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Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?


Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Sunflowers - we have the same results day.  Keep me posted!!


Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Good luck happywanderer! Just had my follow up from surgery 2 weeks ago and lymph nodes clear and no need for chemo. Hope it will be the same for you. And I do feel a fraud but have decided to make the best of my enforced time off work. Physically I am feeling fine but I do feel like I've been through the mill mentally and I don't think it hurts to accept a bit of TLC when its on offer! Love Eileen

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

So many of us seem to feel this way.Have never once felt ill,. When the district nurse saw me day after op S I still had drain and had to check me she couldnt believe had op day before, as i looked so well, As im 67 did she expect a "little old lady"lol. Glad im not only one feeling this is not happening to me, june

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Hi happywanderer

Welcome to the BCC forums where I am sure your fellow users will share and understand your feelings at the moment, our helpliners are also on hand with further practical and emotional support so please feel free to call 0808 800 6000 weekdays 9-5 and 10-2 Saturdays

Here's a link to further support ideas and treatments information which I hope you will find helpful:


Take care
Lucy BCC

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Hi All
This is my first post, just glad there are others who feel like I do. Had lumpectomy 12 days ago, feeling well. Go for histology results tomorrow and treatment plan. When people ask how are you? I don't know what to answer as everyone seems to expect me to be 1) feeling ill or 2) falling apart and sobbing. The truth is I feel physically well but mentally numb. I will be glad when tomorrow is over and have a plan to go forward with. I've been told prior to surgery to expect to have radiotherapy but I hope not to have chemo. Will know definitely tomorrow. Take care all

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Still on the fraud list!

Work suggesting I "give myself time", OH saying he'll take leave to look after me. Feeling like I'm being smothered.

So hope I'll be like Cazz.

Seems strange to feel so fit and yet know there is a nasty little Storm fighting in my d cup!

Also sooooo relieved that I'm not alone in this fiasco

Hugs to you Sunflower. Enjoy the peace.


Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Hi Like others I feel like a fraud as I feel fine after the lumpectomy & lymph node removal last Friday. 2 friends came to see me today and were surprised to see me looking so well. Hubby went away to work today, so will be spending the night alone. He'll be back tomorrow evening. Have to go back for results appointment on Fri 6 March.

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Yes, me! Now 6 weeks post op, left mx & full node clearance, good results with no spread. See Oncologist tomorrow but have already decided to say no to chemo if offered. I feel the benefits are far outweighed by the negatives as the percentage it could give me is low & not guaranteed anyway. Im fairly healthy but have always been slightly overweight, I have lost 18lbs since my first biopsy by a complete lifestyle & dietary change. I would rather fight any future illness this way than face the side effects of chemo. Obviously if it had spread then that would have been a no-brainer.
None of this has happened to me though (in my head!), I'm still getting over the physical effects of the op but managing most of day to day tasks, drove after 3 weeks & started back at work last week which is wonderful because this is 'normality' 😃
My sil is a nurse & she says those patients with a good mental attitude do so much better but, after having gone through this herself, has the grace to call me amazing at how I have handled it but, like I said, IT'S NOT HAPPENING TO ME !!

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Yes, completely feel like this, although ....  had surgery on 12th Feb and am now realising that the results appointment might not be as straight forward as I thought it would be.  Also, will be on drugs for at least 5 years, and have a lifetime risk of lymphoedema, so not quite the, "I'll be better by September" message I took from my first appointment.  Decisions have had to be made so fast, that this week after surgery has been a chance to process a lot.  Also, massively bunged up so not enjoying that!!!

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Hi , i felt exactly the same as you. I was diagnosed last October and didnt really react as i felt so well. I just carried on as normal really. told my family but was really calm and didnt want any fuss.


I had the lumpectomy and lymph node removal  and have recently finished radiotherapy and have now started taking tamoxifen but still do not feel like i have had cancer .


I wonder if it just hasnt hit me yet or its my way of coping by pretending its happened to someone else,  I helped nurse my Dad through teminal prostrate cancer and when i lost him 17 months ago my partner then had to have his leg amputated so i just transferred the caring from my Dad to him..


Your not alone in feeling like you do, whatever the reason, we all react differently. xx


Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Goodness its nice to know im not only one feeling like i do with this it cant be me stuff. Strange thing is as soon as i found lump say after boxing day in the bath, though it never felt like was happening to me, i always knew was cancerous people said o probably a cyst you are so healthy but i knew. Im not sure how people expected me to behave, one of my closest friends thinks im selfish cause ive said i dont want chemo if i can avoid it as my risk if dont have it wouldnt be much higher. Weve practcally fallen out over it. I had the operation, seeing oncologist next week, def have to have rads and tablets ok with that but i dont want to put chemo into me unless i have to, i feel healthy still and myself i dont want to become "not myself" can anyone understand that.  People seem to expect you to grow 2 heads and become a different sort of person, but why. The friend i mention is now saying ive always been negative cause as i hate retirement and have never been able to get a part time job i should have done volunatary work, and should now, cause of the cancer, why if i didnt want to do before why does she think i would now, im still me,. june 

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Hi storminadcup (great name by the way!)


Yup, I feel a fraud but sort of in reverse.  When I was diagnosed I read all the leaflets, did a gazillion google searches etc and kept reading this 'life changing' thing that was happening to me and worried about what those changes would be and just how bad it was going to get.  It was one of the few times I wished I didn't have so much imagination!  Although I didn't have any public meltdowns I did have more than a few sleepless, teary nights as I worried about whether it had spread, how I would cope with the treatments, all the practical things around keeping my life running through what could potentially be a long illness. 


I was/am one of the lucky ones though in that the WLE/lymph node surgery got it all out in one go, no sign of spread to the nodes so I don't need any more surgery or any chemo.  Now it's three weeks after surgery I feel completely well and have my normal energy levels back so I feel a bit of a fraud when I have to tell people that I have/I had cancer as they assume I must have been through a nightmare and it hasn't been all that bad.  


Sorry to be a bit rambling, but what I'm trying to say is that it is difficult to know what to think and therefore what to feel until you know what it is that you are dealing with which you won't know until after the surgery is done and you find out what the rest of your journey looks like.  I hope you are also one of the lucky ones and wish you all the luck in the world with your operation and recovery.



Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Hi, I think we all have felt like that, my reading of the ladies here is that we are all strong, independent & confident women who are used to be in control of our lives and all,of a sudden it is snatched away. It's been 10 weeks for me and at times I have been a gibbering wreck, someone only had to look at me and I was sobbing uncontrollably, or shouting at the OH for no apparent reason. You will get through this, it's hard but everyone on this forum has been so helpful and will be for you. Good luck, hugs and love x x

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

I definitely feel a fraud. I am feeling fine now and am having an op and treatment that will probably make me ill. I really don't know what to do with myself at the moment. I am used to being the person who is relied on and it's very strange feeling I'm going to need help myself.

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Thank you all for helping. Guess it will really hit when I start packing my bag and buying new bras....

bit like waiting for a baby but in reverse!!

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

So agree with lots of the comments on here. At first it was largely disbelief - how can this be happening? I am a healthy person!!. Think you just have to go with it - no right or wrongs in this. Just deal with it in whatever way is right for you

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Hi Storminateacup

I know exactly how you feel. After my diagnosis I had the odd feeling that they'd made a mistake and actually there was-nothing wrong with me. Even after the biopsy showed Grade 3 DCIS. i still couldn't believe it was true All seems surreal. I just carried on as normal and had my op on 10 Feb (my birthday!). However, ii've had some not so good days since then and been very emotional. I tell my husband I have booby brain! He's been so supportive and my daughter but once it sank in, it's been hard. You will eventually start to feel it all so don't be surprised if you become a bit mad! Not sure how I feel about people's sympathy and flowers etc. if ever you need to chat, i'm here.

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

I too felt a fraud - and still do. I only had a small tumour and 15 sessions of RT last May. I've never felt ill just a little sore after the op, have very few side-effects of anastrozole and have carried on my life as before. I do feel a guilty when I read of other people's problems but also very very grateful that a routine mammo found the lump before it made its presence felt.


I consider myself very lucky and just hope that my luck continues. We're all different personalities as people and our cancers also have different 'personalities'. Concentrate on keeping well and helping your family and friends realise that these days Cancer, although more and more people are experiencing it, isn't necessarily a death sentence.

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

No you are not a fraud, ive never once felt ill, ever,, thats why it seems like its not happening to me and sometimes it still doesent, though ive had lump removed, seen surgeon, still sore but never really had any pain, Now waiting to see the oncologist as i have to to decide on chemo myself as  risk not much higher of reoccurrence if i dont.  When people said how are you, and one of my friends who as i live alone always panicked if i missed at text or phone call thinking i wasnt all right, id say yes im fine why wouldnt i be.I think the scary thing is it does seem so much to happen to women who are normally very healthy, why is this, it isnt lifestyle like many cancers, but then again it is easy to treat than many other cancers, Surely though research should look into why it seems to affect so many women who do everything right and still get it.june

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

No not a fraud

I went through quite a while thinking this isn't me - I feel fit and healthy, definitely not unwell at all.


Unfortunately it did hit in one big go. tell OH you need support not anger - he'll get over that anyway

it is hard for those close to you because they can do nothng really for you.


All the best


Keep coming on here it is a great source of support and information




Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Hi Storm, yes it's pefrectly understandable. Unlike a lot of ladies I had no lump and was caught by screening, thank god now, but until the recall and the sickening realisation where I was headed, was fit, overall healthy, and no obvious external signs of the little beast inside. so you are not absolutely not a fraud, far from it, so be kind to yourself and I know it's horrible but you do have to ,a certain degree, go with the feelings. Please use the forum, there are much wiser ladies on here than me and those who are a lot further down the track than
us....and all together we wil get through this...love and hugs x x x x

Re: Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Hi storminadcup


I am sure your fellow forum users will be along soon to share their own experiences with you, but in the meantime I have put for you below the link to a couple of BCC's publications you and your family might find helpful.  Also the link to the area of this website where being newly diagnosed is discussed further.








Take care,

Jo, Moderator

Feel a fraud - anyone else like this?

Well now I've told my family and close friends. Experienced a mix of reactions. Shock and tears from some; "what a pickle we're in" from my parents (dad has prostrate with secondaries so was concerned about telling him needn't have been); suffocation "we'll be there for you etc etc"; my daughter (14) was amazing and went and got breast cancer leaflets she'd had a school; my son (21) needing space; my husband being angry at the slightest thing.


But me ....


I feel nothing, its all just words, I'm fit healthy capable and so this feels like I'm a fraud.


Does anyone else understand this....