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Difficult day

26 REPLIES 26

Re: Difficult day

Dear NoteRed,

 

I’m pleased you have made an appointment to speak to someone who can at least help you start to process the shock you have had and the understandable grief you maybe feeling. Although I feel better now I think we are all on a rollercoaster and there are going to be lots of ups and downs while we have treatment etc. It is completely understandable that you are so sad and frightened. I also still feel these feelings but it seems more manageable now I know what I have and what treatment will help me. Waiting for results is so hard and it does make you feel so helpless. i remember feeling so overwhelmed with worry. I made a number of very tearful phone calls to  the helpline.

 

Please be extra be kind to yourself and cry when you need to. I know it’s hard  to believe   but  you will gradually start to feel like you again. Wishing you lots of love

Re: Difficult day

Dear NoteRed, I’m pleased you have made an appointment to speak to someone who can at least help you start to process the shock you have had and the understandable grief you maybe feeling. Although I feel better now I think we are all on a rollercoaster and there are going to be lots of ups and downs while we have treatment etc. It is completely understandable that you are so sad and frightened. I also still feel these feelings but it seems more manageable now I know what I have and what treatment will help me. Waiting for results is so hard and it does make you feel so helpless. i remember feeling so overwhelmed with worry. I made a number of very tearful phone calls to  the helpline.

 

Please be extra be kind to yourself and cry when you need to. I know it’s hard  to believe   but  you will gradually start to feel like you again. Wishing you lots of love

Re: Difficult day

I believe that counsiling can help either. Yesterday I called to an organization here in Athens where I leave, and I asked for an appointment. The good thing is that my medical team has a phycologist too, who came to see me in the hospital the day after my surgery.

I dont have parents or brothers and sisters to support me so that leaves me with my husband (who does everything he can really) and a few friends...but as you said it's not the same to talk with a person who knows how to guide your thoughts or who has been through the same experience...

its just some times that fear makes me feel helpless..

Re: Difficult day

Good Morning Mango. I'm glad you're feeling much better. So its true what the other ladies say in here that when you start treament things are getting better...

As I've told you, I had my op last Thursday (a week ago). I had a mastectomy cause they found also atypical cells and node clearence. I'm not in much pain, at least I can handle it, but the day after the op its times that I feel very very sad. Maybe its because I dont have the results of the biopsy yet... Mornings that I 'm home alone are the most difficult as my husband is working and I m not allowed to use my left hand a lot ..

Re: Difficult day

Dear NoteRed just to say ,I went to a Maggie centre and had some counselling which really helped.It gave me an opportunity to share my worries as although I have lots of family and friends to support me it  was hard to share my fears  etc with them as they wanted me to be positive.  I know counselling is not for everyone and I must admit it’s been hard to set up appointments with so many other hospital appointments to attend. Hope you are on the mend if you have had you opp. Sending lots off love 

Re: Difficult day

Dear NoteRed, so sorry I didn,t answer earlier. I am feeling so much better than when I  first posted. I hope you are ok and have had your opp. I have had a mastectomy and reconstruction  and have results etc. I can’t believe how much better I feel now I know what I have and what my treatment plan is. I think I was in shock and all the advice I was given really helped. The waiting was so hard. I can’t believe how much the human brain adapts and you start coming to terms with this hard diagnosis. One minute I feel so pleased that the opp went well and I feel so much better mentally. At other times I remember that I have chemo etc to manage and can’t believe how this happened I really hope you are feeling better and that you are being kind to yourself, sending lots of love take care. Please  update us how you are when you feel well enough.Xxxxx

Re: Difficult day

Mango hoping you are doing better.  I'm at the same spot  and I'm feeling empty and helpless. Cant stop thinking of it, a lot of "what if", cant eat or sleep properly..

I 'm waiting for my operation next week but I'm very afraid of the outcome. I only know I have a 1,7 or more tumor on left breast and one (but maybe others ) node 2,7cm .

 

Re: Difficult day

Thank you so much

Anniej
Community Champion

Re: Difficult day

Hi Mango, just sending you a big hug and positive thoughts. You don't say where you live, but I'm in Newcastle and have had wonderful physical and emotional support from my local Maggies centre. A good place for a cry when things get too much. Macmillan are also excellent for info, and help. As you can see, we've all been where you are now, and we've all made it. So it's very doable. The very very best wishes for a speedy and successful op. 🍀💋

Re: Difficult day

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I definitely feel better for knowing you are all out there. I’ve had a much better few hours. Keeping busy has also helped.  Who would have thought I’d be willing the weeks to go by so I could have an operation to remove my breast. I just want it to happen. I’ve got a few more tests to check if it’s anywhere  else and then at least I will know. I,m also ER negitive which I,m trying to get my head around 

 

Thankyou  all for your kind kind words and for sharing your journeys. Xxxxxxx

 

Re: Difficult day

Mango i meant to say tbat i have cooked tea most nights and have done the washing and ironed the kids uniforms every weekend but 2. Thats how 'normal' life has been xx

Re: Difficult day

Hi Mango. I see you have had lots of very supportive responses with excellent advice from people who know!!

I was diagnosed with grade 2, her2+, er+ ductal breast cancer at the end of August. I was told at first i would have a masecto.y and chemo. I had an umtrasoubd to check lymph nodes - which, like you, all seem clear.

Within a week if diagnosis i had a ct scan and a bone scan to check for spread. Walking into the doctor to get those results was the hardest thing as i had convinced myself that it had spread to different parts of my body. But it hadnt!!

After the scans i was told i would be having chemo first then a masectomy. This is so that i can access the best and most effective treatments for the Her2. I was absolutely terrifoed of starting chemo!!

I have now had 5 lots of chemo and have 2 to go. I lost my hair two weeks after my first treatment so i got ot shaved to a number 4. It has started to grow nack a bit now and i have never actually been completely bald!! I have a great wig!!

When i was diagnosed i crumbled - not in front of my kids - but at other times. I felt i couldnt do this and more to the point i didnt want to do it!! We all have times like this. It is totally normal.

4 months on i am doing it and it is doable. Its tough at times and on my lowest day afterceach cycle ive said i'm not doing this any more!! But then by the time the next cycle is due i'm fine and in the chair again.

I have 3 children,my husband and my mum with alzheimers who lives with us. My family have been a great support and life - to all intents and purposes - has gone on as normal but i just havent been to work!

I hope this helps to reasdure you and 9nce you have your treament plan in place you will feel better.

You can do this!
Lots of love Ali xxx

Re: Difficult day

Hi Mango
Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are going to have days when you feel you can kick BC's arse and days when you want to curl up and cry. Both are normal. Just take one day at a time and you will get through it.

Lots of hugs and good luck for the future xx

Re: Difficult day

Hi Mango, I can see you are being well looked after by the lovely ladies here and can only echo all that they have said , it's the most surreal time and you will swing from thinking you are ok to feeling at rock bottom, this happens to other people not us after all!

Take comfort in knowing that all of us here who have replied have been through diagnosis and treatment and felt exactly as you do right now at some point , it gets better, you do accept it and you do cope! 

I was diagnosed March 15 so coming up to 3rd anniversary , I was on my knees with despair back then and couldn't see a way out but the days go on and you pick yourself up and find your fight , give it time it will happen and in the mean time we are always here to help Xx Jo 

Re: Difficult day

Hi Mango,
Yes, you will get your mojo back & later on you may well be supporting others coming up behind you.
I’m nearly 2 years post diagnosis, well & getting on with life as normal, apart from posting here, of course!
As Charys says, Trusts do seem to to vary on counselling support, so good idea about calling the local one tomorrow
& being so proactive about it all.
ann x
Charys
Community Champion

Re: Difficult day

Charys
Community Champion

Re: Difficult day

Oh Mango, you are welcome.....we know how it is....because we've all been there too.

Regarding the counselling, I am surprised to hear they don't offer 'at this stage' but I should imagine there is a bit of a lottery depending on where you are in the country perhaps.I was offered 7 sessions on the NHS, and I know many others have been too. That's a good idea to call the cancer organisation, they will surely point you in the right direction?!

Can I recommend also the 'someone like me' support run by bcc, which I think there is a link for one the main page. You can certainly ring the main 0808 number and ask if you could be linked with someone in this support programme - then they match you with someone who can/will ring you to talk things through. This will be someone who has been in a similar situation to you, of a similar age, but has finished active treatment a couple of years ago.

Whilst it isn't counselling as such, the people who ring (I signed up myself) really understand and it gives you those future hope glimpses.

Re: Difficult day

Thank you so much for understanding. I know I’ve got to accept and go through this and find the best way to manage these intense feeling. I did ask the cancer nurse if I could get some counselling but she said there is none available at this stage. Do people usually pay privately. I know there is a cancer organisation in my area.  I’ll call them tomorrow. This is so hard. I,m sure I will be a stronger person in the end with many ups and downs of the way. I can’t believe how kind you have been, taking time out of your life to answer What a great site this is.l hope at some point I will be as positive and upbeat as many of the lovely people I have read about on here.  Sending love and thanks xxxx

Charys
Community Champion

Re: Difficult day

Don't worry the negative thoughts will become less and less, it is VERY early days for you right now. I recall sitting in a (cancer) counselling session, some months after diagnosis and end of treatment. The counsellor said to me, what did you first think when you were told you had BC, I replied, 'without a doubt in my head I was sure it was the beginning of the end for me. My world collapsed, I felt fear like nothing I'd felt before and desperation' She asked, what I thought now, some months further on. I said that 'I now realise that most people, the vast majority survive just fine and move on with life'. Time is a healer, time gives different perspectives and renewed hope. You have every reason to be full of hope and it will return. Nobody knows in advance how they will react, and for many it is a surprise and for some frustrating as they feel parts of their usual identity have been squashed. They haven't disappeared all those parts of you, they are there, they have just taken a temporary battering from the shock.  Don't try too hard to be something you don't feel you can be at the moment, (obviosuly children are a different matter, they do need some element of protection), allow those feelings to surface and accept them. x

Re: Difficult day

Thank you Charys.  I just didn’t think I would react like this. I can,t stop negitive, very sad thoughts coming into my head.  Trying hard to be more upbeat as it will be so hard for my husband and family. I am managing to put on a positive front for my children. I’m really trying to follow advice. Xxxxxxx

Charys
Community Champion

Re: Difficult day

As others have said, and I'll try not to repeat too much of their great advice, especially as a few of my seasoned 'CC colleagues' are here with their throughts too. Its an astonishingly tough time. Expect ups and downs, expect tears, shock and fear and every type of emotion you could imagine - its needed in a way to get to the point of acceptance so you can move forward with strength. This diagnosis thing is a mental 'BIGGY' and I think by understanding that what you are feeling is normal at this point, you can be a bit easier on yourself. Things WILL change, I promise you, and slowly slowly bit by bit your feelings of being more in control come back and your ability to rationalise. Part of that 'getting back to yourself' comes from moving forward with the treatment plan, part comes from those lovely people around you who are going to take such good care of you, part comes from reading all the supportive and positive messages on here as you travel along this rather unpleasant part of the road. However, the main part of moving onwards is going through this part of the process and accepting it, psychologically it is a process, a painful one but one you will conquer.

 

Take it small step by small step, things will happen in steps over time; think about each one as they arrive and don't panic about the 'whole thing' in advance. x

 

(Diagnosed grade 3 in March '16 - doing just fine Smiley Very Happy)

Re: Difficult day

Thank you all so much for replying. Your advice is so helpful and I will listen. It really helps knowing you are there. Already feeling abit better. It all felt too overwhelming for a few hours. Xxxx

Re: Difficult day

Thank you so much Ann.

Re: Difficult day

Hi Mango, sorry you found yourself here but glad you found us as you will get lots of support here from others who have been through the same.  The first few weeks after diagnosis really is the hardest time, suddenly the rug has been pulled from under you and the hospital is taking control of your diary with appointments and you have to try and learn and understand lots of new words and terminology.  Its like you've been abducted by aliens.  Anxiety can make you feel quite ill with headaches and chest pains but its very hard to not feel anxious.  All of your emotions are very normal as you have a lot of information to process, you are not going crazy.  As Ann said, breast cancer is very treatable and your medical team are very experienced at tailoring treatment specific to your diagnosis so have faith and trust you are in good hands.  Don't be afraid to ring your breast nurses to ask questions, no matter how silly they feel to you as they will reassure you and keep you posted on what's happening.  I found focussing on nutrition and getting nice and healthy ready for treatment was a good distraction in the early days, back in March.  Also "guided imagery meditation" worked well for me (on Spotify, iTunes etc).  Once your treatment plan is in place you will feel better.  You can then join the "going through treatment" thread to chat with others going through the same treatments at the same time.  I found this helped tremendously.  I understand how you feel about friends and family, whilst they are there for you it can be hard to not be positive with them as you want to protect your positive circle around you.  That's where we come in, you can have a rant and dump all of your anxieties right here and someone will always be here to listen and share experiences.  You are never alone. Xxxxx

Re: Difficult day

Mango

 

Hello and welcome to the forum, not a place anyone willinglly wants to be, but one thing is for sure you will get loads of help and support from the wonderful ladies on here. 

 

This is a difficult time, you have just been diagnosed and there is a lot of information to take in but honestly when you have your treatment plan it does get easier because you know what is going to happen and when. Treatment for bc is very good and your breast care team will tailor it specifically for you

 

The main advise I would give is to just take each day as it comes and you will get through.  Come on here and we will help you in whatever way we can.  There is always someone around here who you can talk to and will understand.

 

Sending you hugs

 

Helena xxx

 

 

 

 

Re: Difficult day

Hi Mango,
Sorry to see you here, but you’re not alone with this, we’ve all been where you are now & it’s such a shock, so what you’re feeling is quite normal.
It’s good to be ‘ glass half full’ with this. Thankfully, it’s been picked up & can now be dealt with, although, of course, it doesn’t feel like it. Treatment outcomes for bc are some of the best around.
It can help to deal with it, by taking it a stage at a time & to try not to let your mind race ahead.
The early days of diagnosis are difficult as often there are more investigations to confirm things & the uncertainty is hard to deal with, but it does get a lot better when the treatment plan falls into place.
General googling is best avoided as it’s only scary, often for no good reason, so rely on your team for info or use the bcc site here or Macmillan. There is also the helpline here if you want to talk things through.
We’ve all been through it to varying degrees, so do come & chat or vent whenever you need to.
Good to do the exercise too!
Sending hugs
ann x

Difficult day

HI everyone,  I’m new to the forum and recently diagnosed (5days ago ) with grade 3 BC.  No sign in nodes but who knows once they operate. I.m in shock but was managing and feeling that I could cope. Today however l feel so low and negitive. I think I’m just realising how hard things are going to become and how much my life will change.I’m usually a glass half full type of person  but not today.I I know I will cope but feeling so scared that cancer is all over my body etc feeling a bit crazy . I have very supportive family and friends who are here for me. I just see how sad they are about my diagnosis.   I don,t want to burden them with how sad and frightened I actually feel .  ,I’m going to do some exercise tomorrow to see if that helps. I’ve beenbusy all day . It just hit me when I came home. Any advice re how to mange at these times  would be appreciated. Sending love and best wishes  xxx