Hello everyone.
Wow, am I getting frustrated!! I feel like life is one loooooong waiting room, waiting for herceptin to finish, waiting for my surgery date for reconstruction, waiting for my clinical psychologist report back, and to know if it is going to be in my favour... Can't even begin to imagine how I will feel if it comes back saying I am not of 'sound' mind and shouldnt be making these kinds of decisions yet. (To explain, I'm opting for mx and recon on my healthy breast, as well as recon on my already mx side - I have my reasons!). Lets not even go into all the waiting room moments I've had over the last year and two months! You will all know what I'm talking about there.
I know I need to sit back and relax, and just wait patiently for things to happen, but as most of you will know, having BC is a long journey, which for me started May 16th last year, when I found my lumps. So from all the biopsies, surgery, fertility treatment to store eggs, chemo, radio, herceptin and tamoxifen, I'm ready to have the 'light at the end of the tunnel' of reconstruction. I've been ready since the day they took my right breast away, but of course there is so much to endure first, you can't focus on that. I don't know why I am so desparate to have it done, but my life feels on hold waiting for this surgery. And I know some people have really long waits with their surgeons, and I have a fairly new surgeon so hopefully his list isn't too long, but I would go into surgery tomorrow if I could. My next appointment is in three weeks, when psychologist report will definately be back and done (and hopefully good!). Three long weeks. Why is time dragging, and why can't I think about anything else?
I know there could be so many things that go wrong with surgery, and that there will be significant pain, and much rehabilitation, but I'm ready for it - why can't it be ready for me? I want to look forward, get my life started again, I need 2013 to be hospital free!! Fingers crossed no cancer spreading... that would do me in. Where would I find the strength for that? I've read many posts from ladies in that situation, and I admire your strength, and wish you well.
How do others deal with the waiting? I just can't be this half woman any more.
So sorry for the negative post/rant, I'm just going through a hard time right now. Anyone else wished for a magic wand throughout this whole damned process?? I have, countless times!!
Big love to all you ladies out there, whatever stage you are at, my thoughts are with you.
xxx