Emotional support

I am about 10 weeks post DIEP, have no hormones and look like a side show freak. Everyone loves to admire me when I’m coping marvellously but disappear in to the woodwork when I need emotional support. Forget Macmillan who advertise as the all caring and all compassionate- they don’t cover my area unless you are terminal. I look normal on the outside so it’s comfortable to assume I have bravely fought off Cancer and now relishing every precious moment I am now granted.

Hi, 

 

So sorry to hear you’re having a horrible time of it.

 

I wish I could offer some help but the best I can manage is to let you know that you are not alone - I’ve certainly found that most family and friends really only want to hear the positive stuff and I’m a bit guilty of underplaying it sometimes even if they would be prepared to listen.  The best source of help I’ve found so far is the people on this forum, there always seems to be someone who has been through it before me and can advise on how best to cope or just reassure me that what I’m feeling is normal.  I’ve also found The Haven, a breast cancer charity, to be very helpful as they provide counselling and complementary treatments, but I’m not sure if you’d be able to access them from where you live?

xx

Sharon

 

 

Hello drdspg

I am just coming up to the end of my first year. I had wle and snb last April. During this year I think my thoughts and emotions have been all over the place. Even though my family and friends have been great i think having cancer is the lonliest place. No one else is inside your head. Before I had cancer I suffered with a severe anxiety problem that has kept resurfacing throughout my life i am 59 now. Eight years ago I was housebound with agoraphobia so anxiety was not new to me. Coping with cancer is hard really hard and different for everybody. I think you are very recently diagnosed and are still coping with the shock of that. I seem to have followed a process very similar to the grieving process. Feelings of shock, fear (lots of that) anger (at my body and every body else for not being me) and sadness (I wont ever be the same person both physically or mentally) I’ve come to the conclusion (which could change) that I needed to be as ok as I possibly could be with the idea of dying (not an easy thing to do) and then really relish the idea that I am alive today so I do as much as I feel able to and want to each day. Some time last year I was listening to the Jeremy Vine show and he was talking to Chris Woodward (used to be head of school inspectors) he was diagnosed several years ago with motor neuron disease and is now paraplegic. He has surpassed the normal life expectancy for that disease. Jeremy asked him how he coped with the knowledge that he would die and his reply has given me huge comfort and improved my attitude to living. He said that everyone has to deal with the knowledge that they will die one day. His situation has meant that he has dealt with this in a more emotional way but nobody knows when they are going to die and that Jeremy could die before him. This really shocked Jeremy Vine as the reality of this statement hit him. Chris then went on to describe all the things that give him pleasure and how he lives his life by doing things he enjoys. That is what I make sure I do. Each day when I wake up I think how do I feel today I check in with my body (feel for any lumps or bumps imagine all sorts of horrible things and recognise that this is probably a normal neurosis)  and most days I am able to say I actually feel ok today so I’ll do whatever I need to plus something that I want to. I keep fairly busy, the knowledge that I have/have had cancer is very close to the surface still and I still have moments when I am scared but I have learnt to accept this as being ok and then I can let it pass and get on with doing something else.

 

Don’t worry if you are not feeling grateful or happy yet it is very early days and the road is very long. I hope my ramblings have helped and the next time you feel that someone is assuming that you are lucky and should be relishing and enjoying every minute of your life ask them if they are doing the same as they could be dead before you.

 

Yes, I’m angry too:smileylol:

Hi drdspg

I am sorry to read you are having such a difficult time at the moment, along with the support here please feel free to call our helpliners for further support, lines are open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 10-2 on 0808 800 6000

You may find the BCC ‘I’m moving forward from breast cancer’ support helpful, I have posted the links to the moving forward courses which I hope will be in an area you are able to access:

breastcancercare.org.uk/moving-forward

breastcancercare.org.uk/breast-cancer-services/information-and-support-sessions/improving-wellbeing/moving-forward-programme

Take care
Lucy BCC

hi

really glad that you have the all clear. Getting on with life will seem hard at first but Im sure as time passes you will feel better about things. Good luck

Hi,
I can identify with how you feel. I am 10 wks post left mx with immediate implant recon, luckily clear lymph node so no chemo or rads, on tamoxifen. I have been tremendously positive whilst going through op and recovery , but now I am back at work everyone assumes I am fine, yet I still find myself thinking about it all the time plus still have quite a bit of pain in the recon. I want to keep busy and get back to normal but at the same time feel the need to talk to people who understand. At our hospital there is a breast cancer support group which I have joined. On here though I think you have the best chance of finding people who share your experience and you can always private message people if you want more confidential support. Best of luck xx