Diagnosed this week - Happy New Year!

[Fuffs123]

Hi Gazzlyn

My husband was given one of those booklets as well and hasn't opened it either, men! Xx

[gazzlyn]

Hi Blakie, Men are difficult species arn't they   My husband doesnt talk about it much either and I put a booklet at the side of him about going through cancer together but he still hasnt opened it.  He comes home from work and occasionally says...a women at work...her sister had b.c. and..... I try and tell him we are all different and its difficult to compare.  I think he struggles because I am the one that deals with any problems, worries etc and he looks to me for reassurance.  Now I am looking for reassurance and at times say I am worried or scared and he just cant handle it at all.  We should have been going to Mexico end of April and had to cancel.  We lost our deposit but got the rest of the money back.  The worst for me was my daughter was due to get married in Antigua in July and she has postponed that.  I found that so upsetting as I felt responsible for the wedding being postponed, but my daughter wont have any of that! She is rebooking for February next year so least thats something to look forward to 🙂 xxx

[Fuffs123]

Hi Bakie1974

Sending you hugs and know just how you feel, especially re your holiday. So gutting. We were planning to go away for a much needed break at Easter but as I may be starting treatment then, we've had to cancel that. I've been looking forward to it, as it's bern a hard year Also missed a family wedding last week, the only chance I had to meet up with the test of my family, spread all over the country. Had a good cry when I saw the pictures! My husband also finding it hard to deal with. He drives me mad looking up stuff on the internet (a dangerous thing) and when he wants to talk about it, I don't and visa versa. He also is nervous of cuddling me after my surgery and sometimes I feel a bit abandoned. Still, the rational part of me ( which sometimes surfaces!) tells me that there will be other holidays and weddings ahead of me and for you also. . Keep posting. I've found the other ladies in our rather unwelcome club such a help. Xx

[Blakie1974]

Hi all,
Sorry I have not been back on here for awhile but as you can imagine oncethewheels are in motion time just flies! Well I decided on lumpectomy which was done on 6th feb, SNB came back positive in one of the nodes so ended up with axillary clearance which luckily all came back negative. The blue dye was interesting , never had to massage myself like that before!! Anyway as "it" had spread to one of my lymph nodes, meant that chemo was on the cards. My tumour was a stage 1 grade 2 invasive ducal. Seen the Oncologist last Friday and am due to start chemo on Monday (day after my daughters 7th birthday!). I have 6 courses, one every 3 weeks. Am going to go for the cold cap to try and save some of my hair if I can but not the end of the world if it doesn't. My daughter seems to be coping ok with everything- she enjoyed her present of a dressing up nurses uniform and coming to visit me in hospital and was made a fuss of by the nursing staff! She doesn't understand the cancer side of things but knows mummy has had a bad lump which needed to be removed and now needs special medicine to make sure that horrible lump doesn't come back. My husband on the other hand, has different coping strategies to me and will not talk about how he is feeling. He won't ask me questions but lets me unload onto him. He won't come near me for a cuddle as he is afraid of hurting me. he says he will tell me how he is feeling once it is all over and done with. He has been brilliant and has been looking after me post-op but just will not open up. I am wondering if it's because his first wife died ( car crash) whether he is scared he is going to lose me as well. I don't know. I guess I have to respect his wishes and let him deal with it in his own little way but would be nice to know. The other thing is that we had to cancel our long awaited holiday to Egypt. We are in the process of trying to claim the costs back fthrough the insurance. We should actually be on holiday now as I am typing this. My husband keeps stating what the weather is like in Egypt and what we would probably have been doing etc etc. I told him to stop talking about it Asia was making me feel awful that we had to cancel and he replies that it's not my fault and that he is not trying to rub it in but that is exactly what it feels like to me! Sorry for the rant. I just feel there is a void between us at the moment. Has anyone else's experienced this or is it just me?

[ThePianist]

Good luck Beryl. In my thoughts today. 

Gill

[gazzlyn]

Aww big hugs to you Matty, I hope everything goes smoothly and will catch up with you at the end of the week when we have both had our surgery. Also Sarah will be starting on the road to recovery also. I will be thinking about you tomorrow xx

[Matty2]

Hey Lyn

I had myLymph node biopsy just before Christmas so already have a 'blue'boob, and the results 

Just the mastex and implant tomorrow.

Early morning start - there for 7.30 and about 45 mns to get there

I hope it all goes well for you on Wednesday Lynn. Will think of you.

Advice keep very busy tomorrow -

I have been quite emotional, not helped by well meaning phone calls.

Beryl x

[gazzlyn]

Hi Matty, what time is your surgery tomorrow? did you have to have the dye injected today? x

[Matty2]

Working on advice from Sarah about the 'day before' I am trying to keep very busy.

So far I have tidied bedroom!!, done some gardening (I know it was raining) as gardening is my release valve at times of stress. For once OH didn't shout for being out in the rain (he understands)

Have now come in for lunch and then am going to bake. Well cakes in freezer always come in handy !!

Think it will be Victoria sponge, maybe lemon drizzle and a chocolate roulade.

 Daughter and partner are coming for a Mastectomy Eve dinner - lots of carbs in it because after midnight I can't eat!!

Hopefully will be shattered and will actually achieve sleep tonight

[ollisj6]

Lots of hugs for you today will be thinking about you Love Judi xxxxx

[ollisj6]

Lots of hugs for you today will be thinking about you Love Judi xx

[Rosemaryanne]

Throw a kite up into the Jet Stream- the speed of the wind round here, you'd arrive in no time! xx

[keepmumsane]

Ha rosemaryanne, I often think that xxx

Thinking of you all. Wish I was closer, I'd be over for a cuppa. 

😉

[Rosemaryanne]

I wish there was a "Like" button on here! I'd have pressed it! xx

[ThePianist]

Hi Jets

Just popped in quickly to wish you luck. Fingers crossed all day for you - the piano playing's going to be interesting!!!??

Gill

[JETS]

Hi lyn and beryl xx I have found day before especially tough - suggest u plan lots !!!!!! Psychologically 'beyond it all ' now so plan to collapse into the anaesthetic - see you lovely ladies on the other side later this week xxx sarah

[Matty2]

There'll be 3 of us all able to do the 'OUCH' and moans together 

All the best Lyn(Gazzlyn) and Sarah(Jets) will see yoou on the 'other side'

 Thanks everyone for the kind thoughts

Keep smiling

Beryl x

[Rosemaryanne]

Best wishes from me, too, and to Sarah for tomorrow xxx

[gazzlyn]

Wishing you all the best for Tuesday Beryl, me on Wednesday! soon we will be on the road to recovery 🙂 x

[Matty2]

Hi Gazz

When i was first diagnosed i wondered if my daughter would bring her wedding forward a year - now I am pleased I did not suggest it but I DO KNOW exactly where you are coming from.

I think when you have a full treatment plan it is something you must say as a priority when you are given it. I feel as if the docs know that peace of mind is as importatnt as anything else in the fight

I am scared one person said which particular reason - no problem every aspect of the whole thing- roll on Tuesday afternoon

I opted to have Lymph nodes tested first so I know those results - they are clear thak goodness.

Back later

Berylx

[gazzlyn]

I am trying to keep positive Matty but scared at the same time. I desperately don't want chemo. I need to go to my daughters wedding so much! she deserves this and I don't want her to cancel anything on my part. Have a lovely evening xx

[Matty2]

Thinking about it - may make cake then will have a supply in the freezer for when the need arises. Will also keep me busy!

Hope you are feeling positive - I am - 

it's going and from now on it can only get better - (but still expecting some troughs!!)

Keep smiling 

Beryl

[gazzlyn]

Think you may be right Matty, a good distraction. I was thinking what I might do on Tuesday (day before op). I feel its a day we need to keep busy definitely. Hope you manage to have a relaxing weekend with not too much stress xx

[Matty2]

Yes I bought a bra but had to buy one one size bigger than usual  and one cup size smaller, with extenders,

Then the BCN will fit it on me on Wednesday after op. Will then have to wear it all the time, She told me to only buy one in case the sizing isn't right so daughter is already on stand by to buy a couple more once I know if the fit is OK .

Talking of who, met daughter (unplanned) - in Worcester and she and partner have invited themselves to dinner on Monday. Probably a good idea as will make me think of something else on Mastectomy Eve.

[gazzlyn]

Hugs to you Beryl, I am pleased the sales assistant was lovely to you as that is what you needed at that point. Did you manage to get fitted up with a bra? Nightshirt is lovely also x

[gazzlyn]

Oh My least I know what to expect now! green poo and wee and blue boobs! better warn the hubby ha ha

[Matty2]

Went into M&S today to source a bra - usual(or rather what is becoming the norm for me) walked into lingerie dept and promptly melted into tears.

Lovely assistant came along, told me not to worry as they deal with specialist bras on a day to day basis for mastectomy. She looked at what I needed and showed me the best one for having an implant. - it even has a bit of embroidery on it.

Then I saw a really pretty nighty with buttons down the front so bought it as well - much nicer than the one I already have

http://www.marksandspencer.com/floral-nightshirt/p/p22362833

Have had the facial now and feel very relaxed - may be just tiredness though as 2 am was drinking camomoile tea and trying to unwind

Keep smiling

berylx

[Matty2]

Yep boob turns blue, and wee and poo is green. 

Saw a photo yesterday at the hosptal and the person had blue patch 6 monthe on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Chez666]

I am so glad someone has said they are getting muddled with names, as I thought it was just me and offending people by using the wrong ones !! matty, glad yesterday went well and good luck with the shopping, x x

[gazzlyn]

Hi Gill,

Your not alone with trying to keep up with names I am totally confused (even more than normal!).  The main thing is, everyone is supporting everyone.

I am going to have the dye injected on Tuesday, do your boobs really go blue???

Hope everyone has a stress free day if possible, I am going to blitz the house!

xx

[13gerbera]

Hi Hope,

I think it's today that you are going to get your post-surgery biopsy results so I'm sending you a tonne of good wishes 

x

Sharon

[Matty2]

Hi been through all that. I had my Lymph Nodes removed and tested first as I wanted an implant but is not advisable if there is radiotherapy.

I will have my mastectomy (1 side) on Tuesday with an implant at the same time.

I am fortunate that I do not need chemo and probably not radiotherapy. I am already taking the dreaded anastrozole, On it for 5 years. I have an invasive lobular Beast but at very early stage

Thank goodness I found it. 

I was trying on a new swimming costume and found a small hard patch the rest......................

Beryl

[ThePianist]

Am I the only one having trouble keeping up with everyones names? Or has my brain capacity diminished as much as my boob?

Beryl, I don't actually know what stage you're at, but as you mentioned the blue boob I take it you haven't had the surgery yet! We had a laugh about the 'blue tits' in the garden. I was rather hopeful of a nice Avatar blue, a built in fancy dress costume, but sadly it was more of a smurf blue! Not impressive at all - my husband and I were rather disappointed. But the blue wee? OMG You wait. It really is BLUE. And then there's the green poo! That took a bit longer, as I hadn't really been eating, but it was rather good I have to say.

Now, where have I left my dignity?

Gill

[Hope56]

Thank you Bliss1978 . Gosh you've had a journey....I hope that today went as well as it possibly could? I'm amazed at the strength and support that the women on here offer one another. I love the humour too. Laughter is definitely the best medicine. xx

[13gerbera]

Ack, Sarah, what a nightmare!  No chance of getting a bit of peace and quiet with a family member or friend during the day time I suppose?  If not, crossword puzzles and plenty of cake in the coffee shop followed by a bit of retail therapy sounds good to me 😄

[13gerbera]

Hi Beryl, glad it went OK and your BCN sounds lovely.  Odd how the time manages to go so fast and yet so slow isn't it, Tuesday will be here before you know it and then by Wednesday that'll be another big step on the journey done and dusted.

Rose did you speak to your BCN about your issue today?  Hope you're alright but my shoulder is here should you want it 🙂

I've had a quiet one today, as has everyone I know as I've got a throat infection and have lost my voice (I expect everyone is grateful that they don't have to put up with another long whinging phone call from me!). Success with the cushion though, a friend who is very talented with her sewing machine is going to make me one 🙂

Anyone heard from Cazz29 since her mastectomy yesterday?  I guess she'll still be in hospital won't she?Hope she is doing OK too.

love to all

x

Sharon

[Matty2]

Hi there All

What an afternoon, brain feels completely addled,

OH came with me in end and asked sensible questiions but wouldn't look at any pictures, that was Ok.

Had an appointment at 1.45 and then other stuff and walked into house at 5.30.

Anyway all questions answered, arm full of blood taken, even managed to do a wee on demand this time. Have had a long talk and explanation by BCN - she is really nice-

Have to buy bras, but she suggested just buy one and see if it fits first, so shopping tomorrow.

Will go in early Tuesday morning and should be able to come home late Wednesday - excellent. I thought having an implant straight away would mean longer in hospital

Seems blue boob could last a year (aaaargh!!) but then again much of it will be cut away.

Hope all are still feeling hopeful

Berylxx

[Bliss1978]

Hello Hope56

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I was diagnosed on 30th December after finding a lump at the end of September and being told by 3 different Doctors that it was nothing! Good luck with your results, I will be thinking of you. The MRI confirmed that my Invasive DCIS is 5cm+ with swelling of the nodes so have an appointment with the Radiologist today. I've not been on the forums much but they really are starting to help xx

[JETS]

Enjoying my sick leave ! Electricity company decided to turn off electric for the day as they have work to do somewhere near I live - the burglar alarm started going off because I haven't services it in four years and the battery can't cope - so I have decanted to norwich and am in greggs having a coffee !!! Spent boots advantage vouchers on a sponge to wash with and a complete waste of money towelling hair band for use in bath - might not have any hair soon (waiting for chemo decision still ) so have been spending lots of money on pointless hair things ! Electric is also going to b off all day next Thursday so I will have my earplugs in all day ! I haven't had any leave mid week not in a school holiday for as long as I can remember and you can park really easily !!! Again - small pleasures make me smile x

[Rosemaryanne]

Hi Beryl

I took my husband along for my second meeting, having taken a very calm friend for the initial results. John is very emotional about the whole thing and i felt he would be a disctraction when i really needed to listen not worry about him. So when he came with me for the MRI results and treatment plan, he was given clear instructions beforehand to listen and ask any questions he had at the end. Gave him a little notebook and pen to write them down. In the event I was happy that he was there. The consultant and BCN explained everything very clearly and were very matter of fact, which took a lot of the drama out of the situation for him. Hope this helps

Love Rose xx

[13gerbera]

Rose, you sound sooooo gorjuss no one is going to be able to resist you, especially any passing Smurfs! 😄

Beryl does your hubby have to be there because he feels the need to support you or is it because the BCN said he should be there? If you would prefer to be on your own could you take him with you but send him out to get you a coffee or some other sort of shopping while you do the fitting so he feels he is still supporting you without actually being there?  Sneaky I know but I think you are the important one here so you should do it the way you want

x

Sharon

[Matty2]

Do wonder what will happen if anyone views my blue boob! Still off on Tuesday!!

[Rosemaryanne]

Oh my word! I'm gonna be fat with a beard! Two circus acts in one. Not to mention the blue boob xx (Sorry to be me,me,me!)

[Matty2]

Have my pre op tomorrow. Don't really want to do that swab. Seem slightly different for everyone.

Question - would it be best to have BCN talk/fitting without OH. Feel I want to be alone, but he needs to be with me 

[13gerbera]

That's the one Rose! looks delish doesn't it and it was always a treat when we got that for school dinner 🙂

Lynda I'm glad today went sort of OK, but a rectal swab, dear heavens is there no end to the indignities this horrible disease forces on us?!  Mind you I agree that it would be even worse if the nurse had to do it for us. I can't tell you how much I hope you get through this without needing chemo, do you know yet when you'll find out?  What a horrible dilemma as I can see why your daughter wouldn't want to get married without you being there so I guess the wedding would be postponed with all the trouble and expense that would cause.  Or perhaps the medical bods could organise any chemo around the wedding if it came to that (pretty sure I read somewhere on here that someone had persuaded the team to work around a significant date for them)

x

Sharon

[Matty2]

Have lip balm

Already on hormones - anastrozole - weight seems fairly stable but hair is dreadful and had the beautician remove facial stuff today

Mind you haven't eaten much cake

I lost a lot of weight with WW, 50lbs, so determined not to put it back. -probably meant that I felt my hard patch in time and wouldn't have done otherwise.

[Rosemaryanne]

Me, too Sarah! xxx

[gazzlyn]

Hi Everyone,  Hope your all having a reasonably good day with at least some smiles in there :-).  Today I had my pre op, lots and lots of paperwork which seemed to go on forever.  Got my "large" bra for after surgery...doesnt look that large but they are sure they will fit me in it! good job I will be asleep when they do that one! 

I talked my daughter into staying at home with my grandson today, I really felt she needed a break (although she would say otherwise).  I love her to bits but I know how much I am leaning on her.  I had a mini break down talking to the BCN as she spoke about the possiblity of chemo if I was her+ (I think!).  My daughter gets married in July in Antigua and if I have chemo then I cant go :-(.  I would not want her to cancel her wedding as she has had a traumatic year nearly losing my grandson and she deserves this so much.  She has informed me that no way would she get married without me.  God I hope i dont need this chemo, I would hate her to cancel her dream wedding for me and I dont think I would ever forgive myself.  I am hoping someone up there will look over me and grant me that! 

I did have a bit of a laugh today though! because I have been in hospital abroad during the last 2 years they kindly informed me I would need a rectal swab!!! oh the joys!  The nurse said to me that she could do it...but NO WAY...so I go to the toilet armed with my swab!  Now I know I have a bad shoulder and restricted movement to my left arm but today I discovered it was also in my right arm!!! what a performance, it was a good job no one could see me.  I got a stitch, then I got cramp, nearly dropped the swab down the loo.....5 minutes later I eventually achieved the goal lol.  How embarrassing but good for a laugh in the future I guess. 

Everyone at the hospital was lovely as usual and I got my little pressie - heart shaped pillow for after surgery, what a lovely thought.  Driving home and stuck in roadworks which are going to be, on going for 5 months!!!  An hour which would normally take 5 minutes to go down a hill.  Someone tried to cut in and I was determined not to let him until eventually if I hadnt then he would have took the front of my car off!  I then burst into tears! the guy kept looking in his mirror, goodness knows what he was thinking seeing me with tears streaming lol.  Home now, extremely tired and feel all emotion has been sucked out of me.  Early night and a lazy day tomorrow I think.  Hope everyone else is feeling ok today xx

[Rosemaryanne]

I dont't remember that one, Sharon. Might have to google it, sound yummy xx

Update: found it!http://swansong49.hubpages.com/hub/School-dinners-Recipes-which-bring-back-memories

[JETS]

Can I just say, again, how much I love you ladies x