Your post made me laugh and cry. I get exactly where you are coming from. I think I still blame myself for secondary diagnosis.
I always thought I was some kind of 'paragon of virtue' in that I have never smoked, drunk, had my babies early, breast fed all 3 of them for a long time, never took the pill, hrt, ate healthily,but STILL got BC!!! Now all the news is telling me it IS still my faulyt'cos I'm overweight!! Only slightly, nowhere near obese, and now my liver results are so bad, my onc looked me in the eye last week and asked 'are you a heavy drinker?' !!! So now, I feel like going out and buying my very first packet of ciggies at the 'young' age of 53, get myself a drinking partner, and eat ceam cakes every day; breakfast, dinner and tea!
We do what we need to do to help us get through this c**p disease, and I no longer believe anything changes it. We either hit the cancer lottery or we don't. How many folk do you know who lead a healthy lifestyle with cancer, and then how many do you know who abuse their bodies to a huge degree and live to a ripe old age?!
If I have a drinkers liver, I may as well make it worth it! And, yes, I still use anti-wrinkle cream.....I even had a tetanus injection the other day, and I laughed out loud when the nurse told me that would cover me for the next 10 years. I wish!!
Hope you feel reassured that having a drink isn't taboo. I'm a lot older than you but think to hell with it, if it's what makes me happy and I enjoy it, why not! A greatly number of people say having the odd glass of wine or two a few nights a week. Well, I drink the odd glass of wine or two a few nights a week. I also drink many more glasses of g'n't EVERY night of the week!!! I also used to beat myself up about it but not anymore. I enjoy it. It helps me sleep. Am I an alcoholic? Probably. Do I care? No!!! At my stage in life, definitely not. My one saving grace is that I don't drink during the day, ever. I save it for the evenings and enjoy it then.
I haven't spoken to Bubbly since the last Liverpool meet. She was kind enough to meet me at Lime Street station and we walked together to the restaurant. My mobile died shortly afterwards but I'd made a note of her number so I'll text her and find out about her bone scan and let you know.
It's Saturday night, have a large whatever you're drinking so long as you're not driving, and enjoy your weekend. Hope to see you at the next Liverpool meet on 7th Feb.
cathy59 "for those of us who already have BC, I think prevention is not relevant"
I have bone secondaries. Prevention isn't relevant - locking stable-door after horse has bolted?! - but for me anyway, living well is important. Especially as I hadn't known about the risks of postmenopausal overweight for my type of bc.
BUT I don't beat myself up about it, now I have a healthier food intake than pre-bc, I enjoy my food, eat dairy products (small portions of cheese), drink wine at weekends.
It's difficult if we are used to comfort-eating, though.
dont beat yourself up about it, I try not to drink that much as i find more than a glass i feel really 'liverish' so i dont push it, thats it- i am compensating by eating plenty of chocolate and roast potatoes which i really enjoy.
I hope you don't mind me replying even though I haven't got secondaries. I think all this health prevention stuff - eg wine, fatty foods etc is really far more relevant to those women who don't have breast cancer as by avoiding/reducing intake etc you MAY help to prevent BC. However, for those of us who already have BC, I think prevention is not relevant. I am not saying to go wild and eat and drink whatever, but it is highly unlikely that whatever we do in terms of healthy behaviour we will make a significant different to our prognosis. However, it may prevent heart disease or something else. Personally, I couldn't give a toss anymore. I eat and drink what I want. I am overweight and know I drink far too much wine and eat stuff that isnt that healthy sometimes but I don't think it is going to make a huge difference to my life expectancy.
Thanks for your replies.
Tricky with obesity epidemic and middle class drinking being shoved down throat all the time in the media.
I know I am over weight and drink more than guidelines. It is just the naughty, defiant part of me that is screaming "WHAT THE HELL, I HAVE GOT SECONDARIES", that is hard to control.
Hi Julie..Please (as everyone else has said) don't beat yourself up about it...we all have such a lot to deal with..take care..x.x.x
I still put anti-wrinkle cream on every morning without fail, why the heck do I do that, I am not going to be around long enough to get any possible benefits!
I guess what I am trying to say is we should all just do what you want to do. If you want to drink a bottle of wine then so what, as long as your body can handle it of course. I haven't changed my diet one bit since the primary or secondary, although am piling weight on right now, but really that's not the end of the world either, I do enjoy a nice meal and I have no intention of cutting down on the things I enjoy in my life.
I am not drinking as much as I did before I started chemo, but that's just because it tastes truly hateful for the first 2 weeks or so of the 3 week cycles, so not much time to get a glass or 5 in!!! Although this weekend is 'the' weekend and am going around a freinds for lots of food, drink and good company, to make the most of it 🙂
As the other ladies have said, don't beat yourself up over it, we've got a lot to deal with. I think it only becomes an issue when it's something you don't want to be doing but if eating and drinking give you pleasure then why not? I found after my primary dx I went off the rails far too many times and calmed down after a while. After my bone mets were dx last year I was on chemo almost straight away so, in the last 6 months, haven't drunk as much as I 'usually' would have. In fact my new years resolution was to drink more this year than last 😉 but that was after being nearly teetotal for 2 months with other complications. Enjoy life and if those nasty thoughts get too much talk to someone about them.
Be kind to yourself & don't beat yourself up about it. We have bigger fish to fry and everyone needs some pleasures in life. Living with a secondaries dx is horrible, and what with the treatment as well, it's important to have a balance and have quality of life. It's hardly as if you're drinking meths, is it? And at least you're taking food with your alcohol! 😉 I can see how after you'd given up everything for 8 years, then getting a secondary dx might make you think "sod it". The constant internal monologue could make me smash a bottle on my head, let alone drink it. But seriously, if you are worried about being out of control then perhaps talking about it might help you understand where this is coming from. I have found the BCC helpline good as a first port of call.
Considering I've got liver mets my onc at the Marsden has never discouraged me from drinking, even on chemo. Sadly, the chemo tastebuds have taken the joy out of wine, but vodka and gin still taste fine. Oh, and champagne. However, I don't know if it's just me, but I don't seem to get drunk that easily anymore, so it is easy to drink more, if you know what I mean.
...What can I say, just finishing off my red.
Stopping or starting will do little for us these days. I used to drink far more than I do post secondaries - hic - but I still look forward to a couple of relaxing glasses at the weekend, in fact definitely enjoy it more in moderation.
Goodness - should have learned that lesson donkeys years back...
Seriously though, perhaps you 'enjoy' it more at present, as a means of blocking the other thoughts out? Don't beat yourself up about it. We have far more pressing worries to deal with.
With no replies, I was starting to think I was the only one who liked a drink.
Totally off subject: I met you and Bubbly on Liverpool meet(cant remember her real name). Anyway she posted last week about a bone scan. Just wondered if you had heard from her?
P.S Trying to have a night off wine tonight!
When I was dx with bon secondaries I was told to eat lots of cheese, eggs, full fat milk, cream, all the things that were "bad" for us.
I kept on drinking a few g'n'ts of an evening.
My gp said I have more issues to cope with than a few g'n'ts and to carry on I was if it made me feel better.
I'll drink to that.
Good luck to us all.
There was a post a while back similar to this.
When i got my Primary Diagnosis 8 years ago I gave up wine, dairy, coffee, meat..........etc. The whole works.
This time round with secondaries I sometimes think I am on a death wish. I seem to be eating and drinking as much as I possibly can. Is it just me????
I feel out of control. Used to be happy with a few glasses of red a few times a week. I do not drink every day but when I do I cannot seem to stop!! Even a bottle.
Am I subconsciously trying to kill myself earlier, Have I given up?? Oh yes and I think about it too much too.Help. Julie