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Feeling alone at times

21 REPLIES 21
Lucy_BCC
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Hi rockchik and welcome to the BCC forums

Along with the support here our helpliners are on hand with further support, information and a listening ear on 0808 800 6000, lines are open 9-5 during the week and 10-2 Saturdays

I am posting a link to the 'Just diagnosed' section of the website where you will find lots more information and support ideas which I hope will help:

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/diagnosis?utm_source=Homepage&%3Butm_medium=help_you&%3Butm_campaign=diagnosis

Take care

Lucy

rockchik
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Thanx JCJ it helps to know there is someone out there, the site is of comfort! My tumour is grade one but I am so small breasted I have swung from WLE with SNB to the lot going and back, sorry Im not to clued up on the terms people use. Yes I am so scared I wont be able to come to terms with what is left.
Hugs right back to you x
susieseaside64
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Hi Rockchik
So sorry to hear about your diagnosis and about your boyfriend. JCJ is right, this is a time to be thinking about what helps YOU to get by, not anyone else. Do you have any good friends? Family?
Don't know if you have a Breast Care Nurse but mine has been fabulous. Haven't talked to her much but she is there for me to talk to about things that have been on my mind - sometimes quite small things.
I was also told what surgery i would be having so no decision to make but I'm sure the nurses on the helpline will be able to help.
I definately felt better once I knew what the 1st bit of 'the plan' was, although I'm waiting again for test results now.
I was lucky as I had already begun the process of adapting to single life again when I had my diagnosis as my relationship ended last October (and it was mutual). Thinking about the things that make ME happy and content (being out in nature, yoga, cuddling the cat!) and making sure I make time to do those things. I also have some lovely friends and have arranged lots of meet ups for coffee to get me out and about and motivate me to get out of my PJs!
This forum has been great too. Lots of lovely supportive people. Happy to chat anytime.
Big hug XXX
JCJ
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

So sorry you are having such a pants time, rockchik. You are still in shock form dx (diagnosis) and to have to cope with your BF clearing off as well - that just stinks :-(. Maybe it's better if he's NOT around, though, if he's not going to be supportive. You need to think about YOU for a while. The beginning bit of this process is the worst. Once you know what treatments you are having, it gets easier.

I can't advise on the surgery choices because I was TOLD I was having WLE and SNB, but there are threads on here discussing that. Listen to your consultant's advise and do phone the helpline on here, or at Macmillan. They are lovely and will help you come to a decision that you are happy with.

Don't be lonely. There is loads of wonderful support on here from people who absolutely "get it" and know how terrifying this ***** disease can be!

Hugs x
rockchik
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Hi Im a newby, diagnosed 10 days ago, dont know which route of surgery to take, boyfriend dumped me yesterday and I feel so alone with nowhere to turn!
susieseaside64
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Hi MM
Yes I'm glad I'll be going out tomorrow. My colleagues at work are lovely and it will be good to catch up with them. Being off work is a bit of a mixed blessing. It's a real muddle atm, service restructuring with no-one really knowing what's happening. Can't take a caseload anyway as I don't know what will happen after next Weds when my results are back. Better to stay off I think but it makes the days long sometimes.
Sometimes when I look at all the treatment others are having on here I feel I should be able to stay positive - but it's the unknown that's hard. If I do 'get away' with DCIS and radiotherapy, I will def. put something back as BCC has been such a help.
I raised £16,000 for Breakthrough after Mum died so have had some practice!
Hope tomorrow is better for you too MM
Mungos_mum
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Hi Susie,
It must be something in the water, I've had a down day today, but feel better after reading some posts on these threads. Getting out the house and talking to people about anything but this illness not only lifts spirits, but helps time pass too.
I'm in a similar position with regard to my usual exercise, (wall climbing and ceroc) not being able to do it! I am thinking of trying Pilates, but the dog needs walking, a substitute of sorts! However, we spend so much time trying to feel positive, it feels wrong to feel sorry for ourselves. A good cry is often better than a bar of chocolate! (I speak as a chocoholic).
Best wishes, and keep posting if you need the support. We all do.
MM
susieseaside64
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Oh dear - hit a bit of a low point tonight. Been so positive all along but I think it's just starting to hit me. Keep thinking about my Mum who died from secondary BC when I was 30 (18 yrs ago). Missing hugs from my ex partner too. Think I may have had too many nights at home eating dinner on my own...
Sounds silly but my beloved rabbits have had to go in to the vets as one needs treatment for 2 weeks. It seems to have triggered a bit of a dip. Hopefully will feel better tomorrow as meeting work colleagues for lunch. Gives me a reason to get up and wash my hair anyway! It's just one of those times when I feel a bit lonely.
Everyone says it's the waiting that's hard, the time is going so slowly.
I so want to get on with life. As a single woman with no children and no parents alive, I keep myself busy usually with the gym, running and yoga - can't do any of those at the moment and I'm finding it quite hard.
Ah well, guess I need to allow myself time to feel sad sometimes. I'm sure it will pass.
StormDancer
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Hi susie im not sure if you know there is a facebook page where you can chat to ladies all day and all night if you are feeling alone. the link is in the younger women forum xxxx
susieseaside64
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

All went very well Pretty much a painless procedure...
Surgeons happy and I haven't even needed any pain relief post op!
All the staff were kind and compassionate in hospital - even the food was good!
Now begins the wait for the results but should be less than 2 weeks so not bad at all. Lots of time for meeting up with friends for coffee and getting out walking once the tiredness from the anaesthetic has worn off.
I am fortunate to have the support from my manager and colleagues at work so am signed off for 2 weeks to look after myself physically and emotionally. Just as well probably as I work in mental health and it can be quite stressful at times, (mainly due to the service redesign and staff cutbacks!) Saving my compassion for myself for a while! there'll be plenty to go round when I'm back 🙂
Good to be able to tick the first thing off!
XXX
susieseaside64
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Hi Tweetypie
Yes it is a mixed blessing I think, although I have been overwhelmed by the love and support from everyone. I have felt so supported. 6 months ago I changed my permenant job and took a fixed term contract as I was so unhappy where I was...it's all turned out so well. Lovely colleagues who phone me at home and invite me out for coffee, I've just blossomed professionally and personally and they've just offered me a 2 year extension to my 1 yr contract! It was a risk but the right thing to do. There's a lesson there I think....
I think worrying about the effect on a partner can be such a burden. Good friends are such treasures! I like having time on my own to cry/sing/do some yoga/meditate/or just be reflective and thoughtful. Of course I miss having someone there to talk to or hug sometimes It's the first time I've been really happy when not in a relationship.Another turning point 🙂
I'm sorry to hear you have to wait for surgery, it is the tough bit. I've just finished work though so it's good to have a few days before surgery to get out and do enjoyable things (like buying new slippers/dressing gown for hospital!) and catch up with friends.
I read another post on here that suggested starting a project to finish around the time of the deadline (surgery/results etc) as a distraction. I may well try that after surgery when waiting for results...
Tweetypie
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Hi Susie Seaside,
I, too, was recently diagnosed and I am in the same situation as you - no partner, no kids - so I know exactly how you feel. Initially looking at others' comments in various forums etc I felt a little down as everyone else seems to have supports and love from their husbands/boyfriends and their kids. But then I tried to think positive and thought even though we may not have supports from partners, at least we do not have extra worry of the effect having cancer has on the relationships with partners or how it affects the children,which I can imagine can be big issues for some. Instead, we can afford to be selfish and only worry about ourselves! So I guess both situations have pros and cons. And someone else here said even though she had a partner, she felt lonely at times nonetheless. And we are lucky to have few very good friends whom we can count on and the friends on this forum (and beloved cat and 2 rabbits in your case!).
Best of luck with the surgery next week - I will have to wait for mine for a while...as everyone says the waiting is indeed the worst part.
tracyld
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

That would be great. We love people with lots of expertise. Hope you have a good weekend and keep yourself busy until the day of your operation. Keep your good friends informed every step of the way and accept every offer of help you get , as friends love to help. Take one little step at a time and you will over come it. Love Tracy xxx
susieseaside64
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Thank you lovely ladies I feel less alone already! I'm touched by your messages (sniff!) I hope I canoffer some support to you too XXX
tracyld
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Hello Susie Seaside, I love your name. It reminds me of sunny days at the coast, paddling in the sea and building sand castles. You are not alone on this journey , you will have lots of companions along the way and it will help you to reassess your life and what you want from it. Life has a funny way of dealing with us at times, but I know you will look back on this time as one of learning. As you work with others who suffer with mental health issues you are well informed of techniques and how to be Mindful of what you are doing. I had never heard of Mindfulness until I was severly depressed after the Chemo sent me into a medically induced menopause. I then have to take Tamoxifen for 5 years and that sent me a bit loopy. My body craved oestrogen and I hated that drug with a passion, but I knew it could potentially save my life so I turned to Counselling and antidepressants to see me through. I too felt very lonely at the time , as I had not discovered these wonderful forums and amazing ladies then, I was in a deep dark hole and could not see a way out. However like you know there is always a brighter future we just have to look very hard. Keep us informed of how you are feeling . We want to be there for you and help you along the way. Lots of love Tracy xxx
WAC
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Hi Susie
This forum really does help to allay some of those feelings of isolation and fear - I've certainly gained much strength from the kindness of strangers over the past 5 weeks since my diagnosis and mastectomy. It sounds like you have so many very useful strengths to help you on this difficult part of the journey. Be kind to yourself and do indulge the odd dissolving in tears when necessary! Take care.
Wendy x
Lola65
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Hi Susie,
You are going through a very difficult time with lots of uncertainties. These uncertainties and a fear of the unknown make us feel worse. Once next Friday is over with you can tick off the first stage of your treatment and you will feel so much better. One thing to remember - on this forum you are never alone, trust me. There are always lots of lovely ladies to rant at, chat with, ask advice from, and have a laugh with.

Good luck with the WLE. xxx
Tuppence
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Susieseaside I'm so glad you found these forums you will find there are many women on this scarey journey. You have had such a difficult time these last months so remember to have compassion for yourself . Mindfulness is a good place to start to get your head in a better place. Sending good vibes to you hoping today will be kinder to you. Tup x
Deb2307
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Hi Susie, it seems like a rough ride, my mum dies fromBC at 59 and my dad died last year from a brain tumour, I am lucky I hace 3 great kids who are doing what they can since my diagnosis with DCIS but I still feel often alone as it is me going through it not them. I have dropped in and out of lots of conversations on this site, I have found useful information and people that have supported me. Take care of yourself and let us know if we can support in any way coz we are all here for each other. XXX
raechi
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Hi Susie,
Do you know i think that loneliness hits us all at times. You espeically have had a lot to deal with over the last few months - especially with your relationship ending.
There is a lot of uncertainty, but once you have had your WLE and your treatment plan you will feel a lot more in control. Its the unknown thats the unsettling part.
You do seem to ave things in perspective, but there is nothing wrong with the odd cry and a few tears. Dont ever feel like you are on your own though. These forums were a life saver for me. dont be scared to reach out to people and ask for help.
Rachael
x

Sam_BCC
Member

Re: Feeling alone at times

Hi susieseaside64

It sounds like you're having a rough time at the moment. I’m sure the users of this site will be along to support you soon.

In the meantime if you need extra support please do give the BCC helpline call. The staff are there to offer emotional support as well as practical information. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9.00 to 5.00 and Saturday 10.00 to 2.00.

We also run a live chat session every Thursday evening from 8.30pm to 9.30pm, which is facilitated by a moderator and nurse. Here you can chat on-line with others who are feeling similar to yourself. If you would like futher information just click on the link below:

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/community/chat

I hope this is helpful,

Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator

susieseaside64
Member

Feeling alone at times

Been diagnosed with DCIS - WLE booked for 22/2. Feeling very alone and scared at times. I have no children (this may well make it easier!) and Mum and Dad both died from cancer (Mum from BC). Was in a relationship and engaged but we split up 3 months ago and I had to move out and find somewhere else to live.
I am very lucky to have a few very good friends and my beloved cat and 2 rabbits My manager at work has been very supportive but is now moving to a new post. It all feels so uncertain. I range from being very positive that it has been found at an early stage to feeling very alone and tired as I'm not sleeping well. I guess I have to keep going and try not to worry too much until I get the results following the WLE. I am pretty good at looking after myself (I work in mental health) doing some mindfulness, meditation and yoga but it's still scary at times...