Feel like I been hit by a train

[SueW]

Sib I am sure your ;new hair' looks fab .... I hope i dont offend anyone as i know i have a warped sense of humour but me and my sister have laughed loads today.  firstly she offered to shave her hair off so when we go out people wont know which one of us is ill.  I said no her reply was we will see. Now i know i havent even started chemo or indeed had my second op but i started talking wigs, I said i want rainbow unicorn wig down to my bum and her reply was as long as you dont put a d!ldo on your head for a horm I will walk down the street with you.  I have also got tickets for a reggae night in December to see Shaggy and Maxi Priest so I said I would get a dreadlock wig but she said no it would look silly if I had no eyebrows. I love my crazy little sister and Rachy yes as you can see from this I have had a good day. xx 

[SueW]

Sib I am sure your ;new hair' looks fab .... I hope i dont offend anyone as i know i have a warped sense of humour but me and my sister have laughed loads today.  firstly she offered to shave her hair off so when we go out people wont know which one of us is ill.  I said no her reply was we will see. Now i know i havent even started chemo or indeed had my second op but i started talking wigs, I said i want rainbow unicorn wig down to my bum and her reply was as long as you dont put a dildo on your head for a horm I will walk down the street with you.  I have also got tickets for a reggae night in December to see Shaggy and Maxi Priest so I said I would get a dreadlock wig but she said no it would look silly if I had no eyebrows. I love my crazy little sister and Rachy yes as you can see from this I have had a good day. xx 

[Rachy65]

Hi Sue..just like to say I've been thinkin about you hun and hope you are feeling a bit better. .its all so scarey isn't it..but we are all here to support each other..sending hugs xx

[Sib]

Hair gone, like everything on this journey the thought was worse than reality! Didn't look as they shaved it off, lovely hubby held my hand (he has never seen me with anything other than long hair as we have only been married 4 years) . Wig salon did cut with so much empathy, compassion and cuddles! They then styled my 2 wigs (1 free and 1 purchased).
Another step on this journey over.
As for chemo, feel very strange on day of chemo not particularly I'll. It's not as bad as I thought and I can function, been out every day always manage to get washed and dressed, just some times a bit tired. But this is my best chance so I will take it and embrace it. Xxx

[ladybowler]

Feather

Dont you dare not come on here xxx  You are still very much part of us you have given a lot of support to ladies on here and your story is important for those ladies coming on here who are scared as it shows it does not always have to be a cancer diagnosis.

Helena xxxx

[SueW]

Helena my hubby says he either gets psycho bitch or Suzie homemaker when he gets home and he never knows which it will be good job I love him and I know he's only joking xx

[SueW]

Feather of course you are always welcome xx thank you for your words and caring attitude xx

[ladybowler]

Sue

Oh I absoluttely love that your poor hubby thank goodness it was not the case, but you could still be the bad ass superhero though and kick the cancers ass 🙂 🙂

I am so glad to read that you have had a lovely time today with your family and are feeling calmer.

Helena xxx

[Feather1944]

I feel like an intruder, bcos my journey is not as tough as yours ( still waiting for op and biopsy, but mammo  shows benign condition) ....however, you have all been so kind to me , that I can't help but check in to see how you are all doing.  SueW, sorry to hear of the recent update.  Hope all goes well for you and for all the other lovely ladies here.  I hope you don't mind me popping in now and then and keeping in touch .

Love and best wishes xxxx

[SueW]

My hubby was convinced on day of op I would be a cross between Spider-Man and the hulk from blue dye and nuclear medicine that would have been some bad @ss superhero x

[WhyteFawn]

I get made radioactive next week. I can't wait to see if I'm able to fly or have x-ray vision as my super power lol.

[Jencat]

Think I must be! x

[Jill1998]

Radioactive !!!!

[Jencat]

Michele, just thought, no wonder someone said I looked so well when I saw them yesterday, I must be still glowing from the scans! xx

[pecan]

Me too. 

And then I had someone ask for an update, as they were worried about me.  It does make some people uncomfrotable, and my father-in-law keeps on at my husband, telling him he should stop me posting in public.  haha   My husband is wiser than that.

[Jencat]

Oh Sue, that's so lovely x People have been really kind to me too and messages from some people I hardly know. xx

[SueW]

I put a post on fb last night and then switched off my phone I woke up this morning to 143 comments on my post and I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support and cried my eyes out again x the good crying xx

[Jencat]

Morning Sib, thinking of you today re hair. It won't be easy for you I know and something I'm dreading if I have chemo. You did get a wig didn't you?

Glad to hear that you weren't sick this time, although it's horrible feeling it. Have you felt ill or 'just' sick? (Sorry, I hope that doesn't sound flippant because being sick is bad enough) xxx

[Jencat]

Love your idea of a journey Michele! I don't like flying though, especially on our plane!

Really pleased to hear your CT scan was clear, what a relief for you, especially as I know you were so worried about it. Is MRI looking for the same as the bone scan? I must be really glowing, had bone scan last Friday and CT on Sunday! xxx

[SueW]

Michelle I love your post what times the drinks trolley is it wine o'clock yet xx. And so pleased your ct scan looks okay -what a relief xxxx Sib please keep posting you are giving me strength as you are so honest about chemo and it lets me know a little bit what to expect xxx these glitches are nowt but turbulence on bc airways x

[Mygel2]

So glad to see you are feeling more positive Sue.  It really is a tough journey and the route does seem to change often, lots of detours.  Sticking with the journey metaphor, this site is a bit like the inflight information, support and entertainment package, here to help you on the journey ........ tea, coffee or virtual hug madam??   Loved your story about your Mums friend, love that ladies spirit, fantastic. 

Jencat, got my CT results yesterday pm ...... CT looks ok.  Also got my appointment for my MRI, which is on the 31st.  Asked the BCN why they were doing MRI as opposed to a bone scan which is what most people seem to have on here. Apparently they have a consultant radioloigist who is trying to pioneer the use of full body MRI instead of bone scans + to be fair I've had so many contrasts now I must be glowing so I'm glad not to be having any more radioactive dyes shot into me at the moment, lmao.

Sib, glad to hear the 2nd chemo didn't knock you as sideways as the first.  Hope it gets easier with each one.

Love to all my fellow flight crew.  Please fly with Breastcancercare.org.uk again and have a safe and pleasant onward journey

Michele xxx

[Sib]

Hi Jencat, doing much better after round 2, not sick this time and only nauseous for 12 hours. A third of the way through chemo now !! Hair off today(or the little that's left) though so it wI'll be a day with a few tears I think!.
Onwards and upwards ladies we will kick this cancers butt!!! Xxx

[Jencat]

Michele (Mygel2) Is it tomorrow that you're getting the results of your CT scan? xx

[SueW]

Thank you Rosie x

[rosietd]

Apologies for only getting to the forum now. The last two days have been very busy.

Sue, there's nothing I can add to what all you other wonderful ladies here have said, but I just wanted to post here to send you love.

xxx

[Jencat]

Yes Sue, thank goodness for this forum. I'm not sure how I would have coped without it! Thank you everybody! xxx

[SueW]

Pecan don't apologise Hun and all of you thank you, you all keep me sane and positive. I knew I was going on a journey just have to think of this as the scenic route and encountering speed bumps xx

[Jencat]

Glad you're feeling more upbeat today Sue xx

[Jencat]

Yes it definately is Sib! How are you after your 2nd dose of chemo? Hope you're feeling ok xx

[Sib]

Glad you are feeling better today Sue, it's really a journey with so many ups and downs, twists and turns. Hugs
Shirley xxx

[pecan]

Oh Sue, I am so sorry.  I've been so caught up in my own problems that I forgot you were having your results this week.  What a kick in the gut.  I've just had a good cry on your behalf.  Hugs.

[ladybowler]

anitajane

I am one of the ones whose diagnosis did not change following my op and I know there are many others on here who have experienced the same as me :)xxxx

[ladybowler]

CK

Ha ha and me I am hardly ever on the main part of my fb but I am part of a group of ladies who have had bc and we decided to set up our own little group.  I love that one but to be honest this forum is what does it for me 🙂 🙂 I cant imagine ever not being on here xx

[CK]

Ladybowler
I too log on first thing in the morning and last thing at night (and when I have time during the day) as it gives me great support and I also like to think I can support others too!
Facebook must be missing me!!!:D

[anitajane]

Hi Sue - I really feel for you and the game changing plan you now face but it's clear you are going to attack it head on.  

I'm yet to have my surgery (20th September) and my consultant has said 'she will eat her hat if I end up needing chemotherapy'.  Whilst that is, of course, some comfort and has certainly satisfied my OH, I have read too many threads here to assume this will be definitely be the case - so many ladies report changes in their treatment plan after their initial surgery.  

So, my plan is to take it one step at a time as the lovely CCs keep reminding us all, be positive about the outcome but realistic to the facts that there is a slim possibility things may change after my initial surgery.  That's keeping me relatively sane at the moment (along with ice cold, Sauvignon Blanc in copious quantities of course!!).  

None of us like the uncertainly or the unpredictability of this monster that lurks within us - the rug seems to be constantly sliding from under our feet - it can slide all it likes but mine's a magic carpet and I'm sticking to it for the ride!!!  

PS - for those of you that think I have already been hitting the SB, I haven't - I'm busying myself on day 2 of my First Aid at Work course - what a fantastic distraction I have to say!!

Onwards and upwards my seriously strong friends.  Catch you all later - Anita x

[ladybowler]

Sue

Oh that is great that you are feeling better, we like good tears they are wonderful, we will always be beside you and will help and support you through this mate.

I have just got home from work and the first thing I do whenever I get home is log on to here before I do anything else, unless I have to go out and bowl, even this far down the line I still get comfort from the wonderful ladies on here who are further on their journey.

Sending you a hug

helena

[Chaffinch17]

I agree, we told immediate family and one close friend after the initial appointment and then when we had confirmation a couple of weeks later my OH sent a text to a couple of his colleagues who are also my bosses at work and I put the post on Facebook and asked my close work friend to tell the few people at work who don't have Facebook. It is weird who knows what to say and who doesn't. My friend is a very down to earth non sentimental person and she kept me sane during the first two weeks because we have the same black humour and just cariried on as normal and she was happy to talk about it when I needed to but happy to be as rude to me as normal when I didn't. I have told people that I am happy to talk about it and not to avoid me for fear of knowing the right thing to say. Some people find it much harder than others, the person in the office who I thought would be the most open has been the least and probably other people have surprised me the other way too. 

[Jill1998]

Hi Sue,I found it exhausting telling people and their reactions , when I eventually got to the bottom of the list I was relieved .Its one of the hardest things .

[SueW]

I have decided that when I have told the last of my very close family tomorrow I will put a post on the dreaded fb but simply because I find it emotionally draining to keep telling everyone personally either by text or in person x

[Chaffinch17]

I think a lot of us feel that way, it is a good way to move forward and keep the positivity going. I put a very kick ass post on Facebook after my diagnosis and used it as a way of spreading the word on the importance of self checking.

[SueW]

That made me laugh Naza and I was so careful about not using profanity but yes that is my sentiments along with a whole barrage of other obscenities xx

[Naza]

Dear Sue
Im really sorry but no doubt you will make it through. Hey Cancer You Picked The Wrong Bitch!
Xxx

[Chaffinch17]

We are here for you whenever you need to rant and rave, you can get through this 💪

[Jill1998]

Glad you feel a bit better Sue .

[SueW]

Morning all I did sleep with the aid of nytol but woke up this morning still in s state of shock but with renewed optimism and determination that I can do this. The first thing I have done after a shower is pick up my phone and come on the forum and been greeted by so much love and support I am crying again but this time in a good way if you know what I mean x

[Chaffinch17]

So sorry Sue W I hope that you got some rest last night. (((Hugs)))

This is my fear too, I was told the same as you but I know that my tumour is 3cm. I get my results next Wednesday.

The battles have changed but this is still a fight that you can win.

[LadyMondegreen]

So sorry to hear this and sending a virtual hug. This is bound to knock you for six! I do hope you find the resilience you will need to cope with the further treatment necessary to get shot of it and that in the future you can look back on this time and say "I got through it all, despite everything" x

[Jobey68]

Hi Sue, I can only echo what everyone has said, it's utter crap but you will regroup once you've  gotten over the shock and face it head on! I do wish they wouldn't go on about nodes being clear prior to actually testing them as it just sets us up for a fall when we've been told one thing then find out it's the other! 

So many lovely ladies here who have been in the same situation as you and are testiment to how quickly we get out our heads around a change in news and dig deep enough to deal with it!! Xx Xx 

[Mygel2]

Sue, I'm so sorry to hear you not great news. But remember, you've been through all of this so far with strength, bravery and a great sense of humour and you will get through this next lot of treatment the same way.  You've got this! 

Massive love and hugs xxxx

[Debbie1964]

Good morning sue,

Just wanted to give you a morning hug, hope you managed some sleep last night and feel a little better after  that bloody train, i had abit of a rough night myself last night, im all good, but im now worrying about my hubby after some not good results.

I half expected to find you as an early bird having coffee and bananas with me ha ha.

Debbie xx