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Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

191 REPLIES 191
CK
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Hi Xena
Good to hear from you and well done to the charity for BCC! You are right to do it for such a good forum. Ive raised Β£1880 for MacMillan and Β£2168 for Prevent Breast Cancer! I will be sorting an event when I am well enough in the new year for BCC!

I hope rhe SE have been easier for you on Carboplatin. My aches and pains have been controlled with Ibroprofen, Paracetomol and Epsom Salt baths. Last night the pain was pretty sharp right up from back, neck to head! Temp went slightly up yesterday but went down again.

I would try not to worry about not having this or not having that Xena orherwise you will be constantly worried! Is something doesnt suit Im sure they will use the next suitable drug for you.

I remember asking why this and why not that but I have come to terms that they cant tell you whats what until your body tells you. Just try to occupy with things to do on your good days and have a pamper or a nice walk. This cold weather makes it easier to stay in though!

Ive just had dinner and just realised I didnt enjoy it although it was my fave last cycle! Its so strange that woth even the 3xECs the taste buds were so different. Im craving tomatoes now and actually ate spaghetti hoops today! Last time I remrmber feeding them to my daughter when she was a little girl...and shes 20 now!!!

So, resting up now and then bath again later.xx
Xena75
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Morning all and happy Sunday!

Trying to do my weekly read through and catch up, brains not quite playing ball though!πŸ˜‚

 

I had my 5/6 chemos on Friday, I'm trying the indigestion and anti sickness tablets this cycle as so far, I've not had much more than achy skin,tiredness and gaginess to deal with but some nausia crept in last cycle, so hoping the tablets may help.

 

Still feeling positive 95% of the time, but feel my relatively easy chemo ride has come at a price. my brain just keeps worrying about my chemo regimen change at cycle 3. (Docetaxal increased heart toxicity so im just on carboplatin alone now)

With only one left to go I suppose they're is little point talking to onc again, he has already told me there is literally no other chemo drug I could have. 

So I'm concerned about recurrence due to less effective chemo, less chemo drugs available to me in the future and sort of feeling like a sitting duck!😬

 

Anyhoo, CK, glad to hear the charity money is still coming in. Great to make this as positive as we can!

I have given the go ahead for my just giving fundraiser to be paid to BCC now. Β£1300 raised for donating my hair! My sister did the same and raised Β£1500 also for BCC! This charity has definitely helped me get through with a much better perspective, having this forum available for honest chat is amazing. All the info booklets given to me at hospital are BCC booklets. Ask a nurse section, helpline, brilliant resource! Not forgetting the brilliant CC's!!!

 

 Jencat and Rosie,glad your both feeling better too.

I'm sorry I know I've missed lots of people,but I feel I need two computer screens to remember who has written what?!! 

CK
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Rhank you Sue C and Jilly. I have my cousin coming to stay and then my friend. My daughter has cheerleading at weekends and dont want her to miss it.
Im just preparing for Reiki and then going to pick up my wash n blowed wig and pop in work for a short while.
My way is to occupy myself rhe night b4 treatments xxx
Sue C
Community Champion

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Hi CK

Just wanted to send you a hug xxxx

It's perfectly natural to have a cry every now and again. None of us our Superwoman! The treatment will be tiring and BC is extremely emotional. So give yourself a break......you are doing brilliantly!!

Sue xx

Jill1998
Community Champion

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

I'm sure Helena will send you some freshly laundered pants !!! You are doing so well to carry on working ,I hope your new business partner us working out well and taking some of the strain ?
Jill1998
Community Champion

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Good luck with your treatments CK - double whammy this week for you ☹️ Over half way through now .Is your daughter around later in the week to give you some support ?
CK
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Lady Bowler
Please can I have some of your big pants:) Im going to need them!
I hope Colin is well and you are getting your walks alrhough its freezing over here tonight.xx
CK
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Hi Jencat
Yes Herceptin Tuesday and cycle 4 Weds. Nervous as two treatments rjis week and not sure what to expect. Ive done a lot in the 2 good weeks so ready for resting up next week.
Hope you are doing well.xx
CK
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Hi Rosie
Ive had a few secret weeps this week and mostly because of how nice people are being extremely nice to me, people who I would never have thought would take the time for me! Our emotions are bound to be everywhere. I hold myself at work but then I might get in the car and the tears come out but then I tell myself to pull myself together and think of sometjing funny!
Even now Im still getting donations for MacMillan and Prevent Breast Cancer. My friend gave me Β£350 for a large signed Rooney photo frame but then told me to keep it and auction again:0 I cried!
My hairdresser sorted me anorher wig for free! I cried! Lately TV often makes me cry. But I do know a good cry does make me feel better apart from rhe swollen eyesπŸ‘€ so let it out!!!xxx
rosietd
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

My emotions are all over the place at the moment. I start blubbing at the most ridiculous things. I have a friend with a one year old and she says her hormones are all over the place still since pregnancy, so we are sharing similar experiences, albeit for totally different reasons. 

 

Went out for cake today - definitely didn’t cry about that!

 

Jencat - I’m sorry you have lost some β€˜good days’ but hopefully you will be much better soon. I got very down when my infection kicked in. It felt like I was never going to get back to normal, especially as I still hadn’t started driving again either at that stage. But I’m getting there and you will too.

 

CK - you continue to be an inspiration. Big hugs.

 

xxx

ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Jencat

 

Hello, so glad to hear that your foot is better

 

Sending you a hug

 

Helena xxx

Jencat
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Thanks CK x How are you? Is your next chemo next week?

Yes, feeling better than I did, it's not hurting to put my foot on the floor now, although it's still puffy. Said at onc unit yesterday that chemo can go ahead on Monday, providing I feel ok. Felt a bit down the last few days, as I feel I've wasted half of my good days with this infection! (nurse told me yesterday that being depressed is another side effect of chemo! She'd asked me how I'd been and I said I'd been weepy one day and apparently that's normal! Great!) xx

Jencat
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Glad you're feeling better than you did Rosie and the antibiotics seem to be working. You've done well to be able to travel to London, (did you go by train?) I live in Kent, so it only takes an hour to get there, but I always feel a bit exhausted when I get home and that was before bc! Crowded trains and too many people! xx

CK
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Jencat and Rosie
Hope the anti biotics do the job! Chemo in itself is difficult and we could without the setbacks but at least you are feeling bit better now.xxx
rosietd
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Feeling a lot more human than I did this time last week. The antibiotics did their job. Have been up to London today for the first time since my op and whilst I am now exhausted, I managed it ok (I live in Wiltshire but have to go up to London two days per week).

 

So tonight I start on Anastrozole - very apprehensive, but got to start somewhere.

 

Take care lovely ladies.

xxx

Jencat
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Thank you Rosie x Not as painful today and my leg doesn't feel so hot, but my foot's still swollen. Hopefully though the antibiotics are starting to work. How are you feeling? xxx

rosietd
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Take care Jencat. Hope the antibiotics do their job.

xxx

Jencat
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Glad you're feeling a bit better now Rosie x And cake is a definite when you're feeling poorly Smiley Happy

I was feeling ok, but I've now got an infection in my leg (feels the same as when I had celluitis in my arm a few weeks ago) which is painful even if I'm not walking. Went to the doctor's today and I'm on antibiotics again. Feel fed up as this my 'good' week xx

rosietd
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Glad it’s not just me drawing up the draw bridge and hunkering down in my jimjams!

 

I am finally feeling vaguely human again after a bladder and kidney infection last week, caused (they think) by the catheter that went in my bladder during my ovary op. In a word - ouch. One week of antibiotics later and I feel I am making progress at last. I even managed to pop out this afternoon, for coffee and cake. The cake was purely for medicinal purposes of course.

 

So I saw my breast cancer surgeon again yesterday and he wants me to start Anastrozole now that my ovaries are out. Slightly apprehensive (have posted on the Treatment thread to see if anyone can offer coping strategies if the side effects kick in). 

 

Hoping all you lovely ladies are doing ok. I may not post often but I check the forum several times a day.

xxx

CK
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Glad you both had good days and PICC sorted and good meeting with onc and Helena with the ladies! I had a great night at work seeing people. Visit to Beechwood tomorrow and will have a complimentary aromatherapy massage. Cant wait!
Have a Psychic Night on Weds at work with 80 coming! Will have a raffle for Prevent Breast Cancer and then total up.

Hope tomorrows a nice day as last time I went to Beechwood it throwed it down.

Strawberroes and yoghurt before bed! Xxx

Jencat
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Hi CK, I know what you mean about feeling cosy at home, I don't want to go out in the evenings either! Enjoying going out in the daytime, but then I've had enough!

Been to the hospital this afternoon for PICC to be cleaned and to see the oncologist. Wasn't looking forward to seeing her much as last time she was a bit doom and gloom! Meeting was a lot better this time and she was pleased that I'd coped with the first chemo well. She also said I can go into school  (as long as I don't get too near any snotty kids!) Smiley Happy xx

ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

CK

 

Hi had the day off and been out with friends for lunch, it was lovely, beautiful sunshine but flipping heck it is cold.  Apparently iy is going to get a bit warmer mid week.

 

I know what you mean, the first thing I do is open al the blinds and let the light in, cant imagine having them closed all day long xx

CK
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Morning Jencat and Lady Bowler
I hope you are both feeling good...and Colin too!

These dark nights don't help even more so since we put the clock back, yet it makes it easier for us to stay in when we don't like going out!

I met for a curry last night and everytime someone opened the door a draught came in and I couldnt wait to come home, change into my jimjams and stick the TV on! My, how I have changed!!!!

In the morning the first thing I do is draw open rhe curtains and let the light in. Someone I know has their blinds closed all of the time and when I go round it depresses me.

I can't have heating on all day either and don't sleep with it on! Its very dry on my skin so stick ir on timer for 3 times a day.

Doing breathing exercises and breathing in rhe fresh air is soooo good!

What are you up to today?xxx

ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Jencat

 

It definitely does, I am sure it had more to do with the change in the weather and my not being able to get out as much as I had been which contributed to it xxx

Jencat
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

I'm so pleased to hear that Helena x I don't think the darker nights and mornings help either. We all have blips on this bc journey sometimes, but hopefully it gets a bit easier with time xxx

ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Jencat

 

Oh thank you that is really thoughtful of you, I am absolutely fine again now I promise xxx

Jencat
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Hi Helena, sorry you've had a rough time lately and just wanted you to know I've been thinking of you xx

ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

CK

 

This journey certainly makes you take stock of things and recognise what is important in your life, my priorities have completely changed in this last year, what I would have tolerated and stressed me before my bc I find I will not waste my energies on now.  I have really learned how to smell the roses and appreciate what I have xxx

CK
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

I was just catching up with my posts and reading through them again and again and yes, although its pants that I/we are going through all this, I am grsteful for the treatment I am receiving to mend me! The NHS has been amazing and theres help for us in many ways if we look for it!

Im just treating it as a bit of time out for myself where I am concentrating 100% on me! This has never hapoened in my life. Ive always put others first. Its a wake up call and I have been given a chance, so I need to make the most of it!

No 'if onlys' and 'what ifs'!!! Find ways to make my treatment as manageable as possible and therapies to help my body both mentally and physically! And most of all, plenty of rest when I can!
Hope you all have a good Sunday.xxx
CK
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Hi lafies!
WE are amazing!!! And you are double amazing Lafy Bowler!!!

I will have numbers raisef for MacMillan and Prevent Breast Cancer shortly.

Hipe we are all coping well and doning wjat we can on our good days!

Lots of love.xxxxx
ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

CK

 

You are one amazing lady xxxx

CK
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Seeing that this took me so long to write I am posting more than once:D

Ladies, thank you for your words of support for me and each other which really helps us get through tough times!

We all find ways of coping through life on the whole, never mind what we are going through now and the words of encouragement for each other on here really do help us.

Whether we cope by still working, raising for charity, donating time, exercising, eating habits, exercise or by simply offering words of comfort, we are all not just trying to get through this difficult time day by day but when I read the threads I cant help but realise what a bloody good bunch of ladies are on here sharing anything which may help someone else!

My diagnosis has really change my outlook on life! I worked hard for the past years non stop becaise I had to bring up my daughter, but now I have realised she is 20 and I need to concentrate on myself and my health and continue to fundraise in between, of course! This will never stop! It's my way of motivating myself and using what I have to be able to help others have a better qualitly of life, but I will take it much more easier, do the organising and let others do the running aboutπŸ˜‰

There is going ro me more me time in store and doing what I want to do for a change!

I used to worry about what people thought of me or how they judged me! Not anymore! Couldnt give a toss! I will do what I feelπŸ˜‚

I dress up to look good and feel good for myself now! If anyone doesnt like what I wear, tough! But my self esteem and confidence isnt as high now which is what treatment has done to me, but what I do know is that it will come back!!!πŸ‘πŸ‘

My tolerance with people has changed! I used to be very tolerant and give people and situations plenty of chances! Not anymore!

I had a 'friend' who we knew was a drama queen and couldnt control her drink but I would guide her and tell her if she was a laughing stock! She tried to turn my situation into her drama, tears, getting pissed, shouting and making a fool of herself but when I had it out with her she went very quiet and stayed away. I told her she didnt need to but just accept that she was wrong but no, she is so stubborn by the time she had realised how wrong she was and I'd given her 3 chances to see me it was too late! Im actually relieved her negativity isnt around anymore and hope she can sort her head out! But the last straw was when I was told by her sister that she made the family think for montbs thst she had 'C' for attention! How sad is this!!!

Then I sacked my date who decided to tell me he had depression when he found out about my diagnosis! Yet he was out til all hours getting sloshed and fit enough to do go to work, business meetings etc! I look back on things and realised he use to blame me for his abnormal behaviour after a drink!

And the last straw was when a gossiper(we all know for this) went to my hairdresser a couple of times to get information about me and actually said ' My friend told me CK was ill!' Has she been? Has she had her hair done? What did she have done? Reslly? Long? Short? Etc etc etc! My hairdresser was uncomfortable and told me...so I sent her a text to tell her to button it and if she wanted to know something why not ask me herself???She couldnt help herself, even if we didnt invite gossip she would just talk and put everyone down. Before this, I gave her excuses that she was unhappy but not anymore! Rid!!!

I dont know about you ladies but when I hear someone complaining about something trivial it really winds me up! Really, you are complaining about the floor being dirty and having to clean it again!!! Or you are really dying of a cold??? ITS A COLD!!! I know everyones problems are their own but.......

Anyway I've told the mates(the ones leftπŸ˜‚) apart from my change with tolerance and patience I am still the determined, kind, generous lady who wants to be here for others too but beware...DO NOT PISS ME OFF( excuse my language🀣🀣🀣

Hope I'm not the only one feeling like this!!! I am noce reallyπŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ‘πŸ‘
ann-m
Community Champion

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

B***dy marvellous, CK πŸŽ€
Fab achievement, especially as you’re in the middle of it all at the mo.
ann x
ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

CK

 

Well done lady you worked so hard for that event and it has really paid off xxxxx

Xena75
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Β£2K ck that’s amazing, well done!

I posted on here as I knew everyone would be on here!!! I only tend to come on at the weekend as that’s when I have a bit of time to loaf about in the morning, so I struggle to keep up sometimes!
Rachy65
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

I'll second that Peanut.. wish I could be half as strong..your a legend CK! X
Peanut57
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

CK you are one amazing person, in many more ways than one, from your amazing charity work down to the way you have helped me and countless others while also carrying your own bags, there are not words to express my own gratitude to you as your posts have helped keep me as sane as i was ever going to be during all this. Every single one of is allowed to and most of us do wobble, scream, shout and do what ever we need to do to help us on our journeys at times. Take care CK and a huge Thank You from me xxx

SueW
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Hi xenanice to see you as I forget who I have spoke to on which posts x hugs to you st this difficult time

Ck bloody btilliant x hold your head high girl another successful event to be proud of xx
Jill1998
Community Champion

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Can't believe you are on your 3rd cycle CK - half way - well done !!!
CK
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Hi Xena
Glad you popped up on here as forhot abput my Emotional and Grateful post!
So sorry to hear about your uncle and hope ge receives the best possible care.
You need to enjoy family day today.

Im still emotional after last weeks fundraiser for Prevent Breast Cancer and its reachd my target, nearly Β£2k. This will go towards helping our future generations! Im still little chemo dazed from cycle 3 but resting qhen I can.

Its just the dry mouth taste buds!!!

Hope all my lovely ladies are doing well.xxx
Xena75
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Hi everyone, thought I'd check in on you all and see how everyone is doing?

 

I've had an odd week, fourth chemo done, yey, however  we sadly had my uncle diagnosed with leukemia at the start of the week and yesterday my sisters father in law had a heart attack, so she is feeling a bit like something is out to get us at the moment bless her. 

 

Were all out for her birthday lunch today too, so hoping I'm not too gaggy  and nothing has happened to her fil over night.

 

Hope you are having a good week?

SueW
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Just put my pics on a new thread in I am recently diagnosed took ages to upload images so not putting them here too lol x
Love to you all xx
CherryBakewell
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

 

Evening Lovelies!!

 

Sue, hope it's not too nippy now you've braved the shave. CK, hope you're still being a warrior and flying through chemo. Chaffinch and Jencat, I know it's easy to say please don't worry too much about your first chemo sesh but I felt exactly the same as you both are now. The wait and the last couple of days before my first sesh were excruciating. I just wanted to get it over with. You may be one of the lucky ones like me though. Apart from the chemo glow in the first couple of days and the ridiculously unkempt post cold cap hair, I've just carried on as normal and was in work the day after my first sesh. Even if you do have some rough side effects it's still so worth it. Anything that stacks the cards in our favour...

 

By the way, the mad candy floss hair is still hanging on in there. Day 20!!! πŸ˜œπŸ‘πŸΌ

 

Cherry Bakewell xx

Chaffinch17
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Jencat, good that you have a new drug to try, we keep being told that treatment for bc is moving on fast and it is a well funded and researched area perhaps we just need to have faith, but some days it’s easier said than done x
CK
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Aw Jencat, you have a cuddly panda bear stayinf. Hope he recovers soon.

Many of us were also told DCIS at first until the lump had been for biopsy and boy, yes that did take it out of me to be told differently Grade 2 Ductal invasive and one lymph node afftected which was taken out with Mr Blobby! I hit the whisky that day but not touched it since!!!

Distraction is good. Thats my way of coping.xx
Jencat
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Also CK and Chaffinch, another reason I've got to have chemo is that I'm being offered a new drug adjacent to the chemo and for three or more years afterwards. Just got to get rid of this downward thinking mood!

YD's boyfriend just arrived to finish the kitchen floor, so that might help to distract me! (Bit last minute I know! Would have been finished on Saturday, but my 89 year old dad had a fall, got two black eyes bless him, so lot of the weekend spent with him) xx

Jencat
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Thanks Ck x I know I've got to have it, especially as I've still got one cancerous lymph node, so it would be very stupid of me not to and if it did come back and I hadn't had the treatment, I'd always blame myself. I think it's not helped that I went from DCIS to this plus the recurrance that bothers me and my onc telling me that I have a higher risk than some other bc's of it happening. Don't think I'll chat to onc CK, she's the one who depressed me! xx

Jencat
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

I don't even like roller coasters Chaffinch! Smiley Happy I know, apart from my arm hurting (cause of Saturday's injection!) and my scar still a bit sore sometimes, I feel really well-better than before I was diagnosed with bc actually! I suppose it would be much easier to be upbeat if we knew we were going through all this and had a 100% guarantee it would never happen again! That's the bit I'm finding hard.

Hopefully with time it gets easier-when my mum died and my husband left me, when I woke up and went to sleep, they were the first things on my mind. I still think about them of course, but they don't dominate my thoughts, so hopefully that's the same with bc xx

CK
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Jencat
Its completely normal ro think this and that b4 treatment but the best way to think is 'What if I don't have it?'
My way of thinking is, if treatment is offered we should take it unless they tell us there's no point.

Its so difficult because when they give us something we think 'do we need it' yet if they dont offer it we wonder why not!

Maybe another chat with Onc b4 you start? The antibiotics wont help your mood either my lovely so lets concentrate on getting you back on track again ready for for treatmentxxx
Chaffinch17
Member

Re: Emotional and grateful!!!xxx

Definitely Jencat! I have to have chemo to have Herceptin and I had serious wobbles about it last week on the run up to my first cycle because I felt so well. I know that for my long term future health I have to do it but it was a bit like that bit at the top of the roller coaster without the thrill in the way down!
Waiting to get started is horrible, we all just want this done and to be able to move on with our lives. X