Hi, I am new to all of this and not sure how it works. Unfortunately I was diagnosed on Friday with breast cancer, I don’t know stage and type yet which is worrying me. I am booked for mastectomy a week on tues. I have a 4 month old baby and a 4 year old son. I am in a state of total panic, shock , don’t know how to cope or deal with anything at the minute. The op and treatment ae not really worrying me it’s just the fear of not being able to care for my boys that is so hard. I feel so cheated out of life being just 34. If anyone has similar experiences can you please get in touch x
Hello and welcome to the BCC Discussion Forums.
While you’re waiting for replies from other forum users I thought it might be helpful to post a link to the younger women and breast cancer area of the main Breast Cancer Care website. It contains a range of information and also details of services aimed at younger women which I hope will be useful. Information booklets can all be downloaded or you can request a copy to be sent out in the post:
breastcancercare.org.uk/younger-women
Please do also give our Helpline a call if it would help to talk to someone in confidence, Tel. 0808 800 6000 Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm.
With best wishes,
Anna, BCC Facilitator
Hi Major1
Im so sorry you have had to join us. It is a very scary and worrying time at the beginning of this journey. It can be very overwhelming. You will find lots of support and info on this site, the ladies on here have helped me so much and still do, it really helps to know you are not alone with the different emotions and struggles we have!
Keep posting, no question silly question, dont google as some outdated scarey stuff out there.
Once you know your treatment plan you will be able to feel a little more in control of things, i was told this and its true.
Big hugs to you
Clare x
Hiya major1!
I was DX in nov - i am almost 38 and have a 3 and 4 yr old. It will get easier as you get more information - i have found the more info the better i was able to cope! I had WLE and SNB in dec and am now having chemo - so far it hasn’t affected too much what i have been able to do - in fact once i got past the wanting to cry everytime i looked at my beautiful girls i have thorughly enjoyed my time with them - i appreciate every moment now like i never did before!
Best of luck with your surgery!
Marina xx
Thank you Clare and Marina, nice to have someone to speak to outside the family and close friends. I want to sit and cry all day but obviously can’t! Just terrified of what they find at my operation, that’s what’s worrying me. I am frightened I have cancer all over my body, which is probably a bit mad but just how I feel xx
Thanks again,
Kate xx
Dear Kate
Crying is so normal - I think it is an important part to go through, even though so difficult with small children. I think when we are diagnosed we all go through the consuming fear that it has spread everywhere - it isn’t mad, just normal. My children are a little older than yours (5 and 7), and its tough trying to be the normal Mummy - I know your baby will be unaware, but small children do cope better than we think. My five year old son doesn’t mention it now (I was diangosed in December) - he is just intrigued with a mummy with one booby. The operation is all do-able - once you start your treatment as everyone says, it really does get more manageable and you start to get things into perspective, but don’t be hard on yourself - it is important to cry.
If you want to talk about talking to your son, please either message on here or send PM. You will be able to care for your boys - just give yourself time.
Lots of love
M xx
Hi Major1
I was diagnosed on Friday too. I know only too well the fear and panic - and I don’t have young children, so my heart really goes out to you. I have found the people on this forum and the helpline to be absolutely invaluable. If you haven’t already called the helpline do please consider giving them a ring. I spoke to them this morning and as a result have gone from quivering jelly mode to being able to function relatively normally. They could also put you in touch with someone who has been through breast cancer who is a similar age/has young children etc. Worth a thought.
D x
Thank you for kind words of support ladies, it’s nice to know it does get easier with time. Up one min and down the next. Big hugs to u all xxxxx
Dear Major 1
I have also got 2 young kids (9 months and 3 years). I have had my surgery and Im also half way through my chemo. It is hard going but you will get through it. When you have a plan things do start to get easier. Take all the help that you can get. I do find that my kids keep me going and that there laughs and spirt push me on.
Lots of love and sending you a BIG hug at this very difficult time
Hinchy x x x
Hello Major1,
I was dx on 6th dec, since then I’ve had a snb and wle and last week I had a aux. I am 39 and have a boy 7 and a girl 3. It is hard work. I felt exactly the same as you what about the children, how will I look after them. This weekend when i came back from hospital I had to admit i couldnt cope. OH was helping me get through things and sort the house out and do the washing. I just couldnt deaal with the children,mainly my youngest i had to ask my mum for help. I needed to rest after the op.
I’ve got idc grade 3…got to have chemo and radio not sure when it starts but I’ve been preparing myself by coming on here. This site is amazing the support i have got has been second to none.
I’ve been offered so much help and support by my friends and family. My sis is even coming over from mexico to help me through it for the next six months.
I’ve had a weepy day but it will get better and your kids will be the reason you do all this for…
lots of love
fran xx
Hi, I was diagnosed in Aug when I was pregnant. I now have a 4 month old and a 2 year old. I know exactly how you feel it is such a rollercoaster but I found it much easier once I had more info about the cancer and a treatment plan. I’ve just finished chemo and am booked in for lumpectomy (wide local excision) and lymph node removal in a couple of weeks.
My friends and family have been amazing and I wouldn’t have got through it if it weren’t for them. Take all the help offered. My toddler has been great the stuff she comes out with, I caught her trying on one of my wigs the other day, I haven’t laughed like I did for some months!!
xx
Hi Major1
I was diagnosed on hogmany, i am 35yrs and have 3 children and i know how scary it can be, but it honestly does get easier once you know your treatment plan. Keep coming on to the forums and ask any questions that you feel you need answers to some one will come along and answer them, the ladies and men on here are brilliant and are all going through the same emotions as you.
Do you have a Maggie centre near , i went to one today and it was so helpful.
big hugsx
Thank you so much for words of support. Still not really dealing very well with it all, feel numb and so sad. Might give helpline a call today. Just worn out with all the worry, been up at 2 with baby and now back up at 5. Where do you all get the strength from. I have my mastectomy next ties, hoping things will be better once that is over with.
Thank you again, to a help to read other peoples experiences and know we are not alone through this.
Xxxxx
Just wanted to give you a bit of hope…
I was dx at age 34 (no family history so complete shock) and my 2 sons were age 4 years and 21 months old. I had surgery, 4wks rads, tamoxifen, zoladex, ovary removal, and now on aromasin. However, what i wanted you to know was that this was in feb 2008, so i am almost 4 years on and fingers crossed still doing ok. I found that my sons kept me going. The youngest used to wake at 5am every day of my radiotherapy and although it was hard, being so busy with them did help me to not have too much time to think.
All the best with everyones treatment x
Hi lolly
Thank you for that, really perked me up today and pleased you are doing well. How are your children? Did they know much about treatment etc?
I think I will settle better when I have the op results back ( hopefully) just scared of results.
It’s nice to hear good news stories, I have heard lots from people who live near to me, you don’t realise how many people are affected by this.
Thank you again xxxxx
Kate xxxx
Hi Kate
Glad to be of some help.
My youngest son was too young to know anything. My four year old just knew that mummy had to have an operation on her boob (i had wle), and they both know now that they have to be careful of that area now as its still very tender from the rads (and always will be ive been told). They ask about the tattoo dots on my chest from the rads and i just say thats when i had my op. My 4 year old also remembers visiting me at the hosp, and also not being able to go near me the night i was radioactive(from the dye used when i had a bone scan to check for spread). But even the eldest never really understood. Kids this age are good with things like this, they tend to accept what you say and carry on playing!
Obviously it was easier as i didnt have chemo, but at one stage i was told i would have it and did prepare my eldest for this, he wasnt bothered but then he never actually got to see me bald in the end.
Have you got the book “mummys lump” ? think u can get it from this site. its excellent for us young mums.
all the best, Lauren x
Hi all, posted this on behalf of new user Ali:
Hi, I have got 2 kids and was diagnosed in 2010. I found a book called mummy’s lump from winstons wish, which was really helpful in explaining things to my youngest. I also went into thir school and read,it to the children so I think that it would be easily understood by your 4 year old. It is a horrible time but the kids do keep you going, we called by lump “evil Edna” as they didn’t like the word tumour and they had just lost their grandfather to cancer the year before, ( fought for 19 years, brave man), we took lots of pictures of everyone wearing the wig also given a name so I could ask if “rose” was ok, rather than ask if the wig looked ok. My kids are super protective of me now especially my son who is 11 now. Just gone for my first post op mammogram ad waiting on results. Hopefully it will be ok. Good luck to all the folks here. X
Thanks you ali, good luck with your results. Xxxx
Hi, I am back on here after getting some results today. I had left breast mastectomy last tuesday, which was not half as bad as I thought it would be for anyone else out there about to go through one. It’s a little bit sore and swollen but nothing to worry about and doesn’t look bad either.
I have just been to see surgeon and I have invasive ducal BC, 3 out of 5 lymph nodes were affected with only small amounts of cancer but I need bone scans and ct scans to check elsewhere and I am terrified of these and the outcome. Has anyone had similar experiences? I am going to have to have chemo and radiotherapy once results come back but just feel like everything is just a waiting game and y mind goes into overdrive thinking its spreading.
Can anyone share their experiences please? Xx
Hi Major1
Just wanted to remind you that if you would like to talk things through with some don’t hesitate to call the BCC helpline on 0808 800 6000. Here you can share your concerns and questions with a trained member of staff who will offer you both emotional support and practical information. The lines are open Monday to Friday 9 to 5pm and Saturday 9 to 2pm.
I hope this is helpful.
Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator