Hi LS,
Just wanted to send you a massive hug - when I was first diagnosed on 5th Feb, i made every effort not to be left alone with my own thoughts but as the weeks have gone on, that has got a little easier! reading so many success stories on here has helped without doubt!! i had a MX on the 21st Feb and whilst it has taken some getting my head around, i remember waking from the anaesthetic and smiling, just feeling relieved that that lump had gone out of me. i will have radiotherapy so immediate reconstruction wasn't adviced and in truth, I think I am happier with that being my decision in my own time, once this experience is behind me. I think if I let myself think about it too much then it may get me down but I know that it had to go and in truth i think I had started to detach from it when i was black and blue from all the bopsies, it just didn't look like part of me anymore which helped! I figure i have two choices - i can view the scar (which is tiny by the way - surgeons are so clever!!) as a reminder of how important it is to live each day or, as a reminder of part of my life that I would rather forget! if it is the latter, i will do something about it next year but for now it's gone and that lump of cancer gone with it!!
I am now waiting to see the surgeon again in two weeks and for an appointment with an oncologist. I think I have learnt over the last few weeks to just deal with today as tomorrow will take care of itself. I certainly can't give advice but i think for me, breaking it into chunks really helped, chunk 1 was surgery and recovery so i am resting, exercising my arm and trying to eat lots of good food! Those things are in my control and I think it is important that we retain a little bit of control where we can!! 🙂
A work colleague of mine told me of how his sister in law had grade 4 breast cancer, very aggressive but has now had the all clear 4.5 years later! I don't know about you but stories like this help me just a little bit to have hope and believe that I/ we can and will get through this. He himself had suffered a brain tumor 7 years ago and now just lives his life for today because no-one lives with any guarantees for what tomorrow holds! One thing he did say to me was how important it was for me to TRUST, and for me this has really hit home! As a bit of a control freak by nature, i have never lived my life depending on others, now i have no choice but to trust others!! I know when it comes to chemo, my hair etc i am going to need to trust more than ever before!!
I don't know whether my ramblings will have helped at all, but if nothing else, just want you to know that you're not alone and I will join with all the other ladies on here to send you the biggest cyber cuddles in the world.
xxxx
