise but just learning to deal with it in small bite pieces )
Good luck ladies
Elaine
Xx

[Woodview]

Me too old lady60 xxx

[lolk]

Hi Sarah

Sorry you have have to join us but you will echo the other ladies in that you will get great comfort and support knowing you are not going through this alone.

I noticed you messaged at 5.30am!!!!  The early mornings are the worst although I did post a message a few weeks back at 2am!! I was averaging about 3 hours a night and went to see GP as I couldn't function with so little sleep and was growing a pair of horns (so I was told!).  The GP prescribed me Zopiclone sleeping tabs.  I was reluctant to take them but my neighbour who works as cabin crew said the pilots take them as they dont cause any grogginess, etc.  I limit them to twice a week so at least I know I will get a good 8 hours.  I was also prescribed some Diazepam (I was in a v anxious state when I saw GP!) but I have resisted these and seem better in myself as the weeks have gone by. Its the lack of sleep that is awful.  The first week after diagnosis (14th Nov) was just the worst.  I was just totally consumed by this dreadful disease and was trying to fathom out why??  Fit, healthy, non smoker, breastfed kids, etc but I guess it doesnt discriminate...

Don't be hard on yourself and go and see your GP.   I sincerely hope work are sympathetic and supportive towards you but go and see HR.  The last thing you need is pressure from work with everything else going on. I am fortunate in that I work from home 2 days a week as a private PA.  My boss lives overseas so I can slob about in my PJs at my desk without having to getting dressed (not been easy this week after op on Monday!) and he has been great.

Keep us posted!

Lorraine x

[Rosemaryanne]

Thank you- I feel ancient right now. On the other hand I feel fortunate to have reached 60 and still have (most of!) my faculties! xx