Raoniad, Wintersocks,
I had bilateral mastectomies in Feb when I was 42- with implant-but one the recontrsuctions failed due to inflection so I have one flat side, as it were, and one implant. I was devestated when the reconstruction failed and surprised at the extent of my feelings (I thought I had said good bye to my breasts when I had the original surgery). It was like a bereavement. I have though got a bit more used to how I look, though I don't like it at all. I think what helped me most was hearing from other women and how they coped and knowing I was not alone. Like you, I am not sure if I could have reconsruction (I had poor healing due to rads).
There are a few books which helped me- 'why I wore lipstick to my mastecomy,' the boodica within', if you put 'the scar project' into google you will come across a project in America. I think somehow we need to reclaim our femininity and sexuality. I find I make more of an effort with make-up and image than before (though finding clothing that suits me is not easy).
I really admire women like you Wintersocks. Because the mx has bothered me, I felt like I was vain whereas I try to say to myself now that its normal to have a reaction to losing a part of your body.
Like wintersocks, would say the Haven is great and also if you have a Maggies. There is a lot of support out there. Use it!
OMG- sending you a big, virtual hug. It is such a shock. I would ring the BCC helpline and have a chat with them on how to talk to your husband and children. I have found its best to take people on the journey with me but we all cope differently. It is the hardest bit. Once you have a treatment plan, you will feel better.
OMG - you will get many more responses if you post in 'newly diagnosed.' This is a fairly quiet thread. BCC- can you help at all?
Let us know if we can be of any help. Rattles x